January One -- Baby? OH BABY!

May 09, 2008

If I'm blogging...

it must be Friday. Seems to be happening once a week and on the day that most people aren't reading anymore. Oh well. I write blog posts in my head all day long but I can never seem to make it to the computer.

Some things I've been thinking about:

-- Did I ever tell you that I woke up the first day in the hospital to find a dead ladybug in my bed? I found that to be a VERY auspicious beginning!

-- Also, during that first night, about 3AM, my daughter was crying and I was comforting her. I said, "It's okay sweet girl, Aunt Cara's here." Stopped myself dead in my tracks. I wasn't the aunt anymore, was I?

The other day I read this post of Norma's and this post of Wendy's and these ideas have been floating around in my brain. The other day on my walk (the new schedule is working out GREAT!) I made a mental list of what I am and what I've been.

I am a DAUGHTER. SISTER. AUNT.

LOVER. WIFE.

FRIEND.

I've been a STUDENT. LIBRARIAN. WRITER.

PHOTOGRAPHER.

Very recently I was a BLOGGER. And a KNITTER.

Now? Now I'm a MAMA.

One day I'll reconcile all those capital letters with the biggest capital of all but for now this is my life and I'm having a better time than I ever could've have anticipated. I miss all those capital letters, it's true, but lowercase suits me fine for now.

knitter. blogger. wife. friend. MAMA.

The photographs were taken last Friday and on Monday, Meli had her 8 wk appt and weighed 10 lbs, 8 oz! YAY Mommy Milk!

Posted by Cara at 09:22 AM | Comments (83)

April 25, 2008

SUCCESS!

I decided to be adaptable and smart about things in terms of my walk - and it worked!!

Meli likes to take a nice long nap in the mornings. We wake up, nurse, then she's up for a bit and then she sleeps for awhile. So why not take our walk then, I thought? I KNOW she'll be sleeping. Even though I usually use this time for doing other stuff (like laundry, computer work, etc.), the walk is more important to me - the rest of it can wait.

She was a bit fussy went we first went out but because it wasn't later in the day, I was in a better more relaxed mood AND I knew that she was definitely on her way out, so I dealt with it and kept on walking. Soon she was sound asleep. I was also smart to cover the stroller with a light receiving blanket so no errant sunbeams were able to disturb the princess (that happened yesterday - turned a corner and didn't adjust the shade canopy fast enough - instant crying.)

We were rewarded with cooler temperatures, a snake sighting, muskrat sighting, lots of birds and tons of tulips in bloom - not to mention all the trees! It was a GREAT walk and Meli woke up right at the end. YAY MOMMY AND MELI!

We're in such a good mood, tonight we're going to attempt a dinner date with Daddy!
Have a great weekend everyone!
L, C & M

Posted by Cara at 02:02 PM | Comments (45)

April 24, 2008

Miss Meli Mack

Six weeks and all smiles. Thank you for indulging us!

More after the jump!

Guess the secret word....

Posted by Cara at 11:56 AM | Comments (74)

The Wall

(My girl is asleep in her sling as I write this - we'll see how much hands free time I get.)

Terry asked the other day if things were really going as well as I've written and honestly they are - I don't have much to complain about other than the usual lack of sleep. Meli is a wonderful baby - she's full of smiles now and is growing like a weed. Her daddy and I constantly remark on how HUGE she is! When we're out people will comment on how tiny she is - "She's so new!" and I'm all like are you KIDDING ME? She's a monster she's so big! The other day at my Mom's I did the scientific weighing of the mother then weighing of the mother and baby (on her digital scale) and she topped off at 10 lbs. This was right before her six week birthday. She doesn't go back to the doctor until she's 8 weeks so we'll see. I fully expect her to be over ten pounds - maybe even over 11!

Despite all the goodness, yesterday I definitely hit a wall. Many of my long time readers will know that I love a good obsession and my new one is our daily walks. We live right on a river and behind our apartment building is a maze of town homes that line the river. There are walkways all over the place and I've discovered that if I do the "loop" twice, it takes me about an hour. I walk at a pretty good clip - I work up a nice sweat - and the weather has been so beautiful that it's a sin to be inside. Also, when we're outside, Meli is usually asleep and I'm NOT nursing. So it's been our practice to go out everyday during the work week. Every day. Even if I'm so tired I can't move I still want to go out and as soon as get past the five minute mark I'm loving it! It rejuvenates me! The only problem is that if I can't do the loop twice, I get really frustrated. Like yesterday. Meli slept soundly for the first loop and as we rounded the corner to start the second she got more and more fussy. I stopped and tried to talk to her or give her the paci again - her eyes were closed the whole time - I KNOW she wanted to be sleeping - but she just wouldn't budge. I even tried to nurse her a bit on a bench and she fell asleep but woke up as soon as I put her back in the stroller. (I know I should bring my sling with me, but part of the joy of the walk is how sweaty I get - I can't imagine half way through the walk strapping her to my chest. NOT FUN.) In the end I abandoned the second part of the walk. It was early in the day and I thought I'll just go back out and try it again later.

I'm telling you, though, this is really the ONLY time that I want to throw my own tantrum. I've somehow rolled all of my ME time - my knitting time, my computer time, my bathroom time, my shower time - into my walk. If I don't get to do my WHOLE walk it makes me NUTS!

Of course, by the time we got back to the house, she was sound asleep.

Fast forward to later in the afternoon. We'd been nursing on the couch off and on for awhile and she seemed like she was ready for an extended nap so I got us all ready to go back out again. It was even MORE beautiful if that can happen and she was sleeping away until we got to the SAME place we were the first time she got fussy. Only this time there was NO consoling her and I ended up carrying her home while pushing the stroller. Man was I bummed.

Then we were back on the sofa and she was asleep after nursing but I was feeling weird. I was on the phone with Ann and I swear my body was paralyzed. I could talk and think but I couldn't MOVE I was so tired. It was all I could do to lay down with her and take a nap. I slept for about an hour, but then she woke up and I had to wake up and I was a zombie the rest of the night. I do feel a bit better today, but that sleep deprivation is scary stuff.

Lame post. I know. I'm trying. I miss blogging. I love my daughter more than is humanly possible - you know - the way a mother loves her child but I miss knitting! I miss it so much I think about it all the time. In the same conversation I had with Terry she told me how when her daughter was a baby she would sit and nurse and look through all her old knitting magazines imaging all that she would knit. She couldn't wait for a new one to come. I know that sweet torture. Ravelry is going to kill me.

Mothering my daughter is the best thing I've ever done, but dudes, I miss you all. And my god, do I miss knitting.

Posted by Cara at 11:44 AM | Comments (25)

April 18, 2008

Sparks Fly on E Street

It's a sad, sad day here at January One. Things will never be the same. And the fact that Danny Federici died of Melanoma, a dreaded disease we have first hand knowledge of, makes it all the worse.

Yesterday our family spent the day at the Jersey Shore, literally miles from where The E Street Band got it's start. It was going to be a happy happy post, but now it will be something of a tribute to the band that has given us so much.

Thanks Danny! R.I.P.

Dining Al Fresco!

Posted by Cara at 11:14 AM | Comments (27)

April 11, 2008

Our Story

[It only took me to her first month birthday, but I finally finished Meli's birth story. It's long and rambling and I don't care because I needed to get it out of my head. Feel free to skip it, or just peruse the pictures that start about half way down. Thanks, Meli, for sleeping so I could get this out! Happy One Month baby girl!]

When Georgie and I took Meli to her first doctor's appointment, our pediatrician came into the room, oohed and ahhed over our baby and said, "So? Tell me the whole story!"

We both looked at each other a little dumbfounded, then cracked a couple of jokes. "Well, nine months ago...." G said. I answered, "We met over 20 years ago...."

I don't know where to start the story of the three of us. Do I begin with our falling in love? Do I start with that long ago summer when we decided to try to start a family? Do I begin with the trouble? That day - the day before Thanksgiving (a day that treats us so poorly!) - when we found out that our journey to parenthood would be harder than most? Can I leave all the heartache out? I don't know.

I do know that we love our daughter more than we could ever have imagined. That our struggles were so worth the pain. And that we know just how exceedingly fortunate we are. A few days before Meli was born we were in full blown nesting panic and I was filing away papers like a mad woman. I found the pile of notes and forms and receipts from the fertility clinic and I just cried and cried. It was relief - the worst part of our journey was over and a new part was beginning - the BEST part. It was from the pain of all those years - watching friends and family get pregnant - wondering if we ever would. Questioning my own desire to become a mother - my ability to handle all of it - mentally, physically, emotionally. The reality that it might not work and how we'd handle that disappointment. All of it came flooding back to me. I have to say, a lot of the pain of infertility has lessened for me. Not disappeared, but it all feels so right - that Meli is here - that she's here NOW - that it's hard to reconcile the guilt and pain and sadness that infertility delivers with the joy she has brought us. She wouldn't be who she is - we wouldn't be the parents we are - without our infertility. Is it crazy to be grateful for infertility? Yes. Yes it is. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But at the same time I wouldn't change any of it. I am the mother I am because of what I've been through. And I do believe I'm a better mother for it.

