April 12, 2010
I'm so sorry. This is the longest I've gone without blogging since I started this blog over five years ago. I'm going to try to bring you up to speed by being completely random.
- I'm 30 weeks pregnant. My repeat c-section is scheduled for early June. The day can't come soon enough. Even though I have a ton of stuff to do before the baby arrives, and I'm scared to death of two instead of one, not to mention I'm worried about Meli and how she'll react (more really about my hospital stay than the baby), I much prefer babies on the outside than the inside. I have to admit I'm feeling a lot better this time around (probably because the baby's position is a lot different than the way I carried Meli) but I still don't like being pregnant. On my best day I still feel crappy and uncomfortable. And it makes me crazy. In all likelihood this is our last go at this and I have to say I'm looking forward to the freedom of not worrying about getting pregnant or being pregnant ever again. I've spent the last eight years thinking about getting pregnant or being pregnant or planning my next pregnancy and it's time to move on.
- We've been spending A LOT of time on the house. Nesting started before Meli's birthday in March when I decided that we needed to get rid of the 70 boxes of books in the living room, not to mention all the other junk that had accumulated there. Boxes breed is all I'll say. I had the master bedroom closet done and while the closet people were here I had them look at the basement. Literally two days later I had gorgeous shelves in my basement for about 2/3 of my books and a new closet. And the living room is empty. But not for long.
- Meli's new big girl room is the number 1 priority right now because I want her out of our bedroom (she currently sleeps on her mattress on the floor next to my bed) at least a month before the baby arrives, so the baby can take up residence in our room. Wouldn't want Georgie and I to get too spoiled thinking we could sleep on our own any time soon. Meli is very excited about her room. She's been integral in picking out the carpets and the paint color and the room will be PURPLE! Luckily we're all pretty partial to the color and I'm super excited to get it done. Furniture will all be white and from Ikea and it could be completed within the next two weeks! All I need is one more painter to get back to me and then we're good to go. The carpet's already in - so as soon as the paints done, we're done.
- We're also doing the living room. Right now our "den" is the basement, but G really misses apartment living. Not our building or our apartment, but the lack of stairs. Our living room is fairly large and we're going to sort of split it into two rooms. A more formal sitting area and a TV viewing area. This way we can go hang out in the living room after meals and stuff and not have to walk any stairs. I found two area rugs that I LOVE and now I'm picking paints. All I care is that the furniture is ordered before the baby comes - the room doesn't have to be finished.
- Speaking of G and stairs, recovery is slow. His hip is actually doing well, but he's had a bunch of subsequent injuries that have really hampered his recovery. It's certainly taken a toll on him - he's still in pain much of the time and the whole point of the operation was to get him OUT of pain - so that's a real bummer. But it's taking it's toll on all of us. He still can't really lift Meli at all. And I'm 30 weeks pregnant. It's been a really hard winter for all of us. I do feel like he's improving though! And he feels like he's improving. It's clear all will not be the way we had hoped by the time the baby arrives, but it will be better. That means so much.
- I filed our taxes yesterday. Burden lifted. Enough said.
- I have not knit a stitch in months. Which is super pathetic because I was very close to finishing a cute sweater for my brand new niece born in early February. It's too late now because not only will it be too small, but too hot. Auntie FAIL.
- Instead of knitting I've been reading. I tore through Kate Atkinson's Jackson Brodie mysteries. Couldn't put them down and was so so sad when I finished. Luckily there's a new one coming out in August. I think. I started a couple of things but finally got my can't stop reading groove back with Dara Horn's All Other Nights. I started it on the first night of Passover and was finished before the last night.
- It makes me sad, the no knitting. I feel incredibly disconnected from the community and all that's going on out there in knitland. This isn't any reason for me to stop knitting, but I don't feel the urgency I used to feel and I think a lot of that has to do with feeling so out of the loop. I barely read blogs let alone blog myself and I have no knitting to blog about and ostensibly this IS a knitting blog and I'm not a big fan of ravelry. Don't get me wrong, it's great for searching out patterns, but to really have your pulse on things you probably have to hang out in forums and stuff and I got my fill on forums way back when I was first starting to get pregnant.
