Laugh Riot! from January One on Vimeo.

I'm in a sharing mood, so I've also posted some new Meli pictures after the jump. They're outtakes from our unsuccessful holiday card shoot. I took a million pictures and wasn't truly happy with any of them. These aren't bad though - just not card worthy. Thanks for looking.

Hope you're having a great weekend and feeling fantastic!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 12:23 AM | Comments (14)

December 20, 2008

The Russians Are Coming

It's 5:16AM and I've been up since about 4. I thought that instead of lying in bed listening to my husband and daughter breathe/snore, I'd get up and do some work. But the printer is LOUD when the house is so quiet and I should really just go back to sleep.

Last night I was up at this time with the baby - she had her first real fever. Not fun. But thank god for Tylenol and she was fever free all day yesterday. Oh and she has two teeth. I have the bite marks to prove it. You can't see them yet but man are those little suckers sharp!

Is anyone else being inundated with Russian Comment Spam? It seems no matter when I post these days, I get more comments in Russian than anything else. I'm sure it's because I haven't updated my Movable Type in like forever but it's so annoying. They don't get caught by my spam filter so I have to go in and manually move them to junk. I can't be the only one? Right?

Posted by Cara at 05:16 AM | Comments (11)

December 18, 2008

Still alive, but just barely

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I last posted. That's ridiculous. Life has been kicking my ass, but we're hanging in there. I've been at my sister's for the past two long weekends, and when I've been home, I've been literally pulling all-nighters in order to get the work done. I have some packages to get out and one more card to do and then I'm done for the year! I'm grateful for the work, don't get me wrong, but it sucks that most of it gets condensed into a six week period.

Meli turned nine months old while we were away and she's doing all sorts of fun stuff. She talks nonstop, pulls up on everything (especially her mama) and is FINALLY cutting two teeth. Of course, she also has a cold at the moment so we're talking copious amounts of snot, drool and tears. Poor baby girl! She's absolutely miserable, which is so unlike her.

Here she is at a happier time!

At my sister's, we celebrated Hanukkah early as they're away for the real Hanukkah and Meli had lots of fun with her cousins!

Of course, when it came to opening presents, she was way more interested in eating them than opening them!

Her cousins gave her a new doll that she liked very much!

I know I'm biased, but she's too cute!

I've had lots of fantasies about what I'm going to do with my self when I'm back to being unemployed (things get VERY slow in the winter.) Besides clean, organize and babyproof my house (ah, what delightful fantasies!) I've been dreaming of knitting again (REALLY!!!) and blogging again. I probably shouldn't say this, but I've been seriously considering trying to blog every week day for the month of January. I really miss having something to say and someplace to say it and just thinking about things. My mind feels so blank. Probably because I'm exhausted, but I think blogging may just jump start my brain again. We'll see how I feel in the next week or two. I have a birthday coming up as well (DUH) let's just say Good Ol' Jack Benny and I will finally have something in common. Well, if he wasn't dead, of course.

I hope you're all doing really, really well and I hope to see you very soon!

PS - All photos courtesy of my sister. I tried to take pictures of Meli for our holiday card yesterday and they all came out crap. I guess I've used my good camera mojo for the year. Wasted it all on clients. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 06:13 PM | Comments (16)

November 25, 2008

Movin' and Groovin'

Things are still pretty much status quo over here. The baby's still nursing a lot and I'm still working a lot. My mom's here for a couple days to help out with baby wrangling so I can work and G and I even had dinner out tonight. Together. Alone. Sans bebe. Nice.

Thank you all so much for your comments and suggestions. It's helpful to know others have gone before and survived. Meli is teething. I guess. She doesn't have any teeth and I'm convinced we're going to go to her nine month checkup with no teeth. But they definitely hurt her at times. She's also on the verge of extreme movement. For now she bounces up and down while sitting and moves around like that and she's started pulling up on everything, well, mostly me, but still she's pulling up. Maybe both her teeth and the moving have to do with her wanting to nurse and giving up the paci. Who knows. She's not leaving our bed anytime soon because we all really love having her there and ultimately it's what's working for us.

Today I received a package of yarn. Purple tweedy yarn. Beautiful soft yarn that's wool with a touch of silk. It might just be the most gorgeous yarn I've ever seen. I promise to take a picture of it soon. I'll be swatching ASAP. The thing I miss most about life pre baby is knitting. Definitely the knitting. Oh to hold those two sticks again and the gorgeous gorgeous yarn.

I'm going to dream about this yarn. In between the nursing.

Posted by Cara at 12:57 AM | Comments (14)

November 05, 2008

A Brand New Day

The relief I feel this morning is palpable.

My "come to Obama" moment came fairly late in this election. I voted for Hillary Clinton in the primary and wasn't going to give in to all the hype surrounding Obama. My sister, who at 26 is in a very different stage of her life than me, was all about the ideology of the election. "Things are changing! Even if we lose, look at all the young people who have mobilized because of him." But I was very, very afraid. For me, this attitude change wasn't enough. We needed to WIN at all costs. This country has been so severely damaged in the last eight years that it might not be fixed in my lifetime. I wondered why the democrats couldn't just put up an easy win. What were our choices? A polarizing woman who had dynasty written all over her, regardless of her intelligence and readiness for the job and a fairly inexperienced man of color. Were they kidding?!?

I didn't just vote for Obama because the other choice was not an option (and in my opinion, offensive on many, many levels), but because I came to respect his intelligence, his pragmatism and his thoughtfulness. He ran an admirable campaign - especially in this day and age. And the idea that we would have a leader who was (FINALLY!) smarter than me - well - that was just the icing on the cake.

Still, though, I was very scared. This election, while historical and significant for our country and the world, is historical and significant for me on a whole other level. This election, I voted as a mother. As a parent, I'm making decisions that will affect my daughter's life on a daily basis. I will never forget the day I voted in the primary - I was pregnant and the whole walk over to the polling center I talked to my baby. I told that baby that we were going to vote in an historic election. That we were going to choose a woman to possibly lead our country. But I also told my baby that there was a man of color on the ballot and the fact that I had to choose between a woman and a man of color was the hardest and best possible choice to make. Everything they had ever told me in my life might possibly be true.

In the end, I didn't vote for me or my country. I voted for my daughter. I elected a president that can change the trajectory of her path in this world, the vision she has of our country, her own self-esteem. I elected a president that truly shows her - not just with platitudes, but with action - THAT ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

Thank you America. Thank you for helping me make all things possible for my daughter. Thank you.

Posted by Cara at 08:02 AM | Comments (46)

November 04, 2008

VOTE, you must!

We don't care who you vote for (well, actually, we care very, very much - but it's still more important that you actually VOTE!)

JUST DO IT! GO! VOTE!

Posted by Cara at 08:13 AM | Comments (32)

October 24, 2008

Like olden times....

We came home from a lovely Rhinebeck weekend to find we had no Internet. It JUST came back on about an hour. My week was at times relaxing and crazy with work piling up like a sonabitch, but lots of fun times with Meli, who, incidentally, had a fantastic time at the festival.

Stolen from Annie's Flickr Set. Thank you!

She's been saying BAAAA all week.

I wonder why? ;-)

See a lovely Rhinebeck family portrait here. (Thanks Annie!)

Posted by Cara at 02:56 PM | Comments (21)

October 17, 2008

Rhinebeck Friday Randomness

Let's catch up, shall we?

