March 01, 2007
Oh to be stuck in the middle with you....
Today Lene wrote about how happy she is to be in the middle of her projects. To say I'm jealous doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I'm not in the middle of ANYTHING. Not work, not a book, not my knitting (well, technically that's not really true, but...), not my spinning. Blah. Which has left me in an icky mood and I'm not sure what I want to write about so I'll tell you some of the options:
-- I could write about the socks I have on the needles that are just not doing it for me right now. I could talk about how I think about starting fifty bazillion NEW projects, like the Anemoi mittens, about a thousands times a second and then I get too tired thinking about it to even LOOK at the yarn, let alone wind it up.
-- I could write about how I did too much work the other day and now I'm in between processing shoots and how my computer is making me nuts (just when eveything was finally working great) and it's taking forever to get things going on the next job. I could write about how I was feeling like I had so much work going on and now I don't have any on the horizon and how in about a half an hour I'm going to start panicking that no one will ever hire me again. I could also write about how I'm about to embark on a whole new work project that will hopefully do great things for my business and how I'm working with other people on this so I have to wait for them and spend lots of money and how I dream about how good it's going to be but then I get scared that it won't work and I'll have wasted money and this business stuff is really scary. I'm finally getting to a place where I sort of kind of know how good I am and the potential there is for my business but I don't know all the things I should do to grow it and then I think I'm a fake after all and it's quite overwhelming and exciting sometimes!
-- I could write about how I'm trying very hard to knit Am Kamin. I'm trying hard to love it and everytime I try to knit the freaking swatch I feel like a complete idiot because I'm trying to read the charts which aren't even in Japanese, they're in KNIT, which is a language I'd like to think I can speak but so far I can't even tell which are the right side rows and which are the wrong side rows. Positives: I love the yarn I might end up using. I know how to do a tubular cast on now. I can make great photocopies of charts. Whoo HOO!
-- I could write about how the Am Kamin thing is really depressing me because I NEED to knit another sweater and all signs point to this one but it's just not working out and I think I should move on to something else but what else is there and then I could write about how there are 87,419,532 sweater patterns out there but I don't like ANY of them.
-- I could write about how my 20th High School reunion is this May and how there's a website that I check a few times a day (which, by the way, I don't think makes me obsessed. I know that each and every one of you - if there was a website where people you went to high school with were posting pictures of themselves now and telling you how many kids they had and whether or not they're married and what they do for a living that you would be looking at it a few times a day too!) Yesterday I put myself on there (I used a picture from the CPH photoshoot) and how I have incredibly mixed feelings about the whole thing. I don't speak to anyone I went to high school with and save for one friend, I never talked to ANY BODY after I left home the summer of graduation. So I'm pretty sure I'm not going to the reunion. I'd love to be a fly on the wall but unless they knit, after the obligatory what have you been doing for the last 20 years? I really don't have anything to say to any of them. But the whole I'm 20 yrs out of high school - how did that happen because I still feel the same inside - albeit wiser and happier - as I did then thing is kind of freaky. Time flies, huh!
-- I could write about the fact that I'm so not in the middle of anything that yesterday I washed the sheets on my bed, folded laundry, and vacuumed the disgusting carpet in my dining room. Yes. I did housework. Ann wanted me to check for alien probe entry points.
I hope you're in the middle and it feels oh so good!
PS - Tell Margene happy blogiversary! Three years and counting!
Posted by Cara at March 1, 2007 09:47 AM
Oh, the March blahs...and March is only starting. I have a bunch of the same feelings today. I have no project that I love on the needles. The only thing actually onthe neeedles is a sock that I think will be too big, but it's the only thing on the needles so I hate to frog it...so I'm only prolonging the agony. And my husband and I started a new "lifestyle" in the way of diet and excercise in December, when he got some not good news from the doctor and we've hit the part where it's boring to eat healthy all the time and the gym is no novelty and 15 pounds isn't enough to buy new clothes, but nothing fits so I have to wear the same pair of pants or my jeans (which aren't office appropriate) or risk having my pants fall down when I walk....I think I'm whining. And really, I have nothing to whine about. So I thinkit's the March blahs.