Nothing was particularly easy. I was sick most of my pregnancy - not deathly ill - I'm sure there have been sicker - but sick enough. Towards the end it was hard to eat anything at all and I dreaded sleeping because of the indigestion and nausea almost as much as I dreaded being awake. Still and all we prepared for our baby's birth with high hopes. We wanted things to be as natural as could be without closing ourselves off to all the options. I was looking forward to laboring with G by my side. No one has ever made me feel safer and had more confidence in me and I knew we would be great together!

So when I went to the doctor for my 36 week appointment and my OB did an exam, I was devastated to hear the baby was breech and our baby would most likely be born by c-section. It made a lot of sense though - the fact that I had HORRIBLE indigestion. Also the fact that I rarely ever got up in the middle of the night to pee (no pressure on my bladder). And the fact that all of the kicks and movement were on one side of my belly.

After our diagnosis, Georgie and I discussed all of our options with our OB - and anyone else we trusted. We called our Lamaze coach and asked her opinion. I spoke to everyone I knew who'd had a c-section or a breech baby. I read The Essential C-Section Guide (which I highly recommend). I searched the Internet. I'd like to think we did what any parent would do - we researched our options, weighed the risks and made the best, informed decision for our family.

We decided a planned c-section would be the best option for our family. Suddenly we had less than two weeks until our baby was born. We knew the date! This was really hard for me because I have a thing about numbers and I'm a big believer in fate. Also, how weird is it to just know - THIS day is the day your life will change forever. The weekend before Meli's birthday was a crazy mix of busy and reflection. We were still getting things done around the house, but oftentimes we'd stop and just look at each other and realize all that would be happening. Those moments were fleeting though and the desire to get everything organized took precedence.

I was afraid Monday would be the longest day of my life, but we managed to pack so much into it that I'm surprised we survived. I had a therapy appointment early in the morning, and at the same time, back at the house, G was supervising a cleaning crew, the cable company, and the handyman while simultaneously taking back to back conference calls for work. By the time I got home to relieve him, everyone was almost gone. I, not wanting to give myself anytime to think, got together some last minute work stuff and made a quick trip to the post office. The day was flying by! It just so happened that we had tickets that night to a major tennis match at Madison Square Garden. It was the perfect antidote to sitting home and panicking, so we went! It was lots of fun and I'm so glad we had the distraction. By the time we got home, I had some last minute vanilla ice cream (my indigestion remedy of choice) and finally finished packing my bag. I was in bed by 1AM and actually fell asleep. I thought I'd be up all night. Around 3AM, G woke me up and I was restless for about an hour, but managed to sleep pretty well the rest of the night.

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be when we woke up Tuesday morning. We were supposed to be at the hospital around 9:30 - 9:45, so we took our time. I talked to my sister and my mom who were on their way up from Philly. My sister was really concerned that they would call and ask me to come in early - which I thought was kind of weird - but they wanted to see me before I went in and were afraid they'd be late. Wouldn't you know it? While we were on the phone, I got a call from the hospital asking me if I could be there in an hour! So funny! I rushed around like an idiot and we left as fast as we could. I did manage to shower and shave my legs and throw up (and I did actually get my pedicure on Sunday) so I was all ready for my surgery. ;-)

When we got to the hospital we had to check in and then they sent us up to labor and delivery. L&D was PACKED that day. So much so that they set us up in recovery for our pre-op.

Before!

I changed into my beautiful hospital gown and they got me hooked up to all the monitors. The best was having the baby monitor on and watching contractions. I actually had a couple of big ones - although I didn't feel them all. The closest I would get to actual labor. And I loved hearing her heartbeat the whole time. G has it on video and it's one of my favorite moments. We settled in for our wait. I was feeling pretty good - not too nervous. We were chatting away with my nurse when she mentioned that she was KNITTING a blanket. I swear my head never spun around so fast. You KNIT?! I practically YELLED at the poor woman. You know where this is going - I talked nonstop about my knitting and her knitting and everyone else's knitting for the rest of our time together. And the best part? She told me that my OB was a FABULOUS knitter! I never knew!! Suddenly I was feeling so much better about everything. How could anything go wrong when there were knitters involved? It did a lot to calm my nerves.

One thing I want to remember is this woman they brought into recovery. She was making lots of noise and was obviously in excruciating pain. Georgie looked relieved that I wouldn't need to go through that and we both were seeing some of the virtues of anesthesia and planned births. Turns out, the woman wasn't in labor at all! She had a KIDNEY STONE! This woman was in AGONY. The only thing I could say positive about her situation was that labor would be a breeze for her. I was very glad when she finally got a room because she was making me a bit crazy. It's hard to hear someone in that much pain.

My mom and sister showed up and came to visit with us. I told them about my dr and nurse - the knitters. My dad showed up too. It was a regular party before the surgery. My dr came in and we started talking knitting! Of course I had G getting all the knitting I brought with me so I could show it off. We talked so much the anesthesiology nurse had to interrupt. And oh my god do I love that guy! During our anesthesiology interview he asked if we had a video camera to take into the OR. G had brought ours, but I said no video during surgery - only still pictures. The nurse said NO - take the video and told us this story about his son being born and how he peed all over his hand and the kid loves the tape and I was like okay - take the video in. I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE DID! The video of her birth (just the baby - nothing of the surgery) is precious to me. I am so glad we have it. I didn't know how important it would be to me. So thanks anesthesiology nurse! (I'm sorry I don't remember your name!)

Then it was time. I said goodbye to my family and to G and I walked into the OR with the nurse. The most important thing I remember about the OR is that it was amazingly bright inside. There seemed like there were these really big windows and the sunlight was just streaming in and I remember thinking that G would be SO HAPPY that his baby would be born with the sun shining in on us. Everyone was really nice and wonderful in the OR and it was my OB, the knitter, who held me while they did the spinal. First they gave me some Versed and I remember feeling pretty stoned. There are a lot of things I don't remember, but I do remember the really important things.

Daddy McDreamy!

So I'm on the table and it looks like they're getting ready to start - from what I could tell - and I'm like don't start until my husband gets here and someone was like get the husband! Very dramatic. G came in and before he could even get settled they were like get your cameras ready! This I remember very clearly: they told me I would feel a lot of pressure while they got the baby out and MAN did I feel pressure. My whole body was rocking and rolling while they got her out. And then they said it!

"IT'S A GIRL!"

I'll never forget that either. Georgie and I were so surprised. Georgie says it was the best moment ever. We both were pretty sure we were having a boy. Everyone told us we were having a boy. In fact - when we had our 20 wk ultrasound the doctor said "he looks great" and I left the appt in tears because I thought they had screwed up and told us the sex, G was the one who told me oh no - they just have to pick one or the other because they can't call the baby "it" and I was convinced, but it turns out he WASN'T. He really did think the doctor screwed up and was sure it was a boy! Let me tell you - best decision ever not finding out the sex. What a wonderful surprise!

My favorite picture of the day - can you see her little foot? (Click for big!)

Detail! Look at her toes!

She cried and cried and Georgie went around to check on her. Her little legs were splayed open from the breech, but other than that she was great. Her apgars were 9 and 9. She was PERFECT!

While they're sewing me up!

I have to say, my OB practice and my hospital do planned c-sections EXTREMELY well! We all stayed together in the OR and then G wheeled Meli to recovery right behind me. We were not separated at all!

My first time holding her!

So proud - daddy's little girl already!

And I got to nurse her right away! She latched on like a CHAMP! (And hasn't let go since....)

Mmmmmm...delicious!

My family came into recovery as well.

Mom-Mom holds Meli

Mom-Mom and Pop - grandparents AGAIN!

It was such a great scene - everyone was there and probably not much different than it would've been if she had been born vaginally. We were all together for a little while and then, honestly, I was TIRED. I had to stay in recovery until I could move my legs (which was REALLY weird, because I could see that I was moving them, but couldn't feel them.) I sent Georgie off with the baby to the nursery and I kind of slept there for a bit. That whole first day I was pretty out of it mostly. Dozing off and on and not really in any pain. When they gave me the spinal they also injected me with a long lasting (18-24 hrs) morphine type thing so I was pretty pain free the entire day. And I was getting intravenous Motrin. Honestly, my c-section recovery has been EASY. I never took anything more than Motrin. By the following morning after the surgery I was catheter, IV and leg cuff free - which means I was up and walking around. And my incision is beautiful - at least that's what every nurse who checked me said and my husband, who has had A LOT of surgery says - and I tell them all it's because I had a knitter for an OB! I mean C'MON people - Mattress stitch is the invisible seam!!!

