I'm off to the OBGYN today. I've been putting this off for awhile because I'm embarrassed to tell her that we backed out of the IVF last year. I think I can do it - but I'll probably cry. That might help with the sympathy factor. To top it off I had all kinds of weird breastfeeding dreams last night. As in I had a baby that I was trying to breast feed. Good shrink fodder, don't you think? Have a great day - send some good vibes my way. Showcase winner tomorrow!

Posted by Cara at 09:59 AM | Comments (28)

November 11, 2005

TGIF...sort of

I didn't knit at all yesterday, although I've got a train ride today. I'm working this weekend, but near my sister's so that means kids, kids, kids! And maybe some new bunk beds with Darth Vader and Dora sheets. My brother's in town too, so it'll be cool to see him. In the meantime, I'm super busy. Seems to be a theme around here these days. I know, I'm bored with it too.

I think the leaves are supposed to peak this weekend. Although it's been so blustery around here, there aren't any left. Here's one from the archives given I haven't taken a picture for myself since, oh, I don't know, April?

Posted by Cara at 10:34 AM | Comments (6)

October 04, 2005

Tashlich

L'Shana Tovah! Happy New Year!

While I am not the most religious of Jews (I married the son of a Greek Orthodox Priest for pete's sake!), I am a sucker for tradition. For me, my judaism is my family - it's my heritage - and something I cannot leave far behind. I identify as a Jew. I'm proud of it, and I make no excuses for it.

That said, I'm a twice a year Jew when it comes to synagogue. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Why do I go? Because I think everyone needs a time of year set aside for reflection and repentence. Who among us has been the perfect individual - always kind to our family and friends and the strangers we meet? Not me. So I like to repent in my own way. I ask for forgiveness in my heart. I also really, really like the prayers. They're soulful and mournful and old worldly and they're only said once a year. On the High Holy Days, we use a different prayer book filled with prayers specific to the holidays. Kol Nidre is one of my absolute favorites, said on the evening of Yom Kippur. Done the right way (read: by a cantor I like) I can be moved to tears.

One of my favorite Rosh Hashanah traditions is Tashlich. Literally, the word means "you will cast away" and the way it works is that on the afternoon of the first day of Rosh Hashanah (unless it's on a Saturday, but that's a whole other ball of wax) you go down to the nearest body of flowing water and throw away your sins by tossing stale bread crumbs into the water. When we were little we used to go with my grandmother's synagogue. We'd all walk as a group to Pennypack, following the rabbi, and throw away the bread my grandmother had been saving for weeks. Stale. Very stale bread. Then, on the way back, congregants would open their homes and we'd go from house to house for cookies and cakes and wine.

In the most recent years, it's become a family event. We'd gather at my grandmother's house and walk to the part of Pennypack creek that runs nearby and say our own prayers and toss our breadcrumbs and sins. I love this tradition.

So today, since I'm not with my family, I will walk to the Hackensack River that runs behind my house and toss some bread. For me, and my husband, and my family. I will make peace with myself for at least an afternoon. Forgiving my self is harder than forgiving anyone else for sure. And I will say the Shehecheyanu:

Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-noy Elo-heinu Me-lech Ha-olom She-he-che-yanu Ve-kee-ya-manu Ve-hi-gee-ya-nu Liz-man Ha-zeh

Blessed are You,
our God, Creator of time and space,
who has supported us, protected us,
and brought us to this moment.

The Shehecheyanu is one of those all around wonderful prayers. Jews are encouraged to say it during times of unusual circumstances, at milestone life events (weddings, bar mitzvahs, brit milah). I'm pretty sure I said it at my wedding. And this afternoon I will say it - thanking God for getting me to this place in my life.

The sleeve fits on the Almost Everyday Cardigan! Jen came over yesterday and I did a hasty sew-up job and now it's blocking for the real sew-in. I cast on for the second sleeve, but my wrist is bothering me, so I think I will take the day off today. And Jen also helped me see that the size 8 needles on my new shawl are working out just fine! Pictures when I get close to something resembling anything.

Have a lovely day!

Posted by Cara at 09:01 AM | Comments (21)

October 03, 2005

What's the Story, Morning Glory?

Remember that scene in Bye, Bye Birdie? The one where everyone's on the phone trading gossip about Hugo and Kim? I was thinking about that song this weekend because it was a blogger phone fest! Ann, Wendy, Vicki, Jen! Great to gab with you girls! Can't wait to see you soon!

It was a good weekend overall. Saturday I made some good headway with my work and Saturday night we had a wonderful meal at Gigino's. It's a little Italian place in Tribeca - on Greenwhich Street - and we've never had a bad meal there. It's been consistently outstanding for a long time. A long time. I started with my favorite salad - sliced pears so thin you can see through them, some kind of parmaesan cheese, also sliced thin, arugula, walnuts, pomegranates all sprinkled with white balsamic. I LOVE it! Then I had a (large!) rack of lamp roasted in their brick oven with peppers and onions and string beans and roasted potatoes in a kind of au jus sauce. The potatoes were spectacularly crunchy on the outside and like mashed on the inside. Warm chocolate cake for dessert. To die for!

And then we went shopping for music - ends up Virgin Records at Union Square is open until 1 AM. I couldn't get over how busy it was outside. Okay, granted, we were in the Village near NYU on a Saturday night on a beautiful night in October - but it was packed! Craziness I tell you. We came away from Virgin with some Johnny Cash, Rosanne Cash and some Ray Charles. Excellent!

Did anyone catch the Saturday Night Live season premiere? I thought it was pretty damn funny. I watched some of it before we went to bed (it was late! I taped it.) I was laughing my ass off. LOVED, loved the Morgan Stanely mock commercial. Please tell me you saw it!

Yesterday, we beached it!