Posted by: Doris at March 1, 2007 10:06 AM
I like you had my 20th High School Reunion last year. Where did the time go? I still feel 18 even though I will be 40 in September.
I also have not really spoken to anyone since I left school and honestly really had no reason to go - so I didn't. However, it was fun going to the website and seeing the updated pictures and information on most everyone.
Hope Am Kamin is going better :-)
Posted by: Karen at March 1, 2007 10:08 AM
OMG...you made me realize that this year is my...gulp...40th high school reunion. I'm in shock...am I really that old? Sigh. I'm not going, I wouldn't check the web site if I knew of one, I don't care one wit for any of the people I knew then. I only care about the people I know and love today. XOX
Posted by: margene at March 1, 2007 10:18 AM
My 20th reunion was a couple of years ago - similar deal, hadn't really been in touch with anyone since graduation. But I was honestly amazed by how many interesting conversations came out of it, both with people who I hadn't known that well back then, and with people I'd known since preschool. Maybe that's because American high schools tend to pull in such a wide mix of people -- and in alot of cases you'd never have been able to predict what's happened to somebody. I'd say go for it, if only for the chance to listen to some new stories.
Posted by: Kelly at March 1, 2007 10:19 AM
I'm also feeling the sting of the "middle". I need a project that gets me excited. I should be in the middle of packing for vacation, but I'm in the middle of blogland. They aren't going to pack themselves, people!
Posted by: lola at March 1, 2007 10:22 AM
I actually reunited with one of my high school friends this summer -- because she is also a knitblogger! How weird! CurlyPurly and I went to high school together and never met again until I saw her post on a KAL we had both joined.
I'm just saying that you never ever know...
Posted by: Liz K. at March 1, 2007 10:23 AM
Re: the reunion website. No, that definitely does not make you obsessed. I would totally, TOTALLY be checking it several times a day.
I don't know if I'm in the middle of something or not now. I just discovered (with an arm and 2/3 of an arm left) that I will not have enough yarn to do both of the EZ tomtens I was making for my boys - and that KnitPicks is closing out this particular yarn (Sierra) and has already sold out of these particular colors. So it looks like my only option is going to be to frog (I've already woven in all the ends!) and try to make the things smaller (though I still don't know if I'll have enough yarn!). Does that make me at the middle? Or the end? Or the beginning?
Who knows? But I can guaran-damn-tee ya that it makes me crabby and depressed, so I can totally understand why you'd feel the same way about Am Kamin not working out.
Posted by: earthchick at March 1, 2007 10:42 AM
My 20th college reunion is this year and I'm not planning on going. I have 2 wonderful friends from college and I see them regularly. I don't need to go play catch up with the other Wheaties. Plus, I'm fat.
Posted by: Carole at March 1, 2007 10:44 AM
i hear you about not liking the eight bazillion sweater patterns out there. i've been looking for the most basic sweater in the universe -- a simple stockinette cardigan with waist shaping. i've been looking for a year and haven't found it. what does a girl have to do to find a basic librardigan pattern? good luck with Am Kamin -- if you can fix the cables in your CPH, you can do this!
Posted by: megan at March 1, 2007 10:46 AM
Last year was my 30th hs reunion. I went to Fiber Frolic instead. (FF is very low-key and lama-heavy and I have yet to run into any bloggers there, due in part to my poor planning. I love it anyway.)
You know, of course, that *everyone* worries about faking it, and actually does fake it sometimes. This makes men feel clever and women feel anxious and/or guilty.
Maybe you will design sweater #87,419,533.
Posted by: Lucia at March 1, 2007 10:48 AM
I say go to the reunion. I had mine this past summer (20th) and even though I didn't keep up with anyone after high school either, there were people I was genuinely glad to see and it was a really interesting experience.