- Don't get me wrong. I love my life. My family, my kid(s), my husband - all are wonderful even when they're not, but I'm missing that ME thing. Knitting was it for a long time. My photography has certainly taken a back seat as well (the economy, bad camera purchase and lack of desire are to blame there.) Before I got pregnant with Meli, one of the things I talked about in therapy was that I needed to ask for and accept help. My responsibility was to take care of the baby and I was supposed to let everyone else (husband, family) take care of me. It was a really nice time. This pregnancy, I'm like #487 on the list of priorities, if I'm even ON the list. Which is fine. I'm not complaining. This is what I signed up for and I knew it going in, but I miss that me time. That time that is all mine. Maybe that's why I've been reading so much. Trying to get lost.
- I love Simply Lemonade. Especially Raspberry. I was going to buy a different lemonade the other day at the grocery store and the guy stocking shelves told me not to buy the one I had in my hand, that Simply Lemonade was so much better. I have to admit I was skeptical, but Meli was about to lose it and I felt kind of pressured, but then I was so happy. Love it! I wish I could thank the guy and apologize for the doubt.
- Nice weather makes everything better.
- This blog post is brought to you by my sleek new Vivienne Tam HP Notebook. Georgie bought it for me for when the baby's born so I can get online in the house easily. I rarely ever get upstairs to the office on the third floor anymore and while my Droid is great for checking emails and fb, etc., it still can't do everything a computer can do. The notebook came just in time too - the same day Meli threw my Droid in the toilet. Yes. She's two.
- Meli is two. Her birthday was in March and she is just the sweetest, smartest, funniest, cutest, most wonderful human being in the world, even when she's driving me insane. I'm the luckiest mom in the universe to have her. Her prediction on baby number two: a boy. And we should name him Puppy.
- I won't come back without a picture or two. One of the belly and one of my little girl. Promise.
Hope you're all well. I miss you.
Posted by Cara at April 12, 2010 03:18 PM
You did it! It's so good to hear you, Meli and G are doing well and tons of (good) things are going on in your life. Thank you for calling today!!
Posted by: margene at April 12, 2010 03:51 PM
I am so glad you are doing well. I have loved reading your blog over the years. Also, I think having the new Notebook computer will make life a lot nicer. I use mine all the time when my 6mo is playing on her own but wants me nearby. I can sit next to her and work while she plays on her own, but still be able to be there to play with her when she decides she me wants to play too. It is really hard to find "me" time when you are the only one home with little kids who always seem to need something and I've found that it seems to be something that my friends who work outside the home don't think about. At this point I revel in naptime because as when she is sleeping is the only uninterrupted time I get. I hope you will find more ways to get your you time in and I can't wait to see whatever pictures you post. You take such beautiful pictures.
Posted by: Theresa at April 12, 2010 03:54 PM
Oh, I am so happy to see your update! Congratulations on the pregnancy, and the house coming along so well! I am so happy for your family and yes, life goes on. You'll return to knitting some time in the future when your priorities calm down and there WILL be time just for you again. Don't despair, but enjoy every moment you have now while your child(ren) are little. ((Hugs to you.))
Posted by: Nancy at April 12, 2010 04:02 PM
Cara! Post whatever you can, whenever - you'll always have readers. Welcome back, and I'm sending good wishes to you and George for his hip and the new baby.
Posted by: Donna at April 12, 2010 04:15 PM
We miss you too! When Cari announced her baby's birth over on her Dispatches from Utopia blog, I thought kind thoughts for you and yours and was hoping to hear from you. Thanks for catching us up. Warmest regards from North Central Florida winging your way.
Posted by: Midj at April 12, 2010 04:24 PM
Oh, so great to hear from you! I've thought of you so often. I've read those Kate Atkinson books, too, and can recommend another -- Carol O'Connell's Mallory series. Really good. I think there are 12 of them and Mallory is a deeply flawed, very interesting protagonist. But she's very interesting because of that. Read on...
Posted by: SallyA at April 12, 2010 04:27 PM
I can totally sympathize with the inability to get to the blog and the difficulty connecting. I only have one small person in my life and with her and everything else the craftiness is less a priority. I remember someone telling me "you can have everything, not just all at once" -- that has become more clear to me know than I ever expected it to.
Enjoy the 2's... we're getting towards the end of our time in that year, and on one hand, it makes us nuts, on the other hand, it's hard not to be entranced and amazed by seeing our little girl tell us who she is in her own words.