Those pictures are straight out of the camera (the point and shoot.) The sky was the most amazing blue - it was a perfect day. I don't think I broke a sweat, but I was warm and cool (you get that right?) and I just love the beach in October. I hope we get to go back a couple times before it really is too cold. That's me knitting on a new shawl. Or at least knitting the first seven rows over and over and over and over again until I finally got the very strange 3 to 2 decrease that the author has developed. You know how that goes. And now that I've done about 26 rows, I'm not sure I want to do it on size 8 needles. I'm using the same Twinkletoes yarn (different color) I used for DFS, only the shawl is a garter stitch pattern (knit the odd rows). The pattern calls for Jamieson and Smith 2 ply jumper weight, which seems like a really loose ply, but still fingering weight - so the trade off should be okay. I may try it with size 7 needles and see if I like it better. I know, I could swatch, but WHATEVER! Where's the excitement in that?

Speaking of frustrating knits, what the fuck! You'd think a simple drop shoulder sleeve would be a no brainer. Does that mean I acutally have a brain because I can't get the damn thing to work? If you recall, I decided to do a modified drop shoulder on the Almost Everyday Cardigan. I bound off 8 stitches at each arm and continued straight to the shoulder. Well, when I increased the sleeve to 94 stitches (which matched the cast on for the back) I barely got to the bind off for the arm when I sewed it in really quickly. Back to the drawing board. Originally I had done 15 increases (one every end) every 4 rows and then 11 increases every six rows. I ripped back and ended up with 15 every 4 rows, 5 every 6 rows and then another 10 every 4 rows. I think. I've got it all written down. And I was smart - I did a knit into the front and back increase so I can see them really easily. Got me to 102 stitches. Just barely worked - I still needed it to be longer to get me all the way across the bind off. So I ripped again back half of the final every 4 row increases and did every other row increases. Same number of rows, but an extra ten stitches. I didn't sew it in yet, but it looks like it worked. How crazy is that? Please don't tell me I should rip and start the whole thing over. I think I can get it to work and it's supposed to be oversized and all. Damn though. This sweater should be done already. And to add insult to injury, I'm worried I won't have enough yarn. I think I need another hank.

Do you have a madeleine? I do. Last night I sent G to the store to pick up some Acne soap (my face is breaking out so bad!) and some candy. They didn't have these new Junior Mints - but they aren't mint - they're caramel inside and they may be the best candy ever! Junior Caramels! I told him instead to get me some gummy bears. So he brought home the CVS store brand kind. As soon as I saw the bag, I knew!

When I was a young girl - I don't know prepubescant - maybe 10 or 11 - I used to ride my bike to this Polish candy store. They sold gummy bears (the first time I'd ever seen them) in plastic sandwhich bags with a twist tie on the top. I'd bring the bag home and climb into bed and eat them while I read with my clock radio playing music. To this day whenever I hear certain songs I immediately remember a particular book. Back to the gummy bears - with the proliferation over the years of gummy candy (worms, aligators dinosaurs, you name it) the gummy bear has been basterdized in a lot of ways. Rarely can I find the exact bear I used to get at the Polish candy store. They're very chewy, almost hard, and after awhile your jaw hurts. They have a very subtle flavor too. But they are THE.MOST.SATISFYING. candy ever. Georgie brought them to me last night - the EXACT kind - and I swear I almost cried. My madeleine. What's yours?

I leave you (wow I was chatty today!) with the picture that greeted me when I awoke this morning. We're completely fogged in:

It seems like it's starting to lift and I'm going to go run a bit later. Some blocking today and maybe some seaming and I may or may not cast on for the second sleeve. My left wrist hurts a bit today so I may take a break. Or cast on for a second sock. Or find the first one (I lost the first sunshine sock. My house is such a mess.)

Have a great day!

PS - Here's what it looks like now - about two hours after the first picture:

Wild huh? I love weather.

Posted by Cara at 10:02 AM | Comments (11)

September 30, 2005

Foliage

For La and anyone else starved for fall colors....

All pulled from the archives - the leaves haven't really changed much here yet. But it's cold today, so soon....

Have a great weekend! Can you believe it's October already? YAY!

ETA: Found over at Norma's:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
---

Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage

----------

Last night I watched a PBS show on the Sixties and I was thinking about what issues would get me out on the street marching. No doubt about it, gay marriage is one of them. To me, it has nothing to do with love - it has to do with civil rights, property, legal status as Americans. Marriage, as defined by the laws in this country, have nothing to do with love. Any man and woman can marry regardless of their personal feelings for each other - it's about MONEY, people. That's it. And everybody should just share the fucking wealth.

Posted by Cara at 09:53 AM | Comments (24)

September 23, 2005

kissing in the car a real one*

For Sandy of the Skies:

2005-09-22T18:24:04-0:500



2005-09-22T18:42:26-0:500



2005-09-22T19:13:27-0:500

All photos were taken from my balcony, looking west, out to the Hackensack River. I used the exif data to confirm picture times, but I think the clock in my camera is off. I'd like to think it's fast by about 30 seconds. ;-)

And since we're showing off sky pictures, I thought I'd pull out some of my favorites over the years. As I mentioned, my apartment faces due west and we get some of THE MOST SPECTACULAR sunsets you've ever seen. I think it's because of all the chemicals in the air. You know, New Joisey.

That last one is one of my absolute favorites. The city in the distance is Newark and the way the clouds and sun were it literally looked like the city was on fire. Amazing.

Okay. Now onto business. So I made a swatch. And guess what?

*The title of this post is brought to you by a google search where I came up fifth on the first page. I thought it sounded poetic and oh so Bruce. I love kissing in cars too. G and I did a lot of that early on. Not so much anymore, but sometimes.

Posted by Cara at 09:52 AM | Comments (14)

September 22, 2005

6:23 PM

That's the time Autumn arrives. My plan is to step outside on my balcony and take a picture of the sky at precisely 6:23 PM. I've been waiting a long time for this, I don't want to miss it. But, Sandy, if I win the Gold Hill, I'd like you to send it to Norma. She definitely needs it more than me.