I even started an email group so people could stay in touch a little better this time around. I think it's nice to have some people who remember you when you were a mere youngster (besides your family).
Posted by: LeighB in ATL at March 1, 2007 10:54 AM
i don't know about the middle part, but this week I've certainly felt the clowns to the left and jokers to the right. Fun for a few minutes, but after that give me a break.
Posted by: Sarah at March 1, 2007 10:55 AM
I've got my 20th this year too and I feel really mixed about going. I wouldn't be going at all except that I recently reconnected with a friend from High School and she made me promise. But still, I doubt that I'll enjoy it since I don't talk to anyone else that I graduated with and I moved to a different state. Oh and I was a size 5 when I graduated and I'll never be anywhere near that size again - ever. Ugh!
Posted by: Hillary at March 1, 2007 11:09 AM
My 20-th reunion was last summer. I checked the website at least weekly to see who was going and in the hope they'd post something like you describe, so you're definitely not unusual.
Posted by: Renee at March 1, 2007 11:17 AM
I did not go to my 20th or 25 reunion - same reasons I guess and the people I spoke to afterwards said it was mostly people who were single-again looking to hook up with someone. I'm patiently waiting on my BM sock kit to arrive and trying to finish a pair of socks before it gets here! Can't imagine you doing anything other than FABULOUS in the photography realm so I'm sure your new THANG will work out - just let the people who are good at the "other" parts do their stuff and you do YOURS!!
Posted by: robin at March 1, 2007 11:17 AM
Went to my 20th in 2004. It wasn't the most well run event, but it was interesting. I also have contact with only a few choice people from high school, and was curious to see who would be there. Well, the cliques were the same. Groups of the same people who grouped together in school; friendly, but not mingling. A couple of classic instances of "nerds" who evolved into handsome men. Anyone who was sweet and friendly in school, was still the same. So it was OK, but not all that great. I continue to keep in touch with the same small but wonderful group of friends.
Posted by: Jennifer at March 1, 2007 11:23 AM
Wow - you're feeling what I'm feeling on so many levels (except the knitting. I'm in the middle of a blanket and a new sweater - the Wicked pattern). But, I'm trying to jump start my photography business while still working full time, which is very frustrating. I can't put the energy into it that I need to put into it, but I can't make a full time income at it without putting the time in... sigh.
My 20 year reunion is this summer as well. I'm not going - I have the excuse that it's the same week as the first week of school for the kids. The youngest is starting kindergarten. Wow.
Okay, thanks for letting me whine. I appreciate it. :)
Posted by: Sarah at March 1, 2007 11:40 AM
I'm in the middle of everything, and desperately want to be done with something. All of my attempts to get there end up in the frog pond. So I start a new something to distract me which doesn't really help.
On the business front, I assume you have a good accountant with whom you can discuss return on investment kinds of things? It might help you to be comfortable with new directions if you have something more concrete to throw at your cold feet. Or you could just wear warm socks :-).
Posted by: Donna at March 1, 2007 11:41 AM
I feel just the opposite way about March. March means No More February! And that can ONLY be a good thing. :-)
I skipped my 10-year reunion and will likely skip the 20th, too. I can only think of a handful of people I'd like to see, and they aren't the ones who are likely to show up.
Posted by: Beth S. at March 1, 2007 11:42 AM
I'm several years more out of high school than you (notice how I'm not saying how many) and I still feel the same inside, too. When my Mom was in her 60's, she said the same thing - you just never get past 17 in your head. Also, there's only one person from my HS that I still keep in touch with...and she doesn't even knit! :-)
Posted by: Rebecca at March 1, 2007 11:46 AM
I hear you on the blahs. There just doesn't seem to be anything interesting or fun at all right now.
My 10 year high school reunion was last year and I skipped it. I absolutely hated about 85% of the people I went to school with and would rather gouge my eyes out with a dull rusty nail than spend an evening with them.