-- The other night I was so pissed off watching the last debate I made my first ever contribution to a political campaign. Then I spent the next day looking for my wallet, which I had conveniently left next the computer when I was so pissed off. I blame the other guy.

-- I'm waiting for this bag! Hopefully it will come today. I'm excited because I think it will make a fabulous diaper bag, hopefully with some room for knitting.

-- No Rhinebeck sweater this year. I'm bringing my Oblique and my Central Park Hoodie and lots of socks. And today will be spent trying on all the fabulous knitted gifts Meli received. Thank god other people knit for her!

-- While this year will be a bit bittersweet, I'm so looking forward to this weekend! Say hi if you see us!

Have a fantastic weekend whatever your plans!

Posted by Cara at 10:18 AM | Comments (15)

October 03, 2008

I'm %$@*! SICK!

I did it! I ran myself ragged and now I've got a bad cold and I feel like complete crap. I've still got to get my work done, and of course, take care of the baby and tomorrow I leave for ANOTHER week away. If I can make it through the next week I should survive. I hope.

This being sick with a baby? Really freaking hard. It's like she knows what's up and has picked today, the day I feel like hell, to be all clingy and whiney. My love.

Think well thoughts for me.

Posted by Cara at 08:58 AM | Comments (22)

September 12, 2008

Flying

Believe it or not (and I don't know how you could because I hardly can!) my baby girl turned six months old yesterday. Six months. Half a year. I never knew time could go by so quickly. It's kind of sad that the universe's ultimate irony is that the time you'd like to go in slow motion whizzes by while the time you want to go fast (like waiting to find out if your husband's body is clear of cancer) drags on interminably.

I don't want to be all melancholy at my daughter's progress, because her growing up and learning new things is very definitely progress, but milestones make me reflect and a six month birthday seems like a really big milestone. She's doing so many more things - she can sit up for a decently long time now, she rolls over both ways (belly to back and the much harder back to belly), she grabs everything in sight, she babbles all the time ("Meli, what does a sheep say?" "Ba ba ba!" "HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT?" said my five year old niece. My sister and I laughed our asses off at our very lucky timing! My baby's a GENIUS!), she smiles and sort of laughs (never again repeating the belly laughs of a month ago), she's just an absolute joy! She's also much harder to care fo, staying awake for longer and longer periods during the day and demanding constant entertainment when she is awake. She gets bored really easily. And man can she get angry! Add to all of this my increasingly busy work schedule and I'm tired.

Really, really tired.

More tired than I ever was when she was first born.

It's okay though and I'm not here to complain because even the moments I hate I love and being a mother has brought me more satisfaction and contentment in the last six months than anything I've ever done.

I'll tell you why I'm here: I'm here to write. We're still walking as much as we can (today we're going for five days in a row) and increasingly my mind wanders on my walks and I find myself writing. I've missed the blog so much lately and I finally realize why! I miss the WRITING. When I was updating the blog on a fairly daily basis, every day I'd sit down and write. Maybe it was something silly, or pseudo-important, more often than not my catalyst was knitting (which I'm still doing - or was doing - ugh. I miss that too!) but it didn't matter how I got started, the end result was the same. I WROTE SOMETHING. Anything. And I understand now that it satisfied me in ways that motherhood, wifehood, friendhood, sisterhood, knitting-hood, can't ever really come close. It's a different kind of satisfaction, and not something I can fully explain.

Long ago, in another lifetime it seems, I was in school for creative writing. Fiction to be exact. This adventure with the written word was truly the culmination of a lifelong dream. I always wanted to write. Always. It's what I'm best at, really. It's the hardest thing ever (next to motherhood - I can say that now with a little bit of authority) and just about the most satisfying when done right. I was lucky enough in my short career to have my work published and recognized and then I started trying to get pregnant and it was like all my creative energies went towards procreating instead of writing. I didn't have any room left in my heart or my head to keep writing fiction (every character was trying to get pregnant. Talk about a rut.) I started the blog right after our failed IVF attempt and it saved me. Knitting saved me. Writing about knitting saved me. And then I found my blog voice. I so enjoyed it! I think I was funny - maybe even a little insightful - and people started reading the blog - lots of people and that just made the whole thing all the more fun! (I don't care who you are - writers may write for themselves, but they all want to be read.)

Anyway, this is all just diarrhea of the word and the brain and I feel like this post has been coming for a very long time. I want to write again. On a regular basis. Whether it's the blog or something else, I don't know and I don't care. I'd love it to be both the blog AND something else. I'm not saying I'm going to be blogging every day or anything like that - I'm making no promises to myself or to the blog. There are very distinct priorities in my life: baby, family, work. Everything else is icing on the cake. But I wanted to put it down that this is what I miss. This is what I want. Somehow, some time, I'm going to make it all work.

Posted by Cara at 11:31 AM | Comments (23)

September 01, 2008

Family

Last year on Labor Day I let you all know I was pregnant. This year? Well, this year we're just lazing at home, having a grand old day with our baby girl.

I still miss being pregnant (a little bit) and it's very weird connecting the baby that was inside me to the beautiful girl in my arms right now. She's growing so fast. Too fast, sometimes. In the next couple of weeks we'll be introducing her first solid foods. It's all incredibly bittersweet for me - each new step gets her closer and closer to being on her own, out in this messed up world of ours. I hope your daddy and I make the best decisions we can for you, my love. We love you more than we ever could have known.

Here's to your families - whatever shapes and sizes they come in - and here's hoping you all have a fantastic Monday.

L, C

Posted by Cara at 07:48 PM | Comments (35)

August 21, 2008

Command Center

Things are absolutely crazy around here! I'm back to work full steam and I'm finding it hard to juggle work and baby. When I'm working I want to be with Meli and when I'm goofing off with Meli I'm worried about all my work. I'm sure lots of you moms know my dilemma.

We bought Meli a new toy the other day - an exersaucer thingie. She even test drove a bunch in the store and this one seemed to be her favorite. While I was trying to do some work today, I moved the toy into the office. But she was so funny I videotaped her instead of working. Oh well!

I'm moving right along on a knitting project that I'm really enjoying. I want so bad to tell you about it, but I can't seem to find the time to take pictures of it and really get down to blogging the project. In the meantime, I knit on it when I can and write blog posts in my head.

We're heading into Fall and I couldn't be more delighted, although with two family weddings and lots of jobs lined up I'm very overwhelmed. Weekends are booked straight through to November. I wish I was kidding.

See you all soon I hope! Thanks for reading!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 05:18 PM | Comments (22)

August 06, 2008

Poopity Poop Poop

I've discovered the secret of successful blogging: If you talk about poop - people come out of the woodwork. Seriously.

Thank you all for sharing your remedies and experiences. I had a good laugh. We did get poop. And then we watched for poop again. And then we got poop. I'm thinking this is how things go with a five month old. (Almost! Next week! Can you STAND it?)

Meli was very accommodating, as always, and didn't poop at the doctor's office. She didn't leave the poop for her aunt either. She pooped very unassumingly at home, with her mama by her side, in the afternoon before her daddy and mommy left on their first date since she's been born.

I heard the poop coming and went to change her diaper. When I opened it, I was surprised at how little poop there was, considering how long I had been waiting. Ha ha ha. Kids love to play tricks! It only SEEMED like a little bit of poop because the poop princess wasn't done. Nope. As I was cleaning her up she started pooping again. And again. And again. Just when I thought she might be done she just kept on pooping. It got so I was switching out diapers under her so she could fill them up again! It was all actually quite efficient and no outfits were ruined.