The end of the first day - all blissed out!

It may not have started out as my ideal birth plan, but in the end it was PERFECT. And I have Miss Meli to prove it. Happy Birthday Sweet Girl! Mommy loves you the most!

PS - Funny story I can't leave out - whether you've given birth vaginally or by c-section - you'll all appreciate. But it's a bit TMI so it's after the jump.

So I'm going to the bathroom for the first time and my sister is helping me. I'm getting ready to clean myself and I take a nice wad of toilet paper and I'm already to wipe and my sister starts screaming NO! I swear she practically grabbed the paper out of my hand. "What are you doing?!?!" she screamed. Then I smiled. She was freaked out because when she had her babies it was a 20 minute proposition to go to the bathroom. Squirt bottles and Tucks Pads and extreme pain - NEVER toilet paper. I said, "Remember? My stitches are just a bit higher than yours?" And I wiped and I was done. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 01:31 PM | Comments (104)

April 09, 2008

Proof That I Do Put Her Down

After Our Walk



Sleeping With Daddy

Things have been going well. We made our first trip down to Philly for our favorite 3 yr old's birthday party. We had an ultrasound done of Meli's hips - a standard practice for breech babies - and everything's perfectly normal. We've nursed for what seems like HOURS on end. I've got about half our birth story written up. I knit about two rows. Today I chose to do laundry for the little bit she'd sleep on her own. Oh and we played Patty Cake and I got a little smile.

We miss you, but we're having so much fun!

Posted by Cara at 06:00 PM | Comments (42)

April 02, 2008

Day 3

So Georgie went back to work this week, which means Meli and I are home alone. I was pretty nervous about it, but Monday went spectacularly! I was able to get some packages ready in the morning for the post office, we drove Daddy to the train, dropped the packages off, came home, nursed, I had a bowl of cereal, Meli had a bath (yes - I bathed her BY MYSELF!), Mommy had a shower and was able to BLOW DRY HER HAIR! and then we made it to a doctor's appt ON TIME despite rain and traffic. The doctor told us Meli is perfect and she managed to gain a whopping 10 oz in one week and barely cried when she got her shot (I waited until the nurse left to totally break down. Wuss.) Then we did a little shopping. Came home and fell asleep nursing in the awesome new glider we have! PERFECT day!

Yesterday, Daddy left when we were still asleep and didn't come home until late. So we had a VERY LONG DAY together. I'm trying to set at least one goal for us to accomplish in a day - baby steps - and yesterday's goal was to go for a walk. It was almost 70 degrees here and even though it was overcast most of the day and rained on and off I didn't want to miss the nice weather. So finally we got ourselves together and it looked kind of sunny so we headed out for our walk. Miss Meli had been nursing A LOT during the day so it was perfect for us to get out of the house and she generally likes to be moving, so I figured she would sleep while we were out. And her in the stroller = NOT ON THE BOOB so it was a win win as far as I was concerned.

Except when we finally got out of the house and out from under the building it started to POUR. I mean buckets of rain. So we went back inside and headed to the couch where Meli became permanently attached to my boob until the sun came out again and I said FUCK THIS we need to get out of the house. So we went for our walk right as the sun was setting. It was all good until halfway through and then Meli started to cry and I tried to hurry home so we could take up residence on the couch again.

Which we did. For the rest of the night. I checked my breastfeeding book and it said that 3 weeks is a growth spurt and sometimes during a growth spurt the baby will just want to nurse ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. Georgie kept asking if there was something wrong with her, but my sister assured us that sometimes that's what babies do and then Meli peed all over herself for the second time that day while G was changing her so she had yet another bath and then she seemed to calm down. We sang her songs and she slept on my chest for awhile and we both fell asleep and she didn't nurse so much at night. I did get to sleep some. Thanks must go to my husband who rubbed my back so sweetly while we nursed together. He doesn't have to wake up with us, technically, but it's nice to have company that doesn't poop while she eats.

Today hasn't been as bad as yesterday, so far, and we're meeting up with FAinLI in the big city for some yarn shopping because I'm now obsessed with this bear and must make it in the same color.

Wish us luck on our third day.

Posted by Cara at 11:10 AM | Comments (55)

April 01, 2008

It's the little things

I hope I remember.

Like the way Meli sticks her feet up in the air when she nurses. She'll be on her back, head turned to my breast, and at least one of her legs is straight up in the air.

Like the way she's always flipping me off. She can't keep her hands away from her face and often her middle finger gets "caught" on her cheek. I like to think she's practicing for later.

Like the way she's so good in the car. We've dragged her EVERYWHERE and she's only three weeks old and she's such a trooper. But she likes to go fast - let the MPH drop below 40 and she starts to complain. She likes the bumps too.

Like the fact that I can't listen to Sunshine On My Shoulders without bursting into tears - especially the line "If I had a day that I could give you, I'd give to you a day just like today" which makes me think about the day she was born and how sunny it was in the OR and how I thought of G and how happy that would make him.

Like how I can eat now. Really really eat. And I can remember how sick I was when I was pregnant, but I can't remember how the sickness felt. I miss her inside me - I really do - but it's so nice to eat!

Like how she sleeps with her arms over her head like her dad. And she has long skinny legs like her dad. And his lips. Definitely her daddy's lips.

Like how alert she is! When her eyes are open, they're always focused on something. She loves to look around and is so curious!

But mostly I want to remember how everything is the same, but so different. And the love. All that freaking good love that flows like breastmilk.

Posted by Cara at 02:37 PM | Comments (99)

March 25, 2008

Two Weeks

Hey everyone! Sorry to leave you hanging like that. Especially in light of the fact that the last post is really in no way indicative of how we're all getting along. Meli is really - and I say this completely objectively - the perfect baby girl. She rarely fusses, nurses like a champ, poops like an elephant (who subsists mainly on grey poupon. By the way, it's no coincidence that grey poupon has POO in the word!) And most importantly, she sleeps very well. I get a good three hours at a stretch every night between feedings.

She had her first drs appt yesterday and she's gained back to her birth weight and grown an inch. Of course, she probably had that inch at the hospital - G says they measured her with her legs in the air after she was born.

She's been to the mall (she's a Jersey girl - natch!), car shopping and spent much quality time with her adoring cousins. Aunts, uncles, grandparents - they've all been through to pay their respects to our little princess and this week Daddy's home with us! I hope to get back to regular-ish blogging next week when it's just the two of us (can you spell T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D?)

Here's some proof that we're doing well!

I've even done some knitting! I was right! The Rambling Rows blanket is the PERFECT newborn project. I can pick it up and put it down without any issues and I've already finished one square and am halfway through another since her birthday. I'm trying out slings this week so if all goes well, there will be more blogging and more knitting in my very near future.

Thanks again for all your lovely well wishes for our baby girl and our family. They mean so much to us! I'm hoping to have our birth story up soon - it's so important to me to get it all down and really everything went off without a hitch. While it wasn't exactly what we planned for - it couldn't have gone better.

See you soon!!

L, C & M

Posted by Cara at 12:59 PM | Comments (158)

March 16, 2008

Night One

went something like this:

Here's hoping night two is just a teensy bit easier! Dude. There's tired and then there's TIRED. I'm having a blast!

Posted by Cara at 09:43 PM | Comments (111)

March 15, 2008

Like Smack

Since my milk came in two nights ago the little one has been enjoying that boob induced high. She can't get enough!

Finally, we are waiting for our discharge papers and then we are going HOME!

Georgie and Meli and I thank you all so much for your warm welcome for our little girl. It's all so overwhelming, but the outpouring of love has been almost more than I can bear. Thank you thank you thank you!

Posted by Cara at 09:06 AM | Comments (87)

March 11, 2008

Happy Birthday Miss Meli!

Nickname: Meli

7 lbs. 4oz.

20"

11:33 AM

PERFECTION!!!!

Baby, Daddy & Mama doing well!

Posted by Cara at 10:37 PM | Comments (642)

March 04, 2008

Nope. Not yet.

It's come to my attention that when I let a couple of days go by without posting some of you may be freaking out a bit that I've had the baby. Nope. Not yet.

As of yesterday, everything is status quo. I'm not even a little bit dilated and the baby is still very much heads up. It's looking more and more like a planned c-section is how we're going to go.

Once again, I will remind readers:

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! DO NOT tell me all the things I can do to turn this baby and how c-sections are evil and hospitals are evil and doctors are evil and this is all some kind of plot so my doctor can go play golf. This is my birth and my baby and what's right for you and your family may not be right for me and mine. PLEASE! Keep your opinions to yourself. THANK YOU!