Good luck on the big work project!
Posted by: Marlana at March 1, 2007 11:48 AM
Breathe, girl! Deep ones help chase the blahs away... I totally hear you on that emotion though, it will pass.
You'll have fun showing off G at a 20th reunion!
Posted by: loribird at March 1, 2007 11:58 AM
Another wonderful knitter iis working on Am Kamin and I believe she has worked out the pattern.
she is great - a beautiful knitter, and lives in Ontario.....
I llove your spot and especially your art....
Posted by: karen at March 1, 2007 12:08 PM
I was feeling what you're feeling after I finished the leaf lace... a weird limbo! I hope you find a knit project you want to sink your teeth into soon. I'm still working on the sleeves for Cherie, which is a simple (all stockinette) sweater... Now that I've knit one I don't think I can be without a sweater on the needles!
Posted by: margaux at March 1, 2007 12:32 PM
I guess I would have missed my 30th a couple of years ago. I was the geeky outcast with bad hair and nowhere near enough socioeconomic status, so the only reason to go would be to say "I turned out thin and pretty and successful, so NYAH!" And I'm kind of past that.....
Posted by: Ruth at March 1, 2007 12:52 PM
This year is my 10 year reunion, and I'm not going. But there is a website for my class too now.
I check it about 5 times a day.
Posted by: Cheryl at March 1, 2007 12:59 PM
I went to my HS reunion in 1999. I had kept in touch with one friend throughout the years. Reconnected with a couple of "good" friends but it didn't last. The cliques were the same. The people you liked back then, you still like and the people you felt lukewarm about, you still do. I'm not sure that I would bother going to another.
A lot of anticipation that really doesn't amount to much.
Posted by: Jackie at March 1, 2007 01:18 PM
I usually feel that way between seasons. I know I'm dying for Spring to be here and feel stuck in winter. It makes it hard for me to focus on anything!
Posted by: lynn at March 1, 2007 01:53 PM
I can relate to almost everything you said here today. I am also feeling very restless as I finish all of these projects that I have been working on, since I have been working on some of them for some time and don't quite know where to go next... Preliminary Spring fever I guess. Re: High school reunions, I haven't gone to one yet. Partially because I am somewhat terrified of doing so, well maybe not quite terrified. But the point being that I didn't really like a lot of those people 20+ years ago, why would I want to see what they are doing now? Some would be fun to see, but I imagine that most of the people I would like to see wouldn't go either. Maybe I just need to organize an "outsiders" reunion... Ack. Don't know. ANYWAY, I am rambling!!!! I hope YOU enjoy your reunion!!
Posted by: Cindy at March 1, 2007 02:00 PM
Ugh! It looks like the middle is a pretty crowded place to be right now. I've done the same thing with looking at a pattern so long(or trying to pick out the yarn for it) that I'm sick of it before I ever start it. And reunions, the very thought gives me hives!
Posted by: mellanie at March 1, 2007 02:06 PM
I have the blas too and the grey days are not helping. It was bad enough when the sun was shining and it was cold, but now it is dreary, cold and wet. Blah. I hope that it gets better for you. Spring is just around the corner.
Posted by: Tonia at March 1, 2007 03:29 PM
Hmmmmthis doesn't help but--- I'm in the middle of a CPH... ;) Gee wonder where that idea may have come from.....;)
Posted by: Tracey at March 1, 2007 03:44 PM
I will buy the yarn that you spun (if you're willing to sell/part with it) and make a meathead hat with it or awesome socks. Just sayin' if you ever wanna sell, you got an addict here...er...I mean a buyer. :)
Posted by: Kyla at March 1, 2007 05:13 PM
I feel the same way about high school.
Posted by: Angelia at March 1, 2007 05:20 PM
the interesting thing about reunions is seeing what kind of adults everyone turned into. The women at my 10th (which was 15 years ago) all looked fabulous, and the men all seemed to have gained 100 lbs. and gone bald. BIZARRE. I was thinking about going to the 25th this year, but might just make arrangements to hang out with the two really amazing women I knew then and re-connected with last year. Dunno.