Good luck with everything!
Posted by: Theresa at April 12, 2010 04:31 PM
my Client is a girl after my own heart!
Posted by: ann at April 12, 2010 04:36 PM
I'm so glad you're back! I'm a few months behind you with my toddler so I was really enjoying your posts, and wondered about you a good few times in the past few months.
I'm so excited for you about the new baby. Congratulations!
Posted by: nod at April 12, 2010 05:02 PM
I think you're totally right to be more afraid that Meli will not like your hospital stay than the new baby. We had about the same time between kids, and my son was *totally* prepared to have a baby sister - the part that threw him was seeing me in a bed in the hospital. He thought I was going to live there with the new baby. I'm sure with lots of explanation beforehand Meli will be fine!
Posted by: Heather at April 12, 2010 05:04 PM
I miss you, too! So nice to catch up.
Posted by: Vicki at April 12, 2010 05:07 PM
For some reason I've been reading a lot more recently, too, instead of knitting. Maybe something to do with having three kiddos, one an infant?
And I'm glad I never have to be pregnant again too. I enjoyed it, even with its miseries. But I'm glad it's done. Hang in there!
Posted by: Tana at April 12, 2010 05:15 PM
I'm so glad you checked in for a catch-up post. Hang in there! It's hard to knit when your kids are little, but I found the satisfaction of finishing something that didn't need to be done over the next day was a comfort. Even if finishing something takes a long time. Take good care of yourself.
Posted by: Pam at April 12, 2010 05:16 PM
Congratulations on the baby bump! It'll be fine with two - really it will. Have confidence - yes, being a parent is one of the hardest things you can ever do, but it is also one of the most brilliant. Our 3 year old got up one morning and came out with this line (the very first thing he said that day) 'there was a clatter; I heard it clat'
You CAN do it girl!
Posted by: knitlass at April 12, 2010 05:17 PM
Good luck with everything. When my SIL was pregnant with my niece, her brother insisted that they name her "Bug." Her name is Natalie, and they call her Nat (or Gnat) so, I guess big brother got his way after all.
It's fun (and yes, insane) with two. Now that mine are 8 & 10, it's even more fun. Getting better all the time. And, after too many years, I get to knit all the time-usually when I'm waiting for my kids at their activities. Now THAT keeps me sane.
Posted by: Catie at April 12, 2010 07:22 PM
I had a friend whose name was. . . unusual. Her parents had promised the older sister that she could name the new baby, and they kept the promise. I'm guessing you're going to veto "Puppy." (If not, don't tell me!)
You may feel like you're being dragged in ninety-seventy-leven directions, but you sound great.
Posted by: ElizabethD at April 12, 2010 07:42 PM
I'm so glad you're all doing well. I hope G starts to feel better soon! and I can't believe Meli is two!!
Posted by: yahaira at April 12, 2010 07:53 PM
Yay! I'm so glad to hear from you. A couple weeks ago, I realized you hadn't posted in forever, and then I got worried - about you, about G's surgery, about the baby. I know - crazy, since you're a complete stranger. But yours was one of the first blogs I found, so I forget you're a stranger. So - now that I know everyone's okay, it's okay if you don't post for a few weeks. ;-)
Posted by: janna at April 12, 2010 08:35 PM
Yay! I was thinking of you the other day - I had a dream that all the blogs I read were having babies - again :) Congratulations.
I'll go back to lurking now...
Posted by: Sara at April 12, 2010 09:35 PM
Not to be a TPITA but I am so glad you said that pregnancy makes you miserable, because it made me miserable too. I used to say there was no way I could GET post-natal depression because while pregnant I was already so depressed I could not go any lower. My body ached all the time and I was nearly too tired to breathe. Plus, we had an insanely active toddler/preschooler and we moved twice. 2002 was not a year I would like to repeat.
The baby did not seem to be affected by my pain. She is the happiest, most social, most sparkling (and tallest) kid I have ever met. Maybe I just absorbed a lifetime of agony for her in the nine (ten) months.
We all have our fingers crossed for you all--go for it and GOOD LUCK!
Posted by: suzanne at April 12, 2010 10:27 PM
So happy to read this post! Love and miss you!
Posted by: Teresa C at April 13, 2010 12:02 AM
so glad you updated!