I'm sure someone somewhere has done a study on the phenomenon I like to call "let's scare the crap out of the poor pregnant girl who doesn't know what she's gotten into but because I've done this at least one time I have all the answers to every question about pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood, etc and know EXACTLY the RIGHT THING this poor pregnant girl should do if she loves her baby just a little bit." Have you had any experience with this? Georgie tells me that I should just tell people that I'm stopping in at the spa for my mani-pedi-massage right before the c-section then immediately handing the baby off to a nanny who will proceed to feed the kid lead paint chips morning noon and night. THAT'S how much we love our baby.

Please, I pray I won't be like that once I'm on the other side of this.

Meanwhile, things are in hyper drive around here. I'm not going to say when the birth will occur but suffice it to say we won't be seeing the Ides. I mean, I will tell you all when it happens, but I'm not saying now. This morning I woke up around 6AM with all those lovely anxiety thoughts: what if I don't love my baby? What if I become addicted to pain pills? What if I bleed to death on the table while my husband and new baby watch? LOVELY. Then, to calm myself down, I started thinking about all the things I'd LIKE to do before the baby comes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Actually, a pedicure IS on that list.

Ann reminded me that I'm in that "last time" mode. Like, this is the last time I'll ever get to take a crap by myself. Or the last time I'm ALONE. EVER. Or at least for the next 20 odd years. ;-)

I did start a new project. Because that's what every knitter should do right before they give birth. Add another project to the ones already started. It's another FAMILY blanket and it's garter stitch and if the weather wasn't so shitty and it wasn't so crazy dark out I'd take a picture. Hopefully tomorrow. I'm enjoying it and I think along with the denim log cabin these will be the perfect projects to knit during baby's first few months. Please, whatever you do, don't shatter the delusion. Thank you.

PS - Go congratulate these fabulous knitbloggers: Julia and Amy are having babies too! YAY!

Posted by Cara at 03:12 PM | Comments (99)

February 29, 2008

Baby! Baby! Baby!

It's that time, everybody! A BABY Contest! I've been thinking about this ever since I got pregnant, so here it goes!

There was a bit of a wrinkle thrown into things because I will most likely know ahead of time the baby's birthday, but we still don't know the sex, or the weight, so that's what I'm going to have you guess.

Send an email to baby@januaryone.com with the following information:

1) Baby's Gender

2) Baby's Weight

3) And, in case of a tie break situation, please add your guess for the baby's first initial. Two letters - one for a boy and one for a girl. These initials will ONLY be used in the event that two or more people come up with the same winning answer.

ONE ENTRY PER PERSON. EMAILS WILL BE ACCEPTED UNTIL 11:59 PM EST MARCH 5, 2008.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR ENTRY IN THE COMMENTS!!!! ANY ENTRIES RECEIVED VIA THE COMMENTS WILL BE DISQUALIFIED.

This is how it's going to work - the person who gets the sex right and the weight right wins. If no one gets both right, the person who gets the sex right and comes closest to the weight WITHOUT GOING OVER wins. In case of a tie, the person who gets the sex right, the weight right AND the first initial right will win. If there is no one who does this, the person who gets the sex right, the weight right and comes closest to the first initial WITHOUT GOING OVER will win. If after all that, I still have two people who get it right (or more) well then, all will win and I'll be expecting lottery numbers whenever MEGA is over 100K.

Here's some info for helping you decide:

Pictures of my belly - taken this morning.

See how high I'm carrying? Great for bladder control, sucky for indigestion. Currently I am 36 weeks, five days. When I had an ultrasound the other day I asked the OB if the baby was big and she said, "not particularly." Remember, babies gain about a pound a week in the last month and my baby will probably be born before 39 weeks.

So far I've gained a tad under 30lbs.

I was 6 lbs 2 oz when I was born a few days before my due date. My husband was something like 9 lbs 14 oz. (God bless his mother!) I'm pretty sure he was full term.

Not sure what else you need to know. Oh yeah! The PRIZES!

There will be ONE GRAND PRIZE! (One baby - one prize!) You will receive a $25 Gift Certificate from Blue Moon Fiber Arts AND a $25 Gift Certificate from The Loopy Ewe! PLAY ON!

Dudes! I'm having a baby!!!

PS - Happy Birthday Dani! WHOO HOO!

Posted by Cara at 12:04 PM | Comments (26)

February 27, 2008

Nassau

So I picked a color for the baby's room that's proving almost impossible to photograph accurately. The picture above is photoshopped to be sure. The actual color is much deeper and richer. It changes with the light but we love it just the same. It will look fantastic with ANY accents. If the baby's a girl, I'm going with purples! If it's a boy, well, then, I can go with greens or reds or oranges, pretty much anything. I could actually use all those colors if it's a girl as well, but somehow I'm LOVING the purple. (In case anyone is curious, the color is Pittsburgh Paints Manor Home, Eggshell, COLOR Nassau, 155-6)

G and I LOVE the room. Neither one of us can walk by it without stopping and going in and just standing there feeling the color. It is most certainly like the sea - the Caribbean to be exact - and it's cool and warm and RELAXING. I hope the baby loves it as much as we do.

Don't freak out about the pacifier the way my husband did when he saw it in the room. It gets around the NO BABY STUFF IN THE HOUSE rule because it was in one of those sample pack things we got from the Lamaze class. It wasn't specifically FOR our baby and I'm not going to be using it anyway. Props don't count in the mysterious world of Cara's superstitions. ;-)

By now, you've probably read a lot or heard about my fantastic SURPRISE baby shower that Ann threw for me last Saturday. You can read all about how Ann got one over on me here. Fun times! ;-) If you'd like to see some of the unbelievably generous and beautiful gifts I received - hit up all the pictures after the jump! THANK YOU!

These pictures are a representation of the gifts we received! Everyone was SO INCREDIBLY GENEROUS!!! Thank you all so much for thinking of us!! And of course, none of the stuff came home with me so I get to be surprised all over again! (Click each picture for a bigger version!)

My guru in all things mitered, denimed and log cabined made us the BEST GIFT EVER! Check out those blu jeans! They have BORN IN THE USA embroidered across the back! With the white onesie, the red baseball cap, the converse sneakers (not pictured) and the denim jacket my kid certainly IS the BOSS! THANK YOU KAY! (When I showed Georgie the picture he was blown away. Swear to god the guy had tears in his eyes!)

Whether he or she likes it or not, our kid is a VIOLET through and through (when G and I were at NYU (about 3 yrs apart - he left in 84 - I got there in 87) the sports teams were called the Violets. Now they're called the Bobcats. After the library card catalog. So much tougher, no?) Thanks to Nancy, the kid is NYU'd OUT! Thank you Nancy!

Blogless but OH SO COOL Regina knit us the most beautiful hat and (I think) Koigu socks. So precious! There were other goodies in the package too! THANK YOU REGINA! I'm so glad you could be there with us!

Virgina was in the HOUSE! Check out these super cool blocks! I LOVE THEM! Virginia has details on her blog about them. Thank you so much! We can't wait to play with them!

Here I am opening a gift from Ann.

A little back story is necessary here. Ann and I talk on the phone at least once a day - usually a lot more than that. For the last month or so she's been trying to torture me by telling me she's knitting a present for the baby and me. And then she was ripping it out. Then counting rows (she would clickety klatch on the phone and ask me if I knew what she was doing!) Then knitting some more. Then blocking. Etc, etc. I let her play her little game and honestly had no idea what she was knitting for us. (Just like I had no idea I'd be seeing it before the baby arrived!) So when I opened the box and saw that she had knit the CURLICUE I couldn't believe it!! SHOCKED! Such an endeavor, this blanket, and on top of everything else! I was floored!

My sister took home all the stuff that I will be able to use right away and I made sure she took the blanket with her. This ones coming to the hospital! THANK YOU ANNIE! You amaze me!

These adorable little shoes were knit by Cathy! She sent them along to Ann's and oh my god they are so precious! When I saw them I immediately asked all the mothers around me - will my baby REALLY be this small? Thank you so much Cathy! I really appreciate your thinking of us!

Vicki! What can I say about Vicki! Without Vicki, honestly, there wouldn't be an Ann in my life. So thanks Vicki - I have you to blame for all of this!!! No seriously - I love Vicki so much and she knit the most beautiful sweater and hat for our baby! It's gorgeous! And the pattern is fantastic. More on her blog as well. THANK YOU VICKI! WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Teyani sent a whole BOX of goodies! A gorgeous purple knit hat - with ears!

A duck that my niece just loved!

And a purple and red hat - my favorite colors! THANK YOU TEYANI! What wonderful gifts! THANK YOU!

