January One -- Life

May 09, 2008

If I'm blogging...

it must be Friday. Seems to be happening once a week and on the day that most people aren't reading anymore. Oh well. I write blog posts in my head all day long but I can never seem to make it to the computer.

Some things I've been thinking about:

-- Did I ever tell you that I woke up the first day in the hospital to find a dead ladybug in my bed? I found that to be a VERY auspicious beginning!

-- Also, during that first night, about 3AM, my daughter was crying and I was comforting her. I said, "It's okay sweet girl, Aunt Cara's here." Stopped myself dead in my tracks. I wasn't the aunt anymore, was I?

The other day I read this post of Norma's and this post of Wendy's and these ideas have been floating around in my brain. The other day on my walk (the new schedule is working out GREAT!) I made a mental list of what I am and what I've been.

I am a DAUGHTER. SISTER. AUNT.

LOVER. WIFE.

FRIEND.

I've been a STUDENT. LIBRARIAN. WRITER.

PHOTOGRAPHER.

Very recently I was a BLOGGER. And a KNITTER.

Now? Now I'm a MAMA.

One day I'll reconcile all those capital letters with the biggest capital of all but for now this is my life and I'm having a better time than I ever could've have anticipated. I miss all those capital letters, it's true, but lowercase suits me fine for now.

knitter. blogger. wife. friend. MAMA.

The photographs were taken last Friday and on Monday, Meli had her 8 wk appt and weighed 10 lbs, 8 oz! YAY Mommy Milk!

Posted by Cara at 09:22 AM | Comments (78)

February 12, 2008

Bright Spot!

Guess what?! We got some good news today! They won't be starting the construction on our apartment line until Sept 08!!!!!! WHOO HOO!!! They are, though, still going ahead with construction on the apartment line next door to us, so it's not like we'll have peace and quiet until September (who are we kidding? We'll have a BABY!) but it is the absolute best news in a bad situation! Sure, it will be VERY loud in the apartment, but hopefully not totally unbearably so. We have seriously been considering a hotel. I'm hoping the absolute worst of it will only be about a week or two and our bedroom is the farthest point from the drilling, so maybe, just maybe, we can stay at home! I'm not sure I can tell you what a tremendous relief this is.

Tonight is supposed to be our last childbirth class, but the weather is pretty crappy. I hope it doesn't get postponed because I'd really like to be done with it. Also, tomorrow we're going for a prenatal pediatrician appointment. When I called to make the appointment they asked me the baby's last name. Can I tell you? I totally hesitated! It's not that I don't know what the baby's last name will be but more like OH MY GOD THIS KID IS REAL WITH A LAST NAME AND EVERYTHING!! So exciting! And scary! And wonderful! All you parents out there: what's the one thing you wish you had asked your pediatrician that you never did? Just curious!

Thank you for all of your good wishes! I can't tell you how much we all (the three of us!) appreciate them!

Posted by Cara at 03:55 PM | Comments (70)

February 02, 2008

Third Annual Bloggers (Silent) Poetry Reading

The first year I posted a poem about infertility. This year things are different.

First Birth

I had thought so little, really, of her,
inside me, all the time, not breathing--
intelligent, maybe curious,
her eyes closed. When the vagina opened,
slowly, from within, from the top, my eyes
rounded in shock and awe, it was like being
entered for the first time, but entered
from the inside, the child coming in
from the other world. Enormous, stately,
she was pressed through the channel, she turned, and rose,
they held her up by a very small ankle,
she dangled indigo and scarlet, and spread
her arms out in this world. Each thing
I did, then, I did for the first
time, touched the flesh of our flesh,
brought the tiny mouth to my breast,
she drew the avalanche of milk
down off the mountain, I felt as if
I was nothing, no one, I was everything to her, I was hers.

Sharon Olds. The Wellspring, 1996

For more information about the Bloggers (Silent) Poetry Reading, celebrated each year on February 2, go here.

Posted by Cara at 09:21 AM | Comments (14)

February 01, 2008

Leap Year

I can't believe it's already fucking FEBRUARY! Thank god I have an extra day in this short month because, um, my baby will be born in MARCH. How is this possible?

I'm feeling pretty miserable these days - not that things have changed much - but I'm beginning to totally understand when women tell you that pregnancy is so uncomfortable at the end for a reason. So that you will BEG for the baby to come out! Right now fear and uncertainty still outweigh the discomfort but every day the scales tip a bit more. And I'm not even that big. Seriously - everyone tells me how small I am for how far along I am (which bothers me a little bit to be honest. Not sure why, but it does. I've suffered from belly envy the whole pregnancy) which I guess is a good thing - the bigger I am the more uncomfortable, right? At least I've slept well the last few nights. Sometimes I don't even get up to pee! YAY KEGELS!

Things are behind in the house, for a change, and now, as I've mentioned, they started drilling closer to my apartment. Right now they're on the 08 line and I'm on the 12 line - so two doors down. That's not so bad - I can kind of forget about it and they're not jackhammering all day long continuously, but Georgie left the apartment the other day and exited on the OTHER side of the building where they're doing work as well. He called me soon after and asked me to go look out the window to see what floor they were drilling on. I have a direct view and could see that they were drilling the balcony directly above my floor (they're repairing the outer walls and giving us new balconies - so they have to drill off the old ones.) It was the overhang on my apartment balcony (not MY apartment - but the same floor.) He kind of went crazy when I told him that because he said the noise, FROM THE HALLWAY (not even IN the apartment) was so horrific he thought his head was going to explode. He starts talking about hotels and where are we going to live and all I can think about is bringing home this baby to such horrible noise and trying to get used to breastfeeding and baby care and recuperating and I burst into tears. I can't think about these things! I don't want to live in a hotel! I want to be in my own home, where I'm most comfortable!

Of course, I called the management office for some kind of timetable (which I've been doing for months) and of course, they haven't called me back. We've lived in this building for 16 years and like all buildings, it's got it's issues. My apartment is still very nice and all that, I just hate to leave and god forbid anything goes wrong. We will be moving, eventually, but we can't find a house in the next six weeks and honestly I don't even want to and I'm trying VERY hard to not stress about all this. ETA: The Board in my building is utterly useless. Every election is another chance at backbiting and blame and it all gets quite nasty. There are over 500 apartments in my building - it's like a little city - so you can imagine the bureaucracy and power struggles. I can't wait to move!

So, of course, I turn to my knitting. Oh how I miss Oblique. There's nothing better than being in the middle of a project - especially a project that's going well. Every night or every time you sit down to knit you just plop down on your corner of the sofa and pick up where you left off. You don't have to think about what your going to knit today. Don't have to think about anything really - just dive right back in. I love that. I miss that. Last night I turned the heel and knit the gusset on my second Monkey sock but somehow socks don't count. I mean, they count, but they're too fast. I want something I can sink my teeth into. BUT it can't be too complicated. My brain can't handle that. I have a few ideas that I hope work out in the next week or so, but in the meantime I'm feeling a little lost.

I still haven't blocked Oblique. I have to do that today. So hopefully on Monday I'll have Oblique FO photos AND a new pair of socks to show off. Wouldn't that be fantastic?

Today, though, I must get back to cleaning. No more rest for the nest. Have a great weekend everyone!

PS - If you think I talk about my pregnancy too much on the blog, you should be glad you're not Ann. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nipple!

Posted by Cara at 10:53 AM | Comments (21)

January 30, 2008

Fifty-three

The past weekend and the beginning of the week were SO GOOD! I finished Oblique!!! And I really like it - a lot! It's big, and will fit me perfectly for the rest of the pregnancy but I think it will look even better when I don't have a huge belly - when it can really drape over me and be a big blanket sweater. I still need to block it (really just the button bands and collar) and it doesn't have buttons yet, but I wore it Sunday to my nephew's birthday party and everyone loved it. G, of course, thinks it's the greatest thing I've ever knit, but he says that about all my finished knits. Hopefully if blocking and the weather cooperates I'll have FO pictures for you this weekend.

Then I had a stash sale and (almost) everything sold! YAY! Thank you all so much. If you paid me, your fiber is in the mail. Also, if you said you wanted a lot (I'm specifically thinking of Lots 3 and 4), I've sent you a bunch of emails and you haven't responded. Please do so ASAP. There are other people that are interested in the fiber and honestly, I want it out of my house. Now. Thank you!

And no, I didn't get rid of all my fiber and I have no intention of getting rid of my wheel. I truly miss spinning. Really really. I just don't have the energy or the time right now.

Speaking of which - the two projects I alluded to this past week are on hold for the time being. But I want to be knitting DESPERATELY. And I'd love to make another sweater for myself. Which is just completely impractical. But then I get scared that the baby will come and I won't be able to knit for myself anymore. Or at least anything BIG.

What else? Oh yeah. We had an OB appt on Monday and everything looks fantastic. Baby's head down and they don't think they'll be any flipping going on. In fact, I had to tell the doc where he'd find the heartbeat. I bought G a $20 fetoscope for Xmas and I can find the heartbeat pretty easily most times I check (which isn't that often.) It's fun and the baby's heartbeat is ALWAYS lower left under my belly button. The doc was looking upper right and I was like DUDE this is where it is and he checked his spot and nothing, then he checked my spot and VOILA! He said - I should always listen to the moms. Damn straight! We also had our "chat" with the doctor (I had a list and everything and didn't get nervous at all!) and Georgie and I are satisfied that they'll be on board with what we want.

I set up an interview appointment with a pediatrician (am I the only one that got weirded out when they asked me the baby's last name? You mean this thing inside me is REAL?!) and I called the local police department to find out about car seat installation (did you know that MOST car seats are installed incorrectly? Scary stuff!). Oh and I bought the baby's coming home outfit. All red. Just like I wanted. (Don't worry - it's being sent to my sister's house - there will NOT be baby stuff in my house until there's a baby.)

So I was feeling good! Great! Then yesterday I felt sick all day and we had our childbirth class last night and got to watch "the film" and then take the hospital tour. The film rattled me a bit and the tour was a little disappointing and suddenly I'm all freaked out about giving birth again. Just when I was feeling positive about the whole thing. I think it has more to do with the fact that I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable. My ribs hurt. I need new bras AGAIN. (Although I'm worried it's a bit early for nursing bras.) The indigestion is out of control. I'm tired - I do something physical for fifteen minutes and I have to rest for half an hour. I wake up every morning and my hands are so stiff it hurts to bend my fingers. I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat anything. Even dry toast comes back to haunt me.