Posted by: Liz (the crazed weasel) at March 1, 2007 05:52 PM
you want I should bring you some cream? fix you right up!
Posted by: ann at March 1, 2007 05:55 PM
My 20th HS reunion is in August. We also have a new website just for my class, which I obsessively check. I find it utterly fascinating, although very few of my then-friends are on it at this point. I also don't keep in touch with anyone from high school, save for one person who wasn't even in my class! I am definitely going, but haven't decided yet if I will subject my husband to it...
Posted by: Anne at March 1, 2007 06:56 PM
I'm in the middle of the semester. We just had mid-terms. It was frantic. I'd forgotten how much I hate studying for and taking exams. The learning is fine—the exams? Not so much. This year, midterms come with a side helping of extreme burnout. Hopefully the week off (spring break yay!) will recharge my batteries.
Don't fret. The mojo will return. Oh, and I went to my 10th and 20th. It was enlightening and put my horrendous high school years into perspective. I skipped the 25th, though—too busy with the elderly parents.
Posted by: Jeanne B. at March 1, 2007 07:53 PM
Yes I'm all about obsessively...err...I mean frequently checking my school website with the hopes of seeing how much weight everyone has gained and how middle aged they all look. Sadly I went to school in Minneapolis where everyone is freakishly healthy, good looking, and from the looks of things, the only one with a portly physique is ME!
Posted by: Add Knitter at March 1, 2007 09:44 PM
I would SO check a website, if there were one. I'm almost certain that I wouldn't post on it myself. I actually get invited to two reunions -- and I've only ever been to one, the lamest one at 5 years and at the smallest school. Dork. Actually, I didn't get invited to that one last year... Maybe I finally shook 'em.
I am ready to start something substantial, too.
Good luck with your new business venture. It's so hard to wear all the hats in a small business, but so expensive to farm it all out. I wish you the best.
Posted by: Vicki at March 1, 2007 11:22 PM
Well, if we're gonna swap reunion stories, I've got a good one for you. (Well, maybe not for Cara but for the singles reading the comments.) I didn't want to go to my 20th high school reunion, missed the 10th by accident, but after another 10 years went by, just had no interest in going. Old friend who was organizing the event talked me into going at the last minute. Schmoozed with a few people, stood around feeling awkward, after about an hour, started sidling toward the exit. Enroute, I ran into an old (but totally cooled off) flame, who introduced me to a guy from our class who I did not know. (Big school, large classes - no one knew every single person.)
Long story short, I knew the instant we were introduced that this guy was something special. It took him a little longer to figure that out about me, but he did figure it out. We started dating the very next night, were married almost 2 years to the day later, and now, eleven years later, we're still head over heels.
The really funny part is that he hadn't wanted to go to the reunion either, but his then girlfriend convinced him to go, and said he should go alone, because that way he could visit with his old friends without having to introduce her to everyone. Smart lady - but she was really sorry afterwards - I don't think she imagined he'd meet his future wife that night!
So go, you singles that don't think you are interested in seeing anyone from your old high school - ya just never know!
Posted by: Sue at March 1, 2007 11:38 PM
When I was working on Am Kamin I had the same problem, until I color coded the wrong side rows. Just marked the crosses and stuff, (or the whole row) with a highlighter. (Actually I used charting software, but a highlighter works too) It made a wonderful difference in my ability to just "git er done"
Posted by: Anita at March 2, 2007 12:18 PM
I think people have two ages: their physical age and the age they feel inside. My inner age feels about 24, but my husband says he's finally normalizing (he just turned 33). I forget how old I am and embarass myself when I meet people who looked "old" to me 10 years ago, but they really aren't that much older than me now.
Posted by: BigAlice at March 2, 2007 03:31 PM