January One -- Baby? OH BABY!

July 05, 2010

Family

So we had another baby!

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to introduce her, but here she is!

Cali
June 8, 2010
7 lbs., 15 oz.
20 inches

Two girls! I'm over the moon! That is to say, I'm completely and utterly exhausted. I'd like to publicly thank all the people that didn't laugh in my face when I used to say things like, "It will be so much easier when the baby's on the outside. Babies are easy!"

Yes, I really did say things like that! I will blame it on the delusions of pregnancy. I'm not a good pregnant woman. It hasn't been the easiest three weeks for sure. The c-section was much harder this time than the first. It all started when they couldn't find a good spot for my spinal. 87 spine tingling pin pricks later, I ended up with an atypical spinal headache that started the day after the baby was born and lasted a good five days. It was horribly painful, but not painful enough that a patch was required (or requested.)

I missed Meli terribly while I was in the hospital (I only stayed three nights. I figured if I was going to be miserable, I might as well be miserable at home. I was right - it was much better being home.) She freaked out when she visited me there, so we only tried it once. When we got home, it took her a few days to warm up to her new sister, but everything is good now. Unless the baby cries.

Meli does not like it when the baby cries. She gets all upset and starts barking orders at me. "She doesn't want your booby!" "She doesn't want her diaper changed!" The baby has a GREAT set of lungs on her and can go from 0 to 60 - meaning full out hyperventilating screams - in about 2.3 seconds. When Cali gets going with her screams, Meli has taken to screeching at the top of her own lungs. This usually happens when we're in the car. Just the three of us.

Yes. We've been getting out. If there's anything I learned the last time, it's that staying in the house makes me crazy! I've started my walks again - my family gave me this fantastic (HUGE) stroller that I LOVE - and we go to all of Meli's classes and the mall and anywhere else that isn't our house. I'm really bummed because we're having a tremendous heatwave this week and I'm not going to be able to walk in the park.

We're getting to know our Cali slowly. Right now we know she likes to nurse - a lot! - and burp and fart and spit up. She's not so into the sleeping. But that's okay! We love her anyway!

She looks a lot like her big sister, but different too. Her nose, for one thing, and her long skinny fingers and toes. She's a lot bigger than her sister was, which works out well clothes wise. All of her sister's summer clothes will fit her! Yay for same sex siblings!

All in all, it's quite an adjustment, one to two. Especially when one IS two. But we're getting along and learning and changing and looking forward to what tomorrow brings. Unless it's more heat.

I'm not sure when I'll be back to the blog. It's tough to do anything that's not kid related right now - although I did knit a few rounds the other day and instantly felt the possibility that sanity is attainable! I've actually been dreaming about future knitting projects. Man, that feels good!

Meli will be starting school in the Fall, a couple of hours a day three days a week - who knows? Maybe I'll get back to this thing on a more regular basis. Hopefully I'll have a kid that naps then. Meli gave up the nap a million years ago. Yeah. My kids don't sleep. But they sure are loves!

Hope you're all doing well and enjoying life! Thanks for reading!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 05:00 PM | Comments (94)

August 11, 2009

Night

Today is Meli's 17 month birthday and I want to get this down.

So we started night weaning last Thursday night. Georgie had Friday off (for his birthday - sorry honey!) and I thought it was a good night to start because it gave me three nights where we didn't have to wake up early. (I link to a site on night weaning which I basically used as a guideline - no nursing between the hours of 11PM and 6AM - otherwise we're kind of doing our own thing but I think it's a great resource, so I link.)

The first night I nursed Meli to sleep right before 11PM and honestly fell asleep so she was on the boob for awhile after 11. But then we settled in. She woke up around 4AM and cried and cried but I didn't nurse her. I tried to hold her and comfort her but she's a stubborn little girl so she pulled out the big guns:

"Pease! Pease! Pease!"

BOING! CRASH! That sound you heard was the arrow piercing my heart and shattering it into a million pieces. I've been trying to teach her please and thank you and here she goes and uses please CORRECTLY and WITHOUT PROMPTING and I can't give in. Yeah. Mommy breakdown moment. I'm still picking up the pieces of my broken heart.

That first night we ended up being up from 4AM until 6AM, with 5:50 to 6 being the longest 10 minutes of my life. Thank god for Sprout. I nursed her the minute the clock hit 6 and she was asleep within thirty seconds and slept until like 10AM. I was bone tired and felt like I had totally given in at that 6AM mark.

The second night I was a bit better prepared. I had her milk and her water close at hand and was fully prepared for a night of Thomas the Tank Engine. She woke up around 1AM and wasn't as fitful and angry as the night before, but still had some ammunition. This time it was a plaintive wail of:

"I know, I know, I knoooooowwwww!"

She says this because this is what I say to her when she's upset. I hug her and pat her and say, "I know, my love, I know." So when she's upset, she tells herself the same thing. Only it sounds so much more sad and pathetic when she cries it than when I say it. "I knooooooooooooooowwwwwwwww!"

Luckily, this only went on for about ten or fifteen minutes before she trailed off and went to sleep. I think she woke up again around 3AM and did another round of "I knows" but all in all it was MUCH more successful than the night before.

The third night it got even better. She would cry and complain but quickly go back to sleep. She was never up for more than five minutes at a time, although it seems to me she was sleeping a lot lighter than she usually did. For instance, most times I can move her around in bed without waking her (like when she's turned sideways and is kicking me in the back) but that night any time I moved her the slightest she woke up. So I stopped moving her and woke up with a sore back from trying not to move all night.

The fourth night I don't remember so well, although I think it was a little bit worse than the third night. The fourth night became about her sippy cup, which I gave to her and she clung to like a talisman. I tried to take it away from her once. ONCE. Yeah.

Last night was the fifth night and I really didn't have many high hopes that things would be better than the fourth or third night. She was doing okay and NOT nursing and honestly that's really what I'm weaning her for - the NOT nursing. If I have to go without sleep, well, sleep is for sissies anyway.

The fifth night I was armed with her current favorite stuffed animal, dog. I nursed her to sleep around 10PM and while I was nursing her I told her that we were going to say goodnight to nursies and then sleep all night long and that in the morning we could have nursies again. I told her that Mommy would be next to her all night and that I would hold her if she was sad but that everything would be okay.

Wouldn't you know it? She's still asleep. It's 6:26 AM and she's still asleep and she hasn't nursed ONCE all night. Not only hasn't she nursed, but she hasn't woken up at all either. She tossed and turned a lot and she seemed to need to be TOUCHING me the entire night, but she didn't wake up. In fact, at around 5:45 AM she laughed in her sleep. Nothing better than the sleep laugh.

I know the kind of night we had because I didn't sleep. I waited for her to wake up. I alternately panicked over all the stuff I have to do and all the stuff I haven't done and was completely proud of my little girl for being so big and was devastated that she's so big and I tried to sleep but it didn't really work. Even when I moved her around a bunch - she still didn't wake up.

I'm prepared for the fact that tonight she might wake up every hour on the hour demanding to nurse, but if she can do it once, she can do it again.

We move a week from today and I've already run out of small book boxes with still more books to go. Yipee!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 06:34 AM | Comments (26)

July 28, 2009

Victory Shall Be Mine!

Here's the color of today:

It's really not the best representation. If you want to, go here and see it. (Although I think the color is actually a bit more blue and a bit less gray on my wall.)

This gorgeous color (trust me - it's beautiful!) will grace my bedroom walls. It matches perfectly with the great carpet we got which changes between a gray/blue and a deeper midnight-ish blue depending on how you look at it. The carpet is pretty neat: it's made from corn. Besides been kind of "green," it's super soft and cushy. We're doing the bedrooms, hallway and stairs with variations of it.

They started working on the house at the end of last week. (And by they I mean the tradesmen that will make my life hell for the next couple of weeks. We're three days in and already I'm ready to quit.) The electricians are gone and the floor guys started today (we're having the first floor wood floors refinished. Figured it was good to get that done while the house is empty.) Then paint, then finish the floors, then carpet then MOVE! I've packed a total of...TWO boxes. Books. I'm not sure you've ever seen my house, but my book collection makes my yarn collection look like I started knitting two weeks ago. Truly. The really sad thing is that I have barely any wall space in the new house for all the bookcases. There are a TON of windows - literally walls of windows, which is wonderful and makes our Tudor home bright and cheery, but doesn't leave a lot of wall space for bookshelves. For sure a lot of them will end up in storage. Anyway, I've packed two boxes of books. Only 58 more to go.

Another thing about the new house: I have my own yarn/fiber room! There is a really lovely sun room off of the main entrance/hallway and it's ALL windows (except for the doorway wall) and it's got a slate floor and I've bought a lovely area rug (the pattern is the same as the gorgeous one I bought for the dining room - only it's a different color scheme.) Eventually I'll get a nice chaise chair and some other seating but as soon as we move in my fantastic yarn cabinet (it's worth it to click on all the links - in the order linked) will go in there and my wheel! I'm going to make sure my wheel has a special place in the house. The poor thing has been in storage for forever!

The victory in the title is the whole reason I can write this post. Weaning Meli continues on with the usual ups and downs. One of my biggest problems is that I nurse her to sleep and I can't NOT nurse her to sleep. Other people, like my mom and dad, can get her to fall asleep without nursing, but unless we're out and about and she falls asleep in the car or on a walk, I have to nurse her to sleep. She just won't let herself go. Welp, today, after a long day of tantrums and play and general clingy-ness to the point of exhaustion, she let me sing and rock her to sleep. SANS BOOB! I was even able to put her down on the bed and she stayed asleep! I can't tell you what a triumph this is for me. There's hope that we won't be nursing forever! (Especially since I have to be DONE COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY by the first or second week of September.) Full disclosure: while I was writing this blog post she woke up and I went into bed and nursed her back to sleep. Otherwise she would never have stayed sleeping and she wasn't ready to wake up and I wasn't done writing. See what I sacrifice for the blog?

So, small victories. I really shouldn't be blogging at all. I should be working or packing or folding laundry. But no, I'm blogging and it feels really good! Thanks!

Posted by Cara at 07:20 PM | Comments (24)

July 16, 2009

Mommy Says

Here are some Meli tricks. She's my rambunctious 16 month old now - no more a baby!

A Command Performance from January One on Vimeo.

Meli and the Jets from January One on Vimeo.

Thanks for watching!
L, C & M

Posted by Cara at 06:16 PM | Comments (15)

June 09, 2009

If you don't have anything to say

show a picture! I realize I haven't posted any recent pictures of my baby - excuse me - BIG GIRL - in a little while so here you go:

These were all taken May 29 after a few mishaps - scraped chin, black eye, egg on the forehead. And two days later she skinned up her knee pretty bad. She's quite the adventurer. She definitely keeps me on my toes. We're a bit under the weather this week (just a couple of colds) so we're hanging low, but three weeks from today we close on our new house! I can't believe it already! On Saturday we're going in again to check things out and do some measurements - it feels like forever since we've been there! We aren't going to physically move, probably, for another six weeks, but still we've started to panic. We're moving! To a HOUSE!!! Our own house! YAY!

Okay. Now I have to go measure stuff.
L, C

PS - Thanks for all your kind words about my monkey socks. Sadly, things have slowed down, but they're all past the picot edge and the first repeat. I'm about five repeats in on one of them. S.L.O.W.

Posted by Cara at 09:51 AM | Comments (18)

April 23, 2009

HAIR!

The last time we visited my sister, I took one of my niece's hair clips and stuck it in Meli's growing hair. Oh my god she looked so freaking cute (and OLD!) that I totally plotzed and came home and bought a gazillion barrettes for her.

The one she's wearing in the picture above is from Lil Chatterbox. I bought this one and this one. (I specifically bought the purple pansy one with Vicki in mind. I just know how she's loves pansies.) I also bought barrettes from Baby K Designs, Tiny Sweets, and ElleBowsAndMore. I loved these from Baby K Designs so much I went back and bought a ton more from her store. And these wonderful birds from Tiny Sweets are so adorable I totally cried when I put one in Meli's hair. And my absolute favorites these days are the dragonflies from Lil Sugarplum. They stay in Meli's hair super well and are too too cute. (By the way, I found Tiny Sweets and Lil Sugarplum because they were recommended on Cool Mom Picks, a very nice product blog I follow. I've bought a bunch of interesting things through this blog and haven't been disappointed yet.)

Meli totally has my hair. Or at least it's a lot closer to my hair than G's hair. It starting to flip up in the back and she's got these really short bangs because her hair hasn't grown over her forehead yet. Just like mine was when I was her age. I'm going back to my sister's tomorrow and I'm going to have to take all the barrettes so I can show my niece. I just LOVE having a girl! I'm so not girly, not really, but my baby can be (and my niece is very girly so my sister, who's more like me, are living vicariously!)

It's been a really really rough week on all kinds of fronts. Personal, professional - you name it. We've barely had anyone come see our house which is really starting to stress me out. My husband works for a bank - although he's NOT a banker (he works in corporate services) - lest anyone want to egg my blog - but really that's all I have to say about that. Add to all this the fact that they start drilling outside every window in my house at 8AM and don't finish until 5. Even when they're not right outside my windows, the house reverberates with the noise (basically because they're either above or below me.) I have a headache by 8:30. So we're out of the house all day a lot of days (they don't work when the weather's bad, but that has it's own stresses - like they're never going to finish if it doesn't stop raining!) and by the end of the day I'm so tired I can barely move.

Even with my complaining, I know things could be so much worse. Trust me. Stress still sucks. So I'll be hanging at my sister's for a while and there might even be another great date with my husband which would make us happy to no end. Cross your fingers we get some tickets. I'll be back next week. L, C

Posted by Cara at 07:51 PM | Comments (20)

April 15, 2009

The Cure for the Taxman Blues!

I hope the tax people were kind to you this year! To make the medicine go down a bit easier, I've got some new video of my crazy girl! There's no stopping her these days, that's for sure. She's like a little old lady behind the wheel of an Oldsmobile. WATCH OUT!

Lost in the Supermarket from January One on Vimeo.

And here's a kiss from us to you:

Posted by Cara at 07:57 PM | Comments (17)

April 09, 2009

Limbo

Well, the house is on the market. Now we get to wait and see what happens. Can you say INCREDIBLY STRESSFUL? I am by nature a messy person. There's nothing I can do about it - it's in the genes - but now I have to live on the edge. Anybody can call at any moment to see the house and it needs to be PERFECT. I'm trying really hard, but the truth is I feel like no one's going to buy our place (not really any reason to think this - except maybe the economy and something my realtor said: when you're done with a place, you don't think anyone else is going to want it either) and that no one's going to come see it and yet I STILL have to live like anyone could walk in at any minute. It's a weird feeling.

Also weird is the fact that when we leave here this summer (fingers crossed we sell the place!!!) we will have lived in our building for EIGHTEEN YEARS! Can you believe it? That means that G and I have lived together for eighteen years. I only lived with my parents for seventeen years. Weird might not be the right word. Surreal? I think about it and I don't get sad or nostalgic really, just incredulous. It doesn't feel like 18 years.

I am getting nervous about the move. Not the actual physical part of moving, but being a new part of an existing community. Will I fit in? Will people like me? Will there be knitters? (Actually, the neighboring town has at least THREE yarn stores. The town we're moving to has almost NO commercial activity, so you have to go to the nearby towns for everything.) I must admit I've had fantasies about teaching all the local moms how to knit and hosting knitting days at my house. See? I'm going crazy.

I'm also trying to work through some stuff with the baby. Nothing wrong exactly, but I'm seriously thinking about having to wean her. Not because she wants it and not because I want it either but because we'd like to try to get pregnant again at the end of the summer and that means hormones that are not safe to take while breastfeeding. I'm incredibly torn - I don't feel like it's an option to wait on another baby (I will be 40 in January and if the frozen embryos we have don't work, we could be looking at an even MORE difficult time conceiving) and I am also absolutely HEARTBROKEN about having to wean my baby girl. I've read a bunch of stuff and talked to my sister (who nursed three kids until each was two) and I'm going to start slow - trying to cut out nursing sessions during the day offering up lots of snacks and distractions and eventually, later, when it's not as trying because we don't nurse so much during the day, I'll tackle the nights. I dread night weaning. Pure dread. I feel better now, though, because I thought I was going to have to start with nights and last night I tried not to nurse her once, at around 2AM and it was a DISASTER. So day weaning for now - or cutting out sessions that are just habit - and the really hard stuff later on. Still, though, it's been really sad for me even just thinking about it. We've been so fortunate to have had a fantastic time nursing - it means so much to our whole family - G included - that to end it feels so terribly sad.

I'll ask you this - please be kind in the comments. I'm in a fragile state as it is. Thank you for your support. It's really great that I have this place to come to and vent. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

PS - Thanks to everyone who voted for Gale. She made it into the top 20 which means she's into the final round. Now it's up to the powers that be. GO GALE!

Posted by Cara at 02:10 PM | Comments (81)

March 14, 2009

Walk This Way!

Nothing like that toddler goose step!

Walk This Way from January One on Vimeo.

We're home. Chaos has ensued. Basically, the last Tuesday in February I found a listing for a house that on paper looked perfect. On Thursday I found out that it really was perfect (perfect town, perfect location IN perfect town, perfect number of bathrooms (a real sticky point with us), perfect perfect perfect.) On Saturday we filled out all our paperwork and on Tuesday we found out they accepted our bid. (We beat out three other bidders - fortunately or unfortunately the section of the country I live in hasn't really been affected by the housing crisis all that much.) So a week from start to finish. Before Meli's party on Saturday, we were out of attorney review and had the inspection (still pretty much perfect.) Had her party, left for vacation and now I'm home blogging instead of getting my current house ready to sell. And they start the dreaded drilling on Monday (the drilling/jack hammering on our balcony and the outside of all the windows that will force me from my home - the one I'm currently trying to sell - for most of the daylight hours, six days a week.)

Things are CRAZY. I'm exhausted and the hard work hasn't even begun. Oh and I'll refer you to the video above - the one that shows the TODDLER.

I AM NOT COMPLAINING. Just stating facts. Things are very good, but still crazy. And exhausting.

I might be scarce, you know with the craziness. But I still love you.

Posted by Cara at 11:11 PM | Comments (19)

March 11, 2009

ONE YEAR

WE DID IT!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL! Mommy and Daddy love you more than anything!

Lots to report, LOTS, as life has been incredibly hectic the last ten days. In VERY good ways, but I haven't had a minute to breathe. We're actually in Florida right now on a lovely vacation. All we're doing is eating, sleeping and beaching it. The weather is a fantastic 80 degrees and sunny and as soon as Meli's feet hit the hotel room floor, she walked straight across the room. Trying to get to the beach no doubt.

This has been the most tremendous year of our lives. The ups, the downs, the in-betweens. Thank you all for sharing this journey with us. We so appreciate the support we've been given in the first year of our daughter's life. I, for one, can't wait for the next year!

Thank you!
L, C, G & M!

Posted by Cara at 11:33 AM | Comments (52)

February 27, 2009

Houston, we have a toddler!

For posterity's sake:

Cruising by the couch, she turned toward the ottoman and took off! Hands in the air! One step! Two steps!

Then she did it again. Three steps this time. Man, she was so so proud.

My baby girl. My BIG girl!

Posted by Cara at 10:12 PM | Comments (34)

February 20, 2009

Eye Candy Baby! v.4

I thought it was time for another installment of MELI: Cutest Baby In The World.

In this video, Meli's back at the window where she likes to pretend she's a cat (or a pug) and yell at all the trains, planes and automobiles that pass by.

Window Talking from January One on Vimeo.

Oh and just so you don't think I'm crazy, clicking her tongue is her new trick. She does it all the time - except, of course, when I'm filming her.

And this video is future ammunition for when she's about five, and refuses to eat everything. I'm going to pull it out and say, "See! You did so EAT BROCCOLI and you might have even LIKED it!"

B Is For Broccoli from January One on Vimeo.