My house is STILL a disaster. Time is ticking on.

I'm really okay - just overwhelmed a bit. Which I've decided I'm totally allowed to be. There are 53 days until my due date.

Posted by Cara at 08:55 AM | Comments (43)

January 18, 2008

Squalor

Today we have no heat and no hot water. Also, they've started the dreaded drilling I talked about way back when. They're refacing the outside of our building - including taking off the balconies and redoing them. They haven't gotten to my unit yet, but they're getting closer and closer. All you hear are jackhammers off and on all day. In the cold with no hot water. And I'm pretty sure my neighbors are running a restaurant next door.

Fun times.

We started our childbirth class a couple of weeks ago and while I always knew, you know, intellectually, that the baby will come out somehow - I hadn't really given much thought to HOW it will come out. The details and all. I've never been one of those people who thinks that a baby should be born in a field or underwater or god forbid my living room (not that it wouldn't be nice to be able to crawl into my own bed after the kid arrives, but can you imagine the CLEANING I would have to do to get my house ready for something like that?! Makes my head spin.) But at the same time I'm not the kind of person that wants to walk into the hospital with my c-section scheduled around my favorite television shows.

DISCLAIMER: GIVING BIRTH IS ABOUT AS PERSONAL AS IT GETS. EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN BIRTH EXPERIENCE, HOWEVER THEY CHOOSE. NO JUDGMENTS HERE.

I've never given birth before. I have no idea what it will be for me. At the class the other night the instructor went around the room and asked all the women how they thought they handled pain - then they asked the partners to corroborate. It was strange for us because my husband has been in fairly constant pain since he was about 14 years old and while I've had great experience with MENTAL pain and anguish, I've never really had to endure physical pain. So who knows? That first contraction might hit and I might be begging for the epidural.

But I'd like to go into this thinking I'm going to get as far as I can WITHOUT drugs and see where it takes me. I want options.

The instructor alluded to a few things about the hospital where I'm giving birth that didn't sit so comfortably with me and I started to get upset. Prematurely. I haven't discussed any of this with my doctors and I'm honestly only starting to feel my way about the whole thing.

Which brings me to the topic I really want to talk about - ANXIETY. I've dealt with anxiety and panic my entire life, but this is different. This is REAL. Most of my anxiety has been irrational - some kind of circuitry issue in my brain that starts to flip out when I'm feeling out of control or my hearts beats a little fast - there's a trigger and suddenly I'm sweating and breathing heavy and my gut starts to twitch and if I indulge the feelings I'm in full blown panic. I KNOW what this is. I've lived with it for close to thirty years and I've made GREAT strides to manage it.

This panic? This new panic? This anxiety about bringing a new life into this crazy fucked up world? This life that I'm - ME - responsible for? Holy shit. Now that's FEAR.

I'm trying to take it all in stride. I mean, it's not often in my life that I get to be scared with GOOD REASON. I should embrace that right? My problem is that I spend a lot of time trying to decide whether or not my reactions are NORMAL. Am I too anxious? (Before anyone starts to tell me about PPD and all that, you should know that I see a mental health practitioner way more than I see my OBGYN. I'm well taken care of because of my history.) Yesterday I read something about Halle Berry - who's also due in March - and she said that she's started thinking about giving birth and she's completely freaked out. Even more so than she was at the Oscars! Just the reality check I needed!

I'm lucky to be surrounded by rational, knowledgeable women who've given birth lots of times and can assuage my fears. Or at least validate them. That's important.

By posting this, I'm not looking for everyone to unload their magical, tragic, run of the mill birth stories on me. And I know that everything will be all right. My husband is bucking for COACH OF THE YEAR and I'm not sure you could get a more supportive partner. My corner is STACKED baby! And I haven't lost sight of the ultimate goal - a healthy happy baby - and more importantly - a HEALTHY HAPPY ME! However, whatever we need to do to get there.

I'm posting this because I've been pretty honest about my feelings this pregnancy. I haven't sugar coated anything. And now that I'm getting down to the end I feel like it's just as important to talk about how I feel - my fears and such - as it is to talk about my acid reflux that makes me sit up in bed at night gasping for air because I was choking on my own bile. Did I forget to mention that? I'm taking steps. It's getting better. Last night I slept so well I didn't even get up to pee. YAY KEGELS!

Every day I get a comment from another reader who's also pregnant - who knew there were so many of us? And maybe my writing about how scary it all is will help someone else who's also terrified. And just so you know - it's not all scary. The other day I was rubbing my belly and thinking about the doctor pulling that sweet babe out of me and saying "IT'S A ____!" and putting the baby on my chest and then saying hi to the baby and then looking into Georgie's eyes and watching him fall in love with our baby and man I lost it. I'm losing it now. Fear isn't everything you know.

Posted by Cara at 10:00 AM | Comments (127)

January 14, 2008

Nesting

Although probably PANIC is the better term.

Right there is an artful shot of 8 trash bags filled with clothes (all mine thank you very much) and 1 bag with 19 pairs of shoes. The really sad part is that I don't really buy a lot of clothes. I guess I just never get rid of any of them. Salvation Army - here we come!

The deal is this - in order to have a room for the baby, we have to move G's stuff out of one room. That means I have to give up space in the walk-in closet. So this is just a first step and the house looks MUCH worse than it did when I started but I'm making great progress.

I'm also now 30 weeks pregnant.

That means I've got ten weeks to go. Could be more, could be less, but let's just stick with ten weeks. TEN WEEKS PEOPLE! That's nothing! And did you know that January's PRACTICALLY OVER?! Wasn't it JUST New Year's Day?

So yeah. Panic. Not really nesting. Nesting sounds nice and quaint and all quilty and painty and decoratey and this has NOTHING to do with that. This is all about OH MY GOD THE BABY'S COMING AND WE'VE DONE NOTHING!!!!!!!

I'm okay. Really I am.

Thanks for all the advice on indigestion and sleeping and related pregnancy ills. The sleep issue seems to have been a one time thing. The next day I took a 3+ hour nap and then went to bed a few hours later and I've been sleeping pretty good. Besides the HOTNESS at night. Isn't January supposed to be cold? Where's the cold? I can't remember the last time we turned on the heat. The indigestion is still pretty bad, but I'm coping and the nausea seems to be under control too. It's all there - but liveable.

Here's a weird pregnancy symptom for you - the skin under my arms - my armpit actually - has darkened. Much like my belly button and the linea negra and all that. It's not stubble - it's actual skin darkening. Anyone had that? I googled it and didn't come up with much. A sign of diabetes (great - I thought I passed that test!) and, of course, that I'm having a boy. Have I mentioned that everyone in the entire universe thinks we're having a boy? Not that we wouldn't be thrilled with a boy - but still? No one feels girl? ;-)

Okay. Back to the nest.

Posted by Cara at 12:03 PM | Comments (67)

January 01, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-anges

This is how I looked on the day before my 38th birthday:

28 weeks, 1 day

We're down in Philly for New Year's Eve babysitting - believe it or not! Yes. I decided that our last New Year's Eve as the two of us should be spent with our favorite three-pack. And I get to be in Philly, with my family, for my birthday. Bliss!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Posted by Cara at 03:52 AM | Comments (177)

December 13, 2007

Carried Away

Thank you all so much for your comments and encouragement. I made it through the test. I have no idea if I passed or not, but I'm sort of counting on failing. It's easier that way.

ETA: BRING ON THE COOKIES!! I PASSED!
The dr's office called a few minutes ago and I'm all like I failed didn't I and the nurse was like, no, you passed! You're fine! YAY! Don't think this means I'm going to overdue it or anything, I'm just relieved that I don't have to pay super microscopic attention to everything I eat. Eating continues to be a challenge for me - I still feel sick most days - and the idea that I can AT TIMES eat what I want because I want to is VERY freeing for me. Thanks again for all your support!

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. First off, I threw up before I left the house yesterday (at 7:30 AM) and that ended up being a GOOD thing, even though I've tried very very very hard not to throw up on an empty stomach my entire pregnancy. It was good because I found out that if I had thrown up DURING the test, the test becomes null and void and I'd have to do it over again. So the goal became DO NOT THROW UP - and I didn't. The only other thing I was a bit apprehensive about was a panic attack. Not eating - low sugar - ups and downs with sugar - are a sure-fire prescription for panic in my life. It's actually one of the ways I figured out how to keep it in check. Haven't eaten? Feeling anxious? DUH. I was a little bit concerned about it and my thinking did get kind of wacky at some points, but otherwise I was okay. I got more and more tired and more and more famished as the test went on, but it was really okay.

I'll tell you, the part I'm most grateful for is that the disgusting sugar drink I had to consume was the LEMON-LIME flavor. My sister always had the ORANGE flavor and she used to joke with me that I would love it because I am a HUGE orange soda fan, something she hates. My flavor tasted like flat-ish thick Sprite and I can still taste it and think I will never drink any kind of lemon-lime soda concoction again. I would be DEVASTATED if they had given me the orange drink and somehow my beloved Fanta was forever tainted. So I'm grateful for small things.

I also got a lot of knitting done! The lab was pretty quiet so I was sitting by myself most of the three hours - perfect for knitting away!

I've gotten QUITE carried away with Oblique! As far as I can tell (and my calculations might be off) I've knit a whole five inches more than the pattern calls for. Which is kind of okay with me. I see this cardigan like a big lacy blanket to wrap myself in! I don't even care if it's HUGE post baby! I love the yarn, the color, the pattern - MORE is definitely better! I've got a couple more waist increases to do and then I start the raglan so it's all good. I'll make the back and see how it fits and if it looks completely ridiculous, well, then, I guess I'll rip it and start over. Otherwise I'll start on the fronts! I LOVE THIS SWEATER so far! YAY!