Thanks, all, for stating the obvious. I started the AEC swatch yesterday. Bastards. The whole point of screwing up the first sleeve was so I wouldn't have to make a swatch! Luckily, the kids (all five of them - the joy of families traveling together!) and their exhausted parents stopped by yesterday on their way home from vacation and I didn't have time to put the ball winder or swift away before they got there. So we frogged the errant sleeve together. Everyone got to turn the handle for the count of five. Max was pretty funny. Every time they started to play with a new toy he would annouce that he got to go first because I was HIS Aunt Cara.

When they left I cast on for the swatch. Ugh. Luckily I had class to occupy my mind last night because otherwise I'd be really bored and kind of pissed. So far I'm getting about 4.5 stitches to the inch. Which is pretty much what I've been getting on the AEC body. Vicki asked me yesterday what my gut said and my gut says rip it out and start over with an extra ten stitches. But my gut likes to knit larger than I am, you know, body issues and all, so I'm trying to resist. I'm thinking, maybe, it will be okay after all. We'll see when I'm done with the swatch.

Class was good! They laughed! Which is a great improvement over the last class. They seem enthusiastic and asked questions - it's so disconcerting when they sit there and stare at you. I feel like such a freak. I was mildly panicked at the start, but that quickly went away. Self-depricating humor is always a life saver.

I've got these guys here working on the tile wall in one of the showers and already I'm pissed. First they're an hour late. Second, well, second, I don't like people in my house. Especially when I'm going to have to leave them here by themselves.

Oh - I almost forgot! My sock pal, Leslie, got her socks yesterday! She sent me the sweetest email about them. She's a reader so she watched me knit her socks! How much fun! And today is her birthday, so happy birthday Leslie! I'm so glad you love them. It was a real pleasure to knit for you. (Leslie doesn't have a blog, but I've invited her to send in a picture with her new socks. C'mon Leslie! I want to see you IN the socks!)

Still no socks for me. Maybe today?
Happy Fall!

Posted by Cara at 09:39 AM | Comments (18)

September 13, 2005

Start Me Up

That's what I need this morning - someone to start me up. I woke up around 6AM feeling completely nauseated. I knew right away it wasn't anxiety nausea, but stomach nausea. See, now, I'm an expert on nausea. I've often compared myself to Sartre's sad sack character in his extremely nauseating book, Nausea. There was a time in my life when I did not leave my house without a bag of some sort to throw up in. (I'm not kidding. It was years. I woke up every morning feeling sick.) This was anxiety nausea. That's long since gone and I've seen moved on to bigger and better ways of torturing myself (bad thoughts and all that good stuff.) So I know the difference between psychosomatic nausea and the real honest to god grab the bucket kind. (I should note that in all that time I felt nauseated, I rarely, if ever threw up. It's all about ANTICIPATORY ANXIETY, people. That's the silent killer, really.)

They say that the mind and the stomach are very closely releated. In fact, the stomach has it's own nervous system - the Enteric System. This is why you get butterflies in your stomach - also where the term "gut instinct" comes from and why when you're scared you immediately have to take a crap. Let's just say I have a highly honed enteric system.

Anyway. I'm feeling sick today. It's slowly passing and may have everything to do with major PMS. You know the kind, where your boobs start hurting the minute you ovulate and you have to make sure they're secured to your body before you get out of bed in the morning lest gravity causes intense pain. You don't know that kind? Lucky you. I'm sure I'll feel better as the day progresses. I have to. We've got VIP tickets to see The Stones tonight at the Garden. Yes, that's right. Honestly, I don't even really like The Stones that much (Blasphemy I know, but whatever. I don't really like U2 either. So shoot me.) but the tickets were free and the seats are supposed to be good and there may be a Xanax in my future so wish my stomach some good thoughts.

I was bad yesterday (no working) and knit, knit, knit on DFS. Funny thing about those shawls, especially the ones that start off small and grow, grow, grow. It takes a LOT longer to get through a row. I'm a couple rows into the LAST section. I'm not going over the ten. For the longest time I was thinking it wasn't going to be that big, but it's suddenly pretty darn big and I still have a ways to go. Then there's the points and the I-cord edging and it won't be done for a couple days yet. And I so want it done.

In the meantime I can't stop thinking about my red, red Manos and the Everyday Cardi and I want it NOW. So I may just wind up a hank and swatch a little bit today. Or at least take the yarn out and fondle it and read through the pattern. It should be a really fast knit. At this point #8 needles will feel like tree trunks and it's all stockinette so whippee! Let's go!

And this is for Kay. Wave Hill. Be there or be square.

Posted by Cara at 09:04 AM | Comments (14)

September 12, 2005

Fantasy World

It's fantasy all the time these days. I've got about six rows and two repeats left if I'm going to stick with the 10 repeats for the shawl. I haven't even broken into the second hank of Twinkletoes yarn, so we'll see. Depends on if and when and how much I have to use of that second hank. The pattern is really a dream to knit. I almost think it's easier than the Flower Basket Shawl - if only because I'm using stitch markers at every 12 stitch repeat. Of course, yesterday evening, (my goal was to finish the 8th repeat before the night was through) I messed up the border stitches before the first bind off in the repeat (every 10 rows you bind off five stitches for two rows to create the points on the border) and it was KILLING me. So I ended up ripping back a few rows to reknit it. In the end, I think the stitches might have been just loose, but I couldn't have it. I feel much better now even though my goal wasn't met. I'm hoping to at least get through 9 today - I want this finished before the week's out. I'm in that end of project frenzy mode where I can taste the FO and I want to be there YESTERDAY! You all know what I mean. I should just sit here all day and finish it, but there's work to be done. I need to run today before it gets too hot and I need to do laundry and some work and then I can knit for the rest of the day.