Have a great weekend!
L, C & M

Posted by Cara at 10:23 PM | Comments (10)

February 12, 2009

Random Ramblings

-- Before I get started, I want to point you all in the direction of Jacqueline's blog. Jacqueline lives in Victoria, which you no doubt have heard has been ravaged by deadly brush fires. Jacqueline has many lovely, lovely prizes to give away as incentive for giving to the Australian Red Cross, but honestly, we should all just give. Ten Dollars Australia gets you into the dance as far as prizes are concerned - and there are many prizes to win. I know that times are tough for many of us, but even if we can spare a couple of dollars I'm sure it can help those left homeless and grieving by this disaster. Thank you.

-- Reading Margene this morning, I came across this fun link: The Knitting Blog Class of 2005. I started this blog in 2004, so I made the cut. It's an interesting look at how knitting blogs have grown and contracted over the years. Congratulations, I guess, to all of us on the list! I can't believe how long we've kept this thing going.

-- Yesterday's walk was AWESOME! We were outside for almost two hours and Meli went on the swings again. She's always so quiet at first - especially when she's doing something new. It's not that she doesn't like it, it's just that she has to feel it out and make up her mind. There were lots of kids at the playground and that's one thing she doesn't need time with - she LOVES kids! She will initiate with kids too - she waves to them first. It's the cutest thing ever.

-- Also the cutest thing ever was this morning when I was waking her up (I'm trying to get her up earlier in the hopes that she'll go to bed earlier). I was whispering her name and kissing her and she wasn't having any of it - tossing over solidly asleep. So I kept saying her name and started rubbing her belly and suddenly she got the biggest smile on her face - but her eyes were still closed! She was either playing possum or she was smiling in her sleep - either way it was the cutest thing ever.

-- One more really cute thing. And this might be a bit TMI (Ann look away.) Meli loves to lift my shirt these days looking for some boob. When she finds it she laughs and gets all excited and dive bombs onto me. It's super cute - especially when I'm laying down on the sofa and she's standing next to me. For some reason I think it's ridiculously adorable when she nurses standing up. And no, she can't ask for it by name yet.

-- Okay. I lied. Last cute thing. When I tell her I love her - especially when we're quiet and nursing - she'll stop and say something back to me. It's not really a word or anything, but she's totally mimicking my tone of voice and all.

-- The last word - to all of you who read and especially those of you who left comments on Tuesday's post: Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much it helped to know that you feel similar things and that it doesn't mean that you love your kids any less or enjoy your time at home with them any less. It encouraged me to keep blogging our life. From the start of this blog I've let it all hang out - warts and all - and I try not to shy away from the issues that are important to me. That I've been able to put into words what many of you are feeling comforts me and lets me know that we're all okay. Naysayers be damned!

I'm going to finish with some pictures of my daughter. Because it's my blog and I can.

Look Ma! No Hands!

She loves to stand by the window and watch the trains go by. There's also a big flag out there she loves to watch. Oh and of course her own reflection.

I love that she looks like a dirty little boy in these pictures in her white t-shirt and jeans. Usually she's dressed in a some crazy shade of pink.

Please, please! Don't forget to head over to Jacqueline's and find out about giving to the Australian Red Cross and winning prizes. PLEASE!

Sneak peek for tomorrow!

Posted by Cara at 02:57 PM | Comments (23)

January 21, 2009

Dance Dance Revolution!

I swear to you, come hell or high water, tomorrow's post will be about knitting. For today, though, I have some super cute video of my girl.

For the longest time now, whenever she hears music, Meli shakes her head back and forth. She's kind of got a Stevie Wonder thing going on to be honest. But today, when we were watching the sing-a-long episode of Sesame Street, she started dancing with her whole body! Check out how she works that tush!

Dance! Dance! Dance! from January One on Vimeo.

Meli has also found her tongue - and man - she's not afraid to use it!

KISS! Gene Simmons Wanna Be from January One on Vimeo.

Yes sirree folks, we've got another member of the KISS Army!

Thanks for indulging me - KNITTING TOMORROW!

Posted by Cara at 11:02 PM | Comments (11)

January 13, 2009

Ugh

I was really excited about the post I had planned for today, but then I was putting stuff away in the bedroom and turned my back on the baby for a second. Of course, that was the moment she decided to crawl right off the bed. Alas I wasn't able to really catch her. (In the horror movie I have playing in my mind over and over again, I caught a little bit of arm.)

She is fine. Absolutely fine. Just as cranky as she was before she fell.

I, though, feel like the most horrible mother in the universe. You can rest assured that I cried almost as hard as she did - and about ten minutes longer.

My happy fun post will wait for tomorrow.

Posted by Cara at 09:29 PM | Comments (81)

January 12, 2009

Let's Try This Again!

I've only heard from one winner, so here's another way to go. Please look for your name and your blog or the first part of your email address (the one you left in your comment.) If you see yourself, please check your spam filter or leave a comment and let me know who you are! THANK YOU!

Kate (tntkate)
Rebekkah (bowerbirdknits)
Melissa (melliska)
Roby (crobyb)

For those of you that didn't win, January One, G-Rocks and Never On Sunday are all available for sale now on the Blue Moon website. Also, I recently bought some new camera equipment, so here are some new shots of my girl. Notice the two bottom teeth, nice and sharp.

Thanks for reading. I hope to be back with a knitting post soon. Like maybe even tomorrow.

Posted by Cara at 09:31 PM | Comments (27)

January 05, 2009

She's Got Skills, They're Multiplying!

Dayum, you guys have a lot of knitting goals! Keep them coming! The contest is open until Tuesday at 11:59 PM - but remember - leave your comment HERE, not here. Thanks!

Meli gave me a most wonderful (and frightening!) birthday present this week. My sister was up with the kids early in the week and on New Year's Eve, before they left, my oldest nephew started yelling for me, "Aunt Cara, Aunt Cara! Meli can crawl!" I said sure she can!, knowing that she would really just flop onto her belly after being up on her knees for a few seconds. Or she'd do a downward dog type stance with her feet and hands flat on the floor with straight legs. She couldn't really crawl. But he insisted. "Come quick! I taught her how to crawl!" Sure enough, there she was, up on her knees, belly up, one hand in front of the other. "WOW!" I said, "She really is crawling!"

And it's been nonstop since then. In a few short days she's gone from those few tentative creeps, to scattering about like some kind of crab. Or really, honestly, she reminds me of that brother and sister in Turkey who only walk on all fours. That or a lame dog. It's cute, but also kind of creepy (no pun intended.)

For awhile she's been trying to pull up on things, but on the same day she started to crawl, she really mastered the standing up trick. You can barely get her to sit down now! She even lets go and stands for half a second on her own - bascially until she realizes there's nothing there! Add to this clapping, kissing, waving, throwing her hands up in the air to say YAY! or HOORAY! or her favorite: SO BIG! She's literally EXPLODED in the past week!

Lucky for you, I've got video. ;-) Let's go to the tape!

Meli's on the MOVE!! from January One on Vimeo.

In this next one, I promise no babies were harmed during filming!

Strong Girl! from January One on Vimeo.

And finally (because you can never ever have enough!)

Meli's STILL Moving! from January One on Vimeo.

The astute moms among you will no doubt recognize the humongous pile of laundry on the couch. I think we should get points for the fact that it's CLEAN laundry - I just haven't gotten around to folding it yet. It's mostly sheets which, as you all know, are a pain in the ass to fold.

Suffice it to say there will be a helluva lot of baby proofing going on tout de suite. Ah, the joys of parenthood! (I love saying that!!!)

Posted by Cara at 12:05 AM | Comments (40)

December 22, 2008

Milestones

It was bound to happen sooner or later: we have our first ear infection. My poor baby girl. The three of us are miserable.

Happy Hanukkah!!

Posted by Cara at 11:04 AM | Comments (10)

November 26, 2008

If You're Happy and You Know It

Say HOORAY!

Hope everyone has a fantastic Thursday - or Thanksgiving - whichever the case may be! Thank you all for reading!!!

(A few more pictures of Meli after the jump. It's been awhile.)

Have a great one!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 04:04 PM | Comments (22)

November 25, 2008

Movin' and Groovin'

Things are still pretty much status quo over here. The baby's still nursing a lot and I'm still working a lot. My mom's here for a couple days to help out with baby wrangling so I can work and G and I even had dinner out tonight. Together. Alone. Sans bebe. Nice.

Thank you all so much for your comments and suggestions. It's helpful to know others have gone before and survived. Meli is teething. I guess. She doesn't have any teeth and I'm convinced we're going to go to her nine month checkup with no teeth. But they definitely hurt her at times. She's also on the verge of extreme movement. For now she bounces up and down while sitting and moves around like that and she's started pulling up on everything, well, mostly me, but still she's pulling up. Maybe both her teeth and the moving have to do with her wanting to nurse and giving up the paci. Who knows. She's not leaving our bed anytime soon because we all really love having her there and ultimately it's what's working for us.

Today I received a package of yarn. Purple tweedy yarn. Beautiful soft yarn that's wool with a touch of silk. It might just be the most gorgeous yarn I've ever seen. I promise to take a picture of it soon. I'll be swatching ASAP. The thing I miss most about life pre baby is knitting. Definitely the knitting. Oh to hold those two sticks again and the gorgeous gorgeous yarn.

I'm going to dream about this yarn. In between the nursing.

Posted by Cara at 12:57 AM | Comments (14)

November 20, 2008

Wonder Woman

I have found my super power. I am The Human Pacifier.

About a week ago, Meli decided to give up her pacifier - the plastic one. Now many of you, especially the ones with teenagers who went off to college with their pacifiers tied around their necks at the ready, will think I'm extremely lucky that she seems to have given it up on her own. And I would be if she were say two. But she's only eight months old and her need to suck is strong. She she sucks on me. A lot.

It used to be that whenever she went to sleep - for the night or for naps - we'd lay down and nurse and then when it was clear that she was asleep and only comfort sucking, I'd switch out the boob for the paci. She'd sleep pretty much through the night, maybe waking up once or twice to nurse for a short while and a lot of the time if I stuck the paci back in her mouth she was good to go. And she'd nap well too - maybe I'd have to go in and give her a cuddle and the pacifier, but I'd usually get a good hour or so.

No more. Now she wants to nurse and nurse and nurse and if I try to slip my boob out she literally clutches at it in her sleep and stuffs it in her mouth. Her desperation is simultaneously melt your heart and a bit scary. It takes forever to leave her for naps and when she finally does fall asleep, she's up in like fifteen/twenty minutes still wanting to sleep but needing to nurse/suck all over again.

I can't get anything done. That's why I'm writing this at 2:30 in the morning. I'm up working. This is my most stressful month of the year and I have two more weekends of shooting and probably another month of processing and designing before I'm done for the holidays and man I'm already exhausted. I'm not complaining, per se. I'm happy to have work to do and I'm loving my baby more and more every second (if that's even possible!) I just wish she'd go back to her pacifier.

Of course, the main problem is that in my exhaustion I'm questioning all of my parenting choices. I shouldn't have let her sleep with us. I should've done some kind of sleep training thing so that she'd fall asleep on her own. In her crib. Deep down I'm happy she's with us. I LOVE nursing and I'd miss her so much and I know Georgie loves having her with us. This is the right choice for us and if I wasn't so busy it wouldn't matter. But I am and it's hard and doubt is easy.

She's so much fun these days, I wish you could hang with her. Sometimes I'm sad that I'm the only one that really sees all her nuances and funny personality traits. By the time G gets home from work she's sick of me and desperate for him (their love affair is precious!) and she's also ready for the day to end and she doesn't do her little laugh when I pretend to hiccup. Or when she burps and I say excuse you in a really exaggerated voice. Or when we lay face to face and look each other in the eyes and I just can't believe she's mine. I'm sad for G and all of you that you don't get to share, but also I'm so so lucky that I get to be her mom. That's my true super power.

I have to get back to work. Thanks for the chat.

PS - When I was growing up we sang The Inky Dinky spider. Most of the books and my sister's kids all say The Itsy Bitsy Spider. But the class we're going to sings The Eensy Weensy Spider. I just found it interesting is all. I'm not singing to Meli at 4 AM, but the thoughts do pop in.

PPS - The winners of last week's contest were Lisa (grand prize) and Caitlin (sock yarn)! CONGRATULATIONS!!

Posted by Cara at 02:40 AM | Comments (66)

November 14, 2008

4:00 AM Musings

So which is it: inky dinky? itsy bitsy? eensy weensy?

Posted by Cara at 06:39 PM | Comments (79)

November 10, 2008

You're All Winners In My Book!

So I've picked two winners and they have both been notified. I'm just waiting to hear from one of the winners before I announce them here. Stayed tuned.

But really - you are ALL winners! Way to restore my faith in contests! WHOO HOO! We'll have to have another one soon. And because I love you all, I'm offering a conciliation prize!

Doing the Laundry with Daddy from January One on Vimeo.

Yup. That's right. I love you so much I've uploaded a long boring video of my kid. It's true, I've become one of THOSE parents. Anyway, my little one turns eight months old tomorrow! EIGHT MONTHS! I'm astonished. We were watching some video the other day of her when she was so little and oh my god already I miss my baby. This video is a good example of how she doesn't stop. Ever. I fear teeth and true mobility are weeks if not days away. I'm afraid. Very afraid.

Enjoy!

THANK YOU!

Posted by Cara at 07:24 PM | Comments (22)

September 23, 2008

All Finished!

Bananas and Oatmeal! from January One on Vimeo.

We're only doing two meals a day and already I'm exhausted. It's bad enough, generally, that I have to feed myself - but all the prep and clean up are almost more than I can handle. I'm so not good at this stuff. Feeding her is fun though. Right now we're doing bananas and oatmeal. She really loves the whole eating thing. I hope she's like her dad in that respect. I could take it or leave it. Haven't they come out with that time release pill yet? You know, the one you take in the morning and you don't have to think about eating until you take that pill the next day? God I'd be so happy.

Tomorrow (or today, really) we're off on a little family vacation. The beach in the Fall is so much fun and now that Meli's sitting up - let's just say I hope she doesn't confuse sand with oatmeal. Besides quality time with my two favorite people in the whole wide world, my only goal is to sleep some and knit.

Have a great week! L, C

Posted by Cara at 12:18 AM | Comments (26)

September 19, 2008

Eye Candy Baby! v.3

It's like almost a thing, this eye candy baby on Fridays. I can't help myself. She's too cute, even if she was cranky all day. Poor baby. I think her teeth are really bothering her. These pictures were taken yesterday, when she was much happier. [Click for big.]

Thanks. I needed that. The next few weeks - months really - are exceedingly busy. Not just with work and baby but with lots of family obligations. I won't be home much, which really sucks, and when I am home I'll have lots of work to do. BUT! Big news! We'll be at Rhinebeck. The whole JanuaryOne family! Yipee!!! Although, I'm a bit disappointed because I started a sweater hoping to have it done in time and there's no way. Especially since I was just about done the back and had cast on the fronts and now haven't knit for two weeks. I'm so tired. Here's hoping it's really hot like it always is and I won't miss that sweater too much. It's so gorgeous. An aran. Using really great yarn. Someday I'll have the energy to tell you about it. Promise!

Have a great weekend!

Posted by Cara at 10:33 PM | Comments (25)

September 17, 2008

Ten Meli Things That Make Me Happy

My own version of a list seen here and here:

1. That my baby girl is now 15 lbs, 9 oz and 26 inches! YAY MOMMY MILK! How big is my girl?!

2. That I get to take lots of pictures of lots of babies and then I get to come home to my own baby girl. Ain't nothing like the real thing baby!

3. RICE CEREAL!

4. The fact that my baby girl is loving this new adventure. See here:

Rockin' the Rice Cereal! from January One on Vimeo.



I can feed myself! from January One on Vimeo.

5. That my baby girl is okay enough with strangers (i.e. MomMom) that Daddy and I had a date last night. Man I was like a teenager in LURVE! God I love that man. Thanks Mom!

6. These shoes. You tell me. What little girl doesn't need a pair of red patent leather mary janes? Dude. Let the shoe fetish begin! (Thanks Aunt Margaret!)

7. That I finally found my baby's blanket. The one she's going to love for the rest of her life whether she likes it or not. (It's a DNA thing. Trust me.) Just like her mommy's. A post will come about this - but it's been quite a search and the result has been quite an experience in sense memory.

8. Naps.

9. Waking up from naps with those gurgly little sounds and a big smile.

10. Kisses. Lots of kisses from my baby girl. Wet, sloppy, open mouth, drooly kisses. THE.BEST.EVER.

Posted by Cara at 03:30 PM | Comments (10)

September 12, 2008

Flying

Believe it or not (and I don't know how you could because I hardly can!) my baby girl turned six months old yesterday. Six months. Half a year. I never knew time could go by so quickly. It's kind of sad that the universe's ultimate irony is that the time you'd like to go in slow motion whizzes by while the time you want to go fast (like waiting to find out if your husband's body is clear of cancer) drags on interminably.

I don't want to be all melancholy at my daughter's progress, because her growing up and learning new things is very definitely progress, but milestones make me reflect and a six month birthday seems like a really big milestone. She's doing so many more things - she can sit up for a decently long time now, she rolls over both ways (belly to back and the much harder back to belly), she grabs everything in sight, she babbles all the time ("Meli, what does a sheep say?" "Ba ba ba!" "HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT?" said my five year old niece. My sister and I laughed our asses off at our very lucky timing! My baby's a GENIUS!), she smiles and sort of laughs (never again repeating the belly laughs of a month ago), she's just an absolute joy! She's also much harder to care fo, staying awake for longer and longer periods during the day and demanding constant entertainment when she is awake. She gets bored really easily. And man can she get angry! Add to all of this my increasingly busy work schedule and I'm tired.

Really, really tired.

More tired than I ever was when she was first born.

It's okay though and I'm not here to complain because even the moments I hate I love and being a mother has brought me more satisfaction and contentment in the last six months than anything I've ever done.

I'll tell you why I'm here: I'm here to write. We're still walking as much as we can (today we're going for five days in a row) and increasingly my mind wanders on my walks and I find myself writing. I've missed the blog so much lately and I finally realize why! I miss the WRITING. When I was updating the blog on a fairly daily basis, every day I'd sit down and write. Maybe it was something silly, or pseudo-important, more often than not my catalyst was knitting (which I'm still doing - or was doing - ugh. I miss that too!) but it didn't matter how I got started, the end result was the same. I WROTE SOMETHING. Anything. And I understand now that it satisfied me in ways that motherhood, wifehood, friendhood, sisterhood, knitting-hood, can't ever really come close. It's a different kind of satisfaction, and not something I can fully explain.

Long ago, in another lifetime it seems, I was in school for creative writing. Fiction to be exact. This adventure with the written word was truly the culmination of a lifelong dream. I always wanted to write. Always. It's what I'm best at, really. It's the hardest thing ever (next to motherhood - I can say that now with a little bit of authority) and just about the most satisfying when done right. I was lucky enough in my short career to have my work published and recognized and then I started trying to get pregnant and it was like all my creative energies went towards procreating instead of writing. I didn't have any room left in my heart or my head to keep writing fiction (every character was trying to get pregnant. Talk about a rut.) I started the blog right after our failed IVF attempt and it saved me. Knitting saved me. Writing about knitting saved me. And then I found my blog voice. I so enjoyed it! I think I was funny - maybe even a little insightful - and people started reading the blog - lots of people and that just made the whole thing all the more fun! (I don't care who you are - writers may write for themselves, but they all want to be read.)

Anyway, this is all just diarrhea of the word and the brain and I feel like this post has been coming for a very long time. I want to write again. On a regular basis. Whether it's the blog or something else, I don't know and I don't care. I'd love it to be both the blog AND something else. I'm not saying I'm going to be blogging every day or anything like that - I'm making no promises to myself or to the blog. There are very distinct priorities in my life: baby, family, work. Everything else is icing on the cake. But I wanted to put it down that this is what I miss. This is what I want. Somehow, some time, I'm going to make it all work.