I also bought some yarn yesterday:

Ever since Margene started knitting her Bird In Hand mittens I've been pretty smitten myself! Yesterday I ran out to Patricia's and picked up some Cascade. The colors are a little bit out of my comfort zone, but I'm considering these mittens practice. I have very limited experience with color work, so we'll see how it goes. If I love them and I can knit them okay, then maybe I'll try some different colors. We'll see how it goes. For now, I'm excited to start. We're supposed to have some big storms this weekend and I think I'll be pretty much done with my work so I'm going to get all cuddly with my boy and my babe and KNIT.

And last but certainly not least, as I was heading to check out with my Cascade, what should catch my eye, but some firey red and pink KOIGU!

I ask you - what girl who just suffered through a three hour endurance test replete with vomit, starvation, exhaustion and fear DOESN'T deserve some Koigu? I thought as much. So I bought it. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 09:55 AM | Comments (41)

December 07, 2007

No knitting.

I haven't knit since my last post. I'm back at work full time. I miss my knitting.

I've been thinking a lot about getting back into blogging every day - or at least almost every day - but I'm having trouble remembering what I used to blog about so much. I couldn't have had knitting EVERY day, so what did I talk about?

Here's what's going on:

-- I found a cute top to wear to a couple of parties I have this weekend. NOT maternity. I can't wear a maternity top to save my life. I had an argument at the maternity clothes store the other day with the salesperson who told me the reason the tops don't fit is because I need a new bra. Yeah. That's gonna help. My chest is BIG. Bigger than the little tiny spaces they allot for boobage in the empire waist maternity tops. My bra is FINE thank you very much. Much more supportive than the one you're trying to sell me. Anyway, so the top I found was in the Women's department. Lots of room for boobs and bellies. Big girl clothes have saved my life this pregnancy. Soon, though, they'll be riding up too much in the front, but for now they're just right.

-- I am in desperate need of a pedicure.

-- I don't think I mentioned this - but I got new glasses. They're red. I desperately hope I don't look like Sally Jessy.

-- My hair is the longest it's been in years and I'm loving it. I'm rocking out a Farrah feathered hair thing (which hopefully offsets the SJR thing) and my hairdresser was totally right - the bigger I get the more hair I should have. So my head doesn't look like a pin head. His words, not mine. Man's a genius.

-- This past weekend I took off my wedding ring. I have two wedding rings - one fancy - one plain platinum band. I don't think I've taken the plain band off since the day I got married. I'm wearing it around my neck now. I like it, but I miss it on my finger. My hands haven't swollen too much, but they go up and down all day and I'm scared one day I won't be able to get it off. Better to take it off than have to have it cut off.

-- I haven't worn any of my monkey socks yet this cold season. I think that needs to be remedied and remedied ASAP. Maybe today. But which pair to choose?

Random blather on a cold Friday. I have to go back to work, but I hope you all have a good day and a great weekend!

Posted by Cara at 08:53 AM | Comments (34)

November 30, 2007

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

Ba dum dum.

Ever since I've been pregnant and all talk turned to hormones I've had this goofy joke running through my head. I can't say the word without telling myself the joke. It's almost as annoying as the effects of said hormones. Which, incidentally, are KICKING MY ASS this week.

Yes, it's true, I've been working nonstop. I've had a couple of nights of not a lot of sleep. These may in fact have added to the ridiculous crying jags, but I prefer to blame the hormones, and the fact that my husband left on a trip yesterday. I swear on the day that embryo attached itself, I have become more and more attached to my husband. Usually it's no big deal if he goes away - I take off myself to see my sister and the kids or a friend or whatever. But this trip - this trip it was all I could do not to BEG him not to go. I know he sees it as a last trip on his own (which I've told him isn't the case) and he's been so stressed at work lately a part of me is glad to see him go - but I miss him so much it's making me cry. All the time. So I blame the hormones. (See, I told myself the joke again.)

There are good things on the horizon though. Like today is the LAST DAY of working like a maniac. If I can get all the things I need to get done DONE today, then I'm just about done for the season. Sure, there are always holiday cards to bang out, but they aren't nearly as time consuming as processing jobs. All of my deadlines are just about met and things should be good! Clients are happy. I'm tired. Another successful year. (This one doubly successful compared to last year! Grow business grow!)

Tomorrow I head out to my sister's for some downtime with the kids. I come back the same day as my love and then it's time to hunker down for THE kid. A new year is just around the corner and I can't wait!

Posted by Cara at 09:43 AM | Comments (25)

November 20, 2007

Little Boxes

See that dramatic picture up there? All black & white and arty and stuff? That's just a portion of the 45 boxes that Ann and Kay packed for me yesterday. I say they packed because really all I did was provide packing supplies and cheese. Lots of cheese.

So we've got 45 prizes. I haven't picked the winners yet, but I will. Soon. Last night I went on a bit of crying jag. It started with a real and/or perceived hurt and then devolved into sheer exhaustion. Every waking moment of my time is now spent working (and reworking) client orders and it's stressful to say the least. Tomorrow is my last photo shoot of the season. Tomorrow. One of my most dreaded days of the year.

A lot has changed in the last year - supremely so - we've gone from the ridiculous to the sublime - or maybe not because this whole pregnancy thing is ridiculous a lot of the time, but still, just because we're 180 degrees from where we were last year doesn't mean I'm completely over it.

And to make matters worse, I've heard a very sad rumor about a member of my favorite band. The rumor - while completely unfounded - is bringing up lots of bad memories.

I hate Thanksgiving.

I did cast on for my sweater and it's looking completely lovely even if I've only managed to knit about ten rows. I hope to be done with the ribbing very shortly and onto the body. Wouldn't it be so nice to have a new sweater for my birthday? I doubt it's going to happen, but I can dream. If I can sleep. Comfortably enough to dream.

Sorry for the bad mood, I just can't help myself today.
Prizes awarded soon. Thanks for your continued patience.

Have a good week!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 10:05 AM | Comments (36)

November 14, 2007

Home, again

Bruce was GREAT! DC was GREAT! Mrs. and Mr. Crafty Snargle were GREAT! (There are belly bump pictures - stayed tuned - Sarah's got them!) The hotel was GREAT! The pool at the hotel was empty, but for us, and FANTASTIC! Having G find the Exorcist Steps in Georgetown and me slyly downloading Tubular Bells on my cell phone to scare the crap out of him was PRICELESS!

Visiting the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial on Veteren's Day Weekend (or any day really) was too much for this pregnant mama. I lost it. All those names. Everyone of them had a mother. Too, too much for me.

Obviously I'm home and I'm completely overwhelmed. Work is nonstop now and the shooting should end this weekend (cross your fingers the weather holds out for me!) and then it's processing non stop for the next few weeks. The baby reminds me of her or his presence at every opportunity. I finished my second Oblique swatch, but it has to be measured and washed and measured again. I should have my yarn in a couple of days and I'm hoping to cast on immediately. I WILL KNIT THIS SWEATER.

Not sure when I"ll be back this week - but the prizes for SPIN OUT will definitely be announced sometime next week. I hope. I don't want to promise because that will just add to my sleeplessness, but I'm doing the best I can.

Thanks.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:10 AM | Comments (15)

November 05, 2007

Halfway

Sometime in the night last night I passed the 20 week mark on my pregnancy. That means I'm halfway there! YIPEEEEE! Although that also means, holy fuck - I'm halfway there!

The other night I was sleeping and I guess I was on my back and my belly was exposed (I was probably scratching it when I fell asleep) and G said all of a sudden it moved like I was being donkey kicked from the inside. DUDE! I WAS! The baby's all over the place now and Georgie still hasn't had a really good feel, but at least he could SEE it.

Someone said in the comments the other day that I seem to be enjoying the pregnancy now and I have to say it's true. I get all emotional when I think about it, but I just love feeling my baby move inside me. And I'm loving the changes in my body. My boobs may be huge, but they're matching up nicely with my growing belly. I actually feel kind of sexy in a whale-ish type of way. And man can I dance now! We were listening to some 2PAC the other day and I could shake that booty like never before! Guess it's all those loose ligaments! How do YOU want it? [WARNING: link NOT work appropriate.]

And yesterday I was able to satisfy a fantastically intense craving: bagels and fish. Specifically, a bagel with cream cheese and baked salmon. From Murray's. MMMMMMMM. So good. It didn't even give me indigestion!

I've made some progress with my knitting as well. Last night I was able to fix my mistake and figure out a better way of reading the chart. Now I can glance at it and know where I am without having to count boxes and stuff. Really, not brain surgery, but my hormone laden brain can't handle much these days. I hope to have a progress picture for you soon, but two rows a day doesn't make for a lot of progress.

Tomorrow is our big ultrasound! I'm excited about it, yes, but I'm also a bit bummed. I know that I'm not going to be able to see half of it at least. The techs at the hospital where we go are very SERIOUS about their jobs. Not that that's a bad thing, but my head sits BEHIND the screen while they take their measurements which means I can't see squat. It's only when the doctor comes in will she turn it to face us. I know I shouldn't complain because I just want everything to be healthy and all, but really - I want to see my baby! That shouldn't be a big deal. Everyone else I know gets to watch their baby the whole time. I guess I'll just have to be content with watching G watch the baby. Again.

I'll report back tomorrow - but no, we're still not finding out the sex.
Have a good one!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:21 PM | Comments (43)

November 02, 2007

Home, For Better and Worse

Before I say anything else, I want to say that I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER! Puking is no longer an every day occurrence. My energy levels are pretty high. My spirits are SOARING (with every kick they go higher and higher.) Really. I feel good. Not as good, physically at least, as I felt before I got pregnant, but definitely the best I've felt SINCE I got pregnant. Which, really, is such a relief I can't tell you.

Halloween was EXHAUSTING. Three parades, numerous costume changes, a veritable trick or treat mob scene and I'm spent. Yesterday I was not feeling well (and I didn't even eat that much candy) and I ended up puking before I left my sister's. It was all I could do to get on the train and climb into my own bed. The kids were as cute as ever loving on my belly and talking about the baby and all the Halloween stuff - I didn't take one picture and we didn't get a chance to paint my belly - but it's all good. I miss and missed them terribly, but I can't tell you how happy I am to come home to G. I miss him beyond belief when he's not with me - I've said it before, but this pregnancy is so much more fun when he's around than when he's not. Last night I gave the baby a stern talking to - NO KICKING UNTIL DADDY COMES HOME! While most of the time I'm still feeling those flip flops, I'm also getting TRUE kicks. And last night I thought I might have felt a body part - a really hard part of my belly - when it wasn't hard anywhere else. Anyway, so already the baby doesn't listen. I told it not to kick and all it did was kick until G got home. Then nothing. They say kids will make a liar out of you all the time and mine's starting young. It's just so much fun though! I thought I'd be freaked out and I'm just loving it. I love my baby!!!