We've since switched to the next size diaper. I'm expecting more poop at any time now.

Our date was WONDERFUL! We left the baby with my sister-in-law and things were good - no tears - that includes the baby and ME. Although I did make the rookie mistake of calling home once we got to the stadium. Yup. Meli was screaming in the background. But Aunt Katina is a seasoned pro so she was soon texting me that Meli had a bit of a bottle and had fallen asleep.

The concert was INCREDIBLE. (Scroll down to July 31.) Possibly the best we've ever seen and it certainly made up for the crap concert we saw last November. The joy lasted over 3 hours and I think I may have taken a cat nap somewhere in the middle. Because of a bad accident on the turnpike right at the exit for the stadium, the concert started over an hour late and didn't end until close to 1AM. I can't thank my sister-in-law enough for sticking it out. We needed that night out and MAN did we get our money's worth!

Of course the baby was up really early the next morning and no matter how much we nursed, she wouldn't go back to sleep. Which is totally unlike her. Until she started to poop AGAIN. I can't tell you how fast I jumped out of bed to change her. I was so freaking exhausted too. Thankfully as soon as she was done we climbed back into bed and slept for another couple hours. I'm still recovering.

Tonight we're trying the babysitting thing again. My sister's coming over so we can go out to dinner to one of our favorite restaurants. We haven't been there since before I got pregnant so it's been awhile. I can't wait. I'm going to have a glass of wine and good steak and stare at my sexy husband across the table. Did I mention? It's our anniversary today. Seven years. Although that number feels so bogus because we've been living together for SEVENTEEN years. And that first August 6, the original, the best in many respects, well, that was EIGHTEEN years ago. I can't believe it. He's still my best friend. Still the love of my life. Add to that the father of my daughter and I'm just the luckiest girl alive.

May 2008
The courthouse in VT where we got married.
Only this time we took the baby with us.

Posted by Cara at 02:15 PM | Comments (31)

July 30, 2008

Poop Watch 2008

For those of you who hated me talking about vomit while I was pregnant, you might want to skip this post. It's about poop.

My baby, exclusively breast fed (which I say with great pride, although I feel guilty when I say it. I know plenty of women who tried desperately to breast feed and did everything right and it just didn't work out. There before the grace of the mammary gods go I.), used to poop at least once, sometimes twice at every feeding. Once her digestive system began to mature she moved to a once a day kind of poopy girl. Then, every other day. Every other day caused me some stress because I never knew when that poop was coming and it wasn't really a poop it was more like a LAKE of poop. I didn't want to dress her in one of her super cute outfits if I knew the poop was coming. You know what I mean? Although I've been VERY successful in getting poop out of clothes. (My secret: rinse out RIGHT away and then spray with Zout. Wash whenever.)

So now it's been like THREE days. NO POOP. Plenty of pee and absolutely disgusting farts (what am I eating?!?! I don't fart like that!) and I'm on edge every time I hear some rumblings down there. Just poop already baby girl! Mommy can't take the stress! (I know that it's perfectly normal for breast fed babies to go awhile without poop. She's peeing fine and is in her usual great mood, so I'm not worried about her health. Just that I'm going to drown in all the poop when it finally comes.)

I know the poop's coming though because today I have to take her into the dr for some shots and you just know that she'll poop all over the doctor's office. For sure.

I bought a new pump too and I've been trying to pump because Meli's daddy and I have a VERY special date Thursday night.

There's so much to talk about - I started yet another new project, but this one's going to stick. There was too much prep involved for it not to work. And I worked my first job since Meli's been born and everything was good, sort of, but it's done and I'm glad to have that under my belt. And we were gone for eight nights and I've never been so happy to sleep in my own bed. No matter how many people are sleeping in it.

Missed you all. Be back soon. Pray for poop.

Posted by Cara at 10:09 AM | Comments (73)

July 18, 2008

Crazed and Confused

Hey all! I didn't mean to go a week without posting, but that's life. This week has been a doozy. Monday I blew out a tire just as I was entering the Lincoln Tunnel (on the NJ side.) I guess you could say I was lucky because I was one of five cars to lose at least one tire (thank god I didn't lose TWO like the people in front of me who had to wait for a tow truck) and GREG, Port Authority Worker Extraordinaire was on a roll changing tires. He changed mine lickety split, wouldn't take a tip, and MAN was he easy on the eyes!!! (Looked a bit like G actually - just my type!) So skilled was Greg that the baby didn't even wake up.

Tuesday I did a last minute photo shoot for a 2 week old baby girl. I can't even remember Meli that new anymore. Isn't that so sad? Then I went and had my hair cut and colored. It was desperately needed as I hadn't had it colored since about two weeks before Meli was born. Whew! G was on and he did GREAT! Sent me a picture of the baby sleeping away while I was halfway through my appointment.

First thing Wednesday we had Meli's four month check up. For those keeping score, she was 13.8 lbs and 24.75 inches. I thought it was pretty funny that she was 10.8 at 2 months, 12 at 3 months and 13.8 at 4 months. Guess she's a 1.5 lb a month kind of girl! The doctor said she's perfect. Like we didn't know that. ;-) Then we went and sat at the car place. Needed a new tire after Monday.

Thursday we had lunch with some out of town friends in the city and I also made up the appointment I missed on Monday because of the tire.

MAN am I tired! I've been doing badly with the sleep thing too. Meli is generally out for the night by around 10PM and then she sleeps for about six hours. If I was smart, I'd be going to sleep then too, but lately I've been reading a book I read about on Terry's blog: The Devil in the White City. I'm really liking the book which is weird for me because I never read non-fiction. I'm really a fiction kind of girl, but this book has really pulled me in. It's about the World's Fair in Chicago and what went into building it, the city at the time, and the parallel lives of the architects of the Fair and a serial killer on the loose in Chi-town. Anyway, it's keeping me up at night. I nurse Meli to sleep and then I read. It's great fun but I'm exhausted.

And in between all of these things I knit what felt like eighty million swatches for (yet another!) new project. FINALLY I've settled on a yarn and now I just have to wait for the colorway I want to arrive. I'm SO super excited about this project - it has everything I've grown to love about knitting in it, and I just want to start NOW. I'm proud that I've been diligent, though, in making sure everything is just right. I hope to talk about it soon.

It probably won't be another week until I post again. We're going on a bit of a vacation tomorrow until mid-week and then I'm at my sister's through the weekend. God I wish I had that yarn! Have a wonderful weekend!

Posted by Cara at 04:45 PM | Comments (19)

July 06, 2008

One Year

One year ago today I asked you all for some good wishes. I didn't tell you why - I couldn't. I wasn't ready. I had to do this on my own. Well, not entirely on my own, but mostly on my own.

Last year, on this day, two embryos were thawed and transfered into my uterus.

To say it was difficult getting to that day - getting successfully THROUGH that day - is a tremendous understatement. It's only now, in hindsight, that I realize how depressed and sometimes desperate I was in my struggle to get pregnant. And most of it was mental and emotional. The physical issues preventing us from getting pregnant on our own were relatively easily fixed by IVF. I think I always knew that once we did the procedure, we'd get pregnant so maybe that's why I panicked so badly 3.5 years ago. We panicked. It's true, we panicked together. Neither one of us was ready at that moment, but I've always felt responsible.