Lola and Ava also sent a great box of stuff! So many riches! Included was this fabulous hoodie and hat! RED! PERFECT! Thank you girls!! I love everything!

What kind of surprise baby shower would it be without a BABY SURPRISE JACKET! Well, thank god for Margene! She came through BIG TIME! I can't wait to put my baby in this! (Details here!) THANK YOU MARGENE! WE LOVE YOU!

Just when I thought I was done opening all these magnificent presents, the doorbell rang! Another box!!

Terry, that goof, sent me lots of stuff, including this terrific onesie - I MIGHT BARF! I could use that in adult size! THANK YOU TERRY! YAY!

As I mentioned before, this is just a sampling! So many wonderful gifts - Georgie and I are beyond touched at the love you all have shown us and our baby. I can't wait to bring it all home!

Last but not least - a couple of other party pictures. First off, Ann thinks we all like her for her sparkling personality, but really, I just visit for the eats.

Coconut Marshmallows. Home made. These things ROCK and I'm not crazy for coconut.

Home made Baklava. She crushed the nuts herself and everything. Raves from my Mediterranean husband. And next to that is a carrot cake that Nancy brought from The Bronx. JEEZ! What a cake!

Here I am with my first baby! My little sister who's twelve years younger than me! Isn't she gorgeous!?!

And my favorite picture of all - a friend above all friends. Ann - I really don't know how to thank you and your family. THANK YOU MY FRIEND! I LOVE YOU!

Posted by Cara at 02:49 PM | Comments (31)

February 25, 2008

Like Mama, Like Baby

You think you're all so clever, don't you! Getting one over on me! Well, CONGRATULATIONS because I had no freaking clue. I was never so surprised in my life.

Not sure what I'm talking about? Well, my wonderful, stupendous, fantastico friend Ann, the Janice to my Marge, managed to conspire and plot, with much help from all over, a baby shower for me! It was ridiculous! My mom, grandmom, sisters and niece all came out to LI from Philly. People traveled from near and far. Sent wonderful presents. I'm still all verklempt and shocked and honestly at a loss for words. Look for a much more detailed post to come!

The baby's room was painted, too, and it looks better than I could've dreamed. G and the painter doubted my color choice but soon came around and have been proclaiming it the greatest color ever! I told them - I may not know much, but I do know color.

Then the biggest surprise of all came this morning. I went to the OB today for my 36 week check up and after determining that I'm not dilated at all, she didn't feel the head in the correct position. She told me it was either too high still or not in the right spot, so she did a quick ultrasound and it turns out the baby is breech. Very breech. It's high and the head is just under my ribs on the right. It's deja vu all over again because guess what?! This is pretty much the position I was in 38 years ago. I was born by c-section, and it looks like my first born might be born that way too. Needless to say, this wasn't the news I expected to hear today. I've been under the impression that the baby was head down. I've got some time to come to terms with what all this means and G and I and our doctor can make decisions about how we want to proceed, but I'm very disappointed. But you know what my wonderful husband said to me when I got home from the appointment? He said he'd been thinking about it since I called and the most beautiful wonderful person he's ever known was born by c-section, so what could be so bad? God I love that man. It'll all be good.

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! DO NOT tell me all the things I can do to turn this baby and how c-sections are evil and hospitals are evil and doctors are evil and this is all some kind of plot so my doctor can go play golf. This is my birth and my baby and what's right for you and your family may not be right for me and mine. PLEASE! Keep your opinions to yourself. THANK YOU!

Okay. In case you haven't heard, BITCH is the new black and I am fully embracing my inner (and sometimes outer) BITCH.

I'll be back tomorrow with more about the shower, a picture of the baby's room, and possibly a contest. I was dreaming about having a "when's the baby the going to be born" contest, but now that it looks like it's going to be planned, the wind has kind of gone out of the sails. We'll see what I can think up!

THANK YOU again EVERYONE who was involved in this weekend's events. I have no words! THANK YOU!

Posted by Cara at 03:42 PM | Comments (139)

February 21, 2008

How to Belly Cast!

Thanks for all the comments on my belly cast and my beautiful nephew! I tell the baby all the time that the most excited people to meet him or her are Daddy and Eli! (And Mommy of course.) G and E are constantly asking, "When's the baby coming out?" Soon, my sweets. Very very soon.

So you want to belly cast too? This cast is the fourth I've been a part of - my own, of course, and my sister's three. It's ridiculously easy to make! I'm sorry there are no pictures - there are pictures, of course, but they're pretty revealing and even I'm not comfortable putting them up on the blog. Use your imaginations!

Supplies needed:

Petroleum jelly. (I'd get a new BIG jar.)

Plaster gauze. (We used this one which I bought at Michael's. Any craft store will have it. Even if you think you've bought enough, get another one. We actually ran out and probably could have used some more.)

Drop cloths or towels or newspapers. (This is a MESSY project. We always do it in the bathroom because surfaces can be cleaned easily, but also, if you're the one getting the cast done to you, you're going to want to get in the shower ASAP.)

Bucket or pan (You need to dip the gauze in warm water.)

Some kind of chair. (One that can also be wiped down easily - we used a metal folding chair.)

Husband, sister, friend (You can't do this yourself - get someone to do it for you that you feel really comfortable with - I wouldn't necessarily recommend three kids 7 and under helping out - but it was still fun!)

We do the boobs - and after the first cast we realized that keeping the bra ON is probably better than taking it off. Also, keep your underwear on as well. I wouldn't wear your brand new $60 nursing bra or your best undies. Things are going to get messy.

Step 1: Cut the plaster gauze into strips. You'll want some long ones that will cover all the way across your belly and you'll want some shorter ones to fill in places and really there are no wrong answers here. But it's good to have them cut BEFORE you start. Cut more than you think you'll need and keep the scissors close by so you can cut some more when you run out.

Step 2: SLATHER yourself with petroleum jelly anywhere and everywhere you want the plaster to go. Just gob that shit on until you ARE petroleum jelly. Go past the edges of where you think the plaster will land. Get help for this. You've got a big belly and there's skin you can't see/get to. Basically, when the plaster dries it will literally POP off your body because it doesn't stick to the skin.

Step 3: Get as comfortable as you can in the chair while still maintaining a big belly. You don't want to stand with the cast on - it's not bad per se, but it does get kind of uncomfortable and you're going to want to sit down. I sort of had my ass on the edge of the seat and leaned back.

Step 4: Fill your bucket or pan with warm water. I don't know that the water technically needs to be warm, but why would you want to put cold water on your body?

Step 5: Dip one of the strips in the water - you don't have to soak it, just make sure it's all wet. Then artfully drape it across the belly!

Step 6: Repeat Step 5 until the entire area you want to cast is covered. As you go along, smooth out the edges with excess water and fill in places that seem like they might need more plaster. The plaster has already started to harden, but you can't hurt things by using MORE. In fact, if you don't use enough, it will be flimsy in areas and that's not good, so MORE is better.

Step 7: Once the area is covered and things are as smooth as they're going to get (or you've run out of plaster) sit there and look pretty. It'd be nice if you had some water to drink nearby because it can get kind of hot with all those kids running around and the bathroom starts to close in on you but hey! You can feel the cast starting to dislodge! Cool! The whole thing probably takes about a half an hour (but can feel much longer.) Don't rush it - it won't be completely dry when it pops off, but it will be dry enough on the under layers of plaster.

Step 8: GENTLY take the cast off once you're sure it's ready. Trust me. You'll know. Or you won't be able to take it anymore and you'll take it off anyway. It will literally just pull away from your skin.

Step 9: Put it on the chair or floor, but makes sure that the heaviest part (probably the bottom of the belly) is what's supporting the rest of the cast. It's nowhere near fully dry and you don't want to collapse it.

Step 10: Rip your bra and underwear off as best you can (I'd suggest wearing something you don't necessarily care about) and get in the shower. Use a washcloth to get the petroleum jelly off, but really, the plaster just disappears from your skin.

Step 11: Dry off. Admire your new cast. Try not to think about where you're going to put it in your house so no one sees it, especially your dad and your father-in-law. ;-)

Voila! Belly cast!

There are a million kits out there, but seriously, so not necessary. I think I bought a kit the first time we did one for my sister, but quickly realized (when the kit came with a jar of Vaseline and plaster gauze) that we could do this ourselves no problem. Also, if you google belly cast, there are a million and one websites out there to tell you how to do it - maybe better than I just did. Some people use plastic under the cast in stead of petroleum jelly, but I think I would have a hard time keeping it from slipping. It's true that the petroleum jelly coats the inside of the cast, but that's easily wiped away.

At a later date, you can always take more plaster and smooth out areas that you're unhappy with or need more reinforcement. Once it's totally dry, you can decorate it, display it, celebrate it, or hide it in the attic like we do.

Have fun!