It was a pretty full weekend. I had a birthday party to shoot on Saturday about an hour away - my wonderful husband came with me for the ride (I hate to drive on highways alone) and lucky for me there was a beach close by. So he played tennis in the morning and sat on the beach in the afternoon. Perfect day for him - and perfect for me, because I didn't have to feel too much like a loser wanting a companion for the drive. And he drove back, so I could knit a bit in the car.

I'm always amazed after a job at how PHYSICAL a shoot is. My whole body hurt after the party. First, the camera's heavy - really heavy (at least 13 pounds with the big lens on - add the flash and bracket and we may be up to 15) - and I'm carrying it for two hours straight. Then we've got the fact that I hold it like a spaz - actually backwards when shooting vertically (so that the shutter button is under the camera not on top) - so that my left elbow sticks out - and finally, when you're photographing children, you NEED TO BE ON THEIR LEVEL. Parents out there - if you hire a professional photographer and they don't get on the ground with your kid, well, I'm not saying you won't like the pictures, but.... I come home from a job and I've got grass stains on my knees, my ass, dirt in my hair. So it's up and down and up and down and I'm not a kid anymore.

Saturday night I was asleep by 10:30. That's about two hours early for me.

Also, I was asked this weekend to do a really, really, really important shoot for some really, really, really special girls! I'm super excited about it - but for now I can't talk about it. I promise though, as soon as it's all kosher, you'll hear me shouting about it! It's just SO SUPER COOL! (What a geek I am!) I'm completely thrilled I can help out the cause.

This weekend, while knitting away, I thought about my upcoming projects and listed them out in my head. I thought I might list them here, too, so I can look back and see all the things I didn't accomplish. ;-)

Dad's Aran Sweater
Manos Everyday Cardigan
Cardigans for the WH girls
Bohemia Aran Cardigan
SOCKS (especially socks for Jolie)
Knits for the kids (cardigan for Charlotte with yarn from MDSW - and especially ELI! He's never had a handknit from me.)
Elizabeth Bag in Donegal Tweed
Manos My So Called Scarf
Orange Spice Mittens
My own shawl design

Ambitious no? Ugh. So many knits. So little time.

Posted by Cara at 09:48 AM | Comments (6)

September 02, 2005

Seasoned

Have a safe, productive, peaceful weekend. Hopefully nice knits to show on Tuesday.

Love,
Cara

Posted by Cara at 08:45 AM | Comments (5)

September 01, 2005

September

Oh how I've longed for thee!

September is so bittersweet. That first glorious end of summer day - warm, dry, blue, blue sky and I'm immediately back to that morning four years ago. I was psyching myself up for a run, doing some work. I hadn't turned on the TV yet. My father called. At that time, my father never called unless it was bad. And it was.

Watching the utter devastation on the television last night, I was reminded of a rainy gray day in the aftermath. The reporter was saying that sometimes the best thing to do is fill your car up with bottled water and clothes and supplies and drive them to the nearest place in need and just give it away. That's exactly what I did four years ago. I got in my car, drove to my warehouse store and filled my car with water and gatorade and batteries and t-shirts and whatever else was on the "list." I drove my treasures to a drop off point, the whole time the smoke from ground zero visible in my windshield.

There's something inherently fascinating about devastation so extreme. It's numbing almost, seeing image upon image and not being able to FEEL what they feel. But last night I connected - I was overwhelmed at the memory of driving in my car to help, but not being able to escape, for even a second, the horror of what had happened.

I've never been to New Orleans, or the Gulf Coast, but I know its importance in American History and Culture. I pray these events are only a tremendous setback, and not an inevitable loss.

Visit Margene for details on giving.

Posted by Cara at 09:01 AM | Comments (4)

August 11, 2005

The Agony of Defeat

Short Rows are killing me again. NO, not that Short Rows. Sock heel short rows. Yesterday I attempted both Wendy's version and Alison's PG-R version and while I enjoyed the short rows - I didn't enjoy the holes that formed when joining in the round again - no matter how many stitches I knit together or how many stitches I picked up. Also, when I tried it on, holes and all, I don't think I liked how it fit. Damn Short Rows! They've become my white whale for sure. So I started doing a regular gusset heel - I mean, I like it so far in the socks I've made and it works for the master, so who am I to argue, right? I would like to try an afterthought heel though. That might work.

Anyway, the sock's going a road trip today. We're heading to the beach for a little sun and work, believe it or not. I've got a beach shoot. Yipee!

Posted by Cara at 09:19 AM | Comments (14)

July 19, 2005

Dear Prudence....

As I mentioned yesterday, MJ and I met at her LYS, Wildfiber. (Be sure to check out her post about it - her pictures are better than mine. Well, all except the one Georgie took of the two of us with her camera. But, in his defence, he did a better job with ours.) The store was/is an explosion of color - warm and inviting, lots of wonderful light. Places to sit and my god, the yarns! Everything you could ever want in an LYS. I'm still jealous!

As we were walking around the store, I came across this AMAZING item - I'm not sure what you would call the shape - but it's FREEFORM at it's best!

I'm not sure pictures can do the work justice. It's crochet and knitting combined - and each piece is built upon the next creating a canvas of texture and color. As we walked further around the store, we came to the back classroom area and discovered more of this amazing artist's work:

Some of the pieces are garments - well - they might all be garments. I tried on the long purple/yellow coat and to be honest, it's about as far from practical as you can get - extremely heavy and itchy, but my god - WHAT GLORIOUS COLOR! This artist's work is a Gustav Klimt painting come to life!

I don't even remember the question I asked, but I asked a woman standing behind the table about the artist, and the woman ended up to be the artist herself! Prudence Mapstone. This Australian artist told us she got started with freeform when her carpal tunnel got so bad she couldn't knit big pieces anymore - too heavy. So she started playing around with little pieces that she sewed together to make bigger pieces. And so on and so on. Prudence uses any kind of yarn she can find - natural fibers, synthetic fibers, novelty yarns - generally sticking to a specific color palette for her projects. I was so inspired I bought both her books and some notecards with close-ups of her work!