Posted by Cara at 11:31 AM | Comments (23)

September 01, 2008

Family

Last year on Labor Day I let you all know I was pregnant. This year? Well, this year we're just lazing at home, having a grand old day with our baby girl.

I still miss being pregnant (a little bit) and it's very weird connecting the baby that was inside me to the beautiful girl in my arms right now. She's growing so fast. Too fast, sometimes. In the next couple of weeks we'll be introducing her first solid foods. It's all incredibly bittersweet for me - each new step gets her closer and closer to being on her own, out in this messed up world of ours. I hope your daddy and I make the best decisions we can for you, my love. We love you more than we ever could have known.

Here's to your families - whatever shapes and sizes they come in - and here's hoping you all have a fantastic Monday.

L, C

Posted by Cara at 07:48 PM | Comments (35)

August 21, 2008

Command Center

Things are absolutely crazy around here! I'm back to work full steam and I'm finding it hard to juggle work and baby. When I'm working I want to be with Meli and when I'm goofing off with Meli I'm worried about all my work. I'm sure lots of you moms know my dilemma.

We bought Meli a new toy the other day - an exersaucer thingie. She even test drove a bunch in the store and this one seemed to be her favorite. While I was trying to do some work today, I moved the toy into the office. But she was so funny I videotaped her instead of working. Oh well!

Meli's New Toy from January One on Vimeo.

I'm moving right along on a knitting project that I'm really enjoying. I want so bad to tell you about it, but I can't seem to find the time to take pictures of it and really get down to blogging the project. In the meantime, I knit on it when I can and write blog posts in my head.

We're heading into Fall and I couldn't be more delighted, although with two family weddings and lots of jobs lined up I'm very overwhelmed. Weekends are booked straight through to November. I wish I was kidding.

See you all soon I hope! Thanks for reading!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 05:18 PM | Comments (22)

August 13, 2008

Compare and Contrast

March 30, 2008

August 13, 2008

My daughter just gets bigger and more delicious every day - sometimes by the hour! The deliciousness gets to be so much that sometimes I don't know how I can stand it.

I suffer gladly.

Posted by Cara at 03:54 PM | Comments (43)

August 08, 2008

Eye Candy Baby! v.2

We're kind of having a cranky day here at J-One - both baby and mama. So I thought I'd brighten my mood with some new pics - taken yesterday:

I bought a new lens the other day and had to try it out. Like I need an excuse to take photographs of my daughter. As always, thank you for indulging me!

There's lots going on this weekend. I'm working first thing tomorrow morning and then Vicki and her girls arrive for the night. Then it's a mother/daughter extravaganza with Vicki and Terry on Sunday, followed up by Vicki and me and our girls heading out to Ann's for some serious fun. I can't wait.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted by Cara at 08:51 PM | Comments (42)

July 30, 2008

Poop Watch 2008

For those of you who hated me talking about vomit while I was pregnant, you might want to skip this post. It's about poop.

My baby, exclusively breast fed (which I say with great pride, although I feel guilty when I say it. I know plenty of women who tried desperately to breast feed and did everything right and it just didn't work out. There before the grace of the mammary gods go I.), used to poop at least once, sometimes twice at every feeding. Once her digestive system began to mature she moved to a once a day kind of poopy girl. Then, every other day. Every other day caused me some stress because I never knew when that poop was coming and it wasn't really a poop it was more like a LAKE of poop. I didn't want to dress her in one of her super cute outfits if I knew the poop was coming. You know what I mean? Although I've been VERY successful in getting poop out of clothes. (My secret: rinse out RIGHT away and then spray with Zout. Wash whenever.)

So now it's been like THREE days. NO POOP. Plenty of pee and absolutely disgusting farts (what am I eating?!?! I don't fart like that!) and I'm on edge every time I hear some rumblings down there. Just poop already baby girl! Mommy can't take the stress! (I know that it's perfectly normal for breast fed babies to go awhile without poop. She's peeing fine and is in her usual great mood, so I'm not worried about her health. Just that I'm going to drown in all the poop when it finally comes.)

I know the poop's coming though because today I have to take her into the dr for some shots and you just know that she'll poop all over the doctor's office. For sure.

I bought a new pump too and I've been trying to pump because Meli's daddy and I have a VERY special date Thursday night.

There's so much to talk about - I started yet another new project, but this one's going to stick. There was too much prep involved for it not to work. And I worked my first job since Meli's been born and everything was good, sort of, but it's done and I'm glad to have that under my belt. And we were gone for eight nights and I've never been so happy to sleep in my own bed. No matter how many people are sleeping in it.

Missed you all. Be back soon. Pray for poop.

Posted by Cara at 10:09 AM | Comments (73)

July 10, 2008

The Greatest Sound EVER!

Tonight I heard the greatest sound I may have possibly ever heard. Take the most fantastic '78 Darkness Tour Bruce and mix it together with Georgie's voice on the telephone telling me he loves me and you have the sound of my daughter laughing.

The Greatest Sound In the Whole Wide World from January One on Vimeo.

We were at Fatburger in Jersey City, NJ. G was using the rest room and I was mimicking this new sound Meli's been making. It's kind of a roar type thing - like she's trying to be a fierce dinosaur or a lion or something. She does this funny thing with her tongue when she's doing it. So I was doing it back to her and all of a sudden she started to laugh! I was totally startled at first. Did I really hear it? I've been waiting and waiting for a real and true laugh - ever since she started making sounds. I roared at her again and she just erupted in giggles. It was for real for real.

Georgie came back to our table and I was able to get Meli to laugh again and again. Then Lovely Day came on the jukebox and I literally burst into tears. I could barely contain myself. I didn't know it at the time, but Georgie ordered it up for us before he went to the bathroom. Lovely Day indeed.

Posted by Cara at 11:47 PM | Comments (49)

July 08, 2008

Up in arms!

Maybe Mommy's right about this tummy time gig!

Maybe it's not so bad after all!

Look at my girl go! She's been rolling over as well. From her belly to her back although the other day I thought she might go from her back to her front. Of course, tummy time still ends in tears, but it takes a lot longer to get there.

She's learning every day - it's just so wonderful to watch! I've been trying to do some tummy time every morning. I take off her diaper and let her go free for a spell - you know - air out and stuff. She's definitely slowed down the poops - way down - which makes me a bit nervous always waiting for the next big poop, but so far we've been okay. I'd just hate to put her in one of her super cute little outfits and have her blow out in it. She's sleeping great at night still, even if she's stopped napping the last couple of days. She falls asleep but wakes up so easy. Although today she's going long. She still gets up once or twice a night, but now that I've mastered nursing on my side, I just pop in the boob and we go right back to sleep. I don't turn the light on or sit up or watch the clock so it's almost like I never wake up. And yes. Meli is currently sleeping with us. In our bed. (This little revelation is NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION. We're doing what's right for us as I'm sure all of you wonderful parents out there are doing what's right for your family. I appreciate your opinions, but don't really want them on this particular topic. The opinions of the grandparents are enough, thank you very much! ;-) )

Her visit with her cousins was chock full of excitement! My sister and I were quite ambitious and managed to hit the beach one day, the State Fair one night, lots of pool time, fireworks and even breakfast out and a shopping trip. Craziness! Their time with us just flew by and we miss them lots. Although we'll be seeing them soon enough.

Thank you all so much for your great comments the last few posts. I'm so glad to hear from each and every one of you and I'm thrilled about the knitblog discussion. I've been visiting new to me blogs and am heartened by the community once again. Knitting should make an appearance here soon - I've been knitting - although my sister's visit put my current project on pause. It's a great pattern though and one I can't wait to show off! Super cute!

I'll end this post with another picture of Meli - this is what she has to say to me when I tell her listen to your mother! Tummy time RULES!

Posted by Cara at 03:28 PM | Comments (85)

July 06, 2008

One Year

One year ago today I asked you all for some good wishes. I didn't tell you why - I couldn't. I wasn't ready. I had to do this on my own. Well, not entirely on my own, but mostly on my own.

Last year, on this day, two embryos were thawed and transfered into my uterus.

To say it was difficult getting to that day - getting successfully THROUGH that day - is a tremendous understatement. It's only now, in hindsight, that I realize how depressed and sometimes desperate I was in my struggle to get pregnant. And most of it was mental and emotional. The physical issues preventing us from getting pregnant on our own were relatively easily fixed by IVF. I think I always knew that once we did the procedure, we'd get pregnant so maybe that's why I panicked so badly 3.5 years ago. We panicked. It's true, we panicked together. Neither one of us was ready at that moment, but I've always felt responsible.

Afterward, I kept myself busy. Told myself it was the right thing to do. I started this blog. Tried to escape how badly I felt.

I once had a dream about those frozen embryos. A letter came to me in the mail. With a picture of an embryo attached to it. "When are you going to come claim your children?" The letter seemed to scream at me. It gave an update on the "kids" like you'd get from one of those orphan children organizations. "Here is your frozen embryo. It's doing well, but it needs you." This particular embryo was named Ida. The doctor from the clinic had sent it.

Already I was a terrible mother.

For months (years?) I walked around ready to burst into tears, but at the time I'm not sure I would've completely connected it to the lack of a baby. Guilt is an awful lot to bear.

When I finally admitted to myself that I wanted a baby more than anything, it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I set a course of action - which for me meant lots of psychiatric help - whether or not it was truly warranted - and I built myself a support system that wouldn't allow me to fail.

I say I I I, but it was always we. Georgie was and always has been and continues to be my greatest support. While it was always our decision, together, to have a child, it was still me who physically and mentally had to be the most ready.

That day last year was bright and sunny and I was scared to death but I was also very excited. There was no turning back. My own personal independence day. In my heart I know that July 6, 2007 was one of my greatest triumphs ever and I can't believe it's been a year. What a wonderful, awesome, gorgeous, lovely year.

July 6, 2008 from January One on Vimeo.

Posted by Cara at 02:06 PM | Comments (41)

June 26, 2008

Bathing Beauty

Well, we survived Florida!

Again with the firsts! Meli was the consummate traveler, which made her travel loving father very very proud and her crazy mama very very grateful. First and foremost, I flew drug free. I can't tell you how HUGE this was for me. I took every precaution though - lots of pumped milk (which I proudly threw away when we got home - it was totally bad by then!) and a new Xanax prescription - none of which was needed. The flight down Sunday was delayed by weather - and when I say delayed I mean we were next for take off when an incredible storm came through. We were literally on the plane, on the runway, when golf ball size hail started falling all around us with 60 mile an hr wind shears and super lightning. I'm not kidding. It was a freaking monsoon. Then we saw the most gorgeous rainbow ever and took off. Craziness. Here we are on the very uneventful flight home:

I swear, my head's not that small and my arms aren't that big.

We flew Jet Blue and since my daughter is a bona fide couch potato, she either did this:

Or this:

I gotta say, if I'm not flying first class, Jet Blue is the best. They're all extremely conscious of the runway debacle last year when people sat for 8 hrs so you are guaranteed not to be sitting on the plane more than three now. And all they do is apologize for the delays and come on all the time to update you. And there's tv. Lots of tv. Which makes me feel like I'm sitting in my living room - at least sort of - and not like I'm stuck on an airplane. It was a very nice experience.

Florida was HOT. Stifling. Unbearable. But the baby definitely enjoyed the pool.

Meli is usually pretty good when she takes a bath, and the pool was no different. She was quite calm in the water. Besides the pool, we went for a quick dip in the Gulf of Mexico (water temp: 89 degrees F - my kind of water temp.) We can't wait until she's old enough to really enjoy the water. Both her dad and I love to swim.

She was quite the Kool Kat by the pool!

We went to Florida for a birthday party for a friend who hasn't been feeling so well, and while we were there Baby Meli got to meet Big Meli! And she took a few pictures for us!

All in all it was a very successful visit. Incredibly stressful, but successful. I'm so glad to be home. But that doesn't mean things will be quieting down anytime soon. Next week is my sister's annual 4th of July visit with her kids which can only mean there will be much fun and everything will be crazy hectic!

I hope to pop in before then. While the death of blogs - or at least knitting blogs - seems to be on everyone's mind these days - I still love mine and intend to keep it going. I hope you'll stay for the ride!

Thank you!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 03:09 PM | Comments (38)

June 19, 2008

Family Resemblance

Last night my daughter slept nine hours straight, from about 10 PM until 7 AM.

I promise you, I'm not bragging.

More than anything, this feat makes me a bit sad. I used to love waking up to nurse her in the middle of the night. It was always so quiet, just the sound of her swallowing and her heavy breathing and Georgie's breathing beside me. Everything was calm and lovely. I never minded it at all - no matter what the hour and how little sleep I had before she woke. The first smiles came in the middle of the night. Same with the first coos.

Now it's just Meli and her dad snoring away. I sometimes wake up, but she doesn't. She's growing up. Growing away. I'm being a tad melodramatic, I know, but it's true. Everyday she does something new and better and that means I'm doing my job well, but it's not lost on me that doing my job well means that one day she won't need me - as much - I hope she will always need me for something.

It seems so long ago I was pregnant. So long ago that she was first born. It's true the whole time flies thing. And yet I can't wait until she's just a little bit older when she can do this or that or the next thing. A conundrum this parenting thing. Definitely a conundrum.

Meanwhile, she's been sleeping in her swing for an hour and a half already. Put herself to sleep there sucking on two fingers. Woke up once, but quickly fell back asleep. I pumped (one day I'll talk about pumping) and took pictures to prepare for this post and now I'm writing it. I'm experimenting with this nap thing. So far so good! I feel like a new woman with all this free time! YAY!

Anyway, last night my sister was telling me that the pictures I took of Meli the other day reminded her of some of my baby pictures. I thought I knew which ones she was talking about and it turns out that I have them, and they are of me at pretty much exactly the same age Meli is now. The date on the back of the pictures is April 10, 1970. You all remember my birthday, right?

(Sorry for the shitty pictures. My scanner's broken and this is the best I could do!)
What do you think? Here's Meli again, in case you forgot what she looks like:

Unfortunately, I don't have any real baby photos of her daddy, although the resemblance is definitely there. I have to confess, I was so relieved when she was born - relieved that she looked like us. From the minute I saw her there was something familiar about her. There was a picture I had in my head - a picture of me as a baby - that I thought was totally like her and I had my sister find it in my house and bring it to me in the hospital.

I was six weeks old in those pictures. That's my mom holding me. Here's Meli - maybe a week or two old:

This may seem odd to you, but given how Meli was conceived - an IVF cycle followed by a Frozen Embryo Transfer - it was really important to me that she look like us. Maybe some of you out there who did fertility treatments will understand, but I'm so glad there's a family resemblance.

Lots of people will tell me she looks just like me and lots of people will tell me she looks just like her dad, but I think she's a perfect combination of the both of us.

And now she's up. Which is really really nice because I've missed her.

Posted by Cara at 12:44 PM | Comments (45)

June 18, 2008

Three Months, One Week

For the past few days I've been writing a post in my head. It was all about how I've been restless lately - maybe even a little bored. Meli is such a dream to take care of and don't get me wrong I'm loving every poopy diaper and every late night feeding, but I still am having a hard time carving out some time in the day to do stuff. Nothing fancy - just stuff that doesn't involve holding a baby. I miss knitting. I miss blogging. I miss having a creative life outside of Mommy-ness. I think it's worse because she is so easy. It was going to be one of those posts, so be glad it's most likely not going to happen.

Of course, then, yesterday she actually took a nap in her swing and I was able to clean up a bit and we had a fabulous photoshoot and I was even able to process the photographs.

Meli is doing great! She had her three month appointment the other day and she's now 12 lbs, 24 inches which puts her right smack in the middle of the charts. Fifty percent across the board. And yet she seems so big to us. She's doing so many things - talking all the time. She can lift her head wonderfully:

Although tummy time still ends like this:

We're still taking our long walks most days and usually she sleeps, but she's also become incredibly fascinated with these two little toys attached to her car seat. She can stare at them one - going back and forth between the two - for an amazingly long time (for a three month old!) and she gets so animated, talking to them and kicking her feet. She loves to kick!

I've been trying to get her on video but every time we turn on the camera she clams up. Seriously. She'll be talking and laughing and on goes the camera and nothing. Turn it off and she turns it on again. Little stinker!

One thing she does that I just love is wring her hands. I've been calling her an old washerwoman - you know - wringing her hands - woe is me. My kids never call. The sky is falling. But then a few people actually said it looks like she's knitting! And these were strangers who don't know me at all! What do you think?

Maybe it's too hard to tell from pictures. I'll try to get some video - if Meli will cooperate. Another thing she just loves to do is chew on her fingers. She's been putting her fingers to her mouth since she was born, but now she can actually get them inside. Occasionally you can hear her slurping away on her fingers. She seems to prefer them over her thumb. But not really in any consistent way. She's still a paci girl.

Now that she's entered the Golden Age of Babyhood (all smiles, more sleep, still not mobile) I'm going to try hard to put her down more. She never liked the sling very much and she's good in the Baby Bjorn for a limited amount of time now that I can turn her out, but it's still awkward for me. I also think some of my crabbiness has come from being out too much. We were in Philadelphia three weekends in a row. (Twice Meli and I drove by ourselves! Cross another milestone off the list!) I'm so looking forward to doing NOTHING this weekend. Maybe some pool time. Maybe some knitting. I still haven't been able to seam those sleeves on her little sweater. Even if we just sit around as a family. That would be enough.

I leave you with more pictures of my girl. Thanks, as always, for indulging us. We so appreciate it!

Posted by Cara at 08:58 AM | Comments (67)

May 30, 2008

Eye Candy Baby!

I've never really been a part of Eye Candy Friday, but today I couldn't resist!

The baby sweater I'm knitting for Meli is thisclose to being finished. All I have to do is sew in the sleeves and the ends and add some super cute buttons.

Hopefully I'll have all the details for you next week, in the meantime, there's lots more candy after the jump.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

More cuteness if you can stand it!

And the dreaded tummy time!

Thank you!

Posted by Cara at 08:12 PM | Comments (50)

May 27, 2008

Firsts

Can I tell you how many blog posts I've written in my head lately? I miss it so much and it's not because of any sense of obligation - although I do feel that sometimes - it's more that I have a lot to say. I'm too tired to find the words and when I have them, I'm usually no where near a computer.

I've been thinking a lot about firsts lately. Sort of a no brainer now that I'm a first time mom. Everything Meli and I do together is a first - and truly everything she does is a first and she's the first born daughter of a first born daughter of a first born daughter. Kind of cool, no?

The last few weeks have been FULL of firsts for me and my girl:

-- We took our first train ride together! It was a big success and we even met another little girl on the train who was EXACTLY a year older than Meli. Seriously - same birthday. Isn't that a hoot? And everything about the ride went off without a hitch. Although watching the other little girl squirm around and want to run free told me we won't be taking the train once Meli's mobile. Too much trouble.

-- Meli thoroughly enjoyed her first sleepover with her cousins. It was a huge weekend for firsts - first time in Synagogue. First Bat Mitzvah. First time meeting some of her cousins. FIrst ballet recital (watching, not dancing, of course.) It was a really good weekend and I'm excited to spend time at my sister's more often. Now that I know we can sleep over successfully, I think we've got a lot of fun times ahead this summer.

Then we came home and it was even more firsts!

-- Meli made her first trip out to Long Island to visit her FAinLI. This trip was VERY significant in that I drove us out there - by myself. I know I've talked about my anxiety and panic on the blog before and one of the ways it's manifested itself in the past is that I hate to drive longish distances by myself - especially on highways. I've had bad panic attacks - so bad I've pulled over on the side of the road and waited for someone to come get me. Hence my love of trains. But since I got pregnant and Meli's been born, my anxiety and panic have really regressed. I still get anxious, but I don't have the time, energy or inclination to indulge it anymore. In a lot of ways, my past anxiety was a luxury. That's not to say I don't have a mental condition that predisposes me to anxiety and panic, it's just that I can harness all my skills to control it and my life is such that I'm able to control it better than ever. Which is just a really long way of saying I drove out to Ann's by myself and it was totally fine. I had my moments, but they quickly disappeared. The real REAL test will be if I can drive down to Philly on my own - and when I say on my own I mean with my most precious passenger.