And I'm loving my knitting! Although barely any progress was made. I knit a couple of rows on the train down to my sister's and a couple of rows on the train home, but I realized I made a mistake on one of the decreases and I have to rip out a couple of rows. No biggie - and I'm not feeling the pressure at all - just loving the knitting.

In not so good news, we found out today that they are going to start drilling outside our apartment in the next month or so. We've known the "exterior project" was in the works for awhile - they've started on other parts of the building - but now we've been given notice that our apartment line will be soon. Basically, for the very end of my pregnancy and the beginning of my poor baby's life, there will be men in scaffolding outside our windows with jackhammers. We will have no window access at all (they all have to be sealed against the dust) and they're removing our balcony so the sliding glass door will have to be locked off. The window seals aren't that big a deal - we seal our windows every winter. But the noise is unbelievable. I've heard how horrible it is near the apartments they've been working on since the summer and I'm not sure I'll be able to take it. Can you imagine? Nine months pregnant and men with jackhammers everywhere outside your windows? Can the noise hurt my baby? Estimated completion is May. Yeah. Right. The whole thing is really making me nuts.

Needless to say, we're ratcheting up the house hunt. We've lived in this building for sixteen years. Long enough, don't you think. I'm dreaming of a yarn room!

I'll end with some good news! My brother's engaged! YAY JEDD AND JEN! The best news - she's a knitter!
Back to work. Hopefully some knitting will be accomplished this weekend.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:44 PM | Comments (31)

October 06, 2007

SCORE!

Well, it wasn't quite the Dressing Room Miracle of May '07, but it came very very close.

Georgie was feeling bad for me and took me shopping - it really sucks that my sister is so far away because she is THE best shopping companion - but Georgie might just be inching ahead. The only thing bad about G is that he thinks I look beautiful in everything - he's like your mother or MY mother wearing love blinders. (Or at least the way my mother was when I was young. Now, honestly, she'd probably tell me I looked fat.) Anyway, I FOUND PANTS!!! And not just one pair of pants - but FOUR PAIRS OF PANTS!

The first place we stopped was Kohl's. The best thing I can say is that we were in a completely different area than where we live - maybe that's why everything was better? Because I have a Kohl's around the corner from my house and most everything I see there is crap. It may just be our store though. So I found the teenytiny maternity department - and wouldn't you know it, they had a great pair of black pants and cords (I'm all about the cords for some reason. I really really wanted cords to wear while pregnant) and when I tried them on - THEY ALL FIT GREAT!!! Even with room in the belly! And while they don't stay up perfectly, YET, they're totally fine and comfortable and look like regular pants. For all you pregnant girls out there (and apparently there a lot of you! YAY!) here's what I got - I bought two pairs of these cords, in both colors and I bought this pair of black pants. Absolutely PERFECT for work! I can't wait to wear them tomorrow! TOTALLY COMFORTABLE! I was like dancing around the store I was so freaking happy. I tried on a couple of maternity tops at the store too - but they were a no go. There was this super cute hippie type prairie shirt that G really liked - but it had some piping that was supposed to go UNDER the boobs and then became ties that went around your back. Yeah. On me they cut RIGHT THROUGH the boobs. It would've been fine if it didn't have the ties, but alas, no. By the way - has anyone else noticed that ALL the clothes these days look like Maternity wear? The new Vera Wang line at Kohl's is unbelievably maternity. It's crazy!

So then we left Kohl's, or G walked out and I skipped, hopped and jumped like a madwoman, and right next door was a Lane Bryant! Hearing my sister (she gets credit for being the first to say LB) and all you other gals in my head I said SURE! Let's go in! Ten minutes later I walked out with SIX long sleeve v-neck t-shirts (the absolute STAPLE of my wardrobe) that fit great in the boobs and have PLENTY of room for my growing belly. I bought one in every color except the white. PINK baby! (And more and more I'm realizing my husband has a thing for PURPLE. He's always going for the purple. Make a mental note.) I also bought some underwear! YAY! (The woman at the store told me LB now has maternity too, but I think it would be too big for me, honestly. One hint though - she said DON'T order online, come into a store and order. She said it's A LOT cheaper that way.)

DUDES! I WAS FLUSH!

The last stop we made last night was Target. I thought maybe a store pretty far from home might have a better selection? I was skeptical, but I tried. I FOUND JEANS! I bought a pair of Liz Lange maternity jeans that fit pretty darn good and AREN'T super low and the boot cut is tolerable and doesn't look ridiculous. What was nice about these, too, is that my pre-pregnancy size actually fit. These pants are sized, rather than S, M & L. My final purchase of the day was totally frivolous and I may actually return it, but I couldn't help myself. It's a coat - RED - with a fantastic lining. It's a corduroy material and it fits in the boobs and has plenty of room for belly growth. It's kind of lightweight too so should take me far into the winter since I'm already hotter than hell. For some reason I can't find a picture of it on the website - maybe I'll have to model my new clothes. Or not.

I may hit up some other stores today. Now I want to wear cute maternity tops. With the v-necks, jeans and cords my wardrobe now looks EXACTLY the way it did last Fall when I WASN'T pregnant. Which is good, in a way, because these are the clothes I'm most comfortable in (even if they are pretty boring) but now I want to look CUTE. Cute in a way I can only pull off when I'm knocked up. You know?

The next big hurdle - bras. I desperately need bras and if you think pants shopping sucks, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Thanks so much, everyone, for your great suggestions and fantastic support! YAY! Now if only it would actually get cold....

Posted by Cara at 08:21 AM | Comments (93)

October 05, 2007

What You See Is What You Get

Thanks for all the comments and emails of support yesterday. Sorry for the mini hissy fit - usually I let the naysayers just roll off my back but I had just come home from clothes shopping and I was hungry and really? I think it was the suggestion that I start a NEW blog because the commenter was unhappy with the direction this one has taken lately. Like, does she think if I talk about all the peeing and puking on another blog the knitting is going to magically reappear on THIS blog? THERE IS NO KNITTING! I hate it. You hate it. But I'm sorry folks, what you see is what you get. God I hope it changes soon. But for now, DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT! And PLEASE - move along quietly. I'm in a fragile emotional state right now. Poor Vicki got my call at work yesterday where I started bawling like a baby. HORMONES ARE NOT PRETTY!

The worst part? (And I hesitate to say this but I'm going to because I'm pregnant goddammit and if you can't say what you want when you're pregnant and miserable, when are you going to get the opportunity?) The worst part is that I know who left the comment. IP addresses, it turns out, aren't always that anonymous. I don't know this person well at all, but she's actually been a guest of mine and I feel that I've been generous with my time and energy and this is the payback I get? That was the worst part.

Okay, on to other miseries. I took the first fifteen commenter's advice yesterday and after I dropped Georgie off at the train I headed over to Old Navy. Turns out the one closest to me has Maternity stuff. I'm really just looking for pants - I'm okay with shirts right now. I tried on like ten pairs of different pants in all kinds of styles and they ALL SUCKED! Practically all of them have that stupid low rise that I can't wear - period! I don't have that big of a belly yet and still they're falling off and I have to constantly pull them up and blah blah blah. Then I went to the Destination Maternity outlet right by my house - where I bought the great shorts I've worn every day - and I tried on a million pants there. All freaking boot cut, but the big problem is that the mediums are WAY too tight (I look like I'm 7 months pregnant) and the larges fall off me - everywhere, not just the belly. My next try is going to be Ann Taylor Loft which now has maternity and Sears and JC Penney. And the Gap I guess but I'm not really optimistic about that. Oh and thanks for all the Bella Band suggestions - I tried one on a little while ago and I HATED it. I don't like anything tight across my belly and I can't see it being comfortable when you have open zippers and buttons digging into your belly. Plus that means I have to wear EXTREMELY long shirts to cover the thing. So no go on the Bella Band - I'm glad it worked for a lot of you, but it's not for me.

I need ONE nice pair of pants - not SUPER nice (they could be black jeans for all I care) but they can't be cargo and they can't be sweats and they can't be overalls and I'd prefer pockets - so I can work. This is my super busy season - I'm scheduled to work practically EVERY weekend through November and I need to feel comfortable, be able to move around a lot (it's hard physical work photographing kids - you're up you're down you're all around.) ONE pair. I don't think that's a lot to ask. Do you? Trust me, when I'm not working I'm living in sweats. Or shorts. Or my underwear honestly, but for work I need something more. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh and I don't sew.

ETA: Thanks for all the dress/skirt suggestions. Not really practical for work when I'm on the ground and running after kids. Plus, I was wearing a great long skirt and then I had some chafing issues. And a rash. Oh, is that too much information? Yeah. I want pants. ;-) And I have to find a different Target. The one closest to me had the worst maternity stuff last time I checked.

And just so I'm not leaving anything out - my craving of the moment is Jujyfruits. Or Dots. Or Skittles. But really Jujyfruits. And I ate some salad yesterday for the first time since I got pregnant. Which I consider a GREAT leap forward.

Thanks, as always, for reading. I appreciate it.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 08:32 AM | Comments (145)

October 04, 2007

Some things never change.

Guess what I found out yesterday? I learned that the clothes that looked awful on me when I WASN'T pregnant are the same freaking clothes available with some stretchy fabric over the belly now that I AM pregnant.

We went to Destination Maternity yesterday and I've never been so depressed about clothes in my life. Forget the fact that the belly panels are still way too big on me, the fucking pants don't make it up past my thighs. Which really AREN'T that big (my thighs I mean)! It's all this boot cut crap. I can't wear boot cut crap. Couldn't wear it when I WASN'T pregnant and I can't wear it now that I AM pregnant.