Afterward, I kept myself busy. Told myself it was the right thing to do. I started this blog. Tried to escape how badly I felt.

I once had a dream about those frozen embryos. A letter came to me in the mail. With a picture of an embryo attached to it. "When are you going to come claim your children?" The letter seemed to scream at me. It gave an update on the "kids" like you'd get from one of those orphan children organizations. "Here is your frozen embryo. It's doing well, but it needs you." This particular embryo was named Ida. The doctor from the clinic had sent it.

Already I was a terrible mother.

For months (years?) I walked around ready to burst into tears, but at the time I'm not sure I would've completely connected it to the lack of a baby. Guilt is an awful lot to bear.

When I finally admitted to myself that I wanted a baby more than anything, it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I set a course of action - which for me meant lots of psychiatric help - whether or not it was truly warranted - and I built myself a support system that wouldn't allow me to fail.

I say I I I, but it was always we. Georgie was and always has been and continues to be my greatest support. While it was always our decision, together, to have a child, it was still me who physically and mentally had to be the most ready.

That day last year was bright and sunny and I was scared to death but I was also very excited. There was no turning back. My own personal independence day. In my heart I know that July 6, 2007 was one of my greatest triumphs ever and I can't believe it's been a year. What a wonderful, awesome, gorgeous, lovely year.

Posted by Cara at 02:06 PM | Comments (41)

July 04, 2008

Family

Happy 4th! Happy Friday!

Posted by Cara at 01:25 PM | Comments (11)

July 02, 2008

Follow Up

I should so be sleeping - firstly I'm a new mom and I should always be sleeping when my baby is sleeping. Secondly, we spent the day at the beach and we're all exhausted. But I feel like I need to get this post out and late at night might be my only time to do it.

To start, I want to thank everyone that left such thought provoking and generous comments. I promise I wasn't trying to be provocative, I was just elaborating on an off hand comment I wrote the other day. I've read all your comments and have taken them to heart. Here's what I'm thinking:

EVOLUTION: I think you're absolutely right - blogs evolve. They have never and probably will never be any kind of static platform. Just as we evolve as humans (we hope), how we communicate will most likely evolve. I used words like suffer and death and I think they are appropriate in all kinds of evolution. Things change - something gives, something dies. I'm beginning to think that my lamentations on knitblogs, per se, has a lot more to do with me and my life than the actual state of knitblogging. My life has changed so much over the past year - immeasurably so - that it's only natural that I'd want some things to stay the same. My blog changed, and it seems everyone else's changed too and I miss how things were. I guess I'm still grieving for the blogger I once was; I was always very proud to be carry the label knitblogger, then someone called me a mommy blog the other day and honestly I cringed. I'm not ready to change my moniker. I've got almost 300 feeds on my bloglines list and maybe 50 are something other than knitting blogs. I suffered from infertility, yet I have maybe one or two infertility blogs on my list - and that's because they were both knitters. I have a couple mommy-ish blogs - but really they're about products - not people. When I found knitting blogs I found my home. Now I sort of feel adrift at sea. Melodramatic, perhaps, but it's how I feel. And I fully believe you should feel what you feel.

RAVELRY, et al: I'm (one of) the biggest Ravelry hypocrites out there. I have no problem browsing for patterns or checking out what yarns people have used for a particular pattern for WAY too long, but I haven't updated my projects on there after the my first initial posts. So I'm using the database, but not contributing too it. Honestly, the minute I heard about Ravelry I took the position of Chicken Little. And when I heard there would be forums? Ugh. I've spent my share of Internet time on forums and honestly I've seen nothing good come of it. In fact, I've seen a lot of ugliness. But there's no denying that change is good and welcome and inevitable. I've benefited from Ravelry just like the next knitter or crocheter or spinner. I just can't be a contributer - it's not for me. Same goes with Flickr. I never had a Flickr account until I started my Ravelry account and that's not for me either. Photography is a HUGE part of my life, but it's also a job for me and something just doesn't feel right about my pictures on Flickr. I'm sure this is an ignorant bias on my part that someone will surely point out, but again. It's not for me. Same thing with a lot of these other internet tools. The fact is I'm a blogger. It suits me very well. I love to write and I love to take the pictures I need to take and I like having the control to do what I want with my words and photographs. The fact that I have an audience makes it all that much better, but I've realized these last few months that I'd be here regardless.

The bottom line is I've allowed myself tremendous growth in so many areas of my life, that now I'm going to feel free to let my blog grow. From now on I'm going to disavow any and all labels - I'm no longer a knit blogger or a mommy blogger or a photo blog or an infertility blog. This blog is me. All the parts of me. For better or worse.

Thank you all, again, as always, for coming along for the ride.

Posted by Cara at 01:09 AM | Comments (43)

June 26, 2008

Bathing Beauty

Well, we survived Florida!

Again with the firsts! Meli was the consummate traveler, which made her travel loving father very very proud and her crazy mama very very grateful. First and foremost, I flew drug free. I can't tell you how HUGE this was for me. I took every precaution though - lots of pumped milk (which I proudly threw away when we got home - it was totally bad by then!) and a new Xanax prescription - none of which was needed. The flight down Sunday was delayed by weather - and when I say delayed I mean we were next for take off when an incredible storm came through. We were literally on the plane, on the runway, when golf ball size hail started falling all around us with 60 mile an hr wind shears and super lightning. I'm not kidding. It was a freaking monsoon. Then we saw the most gorgeous rainbow ever and took off. Craziness. Here we are on the very uneventful flight home:

I swear, my head's not that small and my arms aren't that big.

We flew Jet Blue and since my daughter is a bona fide couch potato, she either did this:

Or this:

I gotta say, if I'm not flying first class, Jet Blue is the best. They're all extremely conscious of the runway debacle last year when people sat for 8 hrs so you are guaranteed not to be sitting on the plane more than three now. And all they do is apologize for the delays and come on all the time to update you. And there's tv. Lots of tv. Which makes me feel like I'm sitting in my living room - at least sort of - and not like I'm stuck on an airplane. It was a very nice experience.

Florida was HOT. Stifling. Unbearable. But the baby definitely enjoyed the pool.

Meli is usually pretty good when she takes a bath, and the pool was no different. She was quite calm in the water. Besides the pool, we went for a quick dip in the Gulf of Mexico (water temp: 89 degrees F - my kind of water temp.) We can't wait until she's old enough to really enjoy the water. Both her dad and I love to swim.

She was quite the Kool Kat by the pool!

We went to Florida for a birthday party for a friend who hasn't been feeling so well, and while we were there Baby Meli got to meet Big Meli! And she took a few pictures for us!

All in all it was a very successful visit. Incredibly stressful, but successful. I'm so glad to be home. But that doesn't mean things will be quieting down anytime soon. Next week is my sister's annual 4th of July visit with her kids which can only mean there will be much fun and everything will be crazy hectic!

I hope to pop in before then. While the death of blogs - or at least knitting blogs - seems to be on everyone's mind these days - I still love mine and intend to keep it going. I hope you'll stay for the ride!

Thank you!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 03:09 PM | Comments (38)

June 21, 2008

The Exact Opposite of Relaxing

Earlier this week I wrote that my one wish for this weekend was to relax. Not go anywhere. You know - stay home and veg with my guy and my gal. Alas, it is not to be.

Tomorrow we are going to Florida. Yes. We're getting on a plane with our baby and heading south.