Posted by: Anla at April 13, 2010 12:42 AM
Hey- I hope that you are doing well, and I'm sorry things have been kinda rough, but I just wanted to chime in with a book rec- have you read Tana French's books? I am a huge fan of Kate Atkinson and adored French's two (with a third out this summer)- just thought you might feel the same.
Posted by: Cathi at April 13, 2010 02:06 AM
ooohhhhhh it's all so exciting! I've got a new kitten, Lala, but that's nothing on the forthcoming beeb. Thanks for the update! You're on my feed so it always pops up, you won't lose me! Unless I get weird and you ask me to leave. That would be awkward but I'd go. You take care of yourself and enjoy the new-ish home!
Posted by: Leone at April 13, 2010 02:11 AM
Wow, I can't beloved Meli is two already! It seems like just yesterday when you first told is about her. I imagine it has gone even faster for you :)
thanks for checking in.. I'm mostly a lurker and don't know you in real life, but I still come here every week or so to see how you are doing.
Posted by: Faille at April 13, 2010 02:37 AM
Glad everyone is doing well. Glad you checked in
Posted by: Wanda in AR at April 13, 2010 08:15 AM
So very glad to see you back here and all hanging in there, Cara. It'll all come out right again, even the me-time. And we'll be here for you until then, and after.
Posted by: Amy at April 13, 2010 08:31 AM
Welcome back. We've missed you too!
Posted by: (formerly) no-blog-rachel at April 13, 2010 08:58 AM
I'm glad you are well and enjoying the house and your little girl. A boy named Puppy ... sounds good! :) LOL
Posted by: Samantha at April 13, 2010 09:15 AM
Glad to have you check in. Sounds like you're getting lots accomplished even if it's not the things you expected or maybe need at this point, they're still important. I'm feeling lots of the same pressures. I'm 31 weeks with twins, so unfortunately I'm getting too much forced Me time as I lay around too exhausted to do anything else. No motivation to knit, no energy for pottery, both my hobby and my job. Hang in there! And if the next post and pictures are of the new baby, that's OK too.
Posted by: Sarah-potterknitter at April 13, 2010 09:30 AM
Hi, it is good to hear from you. I was just thinking about you the other day, and wondering how you were doing. Best Wishes!
Posted by: Bex at April 13, 2010 09:37 AM
Oh, so glad to hear from you - - I'll always check on this blog - love your story. Cut yourself a little slack about the knitting. It'll come back to you when you are ready. Everyone of us has been through "spells" of different activities meeting one's needs at different stages. Do what you know will work for you.
Best good wishes to all of you - - - sending positive vibes & listening out !!
Posted by: Marietta at April 13, 2010 09:50 AM
Miss you too! So glad to hear from you!
I've knit probably less than you and I don't have any excuses. Lack of desire, plain and simple. And now that it's growing season, there's even less desire. Really shouldn't have made my blog a knit blog, except that these are the people I wanted to be with, so in that sense it was a good decision. :)
Posted by: Norma at April 13, 2010 10:41 AM
Isn't the Simply Raspberry Lemonade the BEST? Before my gestational diabetes kicked in I was living on the stuff! Enjoy a glass for me!
Posted by: Melissa (Meliabella) at April 13, 2010 11:20 AM
Nice to have you back. I really missed you and Meli. Hang in there; all will be well. And then you'll tell us about it and show us pictures.
Posted by: Anne at April 13, 2010 11:54 AM
Great to hear from you, Cara! Sounds like life is full for you these days. I hope the next several weeks of your pregnancy go smoothly and *quickly* for you!
Your story about Meli throwing the Droid down the toilet reminded me of many similar adventures we had when our boys were two. They never threw anything truly precious down the toilet, but they did throw a Mister Potato Head part down it and that cost us $200 in toilet repairs! Heh. Two years old - that's an intense time.
Keep on nesting and doing what you need for you. The knitting will always be there. The blog will always be here. You really don't need to be putting any pressure on yourself right now for anything that isn't totally required, you know?