I need clothes. I have to work this weekend and I don't have ANYTHING to wear. Well, I have the same pair of maternity cargo shorts I've been wearing every single freaking day since SPIN OUT (which finally have to be washed because walking on the street yesterday I had to cough and wouldn't you know it, I "leaked." Which is just a nice way of saying I PISSED MY PANTS! AGAIN! AND I WASN'T EVEN PUKING!) My shirts all still fit me, for the most part (I'm fond of saying I've reached fetish porn start status with the size of my boobs) but I need pants.

I'm ready. I'm really really ready for this pregnancy stuff to become fun. Any time now. I'm ready.

PS - If you want to see the one and only belly shot I've had taken, check here. Although please ignore the chin thing going on. I look like Jabba the freaking Hut.

Posted by Cara at 08:40 AM | Comments (139)

October 03, 2007

Socktoberfest!

Before we get to knitting, let's get a little business out of the way - shall we?

Bruce. I've listened to the new album, and how shall I put this with all the love and respect and adoration in my heart - I'm very UNDERwhelmed. I've been reading my favorite fan site for months now and these people seem to love it - they make me look like a casual fan - but I'm not sure I get it. The "wall of sound" did nothing but give me a headache. There are some good ones on here, no doubt, but I'm reserving my final judgment until I hear them live. And no, we don't have tickets yet. But I have faith in my man.

Baby. Let's start with the things that are improving: I don't have to eat every thirty seconds. In fact, I can go an hour or two sometimes THREE without food passing my lips and I don't get sick. I call that progress. I'm also (most nights) sleeping better and I have more energy during the day. Like I don't have to all of a sudden crawl into bed because if I don't I'm going to die. I've been getting up at my regular time in the morning (about 7:30 ish) and at around 8 I have to crawl into bed or I'm going to die, but during the day I'm pretty okay. My appetite has branched out as well. I can eat more foods and every day I get a little bit more adventurous. (Pizza for dinner last night! YAY!)

Okay - the bad news. I'm still puking every single fucking morning! I wake up. Eat my breakfast. Puke. Then eat another (different!) breakfast. Fun times. Although that's it. I'm pretty much okay the rest of the day. I mean, I get bouts of nausea every now and then, but definitely not all day. The other bad news - headaches. I pretty much get a headache every day now. I've read this is very common and my sister got a lot of headaches when she was pregnant. Yes I'm drinking enough. Yes I'm eating enough. Ditto sleeping, peeing, and whatever else you're going to tell me to do. I'm thinking it's a combination of eye strain (I have an eye doctor appt today), allergies, and just regular old pregnancy fun times. As Kay told someone at Spin Out - if there's a symptom, I've got it.

Whew! Now onto the SOCKS!

Here is a spectacularly craptacular picture of (almost) all the socks I've knit!

Turns out, including the 2 sockapalooza pairs I've knit, I've only completed 21 pairs! Doesn't that seem too few? I don't know - I was thinking I'd knit at least 30. But I counted a bunch of times and 21 seems to be the magic number. We've got two pairs of finished knee highs, ten pairs of jaywalkers, five pairs of monkeys, and two pairs of stockinettes. I've also knit seven single socks. And off the top of my head I have about six socks in various states of being knit. Hmmm.

Here's the first pair and the last pair I knit:

The first pair were plain stockinette knit with Regia Cotton Surf. The last pair were STR monkeys.

Believe it or not, I also started a new sock!

It's a nice mod on garter rib that I found over at Ravelry. I'm calling the socks Chawne's Rib because Chawne's the one who came up with it! So far so good!

I think I figured out my problem with knitting these days. In my mind and my heart I WANT to be knitting. I see patterns and want to make them immediately. I miss the old days of knitting for hours on end like you wouldn't believe. The problem is I have a limited amount of time to get things done during the day - and I have to get those things done or I won't have clients anymore. By the time I'm done my work, the time I would normally spend knitting the night away, I'm so exhausted that after a round or two I can't take it anymore. And I've had A LOT of eye strain, so that doesn't help any. Add in the headaches and voila - NO KNITTING! It's so sad. Knitting was my main source of relaxation and it really sucks that it's such a struggle for me. I'm hoping that the puke to knit ratio will improve everyday and I'll at least be able to finish a sock. Although I'd really love to be knitting a sweater. For me.

Thanks for reading! Have a great day!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:19 AM | Comments (62)

September 24, 2007

License To Ill

My bloglines subscriptions are dropping like a big belly in the ninth month! I mean, sure, pregnancy's all wonderful and everything and a miracle blah blah blah, but let's face it: I wouldn't want to hear about someone puking everyday, so why should you? (Still happening by the way.)

So let's talk about something else. Let's talk about *GASP* KNITTING! YAY! Whenever I get anxious, as pregnant women are wont to do - you know, will I ever stop puking? OH MY GOD, what have we done!!!!!!!?!, the baby comes out WHERE?! - I think about what I used to do to calm myself. I used to knit. Oh how I miss it! But also, not so much. It's really really weird.

I managed to buy yarn - on clearance at WEBS - for the Mommy Snug. I even swatched for it on two different needle sizes and I fully intend to knit it for myself. I think it's going to be fantastic. But it's not going to be done for Rhinebeck, maybe not even CAST ON for Rhinebeck, but I want something new. I want to be knitting towards a goal, you know? I want something - ANYTHING - to spur me on.

Enter Sundara and her fabulous yarn!

After I went through all the fabuloso yarn Sundara sent for Spin Out prizes, there were a couple of colors I just HAD to have. The Orchid colorway you see in the photo was one of them. I pass by it a million times a day and it calls out to me - it's practically screaming at this point - KNIT ME KNIT ME! So I'm thinking I'll start a pair of socks. For Rhinebeck. And Soctoberfest, which starts super soon. I think I haven't missed a sock-filled October yet, so why start now? And with a sock I can see progress pretty quickly, without having to knit that much. I can ease myself back in.

I need your help though. I can't figure out what pattern to knit. I want something plain-ish - not too busy - to show off the beautiful subtle coloring. And while I love the LOOK of a rib, I hate to rib in socks more than anything. Really. I don't mind purling - like in the monkey sock - it's the back and forth I hate. Got any ideas for me? I really appreciate it! Thanks!

Business: Tomorrow, a HUGE post of Spin Out prizes. HUGE. It's going to take me all day to photograph them! And all of you who have asked about the Spin Out location and whether or not you need to bring chairs - I'd say YES - you need to bring chairs. I'm planning Wednesday to scope out the sight and I will report back Thursday with all the particulars of the event, but until then - you're going to need somewhere to sit if you're bringing your wheel - and don't forget - you can always knit or spindle!

Have a great day! I'm sure gonna try!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:53 AM | Comments (74)

September 16, 2007

Sick

I'm still puking on a regular basis - tomorrow I officially leave my first trimester and enter the second. I'm really not that hopeful that tomorrow morning I'll wake up and suddenly be puke free. But I'm dealing with it.

The week at my sister's didn't exactly go as planned. I got down there Monday and the baby (my sister's 2.5 yr old), who had had a cold and cough the week before, seemed to be getting worse not better. We took him to the dr the next day and she sent my sister - pretty immediately - to the ER. Poor baby had pneumonia and he and my sister ended up in the hospital for three nights. It was just awful - but he's home now and doing much better bossing everyone around and constantly poking my belly going baby baby baby!

Needless to say, it was a stressful week and I came home with a cold. It's not a particularly bad cold, but on top of the puking and nausea I'm pretty miserable to say the least. I worked this morning and came home and sat on the couch. I think a few hours went by - I don't even know.

I can't believe that Spin Out is less than two weeks away!!! I received the permit in the mail the other day - now all we have to do is pray that the gorgeous weather we've been having holds out (or goes and comes back!) and that I can get through that Saturday without puking. Wouldn't that be grand! We've gotten a lot of donations this week - THANK YOU! - and I'll try to get them tallied up for tomorrow. I have an OB appt first thing in the morning, but then I'm coming here straight away to tell that we're giving away not ONE but TWO SPINNING WHEELS!!!! I know - I can't believe it myself! The generosity of this community is astounding!

I'm glad to be home.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 05:30 PM | Comments (28)

September 10, 2007

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Still puking. A lot. I thought I had turned a corner but apparently if you have one semi-decent day the rules say it should be followed by a week of AWFUL days so now I'm just hoping for mediocre days. Nothing semi-decent, okay? I was getting used to stuff and then it turns for the worse. I have an OB appt next week and if I still feel this lousy and I'm still puking all the time, I'll be asking for the big drugs. Next week I start my 2nd trimester and I really haven't gained any weight at all. I haven't lost anything significant, but no gains. I think I should start to see some gains.

And I didn't get Bruce tickets today. Fucking Ticketbastards. There has got to be a better way and honestly I blame Bruce because there are plenty of bands out there that make sure fans can get tickets in an orderly, non ticketbastard way. But G promises we'll be going and I believe him. We haven't missed a tour yet.

There has actually been some knitting, but I don't have time to take a picture. I'm hoping for a Mommy Shrug! In the yarn the pattern specifies which just so happened to be on Closeout at WEBS! YAY! It's here - I've been swatching, but haven't started the actual sweater yet. Hopefully that will be this week.

I'm also leaving for the week. It's holiday this week and I'm going down to my sister's. I haven't seen the kids since July 4th and we all miss each other terribly. Hopefully they'll be a distraction and I won't feel so awful. Although I'm kind of nervous to be so far away from home. I've got the whole puke set up down pat and I'm as comfortable as I'm going to be with the situation, you know? My sister will take good care of me though - it's not like she doesn't know from pregnancy sickness.

There have been LOTS of donations to Spin Out! THANK YOU! I haven't had a chance to put you all in the spreadsheet so no total update, but KEEP IT COMING! When I come back I have a TON of FABULOUS prizes to tell you about! THANK YOU EVERYONE!

L'shana Tovah!
C

Posted by Cara at 10:46 AM | Comments (63)

September 05, 2007

Puke Buddies

Anyone think she had her head in the toilet this morning? Great! I get to be pregnancy buddies with the most beautiful woman in the world. One thing I'm grateful for? My skin looks great! I was so afraid I'd break out a lot when I got pregnant and the opposite has happened. And I can't even wash my face anymore because the smell of Dove unscented soap (yes UNscented!) makes me sick.