What's really wonderful about the work is that it will go wherever your imagination can take you! Every stitch pattern - knit or crochet - is open as a possibility. I love the idea of this - truly I do and am going to try my hardest to figure out the lovely bullion stitch. What a great way to play with all the odd balls of yarn we have around!

Anyway, I encourage you all to visit the galleries on Prudence's website. Her work MUST NOT be missed.

~+~+~+~+~

Okay. I'm not blaming any one person in particular - I'm blaming you all equally - but I had some crazy ass head-spinning dreams last night about this and this and maybe some of this.

STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!

I told G I might have a problem and showed him some of this stuff and told him if I got one of these and some of this I could make my own yarn like this. (Is that not EXQUISITE!!!) He looked at me with his drop-dead gorgeous puppy dog eyes and said, "Is that something you'd be interested in?" like totally all supporting me and stuff and I yelled, at the top of my lungs (in my head of course) HOW, I repeat HOW ON THIS EARTH DID I GET SO LUCKY? [ETA: Yes, well, Ann might be correct, but I'd prefer to think my sparkling personality has at least a LITTLE to do with it....]

But, really, leave me alone! All of you!

[ETA: Just say, and I'm just saying here, I saw something on ebay I might want to buy - what's the etiquette for auctions? There's a seller and one person has the only bid on a bunch of stuff. I feel kind of bad bidding over her - am I allowed to do that? What's the knitting/web protocol here? You know what? Don't even tell me. I need this like I need ANOTHER hole in my head. Oy gavolt!]

For Claudia:

The Bee and The Dahlia

Last but not least, Annie is putting together an Afghan project in memory of Kerstin's brother-in-law. I'm sure you've heard by now, but he died, along with two of his friends, in one of the most horrific traffic accidents I've ever heard about. It's stunningly sad. A square is the absolute least we can do. Thank you.

Posted by Cara at 12:17 PM | Comments (15)

July 05, 2005

I'll LOVE You With All the Madness In My Soul!*

OH MY GOD! You guys are incredible. I'm LOVING all the LOVE SONGS! What fun I had this weekend. Seriously - some I haven't thought of in a while - some I just adore - some I need to try out. So great. But without further ado, the winner of The Summer of HATE LOVE LACE contest is:

KRISTIN

She chose Let's Stay Together by Al Green as her favorite love song. Great pick Kristin! (I'm also quite partial to You Ought To Be With Me - a great one by Al Green if you've never heard it!) Congratulations Kristin! Send me your address and the Zephyr (plus some sheepy and flower cards) is in the mail!

I'd love to send a couple of other PhotoArtCard packages out too - first to Louise, who was the 1776th comment on my blog (she chose Blue Velvet as her lovesong)! It seems fitting that she should get a prize this Fourth of July weekend. Sheepy cards for you! And also for Anne, who chose Silhouettes On the Shade. (Click on the link to HEAR this great song!) Unbeknownst to Anne, that is one of my all time favorite songs. My daddy sang that to us when we were little - all the time! When I told my sister someone had put it on the blog, she said, well you have to send them something! My dad came to visit this weekend too and he got a good laugh out of it as well. Thanks Anne! Sheepy cards for you! (PS - Do you know your domain isn't working? Hope you get it fixed soon!)

Thanks everyone for playing. I'm going to open the comments back up - so feel free to keep adding your love songs. I thought of a couple more I love: As by Stevie Wonder and Lovely Day by Bill Withers and Dancing in the Moonlight by Thin Lizzy. UGH! I could go on and on and on and on! I LOVE me a GOOD LOVE SONG!

The weekend was crazy - as expected. There was some of this:

The Carousel at Van Saun Park

And some of this:

Blankie/Pacie, Uncle Georgie's shades and my Dora bikini!
Ah! This is the life!

And A LOT of this:

Chunkilicious Laughing it UP!

Today we had this:

And let me tell you, them leaving me is a HELL of a lot harder than my leaving them! I was so sad I may have shed a tear or two. Sure my house has been turned upside down! Sure I've got a ton of laundry to do! Sure I didn't touch the knitting AT ALL since Thursday (I think I've been knitting in my sleep though!) But what's better than little Charlotte walking around saying "Cara's house! We're at Cara's house!" Or Max and Georgie swimming together and just hanging out. Or Baby Eli, so, so deliciously fat laughing and laughing and laughing! Nothing. There's nothing better. My house is suddenly very, very quiet. I will be happy when G comes home tonight - I have missed him. Not much quiet time with three kids wreaking delightful havoc!

I've got to get a job out - so I have to dash. And I still need to get through two repeats and the border on the FBS. I'm dying to start my SockaPal2Za socks as well. Thank you again for all your comments and especially all the compliments on FBS. Can't wait to show you a finished project!

Have a great back to real life day. I'm not sure I'm ready for it!
L, C

* Possibly my favorite Bruce lyric EVER. From Born to Run. Definitely a LOVE SONG!

Posted by Cara at 01:10 AM | Comments (11)

June 30, 2005

Fourteen

Flower Basket repeats done,
Fourteen Flower Basket repeats.

If a yarn over should happen to fall,
Thirteen Flower Basket repeats done!

That should sum it all up for you. Time spent: two hours (give or take a little) knitting ten rows. Two hours frogging two. Lace is a bitch - especially when you're a bonehead like me. I managed to work my way back and have started the fifteenth repeat (which I think is actually the fourteenth repeat to be honest. When I'm done this repeat section I'll have fifteen baskets.) I went to bed late. But I've already done a purl row this morning. I like to leave it by doing the first row of the next repeat so I can pick it up on a purl row. It's like doing exercises at the piano - get my fingers all limber.