It was quite an accomplishment for me, and also it was really natural. Something's changed since Meli was born. My psychiatrist thinks I'm cured - he says I'm the calmest he's ever seen me - and he's known me for fifteen years (which in Woody Allen years is a lifetime!) It's like I used up all the craziness trying to get pregnant and worrying about getting pregnant and what would happen once the baby was born and then I got pregnant and I stopped being so crazy. Crazy, huh?

Okay - what other firsts? It was Meli's first time around animals - dogs to be precise - and honestly - I don't think she noticed. No matter how cute those pugs are. She went to spinning guild and didn't seem all that interested in the spinning. Although I really miss it!

Then we came home and found out that three days later we were going on our first family ROAD TRIP! And getting a NEW CAR! We needed a new car once Meil was born because fitting the seat in the back necessitated us moving the position of the seats in the front - not a comfortable ride for G or me. And of course, the one car we wanted could only be found in Vermont. After two months of searching for the car, we didn't really want to wait for it to be trucked down and when the dealership told us we could drive one of their cars up to Vermont and switch it out with our car, we jumped.

The best part? Our trip took us right past Yarn Mecca. Literally! I told Georgie we just HAD to stop. So Meli and I took our first trip to WEBS!!! How cool is that? I emailed Kathy, one of the owners, before we went and she was so gracious taking us around the HUGE shop. When I tell you this is the biggest yarn store of all time - that's only scratching the surface. I know I didn't see all that was there - no way no how. Thank you Kathy for helping me out!! It was great to see you and I'm so glad we got a chance to stop in! Of course I bought stuff - I'll try to get pictures to show you - but don't count on it. (Sadly, I took no pictures, but Kathy has photographic proof of our visit on her blog. Thanks again Kathy!!) b

We ended up in Montpelier - hungry and exhausted. We made the trade and LOVE our new car!! The next day we decided to do a bit of reminiscing on our way home and stopped off to show our daughter where we got married.

Georgie and I were married almost seven years ago on the court house steps in Newfane, Vermont. It was just the two of us and our jp. Gotta love Vermont! No witnesses necessary and CHEAP! If you're ever looking for a place to elope - Vermont's got it all over on Vegas.

It was a beautiful, beautiful day. The sky was as blue as the day we were married, but it was much cooler. Just a wonderful memory and it was made even sweeter by our daughter.

I mentioned how much I love my new car, right? Here she is!

A Volkswagen Passat Station Wagon. In Mocha. I learned how to drive on a brown Impala station wagon so this is so much fun for me. The best part though is that G and I can sit in the front seat together (in the other car, with the car seat, one of us drove (obviously) and one of us had to sit in the back because of the way we had to adjust the seats to fit the baby seat.) Oh my god we were all like holding hands and stuff. So nice! And the back seat is HUGE! LOVE THIS CAR! Did I mention how fast it is too? Faster even than the fast car. LOVE IT!

Last but not least, on Memorial Day, my girl had her first dip in the pool!!

I guess she kind of liked it because she didn't complain at all and the water was FREEZING. Don't worry, it's not like she went for a swim or anything, we literally just dipped her toesies in and got them a little wet. Can you tell how big she is?

And how cute is her little bathing suit and matching sun hat?!?!?!

I ask you - is she not the cutest thing ever?!?!?! Don't you just want to eat her up?!?!

It's officially summer!

I've got another first coming soon - my first baby sweater for my girl. I've got one more tiny little sleeve and then I have to seam it together. I can't wait to tell you about this sweater and I promise PROMISE it won't be long before I'm back again.

Miss you. Love you.
C

Posted by Cara at 11:55 PM | Comments (48)

May 09, 2008

If I'm blogging...

it must be Friday. Seems to be happening once a week and on the day that most people aren't reading anymore. Oh well. I write blog posts in my head all day long but I can never seem to make it to the computer.

Some things I've been thinking about:

-- Did I ever tell you that I woke up the first day in the hospital to find a dead ladybug in my bed? I found that to be a VERY auspicious beginning!

-- Also, during that first night, about 3AM, my daughter was crying and I was comforting her. I said, "It's okay sweet girl, Aunt Cara's here." Stopped myself dead in my tracks. I wasn't the aunt anymore, was I?

The other day I read this post of Norma's and this post of Wendy's and these ideas have been floating around in my brain. The other day on my walk (the new schedule is working out GREAT!) I made a mental list of what I am and what I've been.

I am a DAUGHTER. SISTER. AUNT.

LOVER. WIFE.

FRIEND.

I've been a STUDENT. LIBRARIAN. WRITER.

PHOTOGRAPHER.

Very recently I was a BLOGGER. And a KNITTER.

Now? Now I'm a MAMA.

One day I'll reconcile all those capital letters with the biggest capital of all but for now this is my life and I'm having a better time than I ever could've have anticipated. I miss all those capital letters, it's true, but lowercase suits me fine for now.

knitter. blogger. wife. friend. MAMA.

The photographs were taken last Friday and on Monday, Meli had her 8 wk appt and weighed 10 lbs, 8 oz! YAY Mommy Milk!

Posted by Cara at 09:22 AM | Comments (91)

April 25, 2008

SUCCESS!

I decided to be adaptable and smart about things in terms of my walk - and it worked!!

Meli likes to take a nice long nap in the mornings. We wake up, nurse, then she's up for a bit and then she sleeps for awhile. So why not take our walk then, I thought? I KNOW she'll be sleeping. Even though I usually use this time for doing other stuff (like laundry, computer work, etc.), the walk is more important to me - the rest of it can wait.

She was a bit fussy went we first went out but because it wasn't later in the day, I was in a better more relaxed mood AND I knew that she was definitely on her way out, so I dealt with it and kept on walking. Soon she was sound asleep. I was also smart to cover the stroller with a light receiving blanket so no errant sunbeams were able to disturb the princess (that happened yesterday - turned a corner and didn't adjust the shade canopy fast enough - instant crying.)

We were rewarded with cooler temperatures, a snake sighting, muskrat sighting, lots of birds and tons of tulips in bloom - not to mention all the trees! It was a GREAT walk and Meli woke up right at the end. YAY MOMMY AND MELI!

We're in such a good mood, tonight we're going to attempt a dinner date with Daddy!
Have a great weekend everyone!
L, C & M

Posted by Cara at 02:02 PM | Comments (45)

April 24, 2008

Miss Meli Mack

Six weeks and all smiles. Thank you for indulging us!

More after the jump!

Guess the secret word....

Posted by Cara at 11:56 AM | Comments (75)

The Wall

(My girl is asleep in her sling as I write this - we'll see how much hands free time I get.)

Terry asked the other day if things were really going as well as I've written and honestly they are - I don't have much to complain about other than the usual lack of sleep. Meli is a wonderful baby - she's full of smiles now and is growing like a weed. Her daddy and I constantly remark on how HUGE she is! When we're out people will comment on how tiny she is - "She's so new!" and I'm all like are you KIDDING ME? She's a monster she's so big! The other day at my Mom's I did the scientific weighing of the mother then weighing of the mother and baby (on her digital scale) and she topped off at 10 lbs. This was right before her six week birthday. She doesn't go back to the doctor until she's 8 weeks so we'll see. I fully expect her to be over ten pounds - maybe even over 11!

Despite all the goodness, yesterday I definitely hit a wall. Many of my long time readers will know that I love a good obsession and my new one is our daily walks. We live right on a river and behind our apartment building is a maze of town homes that line the river. There are walkways all over the place and I've discovered that if I do the "loop" twice, it takes me about an hour. I walk at a pretty good clip - I work up a nice sweat - and the weather has been so beautiful that it's a sin to be inside. Also, when we're outside, Meli is usually asleep and I'm NOT nursing. So it's been our practice to go out everyday during the work week. Every day. Even if I'm so tired I can't move I still want to go out and as soon as get past the five minute mark I'm loving it! It rejuvenates me! The only problem is that if I can't do the loop twice, I get really frustrated. Like yesterday. Meli slept soundly for the first loop and as we rounded the corner to start the second she got more and more fussy. I stopped and tried to talk to her or give her the paci again - her eyes were closed the whole time - I KNOW she wanted to be sleeping - but she just wouldn't budge. I even tried to nurse her a bit on a bench and she fell asleep but woke up as soon as I put her back in the stroller. (I know I should bring my sling with me, but part of the joy of the walk is how sweaty I get - I can't imagine half way through the walk strapping her to my chest. NOT FUN.) In the end I abandoned the second part of the walk. It was early in the day and I thought I'll just go back out and try it again later.

I'm telling you, though, this is really the ONLY time that I want to throw my own tantrum. I've somehow rolled all of my ME time - my knitting time, my computer time, my bathroom time, my shower time - into my walk. If I don't get to do my WHOLE walk it makes me NUTS!

Of course, by the time we got back to the house, she was sound asleep.

Fast forward to later in the afternoon. We'd been nursing on the couch off and on for awhile and she seemed like she was ready for an extended nap so I got us all ready to go back out again. It was even MORE beautiful if that can happen and she was sleeping away until we got to the SAME place we were the first time she got fussy. Only this time there was NO consoling her and I ended up carrying her home while pushing the stroller. Man was I bummed.

Then we were back on the sofa and she was asleep after nursing but I was feeling weird. I was on the phone with Ann and I swear my body was paralyzed. I could talk and think but I couldn't MOVE I was so tired. It was all I could do to lay down with her and take a nap. I slept for about an hour, but then she woke up and I had to wake up and I was a zombie the rest of the night. I do feel a bit better today, but that sleep deprivation is scary stuff.

Lame post. I know. I'm trying. I miss blogging. I love my daughter more than is humanly possible - you know - the way a mother loves her child but I miss knitting! I miss it so much I think about it all the time. In the same conversation I had with Terry she told me how when her daughter was a baby she would sit and nurse and look through all her old knitting magazines imaging all that she would knit. She couldn't wait for a new one to come. I know that sweet torture. Ravelry is going to kill me.

Mothering my daughter is the best thing I've ever done, but dudes, I miss you all. And my god, do I miss knitting.

Posted by Cara at 11:44 AM | Comments (24)

April 18, 2008

Sparks Fly on E Street

It's a sad, sad day here at January One. Things will never be the same. And the fact that Danny Federici died of Melanoma, a dreaded disease we have first hand knowledge of, makes it all the worse.

Yesterday our family spent the day at the Jersey Shore, literally miles from where The E Street Band got it's start. It was going to be a happy happy post, but now it will be something of a tribute to the band that has given us so much.

Thanks Danny! R.I.P.

Dining Al Fresco!

Posted by Cara at 11:14 AM | Comments (27)

April 11, 2008

Our Story

[It only took me to her first month birthday, but I finally finished Meli's birth story. It's long and rambling and I don't care because I needed to get it out of my head. Feel free to skip it, or just peruse the pictures that start about half way down. Thanks, Meli, for sleeping so I could get this out! Happy One Month baby girl!]

When Georgie and I took Meli to her first doctor's appointment, our pediatrician came into the room, oohed and ahhed over our baby and said, "So? Tell me the whole story!"

We both looked at each other a little dumbfounded, then cracked a couple of jokes. "Well, nine months ago...." G said. I answered, "We met over 20 years ago...."

I don't know where to start the story of the three of us. Do I begin with our falling in love? Do I start with that long ago summer when we decided to try to start a family? Do I begin with the trouble? That day - the day before Thanksgiving (a day that treats us so poorly!) - when we found out that our journey to parenthood would be harder than most? Can I leave all the heartache out? I don't know.

I do know that we love our daughter more than we could ever have imagined. That our struggles were so worth the pain. And that we know just how exceedingly fortunate we are. A few days before Meli was born we were in full blown nesting panic and I was filing away papers like a mad woman. I found the pile of notes and forms and receipts from the fertility clinic and I just cried and cried. It was relief - the worst part of our journey was over and a new part was beginning - the BEST part. It was from the pain of all those years - watching friends and family get pregnant - wondering if we ever would. Questioning my own desire to become a mother - my ability to handle all of it - mentally, physically, emotionally. The reality that it might not work and how we'd handle that disappointment. All of it came flooding back to me. I have to say, a lot of the pain of infertility has lessened for me. Not disappeared, but it all feels so right - that Meli is here - that she's here NOW - that it's hard to reconcile the guilt and pain and sadness that infertility delivers with the joy she has brought us. She wouldn't be who she is - we wouldn't be the parents we are - without our infertility. Is it crazy to be grateful for infertility? Yes. Yes it is. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But at the same time I wouldn't change any of it. I am the mother I am because of what I've been through. And I do believe I'm a better mother for it.

Nothing was particularly easy. I was sick most of my pregnancy - not deathly ill - I'm sure there have been sicker - but sick enough. Towards the end it was hard to eat anything at all and I dreaded sleeping because of the indigestion and nausea almost as much as I dreaded being awake. Still and all we prepared for our baby's birth with high hopes. We wanted things to be as natural as could be without closing ourselves off to all the options. I was looking forward to laboring with G by my side. No one has ever made me feel safer and had more confidence in me and I knew we would be great together!

So when I went to the doctor for my 36 week appointment and my OB did an exam, I was devastated to hear the baby was breech and our baby would most likely be born by c-section. It made a lot of sense though - the fact that I had HORRIBLE indigestion. Also the fact that I rarely ever got up in the middle of the night to pee (no pressure on my bladder). And the fact that all of the kicks and movement were on one side of my belly.

After our diagnosis, Georgie and I discussed all of our options with our OB - and anyone else we trusted. We called our Lamaze coach and asked her opinion. I spoke to everyone I knew who'd had a c-section or a breech baby. I read The Essential C-Section Guide (which I highly recommend). I searched the Internet. I'd like to think we did what any parent would do - we researched our options, weighed the risks and made the best, informed decision for our family.

We decided a planned c-section would be the best option for our family. Suddenly we had less than two weeks until our baby was born. We knew the date! This was really hard for me because I have a thing about numbers and I'm a big believer in fate. Also, how weird is it to just know - THIS day is the day your life will change forever. The weekend before Meli's birthday was a crazy mix of busy and reflection. We were still getting things done around the house, but oftentimes we'd stop and just look at each other and realize all that would be happening. Those moments were fleeting though and the desire to get everything organized took precedence.

I was afraid Monday would be the longest day of my life, but we managed to pack so much into it that I'm surprised we survived. I had a therapy appointment early in the morning, and at the same time, back at the house, G was supervising a cleaning crew, the cable company, and the handyman while simultaneously taking back to back conference calls for work. By the time I got home to relieve him, everyone was almost gone. I, not wanting to give myself anytime to think, got together some last minute work stuff and made a quick trip to the post office. The day was flying by! It just so happened that we had tickets that night to a major tennis match at Madison Square Garden. It was the perfect antidote to sitting home and panicking, so we went! It was lots of fun and I'm so glad we had the distraction. By the time we got home, I had some last minute vanilla ice cream (my indigestion remedy of choice) and finally finished packing my bag. I was in bed by 1AM and actually fell asleep. I thought I'd be up all night. Around 3AM, G woke me up and I was restless for about an hour, but managed to sleep pretty well the rest of the night.

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be when we woke up Tuesday morning. We were supposed to be at the hospital around 9:30 - 9:45, so we took our time. I talked to my sister and my mom who were on their way up from Philly. My sister was really concerned that they would call and ask me to come in early - which I thought was kind of weird - but they wanted to see me before I went in and were afraid they'd be late. Wouldn't you know it? While we were on the phone, I got a call from the hospital asking me if I could be there in an hour! So funny! I rushed around like an idiot and we left as fast as we could. I did manage to shower and shave my legs and throw up (and I did actually get my pedicure on Sunday) so I was all ready for my surgery. ;-)

When we got to the hospital we had to check in and then they sent us up to labor and delivery. L&D was PACKED that day. So much so that they set us up in recovery for our pre-op.

Before!

I changed into my beautiful hospital gown and they got me hooked up to all the monitors. The best was having the baby monitor on and watching contractions. I actually had a couple of big ones - although I didn't feel them all. The closest I would get to actual labor. And I loved hearing her heartbeat the whole time. G has it on video and it's one of my favorite moments. We settled in for our wait. I was feeling pretty good - not too nervous. We were chatting away with my nurse when she mentioned that she was KNITTING a blanket. I swear my head never spun around so fast. You KNIT?! I practically YELLED at the poor woman. You know where this is going - I talked nonstop about my knitting and her knitting and everyone else's knitting for the rest of our time together. And the best part? She told me that my OB was a FABULOUS knitter! I never knew!! Suddenly I was feeling so much better about everything. How could anything go wrong when there were knitters involved? It did a lot to calm my nerves.

One thing I want to remember is this woman they brought into recovery. She was making lots of noise and was obviously in excruciating pain. Georgie looked relieved that I wouldn't need to go through that and we both were seeing some of the virtues of anesthesia and planned births. Turns out, the woman wasn't in labor at all! She had a KIDNEY STONE! This woman was in AGONY. The only thing I could say positive about her situation was that labor would be a breeze for her. I was very glad when she finally got a room because she was making me a bit crazy. It's hard to hear someone in that much pain.

My mom and sister showed up and came to visit with us. I told them about my dr and nurse - the knitters. My dad showed up too. It was a regular party before the surgery. My dr came in and we started talking knitting! Of course I had G getting all the knitting I brought with me so I could show it off. We talked so much the anesthesiology nurse had to interrupt. And oh my god do I love that guy! During our anesthesiology interview he asked if we had a video camera to take into the OR. G had brought ours, but I said no video during surgery - only still pictures. The nurse said NO - take the video and told us this story about his son being born and how he peed all over his hand and the kid loves the tape and I was like okay - take the video in. I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE DID! The video of her birth (just the baby - nothing of the surgery) is precious to me. I am so glad we have it. I didn't know how important it would be to me. So thanks anesthesiology nurse! (I'm sorry I don't remember your name!)

Then it was time. I said goodbye to my family and to G and I walked into the OR with the nurse. The most important thing I remember about the OR is that it was amazingly bright inside. There seemed like there were these really big windows and the sunlight was just streaming in and I remember thinking that G would be SO HAPPY that his baby would be born with the sun shining in on us. Everyone was really nice and wonderful in the OR and it was my OB, the knitter, who held me while they did the spinal. First they gave me some Versed and I remember feeling pretty stoned. There are a lot of things I don't remember, but I do remember the really important things.

Daddy McDreamy!

So I'm on the table and it looks like they're getting ready to start - from what I could tell - and I'm like don't start until my husband gets here and someone was like get the husband! Very dramatic. G came in and before he could even get settled they were like get your cameras ready! This I remember very clearly: they told me I would feel a lot of pressure while they got the baby out and MAN did I feel pressure. My whole body was rocking and rolling while they got her out. And then they said it!

"IT'S A GIRL!"

I'll never forget that either. Georgie and I were so surprised. Georgie says it was the best moment ever. We both were pretty sure we were having a boy. Everyone told us we were having a boy. In fact - when we had our 20 wk ultrasound the doctor said "he looks great" and I left the appt in tears because I thought they had screwed up and told us the sex, G was the one who told me oh no - they just have to pick one or the other because they can't call the baby "it" and I was convinced, but it turns out he WASN'T. He really did think the doctor screwed up and was sure it was a boy! Let me tell you - best decision ever not finding out the sex. What a wonderful surprise!

My favorite picture of the day - can you see her little foot? (Click for big!)

Detail! Look at her toes!

She cried and cried and Georgie went around to check on her. Her little legs were splayed open from the breech, but other than that she was great. Her apgars were 9 and 9. She was PERFECT!

While they're sewing me up!