I ALMOST got my knitting mojo back yesterday. I was tooling around and saw this fabulous picture of Friender! Look how cute she looks all pregnant in her Wallaby! And I thought - oh my god! I should have a pregnant Rhinebeck sweater after all! So I searched around to see what else I could find and there was Kate Gilbert looking all fabulous in her Mommy Snug! I thought oh my god the MOMMY SNUG! To fit me the whole way through! And I can make it in Cotton Ease and it will be cheap and washable and I should do it! I searched some more and came across KnitLet's Mommy Snug! OH MY GOD! Look at her BIG BELLY! This sweater looks fantastic from a bump's beginning to end!

And yet. I hesitate. Why you might ask? Because I'd hate to start it and not have it done for Rhinebeck. Which is six weeks away. That seems so close (yet so far) and I'd hate to not get it done. But with the energy levels I have now I'd look at the freaking yarn, puke, then take a nap. Also - and this is a HUGE one - I hate to do ribbing. Hate it. And this whole sweater is freaking ribbed.

BUT IT'S PERFECT! I might go out and get some Cotton Ease, if I can stop the puking and the napping long enough to drive to the freaking store, and try to do a swatch. If I can't handle the swatch, well then, a sweater's out of the question.

So like I said, almost got my knitting mojo back. At least I thought about knitting for like an hour. That's a start, right?

Oh and to all those worried that my baby will not have a place to sleep or I'll be scouring the aisles of Babies R Us one week postpartum, I plan on registering for everything I will need. I'll most likely be doing what my sister did - she registered for everything she needed and half the stuff came to my house and half the stuff went to her mother -in-law. And when she went into labor, we all sprung into action so that when she came home from the hospital there were clothes and gadgets and all the necessary baby accoutrements ready to go in her home. While I may be new at this, my family is very well versed. After three kids in 4.5 yrs, I trust my sister implicitly.

Thank you again for all the good wishes! I can't thank you all enough!!!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 11:04 AM | Comments (80)

September 04, 2007

Thank you!

I'm not sure what I expected, but thank you all so much for your good wishes! Yesterday morning you had me so verklempt - well - I threw up. So STOP IT! I don't want to puke anymore!!

I have to admit, for weeks I had been planning to announce our pregnancy on Labor Day and I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. Well, as excited as you can be when you feel sick all day long. But the closer I got to announcing, the more nervous and anxious I got about it. Not that I thought the news would be received badly, but I think telling all of you makes it even more real and that's scary. Also, I'm usually so open about my life and my thoughts and feelings and suddenly it's not just about me anymore. I'm responsible for someone else! OH MY GOD! And the world can be very scary - especially the imaginary internet world and I guess I'm feeling all Mama Bear-ish about the baby and that's kind of strange for me. You know? All kinds of new, terrifying, wonderful, nerve-wracking, crazy feelings going on at once. It certainly is a rollercoaster ride!

Obviously, this blog is going to go through some changes. I don't plan on blogging about my pregnancy every single day - I don't know if I'm going to go back to blogging every day - it all depends on how I feel. This is still my fiber blog! If only I had a fiber life these days! I haven't knit in about two weeks and I have almost no desire. It's really, really sad. But people assure me that desire will come back and it will come back strong! I hope so! I miss it.

I can tell you though, that once I do start knitting again, I will NOT be knitting baby knits. I know - crazy isn't it? But I think I have a very good reason for it. My family is VERY SUPERSTITIOUS when it comes to babies - especially first babies - and it's our "rule," so to speak, to not bring ANYTHING into the house that has to do with the baby until AFTER the baby is born. I know - how do you get the whole nursery together? What's the baby going to wear? Etc. It's my experience that newborns don't need much. Diapers. A boob. A blanket. So I'm not worried. But I can't knit for the baby before s/he arrives. I just can't do it. No matter how tempting these freaking booties are! I might knit for other babies though - there are a few out there about to arrive and maybe I'll flex my knit muscles on them, but not my own. It may seem like a silly rule. I mean, not knitting isn't going to keep my family from - God forbid - a tragedy. But we all have our quirks and this one is mine.

Also, right now, we have no intention of finding out the sex of our baby before s/he is born. Maybe we'll change our minds - maybe not. It's just our preference.

For the record, I never lied about the pregnancy. ;-) I may have been deliberately misleading yes, but I kind of freaked out when everyone started guessing I was pregnant (we had only just gone back to the fertility clinic) and I knew people were reading the blog that didn't know anything about what was going on and could be potentially hurt to read it on the blog before they were told in person. So I said I wasn't pregnant - and I wasn't! I was never pregnant when I said I wasn't. Even on July 6.

The baby will not be named Bruce. I can guarantee you that. And we won't have a little Georgie either. Another family tradition is only naming after the dead. Bruce and Georgie are very much alive, thank you very much. I have to say, though, that when I found out there was a new E Street album and tour - WHILE I WAS PREGNANT! - I felt like my baby's life was fated. Crazy, again, I know, but the idea of going to a Bruce concert while pregnant has been a sustaining fantasy this miserable (but WONDERFUL!) summer! It's just too perfect, you know?

I can honestly say I haven't eaten ONE saltine my entire first trimester. The idea makes me want to puke harder. Pretzel sticks. Almonds. I was eating eggs every day until I puked those. I've tried ginger tea. Fruit works. I try to get protein in. While I do feel awful most of the time, thankfully I don't have Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I'm working my way through this nastiness as best I can and while I appreciate all the advice, I'm sure you all know that one person's comfort food is another person's puke fest. Translation: please don't mention foods! THANK YOU!

Over the next months I hope to share more of our journey to this pregnancy. It's fairly well known that we battled infertility and I hope to share some of our experiences with you. I feel like it's such a misunderstood battle (Relax! Have a drink! You'll get pregnant!) that it deserves our attention. So many people suffer and yet there is a shame associated with it that is just not necessary or helpful.

Alright. That's enough for now. I have to go eat again. The most amazing thing about this pregnancy thing is the realization that you can feel completely and utterly nauseated while at the same time BEING STARVING! I eat constantly all day long - but I'm never satisfied. And I'm always nauseated. It's incredible.

Thank you again for all your wonderful good wishes. I have read every comment and email, and while I wish I could respond to all of you, I have to preserve what litter LITTLE energy I have. (Pregnancy brain! HA! I get to say that now!) I don't know how you 9-5ers do it! We so appreciate the love that's out there and I look forward to sharing it with you all.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 01:36 PM | Comments (97)

August 28, 2007

More Reasons to Believe

The misery continues but here's something that saves me at least ten times a day.

I love this man.

Don't say I never did anything for you.
L, C

PS - Apparently it's a free download on ITunes this week as well.

Posted by Cara at 10:34 AM | Comments (24)

August 23, 2007

I'm thinking of changing the blog name

to Fits and Starts. Anyone claim that yet?

I haven't knit since Sunday. I'm embarrassed to say that there were times I even left my house WITHOUT knitting. Scandalous I know. We've got less than two weeks until the big reveal and half of you have probably already guessed what's going on but I have a date in my mind to tell you and I'm sticking to it. Suffice it to say though this has been a really really hard summer. And I can't get ANYTHING done. I set out little tasks for myself each day and let's just say I'm lucky I still have a business and they haven't condemned my house. The best (or the worst) part is that I'm in such a shitty spot that I don't care.

There are things I miss though. I miss having the energy to knit. To get things done AND knit. I miss getting lost in something - ANYTHING - and being thoroughly preoccupied. I really miss that. I miss feeling, for lack of a better word, settled. NOTHING feels settled. Decidedly unsettled.

I miss feeling like I can talk about whatever the fuck I want on my blog. Of course, my deadlines are all self-imposed, but I'm feeling like I can't break them. No matter how much I'd like to.

Pretty pathetic post, no?

Anyway, I've got some GREAT news!! We've raised $4180! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! More prizes next week and keep the donations coming! THANK YOU!

Posted by Cara at 01:17 PM | Comments (77)

August 17, 2007

TGIF

It's a little bit scary how yesterday's announcement really alterered my perspective on things. Suddenly I'm not so miserable even though things have actually changed very little. I did get a bit of good news. One aspect of my summertime blues will end in about two weeks!! YAY! About that same time I'll also start being less cryptic. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Thank you. I really appreciate it!

Spin Out is off to a slow but steady start. We've raised about $1350 so far and prize donations out number raffle tickets 10 to 1. There are A LOT of prizes. I hoped to have an update today, but I'm exhausted, so it will come either tomorrow or Monday. There are lots of vendors to update and a few prizes to show which have already come in. Did I tell you already - there are A BOATLOAD of prizes this year! More than I can believe!

If you'd like to help spread the word, please copy the button (and put it onto your own server.)

You can link it to the Spin Out website: http://www.spin-out.org. Thank you so much! Heifer is a great cause and I hope we can raise lots and lots of money - because we're definitely going to be giving away LOTS and LOTS of prizes! THANK YOU!

Posted by Cara at 01:09 PM | Comments (15)

August 16, 2007

Reason To Believe

It's official. Springsteen's first album with the E Street Band since 2002's The Rising drops in less than seven weeks, and it's called Magic. In case that title makes you, like us, think of Doug Henning... check the Mark Seliger photo at right for a first peek at Bruce's 2007 look. No rainbows or unicorns to be found. (And that guitar... that's magic.)

According to manager Jon Landau, quoted in today's press release from Shore Fire Media, this one's a rocker: "Magic is a high energy rock CD. It's light on its feet, incredibly well played by Bruce and the members of the E Street Band, and, as always, has plenty to say. It's also immensely entertaining. Magic is the third collaboration between Bruce and Brendan O'Brien and is a culmination of their very productive creative relationship."

O'Brien produced and mixed the album at his home base in Atlanta, Southern Tracks Recording Studio.

Ready for 11 new Springsteen song titles?

1. Radio Nowhere
2. You'll Be Comin' Down
3. Livin' in the Future
4. Your Own Worst Enemy
5. Gypsy Biker
6. Girls in Their Summer Clothes
7. I'll Work for Your Love
8. Magic
9. Last to Die
10. Long Walk Home
11. Devil's Arcade

Of these, only "Long Walk Home" has been heard before; Springsteen debuted the song with the Sessions Band and played it live exactly once, in London on November 11, 2006 (reportedly the day after he wrote it).