But the shawl is really taking shape. I was noticing all kinds of interesting things about it's construction last night. Now that I'm almost finished, I'm finally SEEING the pattern. Have I mentioned that I love Evelyn Clark? I can't wait to start my sock pal socks. This weekend for sure. Or next week. Depending on the kids.

Speaking of kids, I got all my work done yesterday. The photos are off to the printer and all I have to do today is clean! My bathroom's in desperate need and the kids will need baths, so I've got to do that. Also, I have some errands to run before they get here tomorrow. And I'm on call in case my sister decides she wants company for the ride. Usually I take the train down and ride back up here with her, but she thinks she's okay. So we'll see. Better for me because I've got tons to do before they arrive.

I hope I wasn't being too pedantic yesterday with my photography blatherings. I am a firm believer in "if I can do it, you can do it!" I thought as proof I'd show you some progress I've made over the years. My family gave me a digital camera for my 30th birthday - five and a half years ago. I had been interested in photography as a teenager - my parents gave me darkroom equipment for my bat mitzvah gift. It was never, ever used (and I really wanted the initial ring everybody else was getting.) The camera was a Kodak with 2.5 megapixels and I basically documented the first year of my nephew's life with it. On his first birthday, I upgraded to my Sony DSC-F707 and I was off.

Almost every year we go to La Quinta. One year (I think 2001) while Georgie was playing tennis, I thought, why not take some pictures of the gorgeous flowers they have all over the property. BINGO! I was hooked. Every year we'd go back and I'd spend more and more time taking flower pictures. And every year they'd get better:

April, 2002 - Sony DSC-F707


May, 2003 - Sony DSC-F707


July, 2003 - Canon 10D

Over the years, I've taken (literally) thousands and thousands of pictures. Tens of thousands. With all of my cameras. (In fact, the shutter died on the Canon 10D after two years. They fixed it though.) I believe in practice makes perfect. ;-)

I also thought I'd show you a before and after "developing" job. I like to underexpose my pictures a little so I can lighten them myself. Especially when I'm using a flash - it takes away the harsh flash light quite nicely. Anyway, here's the same lily from above - before and after.

Before



After

The before picture is completely untouched except for resizing for the web.

I like to think I trained my eye to see things in a more pleasing composition. Don't ever be afraid to get close! Macro lenses (and settings) are essential for this, but I think it gives a much better picture. Remember to look at the background - empty space can be your friend, but not when it's cluttered and distracting. Most of all, experiment. There are many, many days when I go out to take pictures and get nothing. There are also days and when I go out, come back in and look, go back, look, go back until I get what I want.

Photographing kids is a whole other animal. Just shoot until you and the kid fall down from exhaustion. Cross your fingers and hope for a good picture. ;-)

Thanks for stopping by!
Have a great day.

Posted by Cara at 10:11 AM | Comments (19)

June 29, 2005

Nothing. Nada. Nil.

I purled a right side row on FBS yesterday and didn't realize it until I was half way through the lace pattern on the next wrong side row. Sometimes I even amaze myself. So I ripped that and managed to get half way through another repeat. This is taking WAY too long. I actually think I might be getting ~GASP~ bored a little. And for some reason I can't imagine how this is going to block out bigger. 80% Cotton, 20% Wool - is that it? What I see is what I get? C'mon Carrie! Show me your blocked FBS! Inquiring minds want to know!

I'm still cranking out pictures. For a job. People don't realize, but with the digital SLRs out on the market, the pictures DO NOT come out of the camera finished. (As opposed to a P&S where the pictures tend to be overprocessed, so you don't have to!) The cameras are made so that the pictures come out of the box, if you will, needing work. That's why they call it a DIGITAL DARKROOM. Did you know that the "look" Ansel Adams is so famous for came from the darkroom, not the camera? It's all about dodging and burning and tweaking exposures - darkroom, darkroom, darkroom. So I "develop" every picture I take. Most of them not much - just a little brightening here and there - a little sharpening. But with the kids, I go through every picture. I'm a GENIUS at getting out snot, food, little scrapes - if a kid can get it on them - I can get it out. Hell, I'm even working on a father whose kid got chocolate all over his shirt. It's tedious work sometimes, but I like it. It's time consuming though - and I don't have a lot of time. The kids are coming and once they get here, I won't be able to do anything. Nothing. Nada. Nil. (Unless you count giggling and cuddling and playing and crying and not a lot of sleeping...you get the picture!) So the pictures HAVE to be done today. This is all just procrastination.

I'm asked all the time about what kind of camera I use. Currently, I'm using a Canon 20D. Before that a Canon 10D. And before that a Sony DSC-F707 (long since discontinued.) I'd like to think (and I may be deluding myself here) that I could take the pictures I take with a pinhole camera. You know, like it's the eye not the equipment. That's not to say that a good camera can't HELP me get the better picture. For the kid picture taking, my equipment is ESSENTIAL. The fast shutter helps me IMMENSELY. The shutter is like lightening and I can take a lot of pictures at the same time to get EXACTLY the one I want. Also, the camera body doesn't mean as much as the lens on the camera. It's the lens that gets you the picture - the camera body just processes it onto the film (or card, in the case of digital). Well, it's not as simple as that - but I've paid a lot of money for a lens, and A LOT of money for a lens, and the difference is noticeable in every area - picture quality, focus quality, everything. You pay the big bucks for GOOD glass, and it's worth it.

Lesson over for the day. I haven't been out to shoot flowers in a while and I'm missing it. As much as I like the process, being stuck at the computer all day can get a little old, fast. So I leave you with what I'd rather be doing:

Taken with my old Sony DSC-F707, with an added Macro lens.

Posted by Cara at 08:51 AM | Comments (16)

June 23, 2005

It's Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature!

Remember those butter commercials, they were goofy to be sure, but good ol' MN really showed her stuff yesterday.