Posted by Cara at 11:06 AM | Comments (13)

February 19, 2008

She makes the Venus de Milo
look like she's got no style*

Belly cast! DONE!

My belly looks so small (I guess compared to the boobage!) My sister definitely enjoyed exacting her revenge. I've done three casts for her and her verdict is it's a LOT more fun to be the one on the other side of the cast. The kids were super excited and had a blast. I didn't pass out and/or throw up, so I was very happy.

I'll give some details tomorrow - today things have moved into high gear at baby central. I found out yesterday that the baby's room will be painted next weekend. Yeah. I haven't even thought about color and the house is no where near ready, but next weekend it will be. P-A-N-I-C!

Here are some more pictures from the weekend. My (almost) 3 yr old nephew is completely and totally enamored with my belly. He loves this baby so much it's the most wonderful time! I bought a $20 fetoscope for G for Xmas and the kids love to try to listen. I'm pretty positive they've never heard the "heartbeep," but I can hear it pretty well.

Off to buy paint! UGH!

* Crush On You

Posted by Cara at 10:19 AM | Comments (39)

February 14, 2008

V-Day

Yesterday afternoon I spent about 15-20 minutes on my hands and knees trying to decide if I was in labor or not. Clearly I wasn't. Last night I kept dreaming that my water broke. Over and over it seemed. I've come to believe that pregnancy definitely comes full circle. At the beginning you're paranoid about every twitch and cramp because you think it might be the end, and now, I'm paranoid about every twitch and cramp because OH MY GOD! It might be the END!

Then, this morning, I threw up.

But still, I'm not ready for it to be over. I find myself feeling a bit crampy here and there and suddenly I'm making deals with the baby. Don't come out, PLEASE, don't come out until X is done. Then you can come out anytime you like. Of course, the days continue to drag at a god awful slow pace, but yet the projects keep piling up and nothing seems to get done. Of course, I can't work as hard as I'd like. I'm in the middle of going through all these boxes of papers that need to be piled and filed and after about an hour I have to get up and lay on the couch for like two hours. Then I can go back and work for another hour. Then I have to rest for THREE hours. So you see why nothing is getting done.

The pediatrician was great - we felt a very good vibe. She was excited for us and I just know she'll be loving toward our kid. Philosophy wise we meshed well and the office was friendly and big and I'm confident. Also, at least one of their offices is open 365 days a year. Very nice.

The other day my mom told me she really wanted to see my nephews and niece on Thursday and I was like what's Thursday? Valentine's Day! It's such NOT a big deal in our house. Kind of the way we feel about Thanksgiving - like if you need a day to remind yourself to thank all the people around you - that's kind of lame. Same thing with love. I'd like to think that my husband and family and friends know how much I love them because I tell them and show them all the time, not because I gave them lots of candy on a particular day in February.

That said, when I got home from taking my husband to the train station this morning I found the sweetest box of Curious George chocolates on my desk chair. The box said, "I'm bananas for you!" I totally burst into tears. Many of you may think it about your own mates, but I KNOW I'm the luckiest girl in the world. My guy has taken such unbelievable care of me and our baby - there aren't words to describe my gratitude. Not that I didn't think he would, but he's stepped up in ways that I couldn't even imagine. Thank you my love! Thank you!

I started a new pair of socks. I wanted another pair of monkeys because garter stitch and monkeys are about all I can handle these days and I wanted to go in a different direction with the yarn. So far all of my monkeys have been heavily variegated, but I sort of fell in love with Claudia's Chocolate Monkeys and I wanted to try more of a semi-solid. Then I decided that I wanted them to be red. And that they should be my going home from the hospital socks. My baby will be head to toe in red so why shouldn't my feet be clad in red? (Of course, the way my luck is going it will be 90 degrees that day, but still!) So life-affirming. And seemingly a good color for labor, you know? Placenta socks, if you will. ;-)

I went through my STR stash and pulled out all the semi-solid reds I had on hand. There were a lot of them, surprisingly and it was kind of hard to decide. Then I found this skein:

Mystery Monkeys

The only thing about this skein? I have no idea is what it is. I'm 99.9% sure it's STR - it feels the same and looks the same and was in with all my other STR (yes, I do keep the STR separate from all the other sock yarns!) But there is no label. Or at least none that I could find. And I compared it to all the other red STRs and it's definitely different. So don't ask me the colorway, or if it's available or anything because I have no idea. Mystery Monkeys. I'm thinking the yarn was some kind of stash gift and destined to be my birthing socks. [ETA: I'm fairly certain it's not Ruby Slippers. I made a pair of jaywalkers from Ruby Slippers and the repeats are very long. The repeats in the mystery yarn are much shorter and there are more color variations.]

I've barely started them, but I'll have some train time tomorrow as I'm going down to Philly for the weekend. This will most likely be my last trip down there before the baby comes and changes everything. We're doing a belly cast this weekend! I've done one for my sister for all three of her kids, so it's pay back. Pictures next week hopefully! Have a great weekend!

Posted by Cara at 12:04 PM | Comments (35)

January 22, 2008

Dream Baby Dream

Last night I had an awful dream - I was injecting myself with something and I knew that injecting myself with this "stuff" was going to kill me, but I did it anyway.

Yeah. Not so much fun to wake up to a suicide dream. Although, I realize, that it has nothing to do with suicide and everything to do with being pregnant. I'm thinking that the injections symbolized the fertility drugs I had to take to get pregnant and the dying wasn't so much a physical death but a METAphysical death. You know - like the death of my current identity being morphed into my NEW identity as a mother? Just my armchair psychology for the day, but it was spooky nonetheless. Took me awhile to fall back to sleep again.

I've pretty much escaped the crazy dreams of pregnancy. I have one every now and then but most of the time I'm pregnant in my "regular" dreams and I'm always telling people I can't do this or that because DUH I'm pregnant. Tellingly I wasn't pregnant in last night's dream. Georgie, my poor sweet, has been shouldering the bulk of the nightmares this pregnancy. I think because I manage to work out my anxieties while I'm awake rather than asleep.

The identity dream fits well with all the work we've been doing around the house. Sunday we needed two cars to schlep the FIFTEEN bags we had filled to the Salvation Army. FIFTEEN and yet our house is still filled with crap and looks a mess. Georgie started moving things out of the room that will eventually be the baby's which means I have to now SHARE the spaces I've called my own for the last ten years. Not too much resentment here. I walk into my closet and there's all of his STUFF.

It's okay. I'll get used to it. And it's not like we're all freaked out that the room won't be ready for the baby, per se. I mean, the furniture and stuff won't be delivered until AFTER the baby's born - it's that we have 16 years of accumulated CRAP that needs to be weeded through and thrown out and the baby is just an excuse. I keep telling myself that this is a great exercise because hopefully sometime in the next year we will be moving and there won't be as much to throw out when we do!

It is a daunting task though. Yesterday I actually got down on my hands and knees and vacuumed the base boards next to my bed and underneath my night stand. DISGUSTING. I told my sister and she said WOW - you really are nesting. Guess it's true.

I also did some knitting!

Friday - when we had no heat or hot water - it turns out a transformer blew in our building. So in order to fix it they had to turn off all of our electricity. They did this at 2PM. I thought GREAT! I'll get out my Creative (like an IPOD only BETTER) and listen to some podcasts and finish Oblique's sleeves! Only the Creative was dead. So I knit to the tune of jackhammers (they had electricity, of course) until the sun went down. Then G came home and rescued me from the cold and the dark. Sometime while we were out, the lights went back on - as well as the heat and hot water.

I did manage to finish the sleeves. And I did the button bands on the body AND I seamed the raglans. All I need to do now is the collar, finish seaming and decide what to do with the bottom of the sleeves. I sort of draped it on my shoulders and this thing is HUGE! I think, it will get a bit smaller once it's all seamed up, but still - it's like a blanket coat! Which isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. I hope to have it finished by the end of the week. There's a chance I'm going to run out of yarn, but I have an angel helping me out. Margene has the yarn in her stash and she's going to send me a skein. Although, I think, now, I might be okay. Fingers crossed!

I knit something else yesterday too!

Believe it or not, I wore my first pair of monkeys Sunday night! We had a party to go to and I wanted some fancy socks in case I took my shoes off and I pulled a pair of monkeys out of my sock drawer. I have never worn ANY of the monkey socks I knit! NONE! I mentioned that I've been thinking about socks a lot lately and wearing them was so fantastic that I took out the Purple Rain STR Monkey that I started a million years ago - actually it was back in August. Last I knit these I was on the heel flap. Yesterday I managed to finish the flap, turn the heel and knit the gusset! All night long I kept telling Georgie how good it felt to be knitting SOCKS! This was all punctuated by the fact that I went through my "pedestrian" sock drawer over the weekend and got rid of EVERYTHING. I told G - once you've gone handknit - you never go back.