Today's press release makes no mention of a tour, but we do expect a full-scale E Street Band tour to coincide with the album's release. Watch this space in the coming weeks -- and/or sign up for our mailing list below -- for details as soon as a tour is announced.

(Information from Backstreets.)

I just might make it through this summer yet.

Posted by Cara at 02:57 PM | Comments (24)

August 13, 2007

No Knit Weekend

Sadly, this is what it's come to. I didn't knit at all this weekend. But I did a lot of knitty stuff! I started preparing Yarnival! for Wednesday, picked a winner in the Spin Out Logo contest, and started putting together the kick off post for SPIN OUT 2007! Look for that probably Thursday. Maybe tomorrow if I can kick ass today, but don't count on it. The prizes are OVERFLOWING already and I'm sure this is just the beginning of things.

Things have been really tough around here lately. Not necessarily bad tough, but tough nonetheless. Knitting content might be thinner than it's been for a long while - and that pains me to no end. Although the good news, to some of you I'm sure, is that I've been dreaming of seaming. Hard to believe, I know, but you might see those miters sooner rather than later.

Thanks for sticking it out with me. I'll be so happy when this summer is over!

Posted by Cara at 10:36 AM | Comments (16)

August 06, 2007

Today

might just be one of my favorite dates of all. August 6 is G and my anniversary! Happy Anniversary my love! Six years legal, 16 cohabitating, 17 committed! Pretty damn good if I don't say so myself. If I haven't loved every minute of it, I've been IN LOVE every minute. Thank you Georgie!

Unfortunately, I'm still feeling really really shitty. Which means we probably won't be doing dinner out tonight. And it means I never got to finish the sock I was sure I was going to finish over the weekend. I've got the toe decreases left. That's it. I hope to show you a finished pair tomorrow.

I also did some good work on Babette, but didn't finish that goal either.

Okay. Now I have to go take a nap. But before I go, don't forget! THIS CONTEST ends on Wednesday! I've only received a few entries so far and I hope that means you're all waiting until the last possible second to submit. COME ON! There's YARN to be won!

Posted by Cara at 03:26 PM | Comments (48)

August 03, 2007

One of those OTHER kinds of Days

Yesterday, Georgie and I had one of those life changing kind of days. And then we headed to the beach. (Ba dum dum!)

We're more Fall season beach goers - often times hitting the Jersey Shore way into October when only the die hards are there. G actually goes in the water too! He's NUTS! Yesterday's beach scene was straight out of Jaws. The water was so packed with kids it looked like a community pool instead of the Atlantic Ocean.

We had a nice day, but I didn't get much done, knitting, crochet or otherwise.

My knitting has definitely hit a state of flux. Unfortunately, the Bee Shawl and I have hit an impasse. I'm not sure where I went wrong with it - probably a case of don't knit lace when you should be asleep - and anything that brings me to tears gets put away for a while. So don't look for it here.

I finished the last square of Section V on Babette and stalled out. I've even stalled out on the second mini monkey I've put off far too long. I knit a row and then put it down. Maybe it's the Summer finally catching up with me.

This morning I feel awful and I still have a ton of work to catch up on so that's what I'll be doing today. There is one bright spot in all this - look what's come home!

Thank you so much Tina! I can't tell you how surprised and happy I was to pull it out of the box! And shocked! There may have been tears, but don't kid yourself - it doesn't take much these days. I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted by Cara at 08:30 AM | Comments (25)

July 26, 2007

Dear Friends...

Hi - this isn't the blog entry I thought I'd be writing today. I have some SPECTACULAR stuff to show you, but alas, it will wait for tomorrow.

In the meantime, I wanted to thank you all for reading the last couple of months. If it feels like I haven't been putting my all into the blog, the truth is, I haven't. Too much is going on behind the blog and as much as I would love to be shouting from the rooftops right now, the time is not right. But it's coming! I swear, it's coming so soon I can taste it.

I am trying the best I can to keep the connection going. I miss you all, my confidantes. It's not me to be quiet about anything, but I'm learning lots of important lessons about patience and necessary silences.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I appreciate you and know that blogging is a two way street. This blog would be nothing without you.

L, C

Posted by Cara at 03:05 PM

July 17, 2007

Six Months

One of the things that made yesterday such a great day was that G had his six month cancer check and he's ALL CLEAR! YAY!

It's just so awful being back at that hospital and my heart goes out to everyone dealing with cancer - or any other illness that has the potential to rip your family apart. It's such a scary place.

But we're all good.

I promised you a finished sock today, but alas, I fell down on the job:

It's an almost finished monkey. I've got about two repeats and the foot to do. I probably won't be able to get it done today, though, because in just a few short hours Moth will make it's debut! We're going to Kabuki! The show is part of the Lincoln Center Festival and I'm really excited about it. My youngest sister and her boyfriend will be joining us - she just got back from Japan so it's great timing. We figure we'll celebrate our OTHER sister's birthday today. Happy Birthday Sis! We love you!

PS - I'll try to get a picture of me and the shawl together. No promises though!

Posted by Cara at 03:05 PM | Comments (51)

July 16, 2007

What a difference a weekend makes!

Friday sucked ass, but today? TODAY IS A GREAT DAY!

And tomorrow, maybe I'll have a finished sock for you!
Thanks for hanging with me.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:01 PM | Comments (25)

July 13, 2007

Serenity Now!

It's not even 8AM and already I'm in one of those moods where, trust me, it's better for all of us if I just sign off for the weekend. Besides, I've got nothing to show you anyway.

Thank you for all the lovely comments on my Moth shawl. I really appreciate it, and I do love the shawl. I hope that was clear.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted by Cara at 07:52 AM

July 07, 2007

There aren't enough words

to thank you for the love. So I'll just say thank you anyway. Thank you! I felt it! I really really did! And yesterday went better than I ever could've hoped. I promise I'll tell you all about it soon. Patience, my pretties.

Now it's off to knit. And knit and knit and knit. I've got a goal: a finished Moth before the weekend's up.

Posted by Cara at 10:51 AM | Comments (29)

July 06, 2007

Please do that VOODOO that you do so well!

A month or two ago I asked for some good wishes. I was pretty selfish about it because I didn't tell you WHY I wanted good wishes, just that I needed some. Today, I'm back again. Even though I've been a pretty shitty blogger as of late and an even worse knitter, I hope you're still out there and can spare me a "Hope that Cara has a good day today!" kind of thing.

I'm not pregnant, there is no book, but it turns out that today might be one of the most important days of my life. How's that for tweaking your interest and not saying anything? I know I'm being terribly selfish and I promise that one day soon I will tell you everything. It's killing me not to say, but it's best for my sanity to try to remain quiet.

Thank you so much. I really can feel the love out there, no matter how corny it sounds. I hope to do a lot of knitting this weekend so I have something to show you on Monday and regular blogging will resume as well. I miss the blogging almost as much as the knitting.

Have a fabulous weekend! And thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:05 AM | Comments (137)

June 30, 2007

One Day

One day I'll knit again, spin again, maybe even crochet again. Not today though. I've got a job this afternoon (a party - always hard work!) then some overnight fun, and a job early tomorrow. Then it's home to await the kids! My house is considerably neater than it was three days ago, which I'm happy about, but I'm tired and there's still a lot more work to be done.

I miss my knitting, desperately (especially since it would really calm me down right about now) and I miss you. If I'm not back here before the 4th - have a great holiday. And to the rest of you, have a fantastic weekend.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 10:33 AM | Comments (9)

June 27, 2007

Discipline

No pictures today. I'm pictured out. Feel free to move along if pictures are your thing.

Today is clean the toilets day at my house. I've been up since 8 and have only started to blog at almost 11AM and not a toilet has been cleaned. But that's what I'm doing today.

I've been really good lately with discipline. I'm on a diet. It doesn't have a fancy name or anything just the I'm fatter than I've ever been and I can't stand it anymore so I'm not eating stuff diet. Basically I'm trying not to skip meals and eat more often but smaller portions and better stuff and no desserts and no soda and it seems to be working okay. I'm maintaining at the least and dropping a few pounds along the way. At least I'm back to where I was before the vacation. Vacation killed me. If I could only add the exercise in again I think I'd be golden. It's too hot to exercise though. I hate Summer.

I've also been really disciplined in the work department. Monday I told myself I wasn't allowed to knit until I had finished a certain amount of work AND fold the extremely large pile of laundry taking over the den. I did both and by the time I was done it was around 11:30PM. I knit one measly row on Moth and went to bed. Tuesday I was up very early because I had a 10AM shoot in Central Park. HOT Central Park. Like get back in my car and the external thermometer reads 110 degrees F Central Park. (That was because my car was in the sun, I suspect it wasn't really that hot temperature wise, but add in the humidity and I think I'm making a fair assessment.) I SUCK in the heat. I get really really sweaty and gross (and not the good kind of sweaty and gross that comes with exercise) and I get irritable and tired and nasty. I ran a few errands, came home, ate, and set to work again. By the time I was finished with the job I was working on it was around 9PM. I told G that I wasn't going to do any cleaning, because today is for cleaning, and I was just going to knit. The thing is, though, I got into bed to watch the boob tube and knit and I just couldn't do it. I was so tired I just layed there and thought about my knitting instead. How pathetic is that?!? But I had discipline.

Discipline sucks.

So today I must clean all the bathrooms in my house. There are three. They are grody. And that's being kind. Today I take a mini-break from photography work to clean. Say it with me: P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.

Blogging might be scarce the next week or so for a few reasons:

1) Discipline. Blogging takes up time that I should really be spent doing other things. Mostly I can use it to procrastinate, but I'm way behind and it's time to prioritize. My house is disgusting and my work is piling up and I'm not knitting...blogging takes a backseat, unfortunately.

2) I'm not knitting. See number 1. I've got nothing new to show you! If I don't blog for a couple of days and that gives me a chance to knit, then I can come back with a fabulous knit to actually blog about. I know I don't need to knit to blog but cleaning and work are not interesting. If I can find some way to make that interesting, I will try, but otherwise I'm just boring myself.