We'll only be gone a couple of days - we fly back Tuesday - and our reasons for going are both good and bad (everyone's okay.)

Like I said. The exact opposite of relaxing.

If I make it through the flight without popping a Xanax I may actually be cured. With all of these phobias dropping like flies, Annie says I will have completely lost my edge and be yet another suburban mom driving a station wagon wearing mom jeans.

So I made sure I scored a few Xanax from the doctor. I mean, carrying around narcotics in the diaper bag definitely makes me edgy. Wouldn't you say?

Wish us luck. Maybe you can relax for me.

Posted by Cara at 11:07 PM | Comments (15)

June 18, 2008

Three Months, One Week

For the past few days I've been writing a post in my head. It was all about how I've been restless lately - maybe even a little bored. Meli is such a dream to take care of and don't get me wrong I'm loving every poopy diaper and every late night feeding, but I still am having a hard time carving out some time in the day to do stuff. Nothing fancy - just stuff that doesn't involve holding a baby. I miss knitting. I miss blogging. I miss having a creative life outside of Mommy-ness. I think it's worse because she is so easy. It was going to be one of those posts, so be glad it's most likely not going to happen.

Of course, then, yesterday she actually took a nap in her swing and I was able to clean up a bit and we had a fabulous photoshoot and I was even able to process the photographs.

Meli is doing great! She had her three month appointment the other day and she's now 12 lbs, 24 inches which puts her right smack in the middle of the charts. Fifty percent across the board. And yet she seems so big to us. She's doing so many things - talking all the time. She can lift her head wonderfully:

Although tummy time still ends like this:

We're still taking our long walks most days and usually she sleeps, but she's also become incredibly fascinated with these two little toys attached to her car seat. She can stare at them one - going back and forth between the two - for an amazingly long time (for a three month old!) and she gets so animated, talking to them and kicking her feet. She loves to kick!

I've been trying to get her on video but every time we turn on the camera she clams up. Seriously. She'll be talking and laughing and on goes the camera and nothing. Turn it off and she turns it on again. Little stinker!

One thing she does that I just love is wring her hands. I've been calling her an old washerwoman - you know - wringing her hands - woe is me. My kids never call. The sky is falling. But then a few people actually said it looks like she's knitting! And these were strangers who don't know me at all! What do you think?

Maybe it's too hard to tell from pictures. I'll try to get some video - if Meli will cooperate. Another thing she just loves to do is chew on her fingers. She's been putting her fingers to her mouth since she was born, but now she can actually get them inside. Occasionally you can hear her slurping away on her fingers. She seems to prefer them over her thumb. But not really in any consistent way. She's still a paci girl.

Now that she's entered the Golden Age of Babyhood (all smiles, more sleep, still not mobile) I'm going to try hard to put her down more. She never liked the sling very much and she's good in the Baby Bjorn for a limited amount of time now that I can turn her out, but it's still awkward for me. I also think some of my crabbiness has come from being out too much. We were in Philadelphia three weekends in a row. (Twice Meli and I drove by ourselves! Cross another milestone off the list!) I'm so looking forward to doing NOTHING this weekend. Maybe some pool time. Maybe some knitting. I still haven't been able to seam those sleeves on her little sweater. Even if we just sit around as a family. That would be enough.

I leave you with more pictures of my girl. Thanks, as always, for indulging us. We so appreciate it!

Posted by Cara at 08:58 AM | Comments (67)

June 07, 2008

All is well!

Just crazy crazy crazy! In a good way! Today I was able to get about an hour to myself for a pedicure and everyone survived! YAY!!!!!

Tomorrow the baby and I are off to my sister's for a fantastic flip-flop themed five year old's birthday party and we're going to stay for a couple of days.

Meli is doing so well I can hardly stand it! She's talking all the time, well, babbling, but the two of us have very deep conversations by making gurgling sounds. We stare into each other's eyes and discuss everything under the sun. Have I mentioned my daughter is a genius? And she holds her head up so, so well. She's kicking and squirming and on Wednesday she'll be three months old. Can you believe it?!? I can't wait to see how much she weighs and how tall she is at her appt next week. My honey girl! She's INCREDIBLE!

I've haven't seamed her little sweater yet because I figured out that I can successfully knit with a baby in my lap - I've already started two more projects - a sock and a new sweater for her - but I can't quite sew a seam. Especially sleeves I have to maneuver into an opening. Also, I lost knitting. It kills me to write that but it's true. I can't find two projects - most likely they are together - anywhere. The last time I saw them was at the hospital when Meli was born and I'm 99.999% sure they came home with me, but now? Now they've disappeared. I can barely talk about it, it makes me so sad.

But everything else is great. I will be back with better posts next week! PROMISE!

Posted by Cara at 10:27 PM | Comments (13)

May 29, 2008

Aunt Syd

Don't everyone plotz all at once. Yes. I am indeed posting two days in a row. I'm hoping to make this blogging thing a habit again. It's too good not too.

This is my Aunt Syd:

Really she's my paternal grandmother's first cousin, but I've always known her as Aunt Syd. Her real name is Sarah (maiden name Guggenheim. Unfortunately no relationship to the rich ones.) and I think the story is when she married her second husband she changed her name to Sydney. His name was ALSO Sidney. So they were always Aunt Syd and Uncle Sid.

I remember Uncle Sid as kind of curmudgeonly, but I didn't know him very well. Aunt Syd, on the other hand, is one of the nicest, sweetest, most loving people you will ever meet. Dead honest, but not a mean bone in her body. She's a teaser too. Somehow my mom and her got pretty close, and I did too I guess because I usually go with my mom when she goes to visit her in the Bronx, where she's lived all of her life. So yesterday my mom came up and Meli got to have another first - a birthday party for Aunt Syd, who turns 98 on Saturday!

Aunt Syd can't see very well and she can't hear very well and she told us over and over again how old she'll be on Saturday and how she doesn't understand how she got to be this old! She never imagined it would happen! But she's still got all of her faculties. And she just LOVED the baby!

I remember having lunch with her one year and she was telling us a lot of family stories, which I just love to hear by the way, and she was saying how she was her parents' first born and that her mother had many many miscarriages after her. Like maybe some astronomical number - 15? Something awful like that. She thought probably there was an RH Negative factor that was causing all the losses, but for what it's worth she was an only child. Which is why she was so close to my grandmother and my aunts, but especially my Aunt Syl.

Aunt Syl and Aunt Syd were very close in age and Aunt Syd never had children (her first husband died young and I don't know how old she was when she married Uncle Sid) and my Aunt Syl never had children either - she married my Uncle Al pretty late, so I'm sure the two couples spent a lot of time together. (Although honestly, I can't see how my Uncle Al and Uncle Sid got along - two different people you will never meet! But my Uncle Al was sweet as can be too, so maybe that's how.) I miss my Aunt Syl very much. She died when I was 19. We used to celebrate Christmas and Easter at their house in Pennsauken, NJ because my Uncle Al wasn't Jewish and whenever we left she always gave us a little bag of treats for the car ride home. And you could always count on Aunt Syl having Canfield's Diet Chocolate Soda. Thank god for my Uncle Al because he had cable tv! The first time I ever saw MTV was at their house!