Thank you all for all your encouragement and support about my last post. I'm much calmer now (although we do have childbirth class tonight) and I'm handling my fears pretty well. I've been reading some stuff - stuff that pisses me off and makes me feel VERY judged and stuff that assuages my fears and lets me know that whatever I want is truly fine. It seems to me that the baby will be coming out of my body - in some way shape or form and that's NATURAL. Nothing about this pregnancy started out conventional - so who's to say the end will be that way as well? I'm open. Truly open. And I think that can only be a good thing for my body as well as my mind. I have some very solid ideas about how I want things to go - and that really has more to do with how I want to be treated (with respect and honesty and intelligence) than the actual EVENTS that take place. I trust my husband implicitly that he will help me to have the best birth I can have. So thank you for your confidence in me. It means a lot.

Off to get rid of more stuff! It's so FREEING!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 11:20 AM | Comments (42)

January 18, 2008

Squalor

Today we have no heat and no hot water. Also, they've started the dreaded drilling I talked about way back when. They're refacing the outside of our building - including taking off the balconies and redoing them. They haven't gotten to my unit yet, but they're getting closer and closer. All you hear are jackhammers off and on all day. In the cold with no hot water. And I'm pretty sure my neighbors are running a restaurant next door.

Fun times.

We started our childbirth class a couple of weeks ago and while I always knew, you know, intellectually, that the baby will come out somehow - I hadn't really given much thought to HOW it will come out. The details and all. I've never been one of those people who thinks that a baby should be born in a field or underwater or god forbid my living room (not that it wouldn't be nice to be able to crawl into my own bed after the kid arrives, but can you imagine the CLEANING I would have to do to get my house ready for something like that?! Makes my head spin.) But at the same time I'm not the kind of person that wants to walk into the hospital with my c-section scheduled around my favorite television shows.

DISCLAIMER: GIVING BIRTH IS ABOUT AS PERSONAL AS IT GETS. EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN BIRTH EXPERIENCE, HOWEVER THEY CHOOSE. NO JUDGMENTS HERE.

I've never given birth before. I have no idea what it will be for me. At the class the other night the instructor went around the room and asked all the women how they thought they handled pain - then they asked the partners to corroborate. It was strange for us because my husband has been in fairly constant pain since he was about 14 years old and while I've had great experience with MENTAL pain and anguish, I've never really had to endure physical pain. So who knows? That first contraction might hit and I might be begging for the epidural.

But I'd like to go into this thinking I'm going to get as far as I can WITHOUT drugs and see where it takes me. I want options.

The instructor alluded to a few things about the hospital where I'm giving birth that didn't sit so comfortably with me and I started to get upset. Prematurely. I haven't discussed any of this with my doctors and I'm honestly only starting to feel my way about the whole thing.

Which brings me to the topic I really want to talk about - ANXIETY. I've dealt with anxiety and panic my entire life, but this is different. This is REAL. Most of my anxiety has been irrational - some kind of circuitry issue in my brain that starts to flip out when I'm feeling out of control or my hearts beats a little fast - there's a trigger and suddenly I'm sweating and breathing heavy and my gut starts to twitch and if I indulge the feelings I'm in full blown panic. I KNOW what this is. I've lived with it for close to thirty years and I've made GREAT strides to manage it.

This panic? This new panic? This anxiety about bringing a new life into this crazy fucked up world? This life that I'm - ME - responsible for? Holy shit. Now that's FEAR.

I'm trying to take it all in stride. I mean, it's not often in my life that I get to be scared with GOOD REASON. I should embrace that right? My problem is that I spend a lot of time trying to decide whether or not my reactions are NORMAL. Am I too anxious? (Before anyone starts to tell me about PPD and all that, you should know that I see a mental health practitioner way more than I see my OBGYN. I'm well taken care of because of my history.) Yesterday I read something about Halle Berry - who's also due in March - and she said that she's started thinking about giving birth and she's completely freaked out. Even more so than she was at the Oscars! Just the reality check I needed!

I'm lucky to be surrounded by rational, knowledgeable women who've given birth lots of times and can assuage my fears. Or at least validate them. That's important.

By posting this, I'm not looking for everyone to unload their magical, tragic, run of the mill birth stories on me. And I know that everything will be all right. My husband is bucking for COACH OF THE YEAR and I'm not sure you could get a more supportive partner. My corner is STACKED baby! And I haven't lost sight of the ultimate goal - a healthy happy baby - and more importantly - a HEALTHY HAPPY ME! However, whatever we need to do to get there.

I'm posting this because I've been pretty honest about my feelings this pregnancy. I haven't sugar coated anything. And now that I'm getting down to the end I feel like it's just as important to talk about how I feel - my fears and such - as it is to talk about my acid reflux that makes me sit up in bed at night gasping for air because I was choking on my own bile. Did I forget to mention that? I'm taking steps. It's getting better. Last night I slept so well I didn't even get up to pee. YAY KEGELS!

Every day I get a comment from another reader who's also pregnant - who knew there were so many of us? And maybe my writing about how scary it all is will help someone else who's also terrified. And just so you know - it's not all scary. The other day I was rubbing my belly and thinking about the doctor pulling that sweet babe out of me and saying "IT'S A ____!" and putting the baby on my chest and then saying hi to the baby and then looking into Georgie's eyes and watching him fall in love with our baby and man I lost it. I'm losing it now. Fear isn't everything you know.

Posted by Cara at 10:00 AM | Comments (127)

January 10, 2008

Sleepless in Secaucus

While there's been lots to complain about this pregnancy (YES. I'm puking again. Not everyday, but enough to be miserable.), there's also been some stuff I HAVEN'T gotten.

My skin looks the best it's looked in years. Not one pimple the entire pregnancy. Ditto my hair. It's gotten a lot drier (same for my face) and that's GOOD for me. My hair looks fantastic.

I haven't had any "issues" in the area you could have issues in - very common in pregnancy - think low. Not that low. Up a little. YES. There. No issues. Everything's moving right on schedule thank you very much.

No swelling. No blood pressure issues. No infections. My weight gain has been pretty on target. (I think I can thank the puking for that.)

And up until last night - I was sleeping pretty good.

Usually I fall asleep with the lights and the TV on a bit early and then G comes in and I wake up and pee and take my vitamin, etc. Last night was no different, except when I woke up, all of a sudden I was hit by TERRIBLE heartburn. I took a Pepcid (which I should probably just be taking every day no matter what) and that didn't really help. I couldn't lay down. I even went and had an ice pop because it burned so bad. I brought the husband pillow in from the den and tried that but I was so freaking uncomfortable. And hot. This weather is killing me. I'm HAPPY to be pregnant in the winter because it's COLD out and I'm WARM all the time but NO. I get freaking Spring.

I didn't fall asleep until 3AM. Caught up on a lot of General Hospital though. My freaking neighbors woke me up at 8 with their new blender. Fucking fantastic.

I'm so cranky today. I'd really LOVE to go to sleep but my bedroom stinks from all the cooking my neighbors do. Now that they have the blender, they can really chop up all those horribly offensive ingredients they use. (You may think I'm exaggerating, but there's nothing worse than walking into your house - especially your bedroom - and being bombarded with SMELLS. Smells that aren't yours or your loved ones or anything else you might want to smell. It's truly awful and nothing we've tried works. Dude! Why can't they bake cookies or something?!?) ETA: We can't open the windows anymore (not that it helps much) because we sealed them for the winter (something we do routinely - the drafts are HORRIBLE) and for the expected construction.

Also, did I mention we have no water today? Hot or cold? Yup. No water. And the fire alarm blared off and on for two hours last night while I was trying to rest.

I've been really busy this week so I never finished my Oblique sleeves and I'm behind on other stuff and time is ticking away.

Sorry for the complaining. I'm just tired. Welcome to the THIRD trimester!?

PS - I've picked the Color Contest winners! I'll announce them as soon as I hear back from the winners. CHECK YOUR SPAM FOLDERS!

Posted by Cara at 11:55 AM | Comments (59)

January 01, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-anges

This is how I looked on the day before my 38th birthday:

28 weeks, 1 day

We're down in Philly for New Year's Eve babysitting - believe it or not! Yes. I decided that our last New Year's Eve as the two of us should be spent with our favorite three-pack. And I get to be in Philly, with my family, for my birthday. Bliss!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Posted by Cara at 03:52 AM | Comments (177)

December 26, 2007

We're having a WHAT?!?!

Reality has set in. Now that I don't have to think about work 24 hrs a day I've realized that OH MY GOD! We're having a BABY!!! I don't need to tell you that panic is not pretty. That's pretty much what I was doing this weekend. Panicking. A BABY! That is FOREVER! AND EVER! AND EVER!