I have to say, my OB practice and my hospital do planned c-sections EXTREMELY well! We all stayed together in the OR and then G wheeled Meli to recovery right behind me. We were not separated at all!

My first time holding her!

So proud - daddy's little girl already!

And I got to nurse her right away! She latched on like a CHAMP! (And hasn't let go since....)

Mmmmmm...delicious!

My family came into recovery as well.

Mom-Mom holds Meli

Mom-Mom and Pop - grandparents AGAIN!

It was such a great scene - everyone was there and probably not much different than it would've been if she had been born vaginally. We were all together for a little while and then, honestly, I was TIRED. I had to stay in recovery until I could move my legs (which was REALLY weird, because I could see that I was moving them, but couldn't feel them.) I sent Georgie off with the baby to the nursery and I kind of slept there for a bit. That whole first day I was pretty out of it mostly. Dozing off and on and not really in any pain. When they gave me the spinal they also injected me with a long lasting (18-24 hrs) morphine type thing so I was pretty pain free the entire day. And I was getting intravenous Motrin. Honestly, my c-section recovery has been EASY. I never took anything more than Motrin. By the following morning after the surgery I was catheter, IV and leg cuff free - which means I was up and walking around. And my incision is beautiful - at least that's what every nurse who checked me said and my husband, who has had A LOT of surgery says - and I tell them all it's because I had a knitter for an OB! I mean C'MON people - Mattress stitch is the invisible seam!!!

The end of the first day - all blissed out!

It may not have started out as my ideal birth plan, but in the end it was PERFECT. And I have Miss Meli to prove it. Happy Birthday Sweet Girl! Mommy loves you the most!

PS - Funny story I can't leave out - whether you've given birth vaginally or by c-section - you'll all appreciate. But it's a bit TMI so it's after the jump.

So I'm going to the bathroom for the first time and my sister is helping me. I'm getting ready to clean myself and I take a nice wad of toilet paper and I'm already to wipe and my sister starts screaming NO! I swear she practically grabbed the paper out of my hand. "What are you doing?!?!" she screamed. Then I smiled. She was freaked out because when she had her babies it was a 20 minute proposition to go to the bathroom. Squirt bottles and Tucks Pads and extreme pain - NEVER toilet paper. I said, "Remember? My stitches are just a bit higher than yours?" And I wiped and I was done. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 01:31 PM | Comments (103)

April 09, 2008

Proof That I Do Put Her Down

After Our Walk



Sleeping With Daddy

Things have been going well. We made our first trip down to Philly for our favorite 3 yr old's birthday party. We had an ultrasound done of Meli's hips - a standard practice for breech babies - and everything's perfectly normal. We've nursed for what seems like HOURS on end. I've got about half our birth story written up. I knit about two rows. Today I chose to do laundry for the little bit she'd sleep on her own. Oh and we played Patty Cake and I got a little smile.

We miss you, but we're having so much fun!

Posted by Cara at 06:00 PM | Comments (41)

April 02, 2008

Day 3

So Georgie went back to work this week, which means Meli and I are home alone. I was pretty nervous about it, but Monday went spectacularly! I was able to get some packages ready in the morning for the post office, we drove Daddy to the train, dropped the packages off, came home, nursed, I had a bowl of cereal, Meli had a bath (yes - I bathed her BY MYSELF!), Mommy had a shower and was able to BLOW DRY HER HAIR! and then we made it to a doctor's appt ON TIME despite rain and traffic. The doctor told us Meli is perfect and she managed to gain a whopping 10 oz in one week and barely cried when she got her shot (I waited until the nurse left to totally break down. Wuss.) Then we did a little shopping. Came home and fell asleep nursing in the awesome new glider we have! PERFECT day!

Yesterday, Daddy left when we were still asleep and didn't come home until late. So we had a VERY LONG DAY together. I'm trying to set at least one goal for us to accomplish in a day - baby steps - and yesterday's goal was to go for a walk. It was almost 70 degrees here and even though it was overcast most of the day and rained on and off I didn't want to miss the nice weather. So finally we got ourselves together and it looked kind of sunny so we headed out for our walk. Miss Meli had been nursing A LOT during the day so it was perfect for us to get out of the house and she generally likes to be moving, so I figured she would sleep while we were out. And her in the stroller = NOT ON THE BOOB so it was a win win as far as I was concerned.

Except when we finally got out of the house and out from under the building it started to POUR. I mean buckets of rain. So we went back inside and headed to the couch where Meli became permanently attached to my boob until the sun came out again and I said FUCK THIS we need to get out of the house. So we went for our walk right as the sun was setting. It was all good until halfway through and then Meli started to cry and I tried to hurry home so we could take up residence on the couch again.

Which we did. For the rest of the night. I checked my breastfeeding book and it said that 3 weeks is a growth spurt and sometimes during a growth spurt the baby will just want to nurse ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. Georgie kept asking if there was something wrong with her, but my sister assured us that sometimes that's what babies do and then Meli peed all over herself for the second time that day while G was changing her so she had yet another bath and then she seemed to calm down. We sang her songs and she slept on my chest for awhile and we both fell asleep and she didn't nurse so much at night. I did get to sleep some. Thanks must go to my husband who rubbed my back so sweetly while we nursed together. He doesn't have to wake up with us, technically, but it's nice to have company that doesn't poop while she eats.

Today hasn't been as bad as yesterday, so far, and we're meeting up with FAinLI in the big city for some yarn shopping because I'm now obsessed with this bear and must make it in the same color.

Wish us luck on our third day.

Posted by Cara at 11:10 AM | Comments (54)

April 01, 2008

It's the little things

I hope I remember.

Like the way Meli sticks her feet up in the air when she nurses. She'll be on her back, head turned to my breast, and at least one of her legs is straight up in the air.

Like the way she's always flipping me off. She can't keep her hands away from her face and often her middle finger gets "caught" on her cheek. I like to think she's practicing for later.

Like the way she's so good in the car. We've dragged her EVERYWHERE and she's only three weeks old and she's such a trooper. But she likes to go fast - let the MPH drop below 40 and she starts to complain. She likes the bumps too.

Like the fact that I can't listen to Sunshine On My Shoulders without bursting into tears - especially the line "If I had a day that I could give you, I'd give to you a day just like today" which makes me think about the day she was born and how sunny it was in the OR and how I thought of G and how happy that would make him.

Like how I can eat now. Really really eat. And I can remember how sick I was when I was pregnant, but I can't remember how the sickness felt. I miss her inside me - I really do - but it's so nice to eat!

Like how she sleeps with her arms over her head like her dad. And she has long skinny legs like her dad. And his lips. Definitely her daddy's lips.

Like how alert she is! When her eyes are open, they're always focused on something. She loves to look around and is so curious!

But mostly I want to remember how everything is the same, but so different. And the love. All that freaking good love that flows like breastmilk.

Posted by Cara at 02:37 PM | Comments (99)

March 25, 2008

Two Weeks

Hey everyone! Sorry to leave you hanging like that. Especially in light of the fact that the last post is really in no way indicative of how we're all getting along. Meli is really - and I say this completely objectively - the perfect baby girl. She rarely fusses, nurses like a champ, poops like an elephant (who subsists mainly on grey poupon. By the way, it's no coincidence that grey poupon has POO in the word!) And most importantly, she sleeps very well. I get a good three hours at a stretch every night between feedings.

She had her first drs appt yesterday and she's gained back to her birth weight and grown an inch. Of course, she probably had that inch at the hospital - G says they measured her with her legs in the air after she was born.

She's been to the mall (she's a Jersey girl - natch!), car shopping and spent much quality time with her adoring cousins. Aunts, uncles, grandparents - they've all been through to pay their respects to our little princess and this week Daddy's home with us! I hope to get back to regular-ish blogging next week when it's just the two of us (can you spell T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D?)

Here's some proof that we're doing well!

I've even done some knitting! I was right! The Rambling Rows blanket is the PERFECT newborn project. I can pick it up and put it down without any issues and I've already finished one square and am halfway through another since her birthday. I'm trying out slings this week so if all goes well, there will be more blogging and more knitting in my very near future.

Thanks again for all your lovely well wishes for our baby girl and our family. They mean so much to us! I'm hoping to have our birth story up soon - it's so important to me to get it all down and really everything went off without a hitch. While it wasn't exactly what we planned for - it couldn't have gone better.

See you soon!!

L, C & M

Posted by Cara at 12:59 PM | Comments (157)

March 16, 2008

Night One

went something like this:

Here's hoping night two is just a teensy bit easier! Dude. There's tired and then there's TIRED. I'm having a blast!

Posted by Cara at 09:43 PM | Comments (110)

March 15, 2008

Like Smack

Since my milk came in two nights ago the little one has been enjoying that boob induced high. She can't get enough!

Finally, we are waiting for our discharge papers and then we are going HOME!

Georgie and Meli and I thank you all so much for your warm welcome for our little girl. It's all so overwhelming, but the outpouring of love has been almost more than I can bear. Thank you thank you thank you!

Posted by Cara at 09:06 AM | Comments (87)

March 11, 2008

Happy Birthday Miss Meli!

Nickname: Meli

7 lbs. 4oz.

20"

11:33 AM

PERFECTION!!!!

Baby, Daddy & Mama doing well!

Posted by Cara at 10:37 PM | Comments (641)

March 04, 2008

Nope. Not yet.

It's come to my attention that when I let a couple of days go by without posting some of you may be freaking out a bit that I've had the baby. Nope. Not yet.

As of yesterday, everything is status quo. I'm not even a little bit dilated and the baby is still very much heads up. It's looking more and more like a planned c-section is how we're going to go.

Once again, I will remind readers:

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! DO NOT tell me all the things I can do to turn this baby and how c-sections are evil and hospitals are evil and doctors are evil and this is all some kind of plot so my doctor can go play golf. This is my birth and my baby and what's right for you and your family may not be right for me and mine. PLEASE! Keep your opinions to yourself. THANK YOU!

I'm sure someone somewhere has done a study on the phenomenon I like to call "let's scare the crap out of the poor pregnant girl who doesn't know what she's gotten into but because I've done this at least one time I have all the answers to every question about pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood, etc and know EXACTLY the RIGHT THING this poor pregnant girl should do if she loves her baby just a little bit." Have you had any experience with this? Georgie tells me that I should just tell people that I'm stopping in at the spa for my mani-pedi-massage right before the c-section then immediately handing the baby off to a nanny who will proceed to feed the kid lead paint chips morning noon and night. THAT'S how much we love our baby.

Please, I pray I won't be like that once I'm on the other side of this.

Meanwhile, things are in hyper drive around here. I'm not going to say when the birth will occur but suffice it to say we won't be seeing the Ides. I mean, I will tell you all when it happens, but I'm not saying now. This morning I woke up around 6AM with all those lovely anxiety thoughts: what if I don't love my baby? What if I become addicted to pain pills? What if I bleed to death on the table while my husband and new baby watch? LOVELY. Then, to calm myself down, I started thinking about all the things I'd LIKE to do before the baby comes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Actually, a pedicure IS on that list.

Ann reminded me that I'm in that "last time" mode. Like, this is the last time I'll ever get to take a crap by myself. Or the last time I'm ALONE. EVER. Or at least for the next 20 odd years. ;-)

I did start a new project. Because that's what every knitter should do right before they give birth. Add another project to the ones already started. It's another FAMILY blanket and it's garter stitch and if the weather wasn't so shitty and it wasn't so crazy dark out I'd take a picture. Hopefully tomorrow. I'm enjoying it and I think along with the denim log cabin these will be the perfect projects to knit during baby's first few months. Please, whatever you do, don't shatter the delusion. Thank you.

PS - Go congratulate these fabulous knitbloggers: Julia and Amy are having babies too! YAY!

Posted by Cara at 03:12 PM | Comments (98)

February 29, 2008

Baby! Baby! Baby!

It's that time, everybody! A BABY Contest! I've been thinking about this ever since I got pregnant, so here it goes!

There was a bit of a wrinkle thrown into things because I will most likely know ahead of time the baby's birthday, but we still don't know the sex, or the weight, so that's what I'm going to have you guess.

Send an email to baby@januaryone.com with the following information:

1) Baby's Gender

2) Baby's Weight

3) And, in case of a tie break situation, please add your guess for the baby's first initial. Two letters - one for a boy and one for a girl. These initials will ONLY be used in the event that two or more people come up with the same winning answer.

ONE ENTRY PER PERSON. EMAILS WILL BE ACCEPTED UNTIL 11:59 PM EST MARCH 5, 2008.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR ENTRY IN THE COMMENTS!!!! ANY ENTRIES RECEIVED VIA THE COMMENTS WILL BE DISQUALIFIED.

This is how it's going to work - the person who gets the sex right and the weight right wins. If no one gets both right, the person who gets the sex right and comes closest to the weight WITHOUT GOING OVER wins. In case of a tie, the person who gets the sex right, the weight right AND the first initial right will win. If there is no one who does this, the person who gets the sex right, the weight right and comes closest to the first initial WITHOUT GOING OVER will win. If after all that, I still have two people who get it right (or more) well then, all will win and I'll be expecting lottery numbers whenever MEGA is over 100K.

Here's some info for helping you decide:

Pictures of my belly - taken this morning.

See how high I'm carrying? Great for bladder control, sucky for indigestion. Currently I am 36 weeks, five days. When I had an ultrasound the other day I asked the OB if the baby was big and she said, "not particularly." Remember, babies gain about a pound a week in the last month and my baby will probably be born before 39 weeks.

So far I've gained a tad under 30lbs.

I was 6 lbs 2 oz when I was born a few days before my due date. My husband was something like 9 lbs 14 oz. (God bless his mother!) I'm pretty sure he was full term.

Not sure what else you need to know. Oh yeah! The PRIZES!

There will be ONE GRAND PRIZE! (One baby - one prize!) You will receive a $25 Gift Certificate from Blue Moon Fiber Arts AND a $25 Gift Certificate from The Loopy Ewe! PLAY ON!

Dudes! I'm having a baby!!!

PS - Happy Birthday Dani! WHOO HOO!

Posted by Cara at 12:04 PM | Comments (25)

February 27, 2008

Nassau

So I picked a color for the baby's room that's proving almost impossible to photograph accurately. The picture above is photoshopped to be sure. The actual color is much deeper and richer. It changes with the light but we love it just the same. It will look fantastic with ANY accents. If the baby's a girl, I'm going with purples! If it's a boy, well, then, I can go with greens or reds or oranges, pretty much anything. I could actually use all those colors if it's a girl as well, but somehow I'm LOVING the purple. (In case anyone is curious, the color is Pittsburgh Paints Manor Home, Eggshell, COLOR Nassau, 155-6)

G and I LOVE the room. Neither one of us can walk by it without stopping and going in and just standing there feeling the color. It is most certainly like the sea - the Caribbean to be exact - and it's cool and warm and RELAXING. I hope the baby loves it as much as we do.

Don't freak out about the pacifier the way my husband did when he saw it in the room. It gets around the NO BABY STUFF IN THE HOUSE rule because it was in one of those sample pack things we got from the Lamaze class. It wasn't specifically FOR our baby and I'm not going to be using it anyway. Props don't count in the mysterious world of Cara's superstitions. ;-)

By now, you've probably read a lot or heard about my fantastic SURPRISE baby shower that Ann threw for me last Saturday. You can read all about how Ann got one over on me here. Fun times! ;-) If you'd like to see some of the unbelievably generous and beautiful gifts I received - hit up all the pictures after the jump! THANK YOU!

These pictures are a representation of the gifts we received! Everyone was SO INCREDIBLY GENEROUS!!! Thank you all so much for thinking of us!! And of course, none of the stuff came home with me so I get to be surprised all over again! (Click each picture for a bigger version!)

My guru in all things mitered, denimed and log cabined made us the BEST GIFT EVER! Check out those blu jeans! They have BORN IN THE USA embroidered across the back! With the white onesie, the red baseball cap, the converse sneakers (not pictured) and the denim jacket my kid certainly IS the BOSS! THANK YOU KAY! (When I showed Georgie the picture he was blown away. Swear to god the guy had tears in his eyes!)

Whether he or she likes it or not, our kid is a VIOLET through and through (when G and I were at NYU (about 3 yrs apart - he left in 84 - I got there in 87) the sports teams were called the Violets. Now they're called the Bobcats. After the library card catalog. So much tougher, no?) Thanks to Nancy, the kid is NYU'd OUT! Thank you Nancy!

Blogless but OH SO COOL Regina knit us the most beautiful hat and (I think) Koigu socks. So precious! There were other goodies in the package too! THANK YOU REGINA! I'm so glad you could be there with us!

Virgina was in the HOUSE! Check out these super cool blocks! I LOVE THEM! Virginia has details on her blog about them. Thank you so much! We can't wait to play with them!

Here I am opening a gift from Ann.

A little back story is necessary here. Ann and I talk on the phone at least once a day - usually a lot more than that. For the last month or so she's been trying to torture me by telling me she's knitting a present for the baby and me. And then she was ripping it out. Then counting rows (she would clickety klatch on the phone and ask me if I knew what she was doing!) Then knitting some more. Then blocking. Etc, etc. I let her play her little game and honestly had no idea what she was knitting for us. (Just like I had no idea I'd be seeing it before the baby arrived!) So when I opened the box and saw that she had knit the CURLICUE I couldn't believe it!! SHOCKED! Such an endeavor, this blanket, and on top of everything else! I was floored!

My sister took home all the stuff that I will be able to use right away and I made sure she took the blanket with her. This ones coming to the hospital! THANK YOU ANNIE! You amaze me!

These adorable little shoes were knit by Cathy! She sent them along to Ann's and oh my god they are so precious! When I saw them I immediately asked all the mothers around me - will my baby REALLY be this small? Thank you so much Cathy! I really appreciate your thinking of us!

Vicki! What can I say about Vicki! Without Vicki, honestly, there wouldn't be an Ann in my life. So thanks Vicki - I have you to blame for all of this!!! No seriously - I love Vicki so much and she knit the most beautiful sweater and hat for our baby! It's gorgeous! And the pattern is fantastic. More on her blog as well. THANK YOU VICKI! WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Teyani sent a whole BOX of goodies! A gorgeous purple knit hat - with ears!

A duck that my niece just loved!

And a purple and red hat - my favorite colors! THANK YOU TEYANI! What wonderful gifts! THANK YOU!

Lola and Ava also sent a great box of stuff! So many riches! Included was this fabulous hoodie and hat! RED! PERFECT! Thank you girls!! I love everything!

What kind of surprise baby shower would it be without a BABY SURPRISE JACKET! Well, thank god for Margene! She came through BIG TIME! I can't wait to put my baby in this! (Details here!) THANK YOU MARGENE! WE LOVE YOU!

Just when I thought I was done opening all these magnificent presents, the doorbell rang! Another box!!

Terry, that goof, sent me lots of stuff, including this terrific onesie - I MIGHT BARF! I could use that in adult size! THANK YOU TERRY! YAY!

As I mentioned before, this is just a sampling! So many wonderful gifts - Georgie and I are beyond touched at the love you all have shown us and our baby. I can't wait to bring it all home!

Last but not least - a couple of other party pictures. First off, Ann thinks we all like her for her sparkling personality, but really, I just visit for the eats.

Coconut Marshmallows. Home made. These things ROCK and I'm not crazy for coconut.

Home made Baklava. She crushed the nuts herself and everything. Raves from my Mediterranean husband. And next to that is a carrot cake that Nancy brought from The Bronx. JEEZ! What a cake!

Here I am with my first baby! My little sister who's twelve years younger than me! Isn't she gorgeous!?!

And my favorite picture of all - a friend above all friends. Ann - I really don't know how to thank you and your family. THANK YOU MY FRIEND! I LOVE YOU!

Posted by Cara at 02:49 PM | Comments (30)

February 25, 2008

Like Mama, Like Baby

You think you're all so clever, don't you! Getting one over on me! Well, CONGRATULATIONS because I had no freaking clue. I was never so surprised in my life.