Anyway, I named Meli after my Aunt Syl. Her middle name begins with S (although it's not Sylvia. I would've loved to have named her Sylvia - can't you just see a little girl running around in a flower dress with someone calling after, "Sylvie! Sylvie!" Yeah. Georgie couldn't see it either! But that's okay, I love our little girl's name.) And in Hebrew, I named her Sarah. Nothing formal, but I know that her Hebrew name is Sarah, as was my Aunt Syl's. And my Aunt Syd's. They're named after the same relative. So it was important for me that Meli meet Aunt Syd, and that my Aunt Syd know I named my daughter after her favorite cousin.

When we left Aunt Syd's apartment and were waiting for the elevator, I told my Meli that she had done a Mitzvah. The first, I hope, of many in her life.

Posted by Cara at 09:35 AM | Comments (34)

May 27, 2008

Firsts

Can I tell you how many blog posts I've written in my head lately? I miss it so much and it's not because of any sense of obligation - although I do feel that sometimes - it's more that I have a lot to say. I'm too tired to find the words and when I have them, I'm usually no where near a computer.

I've been thinking a lot about firsts lately. Sort of a no brainer now that I'm a first time mom. Everything Meli and I do together is a first - and truly everything she does is a first and she's the first born daughter of a first born daughter of a first born daughter. Kind of cool, no?

The last few weeks have been FULL of firsts for me and my girl:

-- We took our first train ride together! It was a big success and we even met another little girl on the train who was EXACTLY a year older than Meli. Seriously - same birthday. Isn't that a hoot? And everything about the ride went off without a hitch. Although watching the other little girl squirm around and want to run free told me we won't be taking the train once Meli's mobile. Too much trouble.

-- Meli thoroughly enjoyed her first sleepover with her cousins. It was a huge weekend for firsts - first time in Synagogue. First Bat Mitzvah. First time meeting some of her cousins. FIrst ballet recital (watching, not dancing, of course.) It was a really good weekend and I'm excited to spend time at my sister's more often. Now that I know we can sleep over successfully, I think we've got a lot of fun times ahead this summer.

Then we came home and it was even more firsts!

-- Meli made her first trip out to Long Island to visit her FAinLI. This trip was VERY significant in that I drove us out there - by myself. I know I've talked about my anxiety and panic on the blog before and one of the ways it's manifested itself in the past is that I hate to drive longish distances by myself - especially on highways. I've had bad panic attacks - so bad I've pulled over on the side of the road and waited for someone to come get me. Hence my love of trains. But since I got pregnant and Meli's been born, my anxiety and panic have really regressed. I still get anxious, but I don't have the time, energy or inclination to indulge it anymore. In a lot of ways, my past anxiety was a luxury. That's not to say I don't have a mental condition that predisposes me to anxiety and panic, it's just that I can harness all my skills to control it and my life is such that I'm able to control it better than ever. Which is just a really long way of saying I drove out to Ann's by myself and it was totally fine. I had my moments, but they quickly disappeared. The real REAL test will be if I can drive down to Philly on my own - and when I say on my own I mean with my most precious passenger.

It was quite an accomplishment for me, and also it was really natural. Something's changed since Meli was born. My psychiatrist thinks I'm cured - he says I'm the calmest he's ever seen me - and he's known me for fifteen years (which in Woody Allen years is a lifetime!) It's like I used up all the craziness trying to get pregnant and worrying about getting pregnant and what would happen once the baby was born and then I got pregnant and I stopped being so crazy. Crazy, huh?

Okay - what other firsts? It was Meli's first time around animals - dogs to be precise - and honestly - I don't think she noticed. No matter how cute those pugs are. She went to spinning guild and didn't seem all that interested in the spinning. Although I really miss it!

Then we came home and found out that three days later we were going on our first family ROAD TRIP! And getting a NEW CAR! We needed a new car once Meil was born because fitting the seat in the back necessitated us moving the position of the seats in the front - not a comfortable ride for G or me. And of course, the one car we wanted could only be found in Vermont. After two months of searching for the car, we didn't really want to wait for it to be trucked down and when the dealership told us we could drive one of their cars up to Vermont and switch it out with our car, we jumped.

The best part? Our trip took us right past Yarn Mecca. Literally! I told Georgie we just HAD to stop. So Meli and I took our first trip to WEBS!!! How cool is that? I emailed Kathy, one of the owners, before we went and she was so gracious taking us around the HUGE shop. When I tell you this is the biggest yarn store of all time - that's only scratching the surface. I know I didn't see all that was there - no way no how. Thank you Kathy for helping me out!! It was great to see you and I'm so glad we got a chance to stop in! Of course I bought stuff - I'll try to get pictures to show you - but don't count on it. (Sadly, I took no pictures, but Kathy has photographic proof of our visit on her blog. Thanks again Kathy!!) b

We ended up in Montpelier - hungry and exhausted. We made the trade and LOVE our new car!! The next day we decided to do a bit of reminiscing on our way home and stopped off to show our daughter where we got married.

Georgie and I were married almost seven years ago on the court house steps in Newfane, Vermont. It was just the two of us and our jp. Gotta love Vermont! No witnesses necessary and CHEAP! If you're ever looking for a place to elope - Vermont's got it all over on Vegas.

It was a beautiful, beautiful day. The sky was as blue as the day we were married, but it was much cooler. Just a wonderful memory and it was made even sweeter by our daughter.

I mentioned how much I love my new car, right? Here she is!

A Volkswagen Passat Station Wagon. In Mocha. I learned how to drive on a brown Impala station wagon so this is so much fun for me. The best part though is that G and I can sit in the front seat together (in the other car, with the car seat, one of us drove (obviously) and one of us had to sit in the back because of the way we had to adjust the seats to fit the baby seat.) Oh my god we were all like holding hands and stuff. So nice! And the back seat is HUGE! LOVE THIS CAR! Did I mention how fast it is too? Faster even than the fast car. LOVE IT!

Last but not least, on Memorial Day, my girl had her first dip in the pool!!

I guess she kind of liked it because she didn't complain at all and the water was FREEZING. Don't worry, it's not like she went for a swim or anything, we literally just dipped her toesies in and got them a little wet. Can you tell how big she is?

And how cute is her little bathing suit and matching sun hat?!?!?!

I ask you - is she not the cutest thing ever?!?!?! Don't you just want to eat her up?!?!

It's officially summer!

I've got another first coming soon - my first baby sweater for my girl. I've got one more tiny little sleeve and then I have to seam it together. I can't wait to tell you about this sweater and I promise PROMISE it won't be long before I'm back again.

Miss you. Love you.
C

Posted by Cara at 11:55 PM | Comments (48)

May 15, 2008

Sleepover!

Meli and I are heading out tomorrow for our first weekend away! We have a family event to attend on Saturday and will be staying with my sister for the weekend. To say Meli's cousins are excited is just about the understatement of the century. Me? I'm excited to bring my knitting! There will be lots of people wanting to hold my baby girl - free hands! YAY! (Cece is coming along slowly but surely. Maybe I'll have a progress picture next week.)

I'm not used to this whole baby traveling thing, so I'm a bit nervous. We're taking the train down and while usually I'm packing my bag three seconds before I leave, there's lots of stuff I need to take. Dresses for her, and me, and packing for two. Logistics have become high priority.

Anyway, I'm so tired and I haven't even started getting ready. Just wanted to pop in and let you know we're good since the Friday post won't be coming.

Have a great weekend everyone!
L, C & M

Posted by Cara at 08:42 PM | Comments (29)

May 09, 2008

If I'm blogging...

it must be Friday. Seems to be happening once a week and on the day that most people aren't reading anymore. Oh well. I write blog posts in my head all day long but I can never seem to make it to the computer.