I watched the most spectacular storm come across the swamp. I'm sure I've mentioned it, but it's worth repeating. I live smack dab in the middle of a swamp. The Meadowlands to be precise. My apartment is situated in my building so that I look right out into swamp land - due west. We get THE most spectacular sunsets you can imagine. I think it has to do with all the chemicals in the air, but whatever it is, every night has the possibility for a technicolor cornicopia. I'm not kidding. G and I often yell to each other from room to room - did you see it? Look out the window? Amazing.

We talk about moving all the time, and if we ever do (which I hope we do eventually) one of the things I will miss the most is watching the weather from my balcony - be it sun or rain or snow. I have the perfect view.

Besides the sunsets, there is nothing I like better than watching a storm roll across the swamp. The dark clouds barrel down and the sky is often a mix of blue and black. Yesterday afternoon was no exception. I absolutely love the clarity in the air that comes with dark clouds. It's hard to describe and I know my camera could never capture it, but there's a glow in the air. The green of the tree leaves is crisper. The billowy grass in the swamp is tinged with gold on the tips, despite the lack of sun.

Yesterday I could see huge bolts of lightning hitting beyond the turnpike. Thick strikes that seemed to last forever. Kids by the pool (by the pool, not in the pool) would yell out, "did you see that? did you see it?" and not two seconds later another bolt would appear a little to the left. A little to the right.

The rains came and the winds picked up and the lighting became fierce! The strikes landed in front of my window, almost literally, in the swamp across the way. The winds were viscious, blowing around pool chairs and deck chairs and I closed the window because I was actually frightened.

The rain descended in torrents and marched across the swamp like ghostly soldiers. The thunder echoed their battle cry. The flag billowing tattered in the parking lot was a stark witness to the war.

I've never been truly scared by a storm since I've lived here. I've seen A LOT of storms blow across the swamp in fourteen years. Yesterday, I hung up on my sister and hid in the bathroom for a few minutes. We have windows facing west in every room of the house. The bathroom is the safest place with no windows.

It passed fairly quickly and I went back to work on my computer. Later on I passed by the windows again and witnessed the redest orb I've ever seen. The sky around the sun glowed like it was, literally, on fire. Here's hoping that sun was a harbinger of a beautiful day with beautiful bloggers and beautiful yarn!

Not from yesterday, but from my balcony nonetheless.

Posted by Cara at 07:54 AM | Comments (16)

June 22, 2005

Hump Day

You know when you wake up with a headache, the day just might suck. Too soon to tell - I have a lot of work today, so hopefully that will keep the demons at bay. Thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone in my craziness.

I've lived with anxiety and panic since I was thirteen for sure, but probably earlier. It's like an addiction - always there - even on the good days. I've learned A LOT about it over the years - it all has to do with control. The last few weeks I've been making some emotional breakthroughs (baby/infertility stuff mostly) and when I get very emotional I have a very nasty habit of hiding it with rationalizations. I'm not sure about you, but feelings CANNOT be rationalized. And when I can't rationalize, I panic. It's as simple or as complex as that. So I've let myself go a little. It's okay - I'm figuring things out. Incredibly hard things, for sure, but stuff that needs to get worked out. I need to be patient with myself and kind to myself and let myself be sad, so I'm working on that too. In the meantime, I've got good friends/family who will listen, a shrink who's kid I've put through college already and the greatest husband/best friend a girl could have. And blog buddies who don't think it's (TOO) crazy to buy 87 different kinds of self-striping sock yarn. Thanks for that, by the way! (My favorite, so far, is the Trekking Crazy Stripes. I LOVE the colors and the feel of the yarn. It's all I can do to not cast on RIGHT THIS MINUTE!)

For all of you who asked about where I got the sock yarn from - I googled Cotton Surf or Trekking Crazy Stripes. The three places I bought from were The Knitter (they were super friendly over the phone), The Knitting Zone and Carodan Farms. Hope that helps! Have fun. (Oh and don't say I didn't warn you!)

Some progress was made yesterday on the FBS. I finished another repeat. My goal is at least one repeat a day. We'll see. I'm at nine repeats now and I want to go to 16 or 17 for the large shawl. Or maybe 15 or 16. I'm surprised at how fast the lace row goes (right side). The purl rows seem to take forever. I'm usually a little faster on the purl side. And I hate strongly dislike the first couple rows of the repeat. I don't like the k2togs or the ssks, so I'm trying to get that first row done on the next repeat. Couldn't do it last night, but that's my goal. It's good to have goals.

Yesterday I was organizing around here a little bit and accidentally deleted two posts. One was the picture of me in the Israeli Army. Don't worry, they're back. Apparently when you delete a post it's deleted from your database, but not from your server. So I was able to cut and past them no problem. The thing I don't have is all your wonderful comments. They're there, on my server, but I'd have to cut and paste them all back in. I might. Not today. But I might. Anyway, be careful out there. When's the last time you backed up all your stuff?

Another one for Norma - go see how her garden grows!

Posted by Cara at 11:44 AM | Comments (12)

June 15, 2005

It was DEM dat fucked up!

Happy families are all alike; every
unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

For the most part, my family is excellent (I'm talking the family I grew up with, not George - although G-Love is excellent too.) My siblings and I get along better than siblings should be allowed, especially siblings who fought with bats when they were young; I would rather spend time with my sisters and brother than most people. They make me laugh uncontrollably and THEY UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. It's been a tumultuous year for my family. I'm not going to go into it here, but it's been very, very hard. A lot of anger, frustration, tears. But my siblings and I have stuck together through it all and for that I am so grateful. Thank you for taking care of me last night. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Suffice it to say, I've got some puffy ass eyes this morning.

And because I had such a shitty night - I'm giving stuff away!

Yes, it's CONTEST TIME! CONTEST CLOSED! Thanks for playing!

You'll get sheepy cards and flower cards and some yarn to be determined later. And some beautiful handpainted knitting needles from Peace Fleece.

Here's what you have to do - in the comments identify the FILM that the following lines are spoken in - they're all from the same movie. I will pick a random winner from all the correct entries.