3) Not sure there is a three. Can't think of a three. Damn! I thought there was a three! Oh well. Three is that I may blog every day in order to keep my sanity. Or I may not. Depends on how much work I can accomplish over the next week or so. NOW I remember three! My sister and the kids are coming up for July 4th - as they do every year - so I'm cleaning for them and I'm working all weekend and then I'm hanging with them, so yet another reason I might be a bit absent.

Excuses, excuses, but I'm really really tired. There's all this other stuff going on too, but I can't talk about it yet and it's making me anxious a bit and emotional and it's all good, but with the heat and the work and the cleaning I'm so tired. I couldn't even knit last night, that's how tired.

One of the best parts about being an adult is learning your limits. It's an incredibly hard lesson to learn, but I think I'm getting better at it the older I get. Learning when to say: I would love to do that, but I just can't right now. In the old days I would try to do absolutely everything and then I would crash and burn - rather spectacularly, if I might add - but I'm too old to crash and burn anymore. And hopefully way too smart.

Wish me luck on the bathrooms. I'm going to need it.
L, C

ETA: I have nothing against a cleaning person - in fact I had one for many years. Then she quit/we fired her and we haven't had one since. For awhile I looked for one and they were all either ridiculously expensive or not good and then we gave up and the house has been a mess ever since. Now I'm in the position of getting to the point where I wouldn't be embarrassed to have someone clean it - there's crap everywhere. Trust me. The goal is to get someone in here again PRONTO! As I said above, the older I get the smarter I get.

Posted by Cara at 11:11 AM | Comments (53)

June 22, 2007

The Rainbow Connection

On my way home from Lawn Guyland yesterday, exasperated by perceived slights, real slights, sleights of hand I said to myself, Chica (I call myself Chica - just trying to keep it real) this blog thing is very very important in your life, but is it worth all this stress? Honesty. It's such a lonely word. It is worth the agita?

I said, yeah, I think it is. But how to know for sure?

Chica, I said, let's take the decision out of our hands. Let's let GOD decide. If we should see a rainbow today, that ultimate sign of peace and harmony and unicorns, then we'll keep blogging! Chica wholeheartedly agreed.

It was a kind of tense train trip. What was the likelihood of a rainbow? Sure it was kind of overcast and looked like it could rain at any minute. The conditions COULD be right for a rainbow. Maybe. Did we, Chica and me, even really BELIEVE in signs?

As I walked to the shuttle after taking two regional train lines, lugging my big bag and my wheel bag, permanent indentations carving their way into my shoulders, I tried to avoid a puddle and almost falling on my ass, I caught a glimpse of something sparkly in the sky.

Chica! I gasped. God has answered our prayers. Look, out yonder, it's a RAINBOW!

The blog stays.

Thank you all so much for your emails and comments and notes of support. I'm hoping to get back to each of you that wrote, but it might take me a bit. I appreciate it for me, but really I appreciate it that you all care so much about truth in advertising. I am what I am and I'd hate to feel like I have to change that or censor it or anything. One note though - it's been mentioned a few times that maybe my yarn store review was what prompted the Yarn Harlot's impassioned post of the other day. I can pretty much tell you unequivocally that the two situations have absolutely NOTHING to do with each other. Unfortunately, I'm guessing that Stephanie's talking about something that happened TO her, not passing judgment on what I wrote.

I've got to apologize again. When I wrote about the reveal, I meant my new project. Not my new PROJECT. That project, with a capital P, is gonna be a little while longer.

Clue #3
Click for big. (Do IT!)

Thank you again for your readership. I'm fully aware that a lot of these problems wouldn't exist if no one was reading my blog, so it's kind of a good with the bad situation. I do appreciate your being here - ridiculous opinions and everything. ;-) (I KID, It's a JOKE!)

Hopefully, Monday, we can get back to the knitting. No promises though. Life is kind of crazy at the moment. Duh.
Have a great weekend!
L, C

PS - It's true - I did thinking about closing up shop, but rainbow or no rainbow, I'm not giving up anytime soon. I actually like my blog. A lot. And I would really really miss it (and by extension all of you) if it was gone. It does take a lot of energy and time though and I often think about stopping. For now, though, the good certainly outweighs the bad.

Posted by Cara at 08:17 AM | Comments (143)

June 20, 2007

My love muscle can bench press 250 lbs.

No, not my muscle, but Ann's. God I love that woman. Every now and again we talk about a podcast - a one time thing actually - but it probably wouldn't be funny to anyone but us. Hey Annie - I was telling G about our conversation and he just shook his head and said we were wicked retahded.

Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday, but this week is crayzee! Usually I'm home all day by myself trying desperately to get some work done or alternately staring at the filth around me willing it to clean itself (which takes A LOT of energy. Almost as much energy as if I were to ACTUALLY clean it.) But this week, wouldn't you know, when I would just love to sit around and dream about my vacation, I'm out every single day. Today I have a meeting and then I'm off to Lawn Guyland for guild. So no post tomorrow either. I suck. I know. Hopefully next week things will get back on track and all will be right with the universe again - read me sitting inside with the air conditioner on high, showerless, knitting my little heart out.

Just a brief note on yarn store reviews: as I said in my last post and as evidenced by the comments - for every person who LOVES an LYS, there's someone else who thinks it's eh or even ick. That's the nature of human nature. Maybe I caught the staff at Imagiknit on a bad day. Maybe I was in a bad mood. Maybe maybe maybe. I got a vibe. I'm not telling you not to go to the store - I would never say that (unless it was TRULY awful, which it wasn't) and I'm pretty sure I didn't say that. I ended up buying close to $100.00 worth of yarn and stuff. If I had really thought the store was terrible I wouldn't have spent a cent. The truth is is that the "vibe" is something tangible, and if we're all honest with ourselves, we've probably felt it at one time or another in most yarn stores. It may pass quickly and truly we might not get it at all, but it exists. Which is something I find remarkable given that the any person going into a yarn store must truly have some kind of interest in the craft, whether burgeoning or established, it's there.

The truth of the matter is that I don't really frequent yarn stores all that often. I wouldn't say I have my own lys. I don't knit with a group, period, let alone one associated with an lys. There are a million and one yarn stores in my area - a huge variety - some of the nastiest I've ever been to and some of the nicest, some of the prettiest, some of the ugliest, some of the astounding variety nature, and some of the one trick pony type. Between the internet and the yarn stores in my area, I don't need to go to yarn stores when I'm on vacation. But I love to do it! I love to visit and see what's out there - most of them are no different really from what I can get at home - but every now and again you find something really special. And then there are the people. The knitters. You can't discount the knitters.

Without you damn knitters I wouldn't be having conversations about love muscles and laughing my ass off. For that, I thank you truly.

Next week! Lots of knitting! I'm about to start the second chart of Moth! Maybe a finished sock! AND the big reveal!

Clue #2

Stay tuned folks....

Posted by Cara at 08:33 AM | Comments (50)

June 08, 2007

See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!

I hate to do this to you, but I'm outie. Sadly, I didn't knit a stitch yesterday - a predicament which will be remedied next week. We're off Sunday and between now and then I have every second accounted for - there is A LOT of work to get done before I can vacay with a good conscience.

I will try hard to post at least once while I'm away (a week for blog purposes). This is a true vacation, though, so I'm planning on spending every second with my honey.

I've got one thing to ask though...

Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Have fun. BE SAFE.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 08:14 AM | Comments (21)

June 07, 2007

Reality Bites

Well, that didn't last long. Ugh. When I came home yesterday, even though I was in a good mood, the new pants veil had been lifted and all I saw was a really dirty house (we're almost at squalor people) and pictures from my niece's birthday party where I look really really fat. Jabba The Hutt fat. Fatter than fat. Gross.

What's a girl to do? After I ate the super huge Baja Fresh burrito (SHUT UP! It was lunch AND dinner!) I actually folded clothes and put mine away and then knit two repeats on my beautiful new shawl. That almost made it better, but I did fuck something up near the end of the second repeat. It was easily ripped and fixed so we're back on track.

I've got a lot of work to do before we leave on Sunday and I've got nothing new to show you - so I'm going to leave you with a couple of links:

First up - did you see what Nona the GENIUS is doing? She knitting a sock. Yeah yeah. We can all knit socks. But can you knit a sock SIDEWAYS?!? In true Nona style she's got a serial tutorial going on for her new sock pattern: SIDEWINDERS. She's up to the third part but there's plenty of time to catch up. I've met Nona and she really is a genius. I'm not just saying that. She's so smart it makes my brain hurt. GO THERE NOW.

Then, you all know that my dear friend Claudia is raising money for MS right? She's got fabulous prizes to give away, including some of my notecards, and she's gotten such a great response she's had to extend her fundraising goal! YAY! I've already given twice because my motto is give early, give often and if you haven't done so - you should just run right over there with your credit card in hand. (Or you can send a check. Or paypal. Claudia's got all the details.) She's trying to reach $30,000 and I'm sure she's going to blow right past that.

In related news, the Lovely Anne of Knitspot is working her own raffle in conjunction with Claudia's fundraiser. She, too, has fabulous prizes to give away AND she's matching FUNDS!. You can find out all the information to win some of Anne's good stuff here.

And if that's not enticing enough, Lilith let me know yesterday that if you give to Claudia and tell Anne about it, she's putting you into her OWN raffle for a fabulous pair of handknitted MONKEY socks!!!! That's right! Lilith will knit you a pair of socks! What are you waiting for?

Whew! I actually feel better now. Thanks everyone!

PS - My current favorite make me happy trick? The ending of 40 Year Old Virgin. Dude. I dare you to watch this and not laugh your ass off.

You can thank me later.

PPS - In case you haven't seen the movie, this scene appears after the 40 Year Old Virgin has had sex for the first (and second) time. This is supposed to be what he thinks of it. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 11:29 AM | Comments (27)

June 04, 2007

Fit for a Queen

The princess birthday party was a RESOUNDING success. Think big backyard. Barbeque. Trampoline. Decorate your own tiara crafts. Sprinklers. Water Balloons. Castle Piñata. Ice Cream Cake. No rain. Family. Friends. LOTS of kids. At one point my niece was sitting on the top of the slide that lands you right in the blow up pool and she said to me - and I quote - "My party is CRAZY!" with the biggest smile you've ever seen. My sister and brother-in-law outdid themselves and I don