Not sure what I'm talking about? Well, my wonderful, stupendous, fantastico friend Ann, the Janice to my Marge, managed to conspire and plot, with much help from all over, a baby shower for me! It was ridiculous! My mom, grandmom, sisters and niece all came out to LI from Philly. People traveled from near and far. Sent wonderful presents. I'm still all verklempt and shocked and honestly at a loss for words. Look for a much more detailed post to come!

The baby's room was painted, too, and it looks better than I could've dreamed. G and the painter doubted my color choice but soon came around and have been proclaiming it the greatest color ever! I told them - I may not know much, but I do know color.

Then the biggest surprise of all came this morning. I went to the OB today for my 36 week check up and after determining that I'm not dilated at all, she didn't feel the head in the correct position. She told me it was either too high still or not in the right spot, so she did a quick ultrasound and it turns out the baby is breech. Very breech. It's high and the head is just under my ribs on the right. It's deja vu all over again because guess what?! This is pretty much the position I was in 38 years ago. I was born by c-section, and it looks like my first born might be born that way too. Needless to say, this wasn't the news I expected to hear today. I've been under the impression that the baby was head down. I've got some time to come to terms with what all this means and G and I and our doctor can make decisions about how we want to proceed, but I'm very disappointed. But you know what my wonderful husband said to me when I got home from the appointment? He said he'd been thinking about it since I called and the most beautiful wonderful person he's ever known was born by c-section, so what could be so bad? God I love that man. It'll all be good.

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! DO NOT tell me all the things I can do to turn this baby and how c-sections are evil and hospitals are evil and doctors are evil and this is all some kind of plot so my doctor can go play golf. This is my birth and my baby and what's right for you and your family may not be right for me and mine. PLEASE! Keep your opinions to yourself. THANK YOU!

Okay. In case you haven't heard, BITCH is the new black and I am fully embracing my inner (and sometimes outer) BITCH.

I'll be back tomorrow with more about the shower, a picture of the baby's room, and possibly a contest. I was dreaming about having a "when's the baby the going to be born" contest, but now that it looks like it's going to be planned, the wind has kind of gone out of the sails. We'll see what I can think up!

THANK YOU again EVERYONE who was involved in this weekend's events. I have no words! THANK YOU!

Posted by Cara at 03:42 PM | Comments (139)

February 21, 2008

How to Belly Cast!

Thanks for all the comments on my belly cast and my beautiful nephew! I tell the baby all the time that the most excited people to meet him or her are Daddy and Eli! (And Mommy of course.) G and E are constantly asking, "When's the baby coming out?" Soon, my sweets. Very very soon.

So you want to belly cast too? This cast is the fourth I've been a part of - my own, of course, and my sister's three. It's ridiculously easy to make! I'm sorry there are no pictures - there are pictures, of course, but they're pretty revealing and even I'm not comfortable putting them up on the blog. Use your imaginations!

Supplies needed:

Petroleum jelly. (I'd get a new BIG jar.)

Plaster gauze. (We used this one which I bought at Michael's. Any craft store will have it. Even if you think you've bought enough, get another one. We actually ran out and probably could have used some more.)

Drop cloths or towels or newspapers. (This is a MESSY project. We always do it in the bathroom because surfaces can be cleaned easily, but also, if you're the one getting the cast done to you, you're going to want to get in the shower ASAP.)

Bucket or pan (You need to dip the gauze in warm water.)

Some kind of chair. (One that can also be wiped down easily - we used a metal folding chair.)

Husband, sister, friend (You can't do this yourself - get someone to do it for you that you feel really comfortable with - I wouldn't necessarily recommend three kids 7 and under helping out - but it was still fun!)

We do the boobs - and after the first cast we realized that keeping the bra ON is probably better than taking it off. Also, keep your underwear on as well. I wouldn't wear your brand new $60 nursing bra or your best undies. Things are going to get messy.

Step 1: Cut the plaster gauze into strips. You'll want some long ones that will cover all the way across your belly and you'll want some shorter ones to fill in places and really there are no wrong answers here. But it's good to have them cut BEFORE you start. Cut more than you think you'll need and keep the scissors close by so you can cut some more when you run out.

Step 2: SLATHER yourself with petroleum jelly anywhere and everywhere you want the plaster to go. Just gob that shit on until you ARE petroleum jelly. Go past the edges of where you think the plaster will land. Get help for this. You've got a big belly and there's skin you can't see/get to. Basically, when the plaster dries it will literally POP off your body because it doesn't stick to the skin.

Step 3: Get as comfortable as you can in the chair while still maintaining a big belly. You don't want to stand with the cast on - it's not bad per se, but it does get kind of uncomfortable and you're going to want to sit down. I sort of had my ass on the edge of the seat and leaned back.

Step 4: Fill your bucket or pan with warm water. I don't know that the water technically needs to be warm, but why would you want to put cold water on your body?

Step 5: Dip one of the strips in the water - you don't have to soak it, just make sure it's all wet. Then artfully drape it across the belly!

Step 6: Repeat Step 5 until the entire area you want to cast is covered. As you go along, smooth out the edges with excess water and fill in places that seem like they might need more plaster. The plaster has already started to harden, but you can't hurt things by using MORE. In fact, if you don't use enough, it will be flimsy in areas and that's not good, so MORE is better.

Step 7: Once the area is covered and things are as smooth as they're going to get (or you've run out of plaster) sit there and look pretty. It'd be nice if you had some water to drink nearby because it can get kind of hot with all those kids running around and the bathroom starts to close in on you but hey! You can feel the cast starting to dislodge! Cool! The whole thing probably takes about a half an hour (but can feel much longer.) Don't rush it - it won't be completely dry when it pops off, but it will be dry enough on the under layers of plaster.

Step 8: GENTLY take the cast off once you're sure it's ready. Trust me. You'll know. Or you won't be able to take it anymore and you'll take it off anyway. It will literally just pull away from your skin.

Step 9: Put it on the chair or floor, but makes sure that the heaviest part (probably the bottom of the belly) is what's supporting the rest of the cast. It's nowhere near fully dry and you don't want to collapse it.

Step 10: Rip your bra and underwear off as best you can (I'd suggest wearing something you don't necessarily care about) and get in the shower. Use a washcloth to get the petroleum jelly off, but really, the plaster just disappears from your skin.

Step 11: Dry off. Admire your new cast. Try not to think about where you're going to put it in your house so no one sees it, especially your dad and your father-in-law. ;-)

Voila! Belly cast!

There are a million kits out there, but seriously, so not necessary. I think I bought a kit the first time we did one for my sister, but quickly realized (when the kit came with a jar of Vaseline and plaster gauze) that we could do this ourselves no problem. Also, if you google belly cast, there are a million and one websites out there to tell you how to do it - maybe better than I just did. Some people use plastic under the cast in stead of petroleum jelly, but I think I would have a hard time keeping it from slipping. It's true that the petroleum jelly coats the inside of the cast, but that's easily wiped away.

At a later date, you can always take more plaster and smooth out areas that you're unhappy with or need more reinforcement. Once it's totally dry, you can decorate it, display it, celebrate it, or hide it in the attic like we do.

Have fun!

Posted by Cara at 11:06 AM | Comments (13)

February 19, 2008

She makes the Venus de Milo
look like she's got no style*

Belly cast! DONE!

My belly looks so small (I guess compared to the boobage!) My sister definitely enjoyed exacting her revenge. I've done three casts for her and her verdict is it's a LOT more fun to be the one on the other side of the cast. The kids were super excited and had a blast. I didn't pass out and/or throw up, so I was very happy.

I'll give some details tomorrow - today things have moved into high gear at baby central. I found out yesterday that the baby's room will be painted next weekend. Yeah. I haven't even thought about color and the house is no where near ready, but next weekend it will be. P-A-N-I-C!

Here are some more pictures from the weekend. My (almost) 3 yr old nephew is completely and totally enamored with my belly. He loves this baby so much it's the most wonderful time! I bought a $20 fetoscope for G for Xmas and the kids love to try to listen. I'm pretty positive they've never heard the "heartbeep," but I can hear it pretty well.

Off to buy paint! UGH!

* Crush On You

Posted by Cara at 10:19 AM | Comments (39)

February 14, 2008

V-Day

Yesterday afternoon I spent about 15-20 minutes on my hands and knees trying to decide if I was in labor or not. Clearly I wasn't. Last night I kept dreaming that my water broke. Over and over it seemed. I've come to believe that pregnancy definitely comes full circle. At the beginning you're paranoid about every twitch and cramp because you think it might be the end, and now, I'm paranoid about every twitch and cramp because OH MY GOD! It might be the END!

Then, this morning, I threw up.

But still, I'm not ready for it to be over. I find myself feeling a bit crampy here and there and suddenly I'm making deals with the baby. Don't come out, PLEASE, don't come out until X is done. Then you can come out anytime you like. Of course, the days continue to drag at a god awful slow pace, but yet the projects keep piling up and nothing seems to get done. Of course, I can't work as hard as I'd like. I'm in the middle of going through all these boxes of papers that need to be piled and filed and after about an hour I have to get up and lay on the couch for like two hours. Then I can go back and work for another hour. Then I have to rest for THREE hours. So you see why nothing is getting done.

The pediatrician was great - we felt a very good vibe. She was excited for us and I just know she'll be loving toward our kid. Philosophy wise we meshed well and the office was friendly and big and I'm confident. Also, at least one of their offices is open 365 days a year. Very nice.

The other day my mom told me she really wanted to see my nephews and niece on Thursday and I was like what's Thursday? Valentine's Day! It's such NOT a big deal in our house. Kind of the way we feel about Thanksgiving - like if you need a day to remind yourself to thank all the people around you - that's kind of lame. Same thing with love. I'd like to think that my husband and family and friends know how much I love them because I tell them and show them all the time, not because I gave them lots of candy on a particular day in February.

That said, when I got home from taking my husband to the train station this morning I found the sweetest box of Curious George chocolates on my desk chair. The box said, "I'm bananas for you!" I totally burst into tears. Many of you may think it about your own mates, but I KNOW I'm the luckiest girl in the world. My guy has taken such unbelievable care of me and our baby - there aren't words to describe my gratitude. Not that I didn't think he would, but he's stepped up in ways that I couldn't even imagine. Thank you my love! Thank you!

I started a new pair of socks. I wanted another pair of monkeys because garter stitch and monkeys are about all I can handle these days and I wanted to go in a different direction with the yarn. So far all of my monkeys have been heavily variegated, but I sort of fell in love with Claudia's Chocolate Monkeys and I wanted to try more of a semi-solid. Then I decided that I wanted them to be red. And that they should be my going home from the hospital socks. My baby will be head to toe in red so why shouldn't my feet be clad in red? (Of course, the way my luck is going it will be 90 degrees that day, but still!) So life-affirming. And seemingly a good color for labor, you know? Placenta socks, if you will. ;-)

I went through my STR stash and pulled out all the semi-solid reds I had on hand. There were a lot of them, surprisingly and it was kind of hard to decide. Then I found this skein:

Mystery Monkeys

The only thing about this skein? I have no idea is what it is. I'm 99.9% sure it's STR - it feels the same and looks the same and was in with all my other STR (yes, I do keep the STR separate from all the other sock yarns!) But there is no label. Or at least none that I could find. And I compared it to all the other red STRs and it's definitely different. So don't ask me the colorway, or if it's available or anything because I have no idea. Mystery Monkeys. I'm thinking the yarn was some kind of stash gift and destined to be my birthing socks. [ETA: I'm fairly certain it's not Ruby Slippers. I made a pair of jaywalkers from Ruby Slippers and the repeats are very long. The repeats in the mystery yarn are much shorter and there are more color variations.]

I've barely started them, but I'll have some train time tomorrow as I'm going down to Philly for the weekend. This will most likely be my last trip down there before the baby comes and changes everything. We're doing a belly cast this weekend! I've done one for my sister for all three of her kids, so it's pay back. Pictures next week hopefully! Have a great weekend!

Posted by Cara at 12:04 PM | Comments (35)

January 22, 2008

Dream Baby Dream

Last night I had an awful dream - I was injecting myself with something and I knew that injecting myself with this "stuff" was going to kill me, but I did it anyway.

Yeah. Not so much fun to wake up to a suicide dream. Although, I realize, that it has nothing to do with suicide and everything to do with being pregnant. I'm thinking that the injections symbolized the fertility drugs I had to take to get pregnant and the dying wasn't so much a physical death but a METAphysical death. You know - like the death of my current identity being morphed into my NEW identity as a mother? Just my armchair psychology for the day, but it was spooky nonetheless. Took me awhile to fall back to sleep again.

I've pretty much escaped the crazy dreams of pregnancy. I have one every now and then but most of the time I'm pregnant in my "regular" dreams and I'm always telling people I can't do this or that because DUH I'm pregnant. Tellingly I wasn't pregnant in last night's dream. Georgie, my poor sweet, has been shouldering the bulk of the nightmares this pregnancy. I think because I manage to work out my anxieties while I'm awake rather than asleep.

The identity dream fits well with all the work we've been doing around the house. Sunday we needed two cars to schlep the FIFTEEN bags we had filled to the Salvation Army. FIFTEEN and yet our house is still filled with crap and looks a mess. Georgie started moving things out of the room that will eventually be the baby's which means I have to now SHARE the spaces I've called my own for the last ten years. Not too much resentment here. I walk into my closet and there's all of his STUFF.

It's okay. I'll get used to it. And it's not like we're all freaked out that the room won't be ready for the baby, per se. I mean, the furniture and stuff won't be delivered until AFTER the baby's born - it's that we have 16 years of accumulated CRAP that needs to be weeded through and thrown out and the baby is just an excuse. I keep telling myself that this is a great exercise because hopefully sometime in the next year we will be moving and there won't be as much to throw out when we do!

It is a daunting task though. Yesterday I actually got down on my hands and knees and vacuumed the base boards next to my bed and underneath my night stand. DISGUSTING. I told my sister and she said WOW - you really are nesting. Guess it's true.

I also did some knitting!

Friday - when we had no heat or hot water - it turns out a transformer blew in our building. So in order to fix it they had to turn off all of our electricity. They did this at 2PM. I thought GREAT! I'll get out my Creative (like an IPOD only BETTER) and listen to some podcasts and finish Oblique's sleeves! Only the Creative was dead. So I knit to the tune of jackhammers (they had electricity, of course) until the sun went down. Then G came home and rescued me from the cold and the dark. Sometime while we were out, the lights went back on - as well as the heat and hot water.

I did manage to finish the sleeves. And I did the button bands on the body AND I seamed the raglans. All I need to do now is the collar, finish seaming and decide what to do with the bottom of the sleeves. I sort of draped it on my shoulders and this thing is HUGE! I think, it will get a bit smaller once it's all seamed up, but still - it's like a blanket coat! Which isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. I hope to have it finished by the end of the week. There's a chance I'm going to run out of yarn, but I have an angel helping me out. Margene has the yarn in her stash and she's going to send me a skein. Although, I think, now, I might be okay. Fingers crossed!

I knit something else yesterday too!

Believe it or not, I wore my first pair of monkeys Sunday night! We had a party to go to and I wanted some fancy socks in case I took my shoes off and I pulled a pair of monkeys out of my sock drawer. I have never worn ANY of the monkey socks I knit! NONE! I mentioned that I've been thinking about socks a lot lately and wearing them was so fantastic that I took out the Purple Rain STR Monkey that I started a million years ago - actually it was back in August. Last I knit these I was on the heel flap. Yesterday I managed to finish the flap, turn the heel and knit the gusset! All night long I kept telling Georgie how good it felt to be knitting SOCKS! This was all punctuated by the fact that I went through my "pedestrian" sock drawer over the weekend and got rid of EVERYTHING. I told G - once you've gone handknit - you never go back.

Thank you all for all your encouragement and support about my last post. I'm much calmer now (although we do have childbirth class tonight) and I'm handling my fears pretty well. I've been reading some stuff - stuff that pisses me off and makes me feel VERY judged and stuff that assuages my fears and lets me know that whatever I want is truly fine. It seems to me that the baby will be coming out of my body - in some way shape or form and that's NATURAL. Nothing about this pregnancy started out conventional - so who's to say the end will be that way as well? I'm open. Truly open. And I think that can only be a good thing for my body as well as my mind. I have some very solid ideas about how I want things to go - and that really has more to do with how I want to be treated (with respect and honesty and intelligence) than the actual EVENTS that take place. I trust my husband implicitly that he will help me to have the best birth I can have. So thank you for your confidence in me. It means a lot.

Off to get rid of more stuff! It's so FREEING!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 11:20 AM | Comments (42)

January 18, 2008

Squalor

Today we have no heat and no hot water. Also, they've started the dreaded drilling I talked about way back when. They're refacing the outside of our building - including taking off the balconies and redoing them. They haven't gotten to my unit yet, but they're getting closer and closer. All you hear are jackhammers off and on all day. In the cold with no hot water. And I'm pretty sure my neighbors are running a restaurant next door.

Fun times.

We started our childbirth class a couple of weeks ago and while I always knew, you know, intellectually, that the baby will come out somehow - I hadn't really given much thought to HOW it will come out. The details and all. I've never been one of those people who thinks that a baby should be born in a field or underwater or god forbid my living room (not that it wouldn't be nice to be able to crawl into my own bed after the kid arrives, but can you imagine the CLEANING I would have to do to get my house ready for something like that?! Makes my head spin.) But at the same time I'm not the kind of person that wants to walk into the hospital with my c-section scheduled around my favorite television shows.

DISCLAIMER: GIVING BIRTH IS ABOUT AS PERSONAL AS IT GETS. EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN BIRTH EXPERIENCE, HOWEVER THEY CHOOSE. NO JUDGMENTS HERE.

I've never given birth before. I have no idea what it will be for me. At the class the other night the instructor went around the room and asked all the women how they thought they handled pain - then they asked the partners to corroborate. It was strange for us because my husband has been in fairly constant pain since he was about 14 years old and while I've had great experience with MENTAL pain and anguish, I've never really had to endure physical pain. So who knows? That first contraction might hit and I might be begging for the epidural.

But I'd like to go into this thinking I'm going to get as far as I can WITHOUT drugs and see where it takes me. I want options.

The instructor alluded to a few things about the hospital where I'm giving birth that didn't sit so comfortably with me and I started to get upset. Prematurely. I haven't discussed any of this with my doctors and I'm honestly only starting to feel my way about the whole thing.

Which brings me to the topic I really want to talk about - ANXIETY. I've dealt with anxiety and panic my entire life, but this is different. This is REAL. Most of my anxiety has been irrational - some kind of circuitry issue in my brain that starts to flip out when I'm feeling out of control or my hearts beats a little fast - there's a trigger and suddenly I'm sweating and breathing heavy and my gut starts to twitch and if I indulge the feelings I'm in full blown panic. I KNOW what this is. I've lived with it for close to thirty years and I've made GREAT strides to manage it.

This panic? This new panic? This anxiety about bringing a new life into this crazy fucked up world? This life that I'm - ME - responsible for? Holy shit. Now that's FEAR.

I'm trying to take it all in stride. I mean, it's not often in my life that I get to be scared with GOOD REASON. I should embrace that right? My problem is that I spend a lot of time trying to decide whether or not my reactions are NORMAL. Am I too anxious? (Before anyone starts to tell me about PPD and all that, you should know that I see a mental health practitioner way more than I see my OBGYN. I'm well taken care of because of my history.) Yesterday I read something about Halle Berry - who's also due in March - and she said that she's started thinking about giving birth and she's completely freaked out. Even more so than she was at the Oscars! Just the reality check I needed!

I'm lucky to be surrounded by rational, knowledgeable women who've given birth lots of times and can assuage my fears. Or at least validate them. That's important.