"My mommy hurt my head."

"It's going to be so good."

"What a colossal blunder."

"It was dem dat fucked up."

Some clues: The movie is fifteen years old. At least one of the leading actors is dead. Two of the actors in the film appear together on TV. The movie was based on a book.

I will close the contest at midnight tonight. Good luck!

I did manage to finish the sleeve to short-rows last night (I will spare you the photo - it's navy blue and curled up - you can wait for the real deal.) And I cast on for the front, did a couple rows, then ripped it. I'll cast on again today. Basically I was on the third row when I realized I messed up the moss stitch (by the way, what's the difference between moss and seed stitch - can anyone tell me? I think they're the same, but don't know if I'm right or not.) No biggie - I wasn't in the mood for knitting last night anyway. Yes, it's true. It was more like a fetal position, baby blanket under my nose kind of night. You've all had those, right? ;-)

I'm hoping to go shopping today. THE LA/SLO TRIP IS ON!!!! We're leaving for Los Angeles on July 11 - eventually we'll make our way up to San Simeon for the BLACK TIE DINNER AT HEARST CASTLE on Thursday. We may take our time and spend a night or two in Santa Barbara. At least one night. But I will be in LA for a day or two - so where should I go? I'm counting on you Hollyweird knitters to give me the scoop. I'm not sure where we'll be staying yet. Probably either Beverly Hills or Santa Monica. Details to come.

Anyway - so I need a dress. Preferably black, so I can wear my Iris Flower Basket that I'm going to crank out all weekend. It seems halter is the style this season - but I don't like to show my back, so we'll see what I find. Did you know the secret to successful dress shopping is to wear sweat socks and a baseball cap? There's some kind of inverse rule that the sloppier and shittier you look the more luck you have finding a dress. I swear by this. SWEAR. Bought every prom dress, my bat mitzvah dress, my wedding dress in this fashion. Watch out Jen - you've been warned!

Oh and I've been taken to task by some blogging pioneers that came before me. Apparently, when they weren't walking 20 miles in 10 feet of snow on their way to school, they were checking blogs on their own with out the aid of feeds. GASP! And, I'm told, sometimes people didn't read your posts for days. I'm not sure I believe them, but I'm not going to worry about bloglines anymore. ;-) Thanks for the reality check.

Don't forget the CONTEST!

Posted by Cara at 08:47 AM | Comments (33)

June 14, 2005

Which came first?

In the chicken or the egg fashion, I ask: Which came first the desire to write, or the need for readers?

In other words, if a blogger blogs but bloglines doesn't update the feed, does a blogger really blog?

Yesterday I spent a lot of time on my post - it was great fun for me, don't get me wrong. I linked a lot, I relieved past lives, I longed for long hair. But since bloglines didn't update me until around 10:30 last night, I was pretty lonely all day. Which got me thinking (yet again) about the whole blogging thing.

I used to be a writer. Used to be, because I haven't written a story in quite a while - a fact that breaks my heart every day. But since I started the blog, I've been writing again. No, not what's ultimately most important to me (telling stories - fiction) but about myself. And it really doesn't matter because it's still writing. I think about my posts almost the way I would write my stories in my head. I craft them, if you will. I'm getting my groove back. It's coming.

I'd still rather pick up the needles than the pen - but honestly - there is nothing harder in the world, mentally at least, than staring at a blank screen and hoping to fill it with your blood and guts and genius. I'm in a rut.

Do you know what writer's block really is? I teach this to my students all the time, so why not here? A writer has two distinct personalities living in their head (see - we are crazy!). A Generator and an Editor. The generator's the personality that sits there and cranks out the words - the zone head - filling up pages and pages and pages of pure unadulterated Nobel winning genius.

The Editor's the personality that takes one look at all that superiority and says CRAP! CRAPTASTIC CRAP! And starts rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically at the hubris of the generator.

Don't get me wrong. The Editor is an essential partner in the writing process (remember - it's all about the process) but really needs to be kept in a sound-proof box until about the second or third draft. Second draft. Really. Get two under your belt before you want to rip the thing to shreds. There will be that much more to save.

The Generator needs peace and quiet and unconditional love to work the magic. People - I'm all about the love.

So what happens with writer's block is that these two warring factions are together a bit too early - like right out of the starting gate.

Here's an illustration of what happens:

Generator: Okay, so they're at the mall and they see a fortune teller and the fortune teller gets all freaky when the first girl walks by...
Editor: Snort. In a mall? Puleese. You're setting it in a mall? Sweet Valley High, here we come!
Generator: Fine. They're at a fair. Lots of noise in the background. Lots of lights. It's hot. Sweating lemonades. All the sights and sounds and there's a fortune teller...
Editor: Don't forget the freaks! Got to have freaks. C'mon - what's a modern short story without a two headed midget? The New Yorker's going to want first rights!
Generator: Gotcha. I'm worthless. Let's go knit and watch bad TV.

See how fast the Generator folds? Not very strong of character I'm afraid.

Life sucks and then you write.

Anyway, back to my problem. Yesterday I was frustrated. The nice thing about blogging is that I can convince myself that it's JUST LIKE REAL WRITING (which it is - I've just got issues with myself)and I have an instant audience. Well at least I thought I did. It's like my editor self and bloglines are conspiring against any and all writing progress I'm making.

The generator is a muscle that needs to be exercised. We're about one step up from atrophy at this point, but getting better all the time!

Just so you know, I generally update my blog every day Monday thru Friday. I blog in the morning usually so my posts should appear mid-morning. Just so you know. In case you're missing me or something.

I'm not quite sure that this post makes sense in any way. I'm PMS and pissed and tired. My neighbors think it's fun to sit on their balcony and talk really loud at 6AM in a foreign language that I can't understand right off my bedroom window and wake me from sweet dreams. That is when they're not stinking me out of my own bedroom with their homemade delicacies. Seriously. Bloglines better watch out.