Some things I've been thinking about:

-- Did I ever tell you that I woke up the first day in the hospital to find a dead ladybug in my bed? I found that to be a VERY auspicious beginning!

-- Also, during that first night, about 3AM, my daughter was crying and I was comforting her. I said, "It's okay sweet girl, Aunt Cara's here." Stopped myself dead in my tracks. I wasn't the aunt anymore, was I?

The other day I read this post of Norma's and this post of Wendy's and these ideas have been floating around in my brain. The other day on my walk (the new schedule is working out GREAT!) I made a mental list of what I am and what I've been.

I am a DAUGHTER. SISTER. AUNT.

LOVER. WIFE.

FRIEND.

I've been a STUDENT. LIBRARIAN. WRITER.

PHOTOGRAPHER.

Very recently I was a BLOGGER. And a KNITTER.

Now? Now I'm a MAMA.

One day I'll reconcile all those capital letters with the biggest capital of all but for now this is my life and I'm having a better time than I ever could've have anticipated. I miss all those capital letters, it's true, but lowercase suits me fine for now.

knitter. blogger. wife. friend. MAMA.

The photographs were taken last Friday and on Monday, Meli had her 8 wk appt and weighed 10 lbs, 8 oz! YAY Mommy Milk!

Posted by Cara at 09:22 AM | Comments (91)

February 12, 2008

Bright Spot!

Guess what?! We got some good news today! They won't be starting the construction on our apartment line until Sept 08!!!!!! WHOO HOO!!! They are, though, still going ahead with construction on the apartment line next door to us, so it's not like we'll have peace and quiet until September (who are we kidding? We'll have a BABY!) but it is the absolute best news in a bad situation! Sure, it will be VERY loud in the apartment, but hopefully not totally unbearably so. We have seriously been considering a hotel. I'm hoping the absolute worst of it will only be about a week or two and our bedroom is the farthest point from the drilling, so maybe, just maybe, we can stay at home! I'm not sure I can tell you what a tremendous relief this is.

Tonight is supposed to be our last childbirth class, but the weather is pretty crappy. I hope it doesn't get postponed because I'd really like to be done with it. Also, tomorrow we're going for a prenatal pediatrician appointment. When I called to make the appointment they asked me the baby's last name. Can I tell you? I totally hesitated! It's not that I don't know what the baby's last name will be but more like OH MY GOD THIS KID IS REAL WITH A LAST NAME AND EVERYTHING!! So exciting! And scary! And wonderful! All you parents out there: what's the one thing you wish you had asked your pediatrician that you never did? Just curious!

Thank you for all of your good wishes! I can't tell you how much we all (the three of us!) appreciate them!

Posted by Cara at 03:55 PM | Comments (69)

February 02, 2008

Third Annual Bloggers (Silent) Poetry Reading

The first year I posted a poem about infertility. This year things are different.

First Birth

I had thought so little, really, of her,
inside me, all the time, not breathing--
intelligent, maybe curious,
her eyes closed. When the vagina opened,
slowly, from within, from the top, my eyes
rounded in shock and awe, it was like being
entered for the first time, but entered
from the inside, the child coming in
from the other world. Enormous, stately,
she was pressed through the channel, she turned, and rose,
they held her up by a very small ankle,
she dangled indigo and scarlet, and spread
her arms out in this world. Each thing
I did, then, I did for the first
time, touched the flesh of our flesh,
brought the tiny mouth to my breast,
she drew the avalanche of milk
down off the mountain, I felt as if
I was nothing, no one, I was everything to her, I was hers.

Sharon Olds. The Wellspring, 1996

For more information about the Bloggers (Silent) Poetry Reading, celebrated each year on February 2, go here.

Posted by Cara at 09:21 AM | Comments (14)

February 01, 2008

Leap Year

I can't believe it's already fucking FEBRUARY! Thank god I have an extra day in this short month because, um, my baby will be born in MARCH. How is this possible?

I'm feeling pretty miserable these days - not that things have changed much - but I'm beginning to totally understand when women tell you that pregnancy is so uncomfortable at the end for a reason. So that you will BEG for the baby to come out! Right now fear and uncertainty still outweigh the discomfort but every day the scales tip a bit more. And I'm not even that big. Seriously - everyone tells me how small I am for how far along I am (which bothers me a little bit to be honest. Not sure why, but it does. I've suffered from belly envy the whole pregnancy) which I guess is a good thing - the bigger I am the more uncomfortable, right? At least I've slept well the last few nights. Sometimes I don't even get up to pee! YAY KEGELS!

Things are behind in the house, for a change, and now, as I've mentioned, they started drilling closer to my apartment. Right now they're on the 08 line and I'm on the 12 line - so two doors down. That's not so bad - I can kind of forget about it and they're not jackhammering all day long continuously, but Georgie left the apartment the other day and exited on the OTHER side of the building where they're doing work as well. He called me soon after and asked me to go look out the window to see what floor they were drilling on. I have a direct view and could see that they were drilling the balcony directly above my floor (they're repairing the outer walls and giving us new balconies - so they have to drill off the old ones.) It was the overhang on my apartment balcony (not MY apartment - but the same floor.) He kind of went crazy when I told him that because he said the noise, FROM THE HALLWAY (not even IN the apartment) was so horrific he thought his head was going to explode. He starts talking about hotels and where are we going to live and all I can think about is bringing home this baby to such horrible noise and trying to get used to breastfeeding and baby care and recuperating and I burst into tears. I can't think about these things! I don't want to live in a hotel! I want to be in my own home, where I'm most comfortable!

Of course, I called the management office for some kind of timetable (which I've been doing for months) and of course, they haven't called me back. We've lived in this building for 16 years and like all buildings, it's got it's issues. My apartment is still very nice and all that, I just hate to leave and god forbid anything goes wrong. We will be moving, eventually, but we can't find a house in the next six weeks and honestly I don't even want to and I'm trying VERY hard to not stress about all this. ETA: The Board in my building is utterly useless. Every election is another chance at backbiting and blame and it all gets quite nasty. There are over 500 apartments in my building - it's like a little city - so you can imagine the bureaucracy and power struggles. I can't wait to move!

So, of course, I turn to my knitting. Oh how I miss Oblique. There's nothing better than being in the middle of a project - especially a project that's going well. Every night or every time you sit down to knit you just plop down on your corner of the sofa and pick up where you left off. You don't have to think about what your going to knit today. Don't have to think about anything really - just dive right back in. I love that. I miss that. Last night I turned the heel and knit the gusset on my second Monkey sock but somehow socks don't count. I mean, they count, but they're too fast. I want something I can sink my teeth into. BUT it can't be too complicated. My brain can't handle that. I have a few ideas that I hope work out in the next week or so, but in the meantime I'm feeling a little lost.

I still haven't blocked Oblique. I have to do that today. So hopefully on Monday I'll have Oblique FO photos AND a new pair of socks to show off. Wouldn't that be fantastic?

Today, though, I must get back to cleaning. No more rest for the nest. Have a great weekend everyone!

PS - If you think I talk about my pregnancy too much on the blog, you should be glad you're not Ann. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nipple!