By posting this, I'm not looking for everyone to unload their magical, tragic, run of the mill birth stories on me. And I know that everything will be all right. My husband is bucking for COACH OF THE YEAR and I'm not sure you could get a more supportive partner. My corner is STACKED baby! And I haven't lost sight of the ultimate goal - a healthy happy baby - and more importantly - a HEALTHY HAPPY ME! However, whatever we need to do to get there.

I'm posting this because I've been pretty honest about my feelings this pregnancy. I haven't sugar coated anything. And now that I'm getting down to the end I feel like it's just as important to talk about how I feel - my fears and such - as it is to talk about my acid reflux that makes me sit up in bed at night gasping for air because I was choking on my own bile. Did I forget to mention that? I'm taking steps. It's getting better. Last night I slept so well I didn't even get up to pee. YAY KEGELS!

Every day I get a comment from another reader who's also pregnant - who knew there were so many of us? And maybe my writing about how scary it all is will help someone else who's also terrified. And just so you know - it's not all scary. The other day I was rubbing my belly and thinking about the doctor pulling that sweet babe out of me and saying "IT'S A ____!" and putting the baby on my chest and then saying hi to the baby and then looking into Georgie's eyes and watching him fall in love with our baby and man I lost it. I'm losing it now. Fear isn't everything you know.

Posted by Cara at 10:00 AM | Comments (126)

January 10, 2008

Sleepless in Secaucus

While there's been lots to complain about this pregnancy (YES. I'm puking again. Not everyday, but enough to be miserable.), there's also been some stuff I HAVEN'T gotten.

My skin looks the best it's looked in years. Not one pimple the entire pregnancy. Ditto my hair. It's gotten a lot drier (same for my face) and that's GOOD for me. My hair looks fantastic.

I haven't had any "issues" in the area you could have issues in - very common in pregnancy - think low. Not that low. Up a little. YES. There. No issues. Everything's moving right on schedule thank you very much.

No swelling. No blood pressure issues. No infections. My weight gain has been pretty on target. (I think I can thank the puking for that.)

And up until last night - I was sleeping pretty good.

Usually I fall asleep with the lights and the TV on a bit early and then G comes in and I wake up and pee and take my vitamin, etc. Last night was no different, except when I woke up, all of a sudden I was hit by TERRIBLE heartburn. I took a Pepcid (which I should probably just be taking every day no matter what) and that didn't really help. I couldn't lay down. I even went and had an ice pop because it burned so bad. I brought the husband pillow in from the den and tried that but I was so freaking uncomfortable. And hot. This weather is killing me. I'm HAPPY to be pregnant in the winter because it's COLD out and I'm WARM all the time but NO. I get freaking Spring.

I didn't fall asleep until 3AM. Caught up on a lot of General Hospital though. My freaking neighbors woke me up at 8 with their new blender. Fucking fantastic.

I'm so cranky today. I'd really LOVE to go to sleep but my bedroom stinks from all the cooking my neighbors do. Now that they have the blender, they can really chop up all those horribly offensive ingredients they use. (You may think I'm exaggerating, but there's nothing worse than walking into your house - especially your bedroom - and being bombarded with SMELLS. Smells that aren't yours or your loved ones or anything else you might want to smell. It's truly awful and nothing we've tried works. Dude! Why can't they bake cookies or something?!?) ETA: We can't open the windows anymore (not that it helps much) because we sealed them for the winter (something we do routinely - the drafts are HORRIBLE) and for the expected construction.

Also, did I mention we have no water today? Hot or cold? Yup. No water. And the fire alarm blared off and on for two hours last night while I was trying to rest.

I've been really busy this week so I never finished my Oblique sleeves and I'm behind on other stuff and time is ticking away.

Sorry for the complaining. I'm just tired. Welcome to the THIRD trimester!?

PS - I've picked the Color Contest winners! I'll announce them as soon as I hear back from the winners. CHECK YOUR SPAM FOLDERS!

Posted by Cara at 11:55 AM | Comments (59)

January 01, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-anges

This is how I looked on the day before my 38th birthday:

28 weeks, 1 day

We're down in Philly for New Year's Eve babysitting - believe it or not! Yes. I decided that our last New Year's Eve as the two of us should be spent with our favorite three-pack. And I get to be in Philly, with my family, for my birthday. Bliss!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Posted by Cara at 03:52 AM | Comments (177)

December 26, 2007

We're having a WHAT?!?!

Reality has set in. Now that I don't have to think about work 24 hrs a day I've realized that OH MY GOD! We're having a BABY!!! I don't need to tell you that panic is not pretty. That's pretty much what I was doing this weekend. Panicking. A BABY! That is FOREVER! AND EVER! AND EVER!

Scary stuff my friends, as I'm sure many of you know. Scary scary stuff.

I tried to assuage my fears with knitting. Selfish self-indulgent knitting. (BEWARE: Some seriously CRAPTACULAR photos to follow!)

Oblique now has my full attention. I'm loving it! I finished the back and the measurements all seem good (it's going to be big and comfy!) and I started on the fronts. I am a big fan of doing the fronts and sleeves together. It takes a bit longer, maybe - maybe not, but you can also keep better track and make sure that you do the same thing for both fronts/sleeves. I'm at the point on the sleeves where I can start the shaping decreases and that shouldn't take too long. I figure the fronts should go pretty quickly because you've got raglan decreases along with neck decreases - that's a lot of decreasing! I'm hoping, maybe, to have the fronts finished by the weekend. Ambitious, to be sure.

I've started feeling sick again. Sad, but true. And I'm tired. Things hurt. All of which makes me really nervous because I've still got 13 weeks to go.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday or day off or Tuesday. I'm trying to think up a spectacular birthday contest - something really over the top this year. We'll see how well my brain works!

Thanks for reading!

Posted by Cara at 02:21 PM | Comments (54)

December 11, 2007

Always Look On The Bright Side

I'm trying to convince myself that the fact that I failed my 1 hr Gestational Diabetes screen today (with flying colors, I might add) means I get three hours of knitting time tomorrow morning when I go for my 3 hr GTT test. Whoohoo!

Somehow, though, it's not really working. The other night I couldn't get the baby to move for about an hour and a half and completely freaked myself out - I drank some grape juice and stayed on my left side and finally, at around 2 AM, the kid started moving. Then, the next morning, I threw up all over the place - I always keep the toilet seat up! Not yesterday. Fun times.

I love feeling the baby move all the time and just when I think I'm enjoying being pregnant, another stumbling block. I know failing my 1hr test doesn't mean I have GD (my sister says she failed the 1hr with all three of her kids and never failed the 3hr) but I just want something ANYTHING to be a little bit of a no brainer already. I just want ONE thing to be a little bit easy. I know I shouldn't be ungrateful because the fact is my baby is healthy and seemingly happy floating away in there and that's the most important thing. I KNOW THIS. But still, I'd like to catch a little bit of a break. Just a little one.

It's times like these I'm glad there's still so much work for me to do. Busy is good - otherwise I'd be sitting here crying my eyes out.

Posted by Cara at 11:53 AM | Comments (72)

November 28, 2007

Belly Shots

Hold the vodka, please.

Since you're all so into progress shots - I thought I'd share a different kind - still progress though!

That's my lame attempt at a self-portrait. I had to enlist the Daddy-Cam for some decent-ish shots.

These pictures were taken today - 23 weeks, 3 days. Depending on what book you're reading, that puts me somewhere in the sixth month.

Although the profile shot and the back fat aren't the nicest, head on it's so cute! I'm really enjoying my belly these days - I think it looks so pretty! It's got a nice shape and I guess I'm carrying in the front? No stretch marks YET (they're coming - I got stretch marks on my boobs and hips in adolescence so I'm not naive enough to think I'll be immune. And before you start telling me about all kinds of miracle creams, the scientific research I've read is that stretch marks are genetic. You either get them or you don't.) Georgie likes my belly too. Which makes it doubly nice. Thanks for letting me share!

L, C

Posted by Cara at 12:39 PM | Comments (78)

November 21, 2007

Now this makes me happy!

Sarah and I bumping bellies in DC!
THANK YOU SARAH! Totally gave me the smile I needed today!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 08:24 AM | Comments (35)

November 06, 2007

It's A...

HUMAN!

Exactly what we wanted! Whew! We were worried there for a minute or two.

The ultrasound was really long, and honestly painful. The baby was VERY uncooperative apparently. Wouldn't stop moving around and then it would hide itself and more than half of the ultrasound I was on my side with my back to the tech and the doctor so they could see what needed to be seen. Finally they got all the measurements they needed (I'm telling you my belly will be bruised tomorrow) and declared our baby PERFECT! (At least as far as the ultrasound goes.)

We didn't bring a video tape (I couldn't find one this morning) but in the end, the ultrasound was so long and they had so much trouble that Georgie started to read the paper. Every now and then I'd tell him to check things out (my head was behind the screen, as I thought it would be) and he'd look and then get scared he was going to see something he didn't want to see (like some kind of gender identification) and look away. I was like, honey, that's the umbilical cord.

To top the day off: WE FINALLY GOT SPRINGSTEEN TICKETS!
The baby WILL be hearing The Boss in utero. We're going to have a nice weekend in DC and catch the show on the 12th. I can't wait. A little bit of relaxing. A little bit of Bruce. And a whole lot of my favorite boy and my other favorite boy. Or maybe my favorite girl. ;-)

Here's another picture. A foot. I'm bruised on the outside AND inside. YAY BABY!

PS - I've had some questions about Spin Out prizes. I have NOT awarded them yet. It looks like I'll be doing that right before Thanksgiving. My elves will be coming to help and hopefully I'll have a break in the workload before then to post the rest of the prizes that I haven't posted yet. I'm terribly sorry for the delay. I apologize to all the people who donated prizes and all the people who bought raffle tickets. THE PRIZES WILL BE GOING OUT! I promise. Thank you all for being so patient! I really appreciate it!

Posted by Cara at 04:07 PM | Comments (70)

November 05, 2007

Halfway

Sometime in the night last night I passed the 20 week mark on my pregnancy. That means I'm halfway there! YIPEEEEE! Although that also means, holy fuck - I'm halfway there!

The other night I was sleeping and I guess I was on my back and my belly was exposed (I was probably scratching it when I fell asleep) and G said all of a sudden it moved like I was being donkey kicked from the inside. DUDE! I WAS! The baby's all over the place now and Georgie still hasn't had a really good feel, but at least he could SEE it.

Someone said in the comments the other day that I seem to be enjoying the pregnancy now and I have to say it's true. I get all emotional when I think about it, but I just love feeling my baby move inside me. And I'm loving the changes in my body. My boobs may be huge, but they're matching up nicely with my growing belly. I actually feel kind of sexy in a whale-ish type of way. And man can I dance now! We were listening to some 2PAC the other day and I could shake that booty like never before! Guess it's all those loose ligaments! How do YOU want it? [WARNING: link NOT work appropriate.]

And yesterday I was able to satisfy a fantastically intense craving: bagels and fish. Specifically, a bagel with cream cheese and baked salmon. From Murray's. MMMMMMMM. So good. It didn't even give me indigestion!

I've made some progress with my knitting as well. Last night I was able to fix my mistake and figure out a better way of reading the chart. Now I can glance at it and know where I am without having to count boxes and stuff. Really, not brain surgery, but my hormone laden brain can't handle much these days. I hope to have a progress picture for you soon, but two rows a day doesn't make for a lot of progress.

Tomorrow is our big ultrasound! I'm excited about it, yes, but I'm also a bit bummed. I know that I'm not going to be able to see half of it at least. The techs at the hospital where we go are very SERIOUS about their jobs. Not that that's a bad thing, but my head sits BEHIND the screen while they take their measurements which means I can't see squat. It's only when the doctor comes in will she turn it to face us. I know I shouldn't complain because I just want everything to be healthy and all, but really - I want to see my baby! That shouldn't be a big deal. Everyone else I know gets to watch their baby the whole time. I guess I'll just have to be content with watching G watch the baby. Again.

I'll report back tomorrow - but no, we're still not finding out the sex.
Have a good one!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:21 PM | Comments (43)

October 29, 2007

Progress (again)

Let this be a lesson to all - I just accidentally closed the window on this post. Well, the first time I wrote this post. Pregnancy brain blows. SAVE YOUR WORK!

You guys are CRAZY! Thank you all so much for your warm wishes and encouragement and support. I truly appreciate and am humbled by your responses. Although, I have to say, I do throw a good contest. Not that the prizes are so over the top or anything, but I get THE BEST RESPONSES! You all ROCK! THANK YOU!

The winners of the three skeins of January One STR are:

AMY

DANIELLE

NIKKI

Congratulations! And thank you all again for coming out of the woodwork. I know what it takes to stop and think and comment and I truly appreciate your being here! Good luck to all of you on your own rededications!

So. I made some progress this weekend. Unfortunately I wasn't able to knit yesterday (I took the knitting to bed and promptly feel asleep. Which I keep doing. Especially in the middle of tv shows I'm very much enjoying that I forget to record. BLAH!) but I did really well on Friday and Saturday. I've now completed the first chart and started on the second. Of course, the second will take me a million years to finish because it goes from rows 36 to 86 or something like that and you have to complete it twice and then start over and knit 36-71. I'm on like 46. Still - I'm making progress and that's all that counts.

Here are some really boring progress pictures:

The color is totally off in these pictures - the yarn is much redder. A red purple. Plum, if you will. (The yarn is called smoky plum.) I'm LOVING the gray in the yarn. It adds such dimension to it. It's all good - the yarn, the pattern. I'm enjoying myself and find that I can't stop thinking about it. YAY! I love it so much I forgot I have Addi LACE Turbos in the right size - but so far these regular Addis are doing fine.

BABY NEWS. You've been warned. Move along if need be.
I swear, it's not a baby. It's Mitt Romney. You can't imagine the flip flopping going on! Ann pointed out though, that even though it's not the baby I want (you know, human and all) there are benefits to giving birth to a millionaire. Ba dum dum. Anyway - so flips and flops and bonafide kicks! I'm definitely not as freaked out as I thought I'd be - I rather like it actually. Even Georgie thinks he's felt it a couple of times. HE's freaked out!

On the puking front I managed not to puke for five days straight. Tuesday through Saturday. That's not to say I couldn't have puked those days - I most certainly could have and one or two days I probably SHOULD have. I did throw up yesterday and I felt much better afterward. On the days I don't puke I think I wait for it and end up being nauseated much longer than I would if I just threw up. Oh and I'm 19 weeks. This should be OVER. No report yet on today but I think I'm NOT going to puke. I'm hungry all ready instead of nauseated. Things are definitely improving.

My baby is an heirloom tomato! I get these babycenter bulletins every week - your baby at 19 weeks kind of thing and they're very entertaining and interesting but the thing I love the most is that each week they compare my baby's size to that of some food. So far my baby has been a sesame seed, a small lentil bean, a blueberry, a kidney bean, a grape, a kumquat, a fig, a lime, a medium shrimp, a lemon, an avocado, a turnip, a bell pepper, and TA DA! a large heirloom tomato (which Ann says is about the size of a grapefruit.) I LOVE THIS! I will be so sorry when they run out of food. I can't wait for the day when my baby is the size of a T-BONE! WHOO HOO! Every week I torture Georgie with this - hey babe! The baby's the size of a kumquat! And he just looks at me like what does that MEAN?! They also give the inches and stuff and I can follow it up with hard data, but I just love the comparisons. They're so ridiculous!

Okay. Now that I've filled you in on all the baby and knitting - I'm leaving you. HAHAHAHAHA! No really. Just when I rededicate myself to all of it, I'm off. To my sister's for Halloween. It's become tradition - I just love going out for Halloween with the kids and this year baby is coming along. And maybe even with a costume! I told the kids they could paint my belly. Hopefully I'll have good pictures to show you when I get back. I'll be home on Thursday, so don't look for a post until Friday.

THANKS AGAIN FOR READING!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 10:03 AM | Comments (53)

October 24, 2007

Belly Envy

Hey Shirley - this one's for you!

At Rhinebeck this weekend, envy was in full force. You had your yarn envy, fiber envy, fleece envy, sweater (not so much - it was too hot!) envy, shawl envy, sock envy, spindle envy, sheep envy, wheel envy. You name it people wanted it.

All I wanted was a bigger belly. MAN! This Rhinebeck was all about the babies and the strollers and the pregnant chicks. I'm sure I'm not the only one that noticed. Every five seconds I saw another pregnant lady whose belly was bigger than mine. In fact, the first thing I said to Sarah was NO FAIR! Look how cute your belly is!

Wonder Blog Fetus Twins ACTIVATE!

(Picture borrowed from Sarah's blog.)
In case you've been living in a cave, Sarah and I are both pregnant. She's actually due two days before me (her baby's due on Good Friday and my baby's due on Easter. This Jew girl married to a Greek Orthodox finds that super funny!) which means we might as well be due the same second in gestational time. We've had eerily parallel pregnancies - complete with puking at 18 weeks (although Sarah, I'm really sorry to tell you that I've now gone two days with no pukage. I'm not calling it a trend. Three days is a trend. Two is just a happy coincidence.) and it's really wonderful to have someone, out there in the world, who COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDS. Not understands because they went through it a million years ago - but completely understands because they're doing it RIGHT NOW with you! [ETA: No offense to every woman who's ever had a baby before me - I know you know how I feel. But how cool is it to have someone going through it with you NOW? Right now!] It was so great to hang out and compare notes and I love that if we both end up at Rhinebeck next year we can take the same picture with our babies on the OUTSIDE. How cool is that? Thank you Sarah. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you're still throwing up.

Anyway, back to the bellies. My belly isn't actually that small. And I kind of popped a little bit the other day. It's just that the boobs are so freaking huge they overshadow the belly. I like to say I've reached B Porn Star Fetish Status. I asked Ann if she thought my belly would ever over take the boobage and she told me yeah. The day before you go into labor.

To all of those ladies suffering boob envy - trust me on this: they are SO overrated.

Posted by Cara at 03:08 PM | Comments (48)

October 23, 2007

Movement

I am fairly certain I felt my baby move this morning. I was laying in bed and I felt a sort of roll. Not a flutter or a pop but a roll. I tried to squeeze out a fart (most of the time that I think I feel the baby I can let out some gas and that convinces me I'm wrong) but to no avail. Then I think I felt it again. And then, I poked my belly. DEFINITELY felt it. I poked my belly one more time, got the response I wanted and SPRINTED out of bed to tell Georgie. So I'm going with today, October 23, 2007 (exactly five months before my due date) as the first day I felt my baby move. Today I'm 18 weeks and 2 days.

The weekend was...well, the weekend was, in a word, EXHAUSTING. I have swollen ankles and more nausea than I've had in a few weeks and headaches and it was definitely worth it to spend four days with some of my favorite people - especially the ones I only get to see once a year. There were plenty of people I didn't get to see, people I didn't get to spend enough time with, people I saw only briefly and in the moment was overwhelmed or sick and may not have been my usual pleasant self (no laughing Annie!) I hope you'll all cut me some slack. I am most definitely NOT myself.

And thanks to all the people who stopped to congratulate me and ask how I was feeling. Norma said I should blog the conversation - which was pretty much the same. I'm only giving my answers - you can guess the other half:

ME: Thank you so much! I'm feeling okay.
ME: Yeah. I did throw up today (every day in fact.)
ME: No, we don't know what we're having. We're hoping to be surprised with a human baby.
ME: Yes. They're huge. Thanks for pointing that out.

I did buy some stuff - not a lot - and my most favorite item is on order. I fell in love with a stole I saw at Chris' Briar Rose booth. Sadly, she had sold out of the yarn, but I should receive it in a few weeks. If I knit only one thing to completion this entire pregnancy, I'm determined it will be this. Details when I can actually cast on.

More than anything else, the weekend caused me to be reflective about the blog. Which isn't surprising since all of the people I met or knew before, in fact my knowledge of the the existence of the festival itself, all came about because of the blog. My 3rd year anniversary is on Friday, and I hope to renew my commitment to the blog and what it truly means to me. I might also have a contest.