Scary stuff my friends, as I'm sure many of you know. Scary scary stuff.

I tried to assuage my fears with knitting. Selfish self-indulgent knitting. (BEWARE: Some seriously CRAPTACULAR photos to follow!)

Oblique now has my full attention. I'm loving it! I finished the back and the measurements all seem good (it's going to be big and comfy!) and I started on the fronts. I am a big fan of doing the fronts and sleeves together. It takes a bit longer, maybe - maybe not, but you can also keep better track and make sure that you do the same thing for both fronts/sleeves. I'm at the point on the sleeves where I can start the shaping decreases and that shouldn't take too long. I figure the fronts should go pretty quickly because you've got raglan decreases along with neck decreases - that's a lot of decreasing! I'm hoping, maybe, to have the fronts finished by the weekend. Ambitious, to be sure.

I've started feeling sick again. Sad, but true. And I'm tired. Things hurt. All of which makes me really nervous because I've still got 13 weeks to go.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday or day off or Tuesday. I'm trying to think up a spectacular birthday contest - something really over the top this year. We'll see how well my brain works!

Thanks for reading!

Posted by Cara at 02:21 PM | Comments (54)

December 11, 2007

Always Look On The Bright Side

I'm trying to convince myself that the fact that I failed my 1 hr Gestational Diabetes screen today (with flying colors, I might add) means I get three hours of knitting time tomorrow morning when I go for my 3 hr GTT test. Whoohoo!

Somehow, though, it's not really working. The other night I couldn't get the baby to move for about an hour and a half and completely freaked myself out - I drank some grape juice and stayed on my left side and finally, at around 2 AM, the kid started moving. Then, the next morning, I threw up all over the place - I always keep the toilet seat up! Not yesterday. Fun times.

I love feeling the baby move all the time and just when I think I'm enjoying being pregnant, another stumbling block. I know failing my 1hr test doesn't mean I have GD (my sister says she failed the 1hr with all three of her kids and never failed the 3hr) but I just want something ANYTHING to be a little bit of a no brainer already. I just want ONE thing to be a little bit easy. I know I shouldn't be ungrateful because the fact is my baby is healthy and seemingly happy floating away in there and that's the most important thing. I KNOW THIS. But still, I'd like to catch a little bit of a break. Just a little one.

It's times like these I'm glad there's still so much work for me to do. Busy is good - otherwise I'd be sitting here crying my eyes out.

Posted by Cara at 11:53 AM | Comments (72)

November 28, 2007

Belly Shots

Hold the vodka, please.

Since you're all so into progress shots - I thought I'd share a different kind - still progress though!

That's my lame attempt at a self-portrait. I had to enlist the Daddy-Cam for some decent-ish shots.

These pictures were taken today - 23 weeks, 3 days. Depending on what book you're reading, that puts me somewhere in the sixth month.

Although the profile shot and the back fat aren't the nicest, head on it's so cute! I'm really enjoying my belly these days - I think it looks so pretty! It's got a nice shape and I guess I'm carrying in the front? No stretch marks YET (they're coming - I got stretch marks on my boobs and hips in adolescence so I'm not naive enough to think I'll be immune. And before you start telling me about all kinds of miracle creams, the scientific research I've read is that stretch marks are genetic. You either get them or you don't.) Georgie likes my belly too. Which makes it doubly nice. Thanks for letting me share!

L, C

Posted by Cara at 12:39 PM | Comments (78)

November 21, 2007

Now this makes me happy!

Sarah and I bumping bellies in DC!
THANK YOU SARAH! Totally gave me the smile I needed today!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 08:24 AM | Comments (35)

November 06, 2007

It's A...

HUMAN!

Exactly what we wanted! Whew! We were worried there for a minute or two.

The ultrasound was really long, and honestly painful. The baby was VERY uncooperative apparently. Wouldn't stop moving around and then it would hide itself and more than half of the ultrasound I was on my side with my back to the tech and the doctor so they could see what needed to be seen. Finally they got all the measurements they needed (I'm telling you my belly will be bruised tomorrow) and declared our baby PERFECT! (At least as far as the ultrasound goes.)

We didn't bring a video tape (I couldn't find one this morning) but in the end, the ultrasound was so long and they had so much trouble that Georgie started to read the paper. Every now and then I'd tell him to check things out (my head was behind the screen, as I thought it would be) and he'd look and then get scared he was going to see something he didn't want to see (like some kind of gender identification) and look away. I was like, honey, that's the umbilical cord.

To top the day off: WE FINALLY GOT SPRINGSTEEN TICKETS!
The baby WILL be hearing The Boss in utero. We're going to have a nice weekend in DC and catch the show on the 12th. I can't wait. A little bit of relaxing. A little bit of Bruce. And a whole lot of my favorite boy and my other favorite boy. Or maybe my favorite girl. ;-)

Here's another picture. A foot. I'm bruised on the outside AND inside. YAY BABY!

PS - I've had some questions about Spin Out prizes. I have NOT awarded them yet. It looks like I'll be doing that right before Thanksgiving. My elves will be coming to help and hopefully I'll have a break in the workload before then to post the rest of the prizes that I haven't posted yet. I'm terribly sorry for the delay. I apologize to all the people who donated prizes and all the people who bought raffle tickets. THE PRIZES WILL BE GOING OUT! I promise. Thank you all for being so patient! I really appreciate it!

Posted by Cara at 04:07 PM | Comments (70)

November 05, 2007

Halfway

Sometime in the night last night I passed the 20 week mark on my pregnancy. That means I'm halfway there! YIPEEEEE! Although that also means, holy fuck - I'm halfway there!

The other night I was sleeping and I guess I was on my back and my belly was exposed (I was probably scratching it when I fell asleep) and G said all of a sudden it moved like I was being donkey kicked from the inside. DUDE! I WAS! The baby's all over the place now and Georgie still hasn't had a really good feel, but at least he could SEE it.

Someone said in the comments the other day that I seem to be enjoying the pregnancy now and I have to say it's true. I get all emotional when I think about it, but I just love feeling my baby move inside me. And I'm loving the changes in my body. My boobs may be huge, but they're matching up nicely with my growing belly. I actually feel kind of sexy in a whale-ish type of way. And man can I dance now! We were listening to some 2PAC the other day and I could shake that booty like never before! Guess it's all those loose ligaments! How do YOU want it? [WARNING: link NOT work appropriate.]

And yesterday I was able to satisfy a fantastically intense craving: bagels and fish. Specifically, a bagel with cream cheese and baked salmon. From Murray's. MMMMMMMM. So good. It didn't even give me indigestion!

I've made some progress with my knitting as well. Last night I was able to fix my mistake and figure out a better way of reading the chart. Now I can glance at it and know where I am without having to count boxes and stuff. Really, not brain surgery, but my hormone laden brain can't handle much these days. I hope to have a progress picture for you soon, but two rows a day doesn't make for a lot of progress.

Tomorrow is our big ultrasound! I'm excited about it, yes, but I'm also a bit bummed. I know that I'm not going to be able to see half of it at least. The techs at the hospital where we go are very SERIOUS about their jobs. Not that that's a bad thing, but my head sits BEHIND the screen while they take their measurements which means I can't see squat. It's only when the doctor comes in will she turn it to face us. I know I shouldn't complain because I just want everything to be healthy and all, but really - I want to see my baby! That shouldn't be a big deal. Everyone else I know gets to watch their baby the whole time. I guess I'll just have to be content with watching G watch the baby. Again.

I'll report back tomorrow - but no, we're still not finding out the sex.
Have a good one!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:21 PM | Comments (43)

October 29, 2007

Progress (again)

Let this be a lesson to all - I just accidentally closed the window on this post. Well, the first time I wrote this post. Pregnancy brain blows. SAVE YOUR WORK!

You guys are CRAZY! Thank you all so much for your warm wishes and encouragement and support. I truly appreciate and am humbled by your responses. Although, I have to say, I do throw a good contest. Not that the prizes are so over the top or anything, but I get THE BEST RESPONSES! You all ROCK! THANK YOU!

The winners of the three skeins of January One STR are:

AMY

DANIELLE

NIKKI

Congratulations! And thank you all again for coming out of the woodwork. I know what it takes to stop and think and comment and I truly appreciate your being here! Good luck to all of you on your own rededications!

So. I made some progress this weekend. Unfortunately I wasn't able to knit yesterday (I took the knitting to bed and promptly feel asleep. Which I keep doing. Especially in the middle of tv shows I'm very much enjoying that I forget to record. BLAH!) but I did really well on Friday and Saturday. I've now completed the first chart and started on the second. Of course, the second will take me a million years to finish because it goes from rows 36 to 86 or something like that and you have to complete it twice and then start ov