Posted by: earthchick at April 13, 2010 11:58 AM
Congrats on the new baby! :D Going from one to two isn't that challenging, going from two to three about killed me! ;) Just remember to always have your bag packed w/essentials (diapers, burp rags, tiny toys, paci, wet wipes) and you're set. :D Oh and a baby carrier (sling, Mei Tai, wrap, etc), with baby #2 this is a necessity (IMNSHO). :) Enjoy baby #2. When they are young it is challenging, however as they get older they play together and entertain each other. :D Hugs from a mama of 3 who also didn't enjoy pregnancy. ;)
Posted by: Tammy at April 13, 2010 12:24 PM
I hope you go with Meli's name suggestion. "Hello, this is our daughter Meli and our son Puppy."
Posted by: kmkat at April 13, 2010 01:13 PM
My Mom always says..."Ages and stages"...it's her reasoning for why EVERYTHING changes!
Posted by: Bobbi at April 13, 2010 01:29 PM
Glad to see you posting again - I was getting worried that something had happened to you or your family! Meli sounds absolutely adorable. I'm waiting for the arrival of my first in May and its lovely to hear about your wee one growing up!.
Posted by: Sarah at April 13, 2010 02:32 PM
Posted by: Diane at April 13, 2010 06:44 PM
so happy to hear from you! enjoy!
Posted by: cathy at April 14, 2010 09:25 AM
Puppy would be an AWESOME name for a little boy, and I can say with certainty that I have never had a student by that name, so he will definitely be the only Puppy in class. Glad you are doing well . . . and enjoying life!
Posted by: Ava at April 14, 2010 05:31 PM
Lovely to hear from you and to hear #2 is cooking nicely-I hope you go with Puppy, that name is priceless!
Don't be too hard on yourself. My kids are 15 and 11 now but when they were younger it was hard and I had to give myself permission to do be ok with that craziness and the fact that my quilting/knitting etc was on the (way) back burner.
Have a wonderful June and I hope all goes well with your entire family and you have a fabulous summer!
Posted by: amysue at April 14, 2010 06:03 PM
Thanks for sharing. Puppy? LoL
Sounds like you guys have gotten alot done!! Did you ever think you'd miss apartment life? Its weird how when you live in one, it can feel really small and generic and frustrating, but when you move into a house, its the simplicity of the apartment you long for once again. ;)
You're right, it is really hard to keep up with the things you wanna do when you're a mom, but that's normal. Its okay to miss knitting and photography. they're a part of you, too, and you'll pick them back up right where you left off someday!
Posted by: Jericho at April 15, 2010 02:43 PM
oh gosh...hang in there!
Posted by: Anne Marie at April 16, 2010 10:05 AM
Good to "see" you again! And we're all much more complex people than "just" knitters, so write about who you are, not what you think we need to read. I've not ever had children, but many of the women I know with small kids barely have time to pee, much less knit. Don't beat yourself up...
Posted by: Lorette at April 16, 2010 04:34 PM
So glad to hear things are going well for you. Enjoy and savor these years when the kiddos are small. They will always need and love their mom, but little by little they won't need so much of your time -- and that will show your success. (Mine is well into adulthood.) Blessings and happiness to you; update us when you can.
Posted by: Becky at April 17, 2010 06:59 AM
"Puppy" for a boy and "Kitty" for a girl? LOL!
Glad you're all getting along and hope you and G feel much better very soon.
Posted by: toni in florida at April 17, 2010 08:46 AM
Thanks for the post! I am out of it too--just had a baby a few weeks back (and no. 1 is a bit older than your Meli, so I've enjoyed how we've been a bit on the same time frame).
And,..blogging done! Baby calling!
Posted by: Sara at April 17, 2010 05:45 PM
Great to know that you guys are well. Would love to see pictures...
Posted by: Judith Foldi at April 18, 2010 10:55 AM
I hardly ever comment - nearly as shy on line as in person, I guess! But I couldn't let the opportunity to thank you pass by... Yours was one of the first knitting blog I ever read, and it's still on my list of favorites. I'm grateful for the courage and grace you have to share not only your knitting adventures but your family adventures as well, and I am thrilled for you, your husband, and your sweet little girl that a new baby will soon get to share in the love! Peace and blessings to you...
Posted by: jennifer at April 18, 2010 05:37 PM
Welcome back! Hang in there, two is better than one! It's more fun, not as stressful, more relaxing. I would take the new baby over the pregnancy any day (my littlest guy is 4mo, gets up all night long, and I STILL think that - pregnancy blows). You guys will do well w/ #2! Best wishes!
Posted by: Elinor at April 19, 2010 04:39 PM