I'm extremely busy these days with very much diminished energy. I wake up in a panic around the time of the third trip to the bathroom and it takes me awhile to fall back to sleep thinking about all the deadlines and work coming up in the next month. The Spin Out prizes are making me feel awful as well so I appreciate your continued patience with that. I promise they will go out soon! At least, god help me, before Thanksgiving!

Honestly, the best part of my weekend was yesterday. Georgie picked me up in Long Island and we headed to the beach. I can't tell you how much I missed him - more than ever. Being pregnant just isn't as fun without him around.

And I'm so happy to be able to puke in my own bathroom this morning. It's the little things, you know?

Posted by Cara at 09:20 AM | Comments (61)

October 08, 2007

The End of The Rainbow

Today I read a gossip site that had Halle Berry saying that despite the fact that she's had some morning sickness, etc she'll take it all happily because she's JUST SO THRILLED TO BE PREGNANT!

You know what? I'm beyond thrilled to be pregnant. We started trying to have a baby in August 2002 - through fits and starts it only took us five years to get where we are now. BUT I am not happy about puking every day (STILL! I'm now SIXTEEN weeks pregnant.) I'm not happy about my incontinence issues. I'm not happy about the heartburn that kicked in full force over the weekend. I'm not happy about any of this pregnancy crap - except, of course, the baby that's growing inside of me. I'm sick of people telling me that the puking is for a good cause. Blah blah blah blah. I can tell you with full certainty that when my head is in the toilet and I'm trying to catch my breath so the puke doesn't come shooting out of my nose my baby is THE LAST thing on my mind. I'm not thinking that this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm thinking please god MAKE IT STOP! As much as I'm used to it by now (it's been 10 weeks already) I will never be used to it. Alright - enough puke talk. One more thing though - my god - my nipples ITCH so bad I can hardly stand it!

What I really want to talk about today has to do with my fertility treatments. I told you before that we did a frozen embryo transfer to get pregnant. That means that sometime before hand I did a fresh IVF cycle in order to have embryos to freeze. When you do a regular (fresh) IVF cycle there are usually lots of shots involved - but most of those shots are subcutaneous - which means the needle only has to go just under the skin. The needles are generally insulin type needles - short - painless - quick - and you can pretty much do them anywhere. When I was doing my fresh cycle I gave myself the shots in my belly every day. They were really NOTHING. Barely felt them and once you get over the initial shock of sticking yourself, it really is NO BIG DEAL.

Once you get to the later half of the cycle though, you need to start shooting yourself with the big guns - i.e. INTRAMUSCULAR shots. These babies are HUGE! It's a 1.5 inch needle and it's so long because it has to go into your MUSCLE. Most people take these shots in the ass, which sometimes means you have to have someone ELSE give you the shot. That's what I opted for - I'm not that twisty.

For the frozen embryo transfer - things are much easier. I took oral estrogen for a couple of weeks before they transferred the embryos, and about five days before the transfer, I started my Progesterone In Oil shots.

Because the progesterone is in oil, it can be difficult to draw into the needle, as well as inject it. I had all kinds of rituals for the shot. I want to remember it all so I'm telling you. First, I would switch out the 22.5 gauge tip with a much larger 18 gauge tip. I would swab the top of the vial, stick the needle in and draw out my medicine. Then, I'd switch back to the 22.5 gauge tip (you want to inject yourself with the thinnest tip possible) put the cap back on the syringe and stick it under my boob to warm up the medicine. Since I EASILY pass the pencil test, this was the best way I could think of to warm up the oil so it would inject easily. While it was warming, I heated up my hot pad so it was ready for my butt after the shot. Then I'd call Georgie and tell him I was ready. My husband has come through for me in so many ways I can't even tell you - but the shots are up there with the biggest of big feats. He hates all things needle and doctor and hospital but he gave me my shot EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for two months. EVERY NIGHT. The shots go in the upper outer quadrant of your buttocks and they tell you to alternate sides so that you don't get too banged up. After the shot, I would massage the area to break up the oil under the skin so I didn't get too many lumps (the oil can coagulate under the skin), and then I'd go lay down in bed with my heating pad.

The best part? I got pregnant. Which meant I got to continue my shots every day until I was ELEVEN weeks pregnant. If you don't get pregnant, you get to stop the shots as soon as you get a negative test. The shots, in the end, weren't so bad, but once we hit a nerve and I lost all feeling in my ass. Then I started having reactions to the band aids and it was like I had a bee sting that itched SO BAD and I got welts and we'd have to stick to one side for a few shots until the other side healed. I won't mention the bruising. My ass is still numb. On both sides. It's like I got shot up with Novocaine and it's been wearing off for three months. Would I do things differently? Of course not. I've got a baby growing inside of me. But let me tell you I BITCHED about those shots. I hated the shots. Georgie and I were never so happy as the last night we did those shots.

For a long time I thought about the post I'd write and the picture I'd take of those many many vials. Now, at least, I can throw them out. If I ever get a tattoo, I think I might put it right on the spot where I got those shots. It'll probably still be numb.

Lest I sound bitter, I'm going to end this post on a happy note with lots of pictures. As many of you know, I'm a photographer specializing in children's portraits. You could say this is ironic, because I started my business while I was trying to get pregnant - talk about torture. While I have had moments of intense jealousy when hearing about someone else's baby - I've never felt that way about any of my clients. I love all the kids I photograph. They're all beautiful and fun and special and every shoot is different because every kid is different. I'm lucky that most of my clients return year after year. I get to watch these kids grow up!

One of my favorite subjects is a newly born baby. It's rare I get to photograph a NEW born - usually the youngest I get them is about six weeks - and by that time they've already settled into their skin. A couple weeks ago, I was lucky enough to photograph my good friend's newborn - he was about nine days old - and she's graciously allowed me to share some of their photographs here.

As I was developing these photographs, I was struck by just how NEW this baby seems. Right out of the womb. He doesn't even fit into his skin yet. (Please click to see them big - I just love baby pores!) I stopped often to touch my belly and urge my baby to make itself known to me. We're together all day long - I'm anxious to feel s/he in a way that doesn't have to do with my digestive tract. C'mon baby! Nothing - not one thing I have ever done - has ever been more worth it.

L, C

Posted by Cara at 06:39 PM | Comments (111)

September 20, 2007

Billions and Billions

Yesterday wasn't the best day. I puked twice in the morning, and one time, while I made it to the bathroom, I didn't actually make the toilet. FUN TIMES! Have I mentioned too that 9 times out of 10 when I'm puking I end up peeing my pants as well? Talk about adding insult to injury! I had an appointment in the afternoon and after the morning's gymnastics and the appointment it was all I could do to come home, eat some lunch that ultimately made me nauseated and climb into bed. Poor G. He comes home from work everyday to find me prostrate in the bedroom, lights out, moaning in misery. I'm such a catch!

I'll tell you what's making me feel better though! All these GORGEOUS BABIES on the knit blogs! Just seeing these babies lifts my heart and makes the puking bearable. Also, does anyone see a proliferation of girls in the knitblog world? Does this mean I'm having a boy? You know how I like to buck the trend. [Disclaimer: If I did not link to your beautiful baby, it in no way means I don't think your baby's beautiful. All babies are heart-stoppingly gorgeous. Trust me. I photograph them for a living, so I know. I just didn't see your baby in the last 24 hrs so I didn't remember to link to you. Please forgive me.]

Last night, while I was laying in bed, moaning and miserable, I watched this show on the National Geographic Channel called IN THE WOMB. I'm sorry, but the idea that you can take two cells and create a fully functioning human being is just INSANE! It defies all rationality as far as I'm concerned. The pictures are absolutely amazing, even though some of them are computer generated - but still. And they talked about the test I just had which was very cool. I have to admit I kind of fell asleep once they moved beyond the second trimester and then opened my eyes to see the nice and graphic birth scenes. HELLO! I'm not ready to think about getting the baby OUT! I just spent a million years trying to get the baby IN!

The whole miracle of birth thing really makes me understand the religious. It's just so far out there that you almost have to give it up to a higher power in order to comprehend the enormity of it all. Me, I just try not to think about it so much because it makes me nervous. In the same way looking out at the sky and the stars sometimes makes me nervous. I mean, look out there! How could we possibly be the ONLY people in the universe? And then, when you think about how ridiculously LARGE the universe is, how can we even EXIST at all? GRAVITY? That's what's keeping us on the planet? CRAZINESS! See what I mean? It's times like those that I have to watch The Nanny or something equally inane. Balances everything out.

I have to tell you, the first time we heard the baby's heartbeat - at SIX WEEKS! - I was of course completely overwhelmed with emotion. It was the first time we saw the baby and it was all just so new and I was on tons of hormones and well, I don't think I need to explain. About an hour later I was stopped in my tracks by the fact that OH MY GOD! There's a heart being inside of me. SOMEONE ELSE'S HEART! It was a total Edgar Allen Poe moment and I have to admit for a few minutes I was like GET IT OUT! It really is so weird to think that there's this other person inside of me. I'm not sure I'll ever get truly used to it.

I found out yesterday, from watching the show, that my baby can now hear. Mostly my stomach gurglings and burps and stuff - but probably also my puking which made me kind of sad. But just in case, I sang two songs before I went to sleep last night. The show said they've found that if babies hear the same song over and over in the womb, they'll recognize it when they are born. I had this sweet fantasy of singing the songs to the baby right after s/he's born and this light of recognition coming over his or her face. There's my mama, singing that song I know so well. I'm going to try to sing it every night before I fall asleep.

Thanks to all of you for sticking around without the knitting. I actually made a swatch before I went to my sister's but then her baby got sick, and I got the cold, and the puking continued and there's been no knitting. I'm behind in everything - work, the house is a disaster!, and I have about a million prizes to tell you about for Spin Out. I have high hopes for today. Wish me luck.

And now, the most self-serving sentence I've ever posted: My wonderful friends Vicki and Ann are hosting a virtual baby shower for me. Apparently there are games and fun and treats, but I wouldn't really know because it's all being kept a big secret from me. My "friends" think the puking isn't enough so they're hoping to torture me for the whole crazy ride. If you'd like to torture me too, you can contact Vicki over at her blog. PLEASE, do not feel you need to knit for me or my baby. The honest to god truth is that when push comes to shove, I wouldn't knit for you or your baby. But maybe you'd like the opportunity to talk about me behind my back. Knock yourself out! ;-)

PS - I puked during the writing of this blog post. At least today I made it in the bowl.

Posted by Cara at 10:10 AM | Comments (82)

September 18, 2007

What's My Age Again?

We had a nice visit with our boo boo this morning! Georgie really got a treat because when the tech was doing all the photographs the screen was turned away from me, so I couldn't see the baby's gymnastics, but G could. It was enough, though, to watch his face as he watched our baby on the screen. Being that he's the youngest in his family (his next sibling is 7 yrs older than him), he hasn't had much experience with babies. It's really been such a treat to see him react with all of this. Much more than I ever thought it would be. When the doctor came in to go over stuff with us, I got to see the baby. S/he did us proud by completely flipping over while we watched! Already stealing the show!

So today we had our Integrated Screen test, which is a first trimester screening for genetic anomalies like Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18. (You can read more about the testing here.) The doctor said everything looked great and the baby is measuring right on. We won't get the full results of the test for a little bit - there's a blood test involved as well - but I'm not really that worried.

This whole testing thing is kind of funny for us. I am what they term "advanced maternal age." I am 37 and, if all goes as planned, will be 38 when the baby is born. BUT (and it's a HUGE but) I was 34 when the baby was actually conceived. AH HA! How's that for magic? I will explain.

Three years ago next month, we did our first (and so far only) fresh IVF cycle. This means that I gave myself lots of fun shots to make lots of eggs grow and then they harvested those eggs and fertilized the good ones. After all was said and done we had nine growing embryos. Very nice! We went into the clinic five days after retrieval to have two of them transferred back and promptly panicked. In what I now know was the absolute RIGHT thing for us, we opted NOT to transfer any embryos and they were able to freeze five. It took me two very long TORTURED years to get over that and here I am just about three years later.

This summer, we went back to the clinic, thawed two of those five embryos, and transferred them. One stuck and now we have BOO BOO! YAY!

* ETA: What we did is called a Frozen Embryo Transfer and it's actually a TON easier than a fresh IVF cycle. I only had to take estrogen (orally) for the first couple of weeks - no shots - and then only had to go in for blood checks twice before the transfer. Then I had to do progesterone in oil shots for 11 weeks, but that's a whole other story. This is in comparison to the fresh IVF, where you do lots and lots of shots and go into the clinic almost everyday for blood work and monitoring. There is a risk, though, that the embryos might not survive the thaw. And, usually, the best embryos are transferred on a fresh cycle, so the ones that are frozen might not be the best quality. But my doctor told me that they are making so many advances in thawing embryos that he will only put back two frozen - instead of maybe three or four in the "old" days (read - a couple of years ago). They started getting incredible results with FET cycles where ALL stuck and the goal of a fertility clinic is NOT multiple births. It's one healthy baby and mother.

Back to how old I am. All of the warnings and alarms start to go off in the fertility world when you turn 35. Amnio, CVS, genetic testing - it doesn't have to do with my body's physical age, it has to do with the age of my eggs. And I have YOUNG eggs! So even though I'm an old bag already (not true, not true - I've actually never felt younger. It's amazing what having a baby can do for you!) my baby up there is from young stock. Does this mean I have to do all those scary tests? We're taking a wait and see attitude. If this first trimester screening comes back within all the "normal" ranges and our next blood test at 16 weeks also comes back normal, I think we may just skip that amnio. And honestly, I'd only want to have the test to be prepared for what's to come. Sure, I don't care to find out the sex or worry about decorating a nursery (basically because I'm going to hire Julie Fricknits to do it!) or all that planning, but when it comes to the health and welfare of my child and my family I think you can't have TOO much information.

Anyway, it just tickles me so that I've been able to travel back in time a bit. The best part too is that if we try for another one, we've still got three totsicles. I may be pushing (gasp!) 40 - but my eggs will STILL be 34! HOORAY FOR SCIENCE!!!!

* ETA again: I wanted to add that I see NOTHING wrong with having babies after 35. QUITE the contrary. My sister was born when my mom was 38. I'm pretty sure my mother in law was over 35 when she had my husband. We didn't plan to wait three years after our IVF and we didn't plan to use frozen embryos. Not at all. It's just the way it worked out for us, and I think that it's kind of incredible that the technology exists for things like this. Also, the truth is that while millions and millions of women go on to have healthy babies after the age of 35, the genetic risks do increase. Trust me - I know just how fortunate I am to be carrying a baby at all, regardless of my age.

PS - I'm still puking everyday, but my doctor and I agreed that it's not enough to hurt me or the baby. So we're waiting it out. The cold can't be helping either. I've gained at least a pound, which my OB says is plenty and the baby is doing great. Sure, I'm still a bit miserable, but I'm tough. I can handle it. Besides, I've kind of got it down to a science. I wake up. Have my breakfast. Throw it up and get on with my day. That's not TOO bad, right? Apparently I've still got about five more days of the dreaded first trimester, so hopefully this will all be over by SPIN OUT! Cross your fingers for me!

Posted by Cara at 03:59 PM | Comments (78)

September 04, 2007

Thank you!

I'm not sure what I expected, but thank you all so much for your good wishes! Yesterday morning you had me so verklempt - well - I threw up. So STOP IT! I don't want to puke anymore!!

I have to admit, for weeks I had been planning to announce our pregnancy on Labor Day and I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. Well, as excited as you can be when you feel sick all day long. But the closer I got to announcing, the more nervous and anxious I got about it. Not that I thought the news would be received badly, but I think telling all of you makes it even more real and that's scary. Also, I'm usually so open about my life and my thoughts and feelings and suddenly it's not just about me anymore. I'm responsible for someone else! OH MY GOD! And the world can be very scary - especially the imaginary internet world and I guess I'm feeling all Mama Bear-ish about the baby and that's kind of strange for me. You know? All kinds of new, terrifying, wonderful, nerve-wracking, crazy feelings going on at once. It certainly is a rollercoaster ride!

Obviously, this blog is going to go through some changes. I don't plan on blogging about my pregnancy every single day - I don't know if I'm going to go back to blogging every day - it all depends on how I feel. This is still my fiber blog! If only I had a fiber life these days! I haven't knit in about two weeks and I have almost no desire. It's really, really sad. But people assure me that desire will come back and it will come back strong! I hope so! I miss it.

I can tell you though, that once I do start knitting again, I will NOT be knitting baby knits. I know - crazy isn't it? But I think I have a very good reason for it. My family is VERY SUPERSTITIOUS when it comes to babies - especially first babies - and it's our "rule," so to speak, to not bring ANYTHING into the house that has to do with the baby until AFTER the baby is born. I know - how do you get the whole nursery together? What's the baby going to wear? Etc. It's my experience that newborns don't need much. Diapers. A boob. A blanket. So I'm not worried. But I can't knit for the baby before s/he arrives. I just can't do it. No matter how tempting these freaking booties are! I might knit for other babies though - there are a few out there about to arrive and maybe I'll flex my knit muscles on them, but not my own. It may seem like a silly rule. I mean, not knitting isn't going to keep my family from - God forbid - a tragedy. But we all have our quirks and this one is mine.

Also, right now, we have no intention of finding out the sex of our baby before s/he is born. Maybe we'll change our minds - maybe not. It's just our preference.

For the record, I never lied about the pregnancy. ;-) I may have been deliberately misleading yes, but I kind of freaked out when everyone started guessing I was pregnant (we had only just gone back to the fertility clinic) and I knew people were reading the blog that didn't know anything about what was going on and could be potentially hurt to read it on the blog before they were told in person. So I said I wasn't pregnant - and I wasn't! I was never pregnant when I said I wasn't. Even on July 6.

The baby will not be named Bruce. I can guarantee you that. And we won't have a little Georgie either. Another family tradition is only naming after the dead. Bruce and Georgie are very much alive, thank you very much. I have to say, though, that when I found out there was a new E Street album and tour - WHILE I WAS PREGNANT! - I felt like my baby's life was fated. Crazy, again, I know, but the idea of going to a Bruce concert while pregnant has been a sustaining fantasy this miserable (but WONDERFUL!) summer! It's just too perfect, you know?

I can honestly say I haven't eaten ONE saltine my entire first trimester. The idea makes me want to puke harder. Pretzel sticks. Almonds. I was eating eggs every day until I puked those. I've tried ginger tea. Fruit works. I try to get protein in. While I do feel awful most of the time, thankfully I don't have Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I'm working my way through this nastiness as best I can and while I appreciate all the advice, I'm sure you all know that one person's comfort food is another person's puke fest. Translation: please don't mention foods! THANK YOU!

Over the next months I hope to share more of our journey to this pregnancy. It's fairly well known that we battled infertility and I hope to share some of our experiences with you. I feel like it's such a misunderstood battle (Relax! Have a drink! You'll get pregnant!) that it deserves our attention. So many people suffer and yet there is a shame associated with it that is just not necessary or helpful.

Alright. That's enough for now. I have to go eat again. The most amazing thing about this pregnancy thing is the realization that you can feel completely and utterly nauseated while at the same time BEING STARVING! I eat constantly all day long - but I'm never satisfied. And I'm always nauseated. It's incredible.

Thank you again for all your wonderful good wishes. I have read every comment and email, and while I wish I could respond to all of you, I have to preserve what litter LITTLE energy I have. (Pregnancy brain! HA! I get to say that now!) I don't know how you 9-5ers do it! We so appreciate the love that's out there and I look forward to sharing it with you all.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 01:36 PM | Comments (97)

September 03, 2007

Labor Day

should be on or about March 23, 2008.

We're ecstatic, our families are ecstatic and baby is doing great. I, on the other hand, have puked more in the last two months than I have in 37 years. WHOO HOO!

Have a great Labor Day or Monday, wherever you are!
Thank you!
Love,
C, G & B

Posted by Cara at 12:00 AM | Comments (557)