Posted by Cara at 10:53 AM | Comments (21)

January 30, 2008

Fifty-three

The past weekend and the beginning of the week were SO GOOD! I finished Oblique!!! And I really like it - a lot! It's big, and will fit me perfectly for the rest of the pregnancy but I think it will look even better when I don't have a huge belly - when it can really drape over me and be a big blanket sweater. I still need to block it (really just the button bands and collar) and it doesn't have buttons yet, but I wore it Sunday to my nephew's birthday party and everyone loved it. G, of course, thinks it's the greatest thing I've ever knit, but he says that about all my finished knits. Hopefully if blocking and the weather cooperates I'll have FO pictures for you this weekend.

Then I had a stash sale and (almost) everything sold! YAY! Thank you all so much. If you paid me, your fiber is in the mail. Also, if you said you wanted a lot (I'm specifically thinking of Lots 3 and 4), I've sent you a bunch of emails and you haven't responded. Please do so ASAP. There are other people that are interested in the fiber and honestly, I want it out of my house. Now. Thank you!

And no, I didn't get rid of all my fiber and I have no intention of getting rid of my wheel. I truly miss spinning. Really really. I just don't have the energy or the time right now.

Speaking of which - the two projects I alluded to this past week are on hold for the time being. But I want to be knitting DESPERATELY. And I'd love to make another sweater for myself. Which is just completely impractical. But then I get scared that the baby will come and I won't be able to knit for myself anymore. Or at least anything BIG.

What else? Oh yeah. We had an OB appt on Monday and everything looks fantastic. Baby's head down and they don't think they'll be any flipping going on. In fact, I had to tell the doc where he'd find the heartbeat. I bought G a $20 fetoscope for Xmas and I can find the heartbeat pretty easily most times I check (which isn't that often.) It's fun and the baby's heartbeat is ALWAYS lower left under my belly button. The doc was looking upper right and I was like DUDE this is where it is and he checked his spot and nothing, then he checked my spot and VOILA! He said - I should always listen to the moms. Damn straight! We also had our "chat" with the doctor (I had a list and everything and didn't get nervous at all!) and Georgie and I are satisfied that they'll be on board with what we want.

I set up an interview appointment with a pediatrician (am I the only one that got weirded out when they asked me the baby's last name? You mean this thing inside me is REAL?!) and I called the local police department to find out about car seat installation (did you know that MOST car seats are installed incorrectly? Scary stuff!). Oh and I bought the baby's coming home outfit. All red. Just like I wanted. (Don't worry - it's being sent to my sister's house - there will NOT be baby stuff in my house until there's a baby.)

So I was feeling good! Great! Then yesterday I felt sick all day and we had our childbirth class last night and got to watch "the film" and then take the hospital tour. The film rattled me a bit and the tour was a little disappointing and suddenly I'm all freaked out about giving birth again. Just when I was feeling positive about the whole thing. I think it has more to do with the fact that I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable. My ribs hurt. I need new bras AGAIN. (Although I'm worried it's a bit early for nursing bras.) The indigestion is out of control. I'm tired - I do something physical for fifteen minutes and I have to rest for half an hour. I wake up every morning and my hands are so stiff it hurts to bend my fingers. I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat anything. Even dry toast comes back to haunt me.

My house is STILL a disaster. Time is ticking on.

I'm really okay - just overwhelmed a bit. Which I've decided I'm totally allowed to be. There are 53 days until my due date.

Posted by Cara at 08:55 AM | Comments (43)

January 18, 2008

Squalor

Today we have no heat and no hot water. Also, they've started the dreaded drilling I talked about way back when. They're refacing the outside of our building - including taking off the balconies and redoing them. They haven't gotten to my unit yet, but they're getting closer and closer. All you hear are jackhammers off and on all day. In the cold with no hot water. And I'm pretty sure my neighbors are running a restaurant next door.

Fun times.

We started our childbirth class a couple of weeks ago and while I always knew, you know, intellectually, that the baby will come out somehow - I hadn't really given much thought to HOW it will come out. The details and all. I've never been one of those people who thinks that a baby should be born in a field or underwater or god forbid my living room (not that it wouldn't be nice to be able to crawl into my own bed after the kid arrives, but can you imagine the CLEANING I would have to do to get my house ready for something like that?! Makes my head spin.) But at the same time I'm not the kind of person that wants to walk into the hospital with my c-section scheduled around my favorite television shows.

DISCLAIMER: GIVING BIRTH IS ABOUT AS PERSONAL AS IT GETS. EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN BIRTH EXPERIENCE, HOWEVER THEY CHOOSE. NO JUDGMENTS HERE.

I've never given birth before. I have no idea what it will be for me. At the class the other night the instructor went around the room and asked all the women how they thought they handled pain - then they asked the partners to corroborate. It was strange for us because my husband has been in fairly constant pain since he was about 14 years old and while I've had great experience with MENTAL pain and anguish, I've never really had to endure physical pain. So who knows? That first contraction might hit and I might be begging for the epidural.

But I'd like to go into this thinking I'm going to get as far as I can WITHOUT drugs and see where it takes me. I want options.

The instructor alluded to a few things about the hospital where I'm giving birth that didn't sit so comfortably with me and I started to get upset. Prematurely. I haven't discussed any of this with my doctors and I'm honestly only starting to feel my way about the whole thing.

Which brings me to the topic I really want to talk about - ANXIETY. I've dealt with anxiety and panic my entire life, but this is different. This is REAL. Most of my anxiety has been irrational - some kind of circuitry issue in my brain that starts to flip out when I'm feeling out of control or my hearts beats a little fast - there's a trigger and suddenly I'm sweating and breathing heavy and my gut starts to twitch and if I indulge the feelings I'm in full blown panic. I KNOW what this is. I've lived with it for close to thirty years and I've made GREAT strides to manage it.

This panic? This new panic? This anxiety about bringing a new life into this crazy fucked up world? This life that I'm - ME - responsible for? Holy shit. Now that's FEAR.

I'm trying to take it all in stride. I mean, it's not often in my life that I get to be scared with GOOD REASON. I should embrace that right? My problem is that I spend a lot of time trying to decide whether or not my reactions are NORMAL. Am I too anxious? (Before anyone starts to tell me about PPD and all that, you should know that I see a mental health practitioner way more than I see my OBGYN. I'm well taken care of because of my history.) Yesterday I read something about Halle Berry - who's also due in March - and she said that she's started thinking about giving birth and she's completely freaked out. Even more so than she was at the Oscars! Just the reality check I needed!

I'm lucky to be surrounded by rational, knowledgeable women who've given birth lots of times and can assuage my fears. Or at least validate them. That's important.

By posting this, I'm not looking for everyone to unload their magical, tragic, run of the mill birth stories on me. And I know that everything will be all right. My husband is bucking for COACH OF THE YEAR and I'm not sure you could get a more supportive partner. My corner is STACKED baby! And I haven't lost sight of the ultimate goal - a healthy happy baby - and more importantly - a HEALTHY HAPPY ME! However, whatever we need to do to get there.

I'm posting this because I've been pretty honest about my feelings this pregnancy. I haven't sugar coated anything. And now that I'm getting down to the end I feel like it's just as important to talk about how I feel - my fears and such - as it is to talk about my acid reflux that makes me sit up in bed at night gasping for air because I was choking on my own bile. Did I forget to mention that? I'm taking steps. It's getting better. Last night I slept so well I didn't even get up to pee. YAY KEGELS!

Every day I get a comment from another reader who's also pregnant - who knew there were so many of us? And maybe my writing about how scary it all is will help someone else who's also terrified. And just so you know - it's not all scary. The other day I was rubbing my belly and thinking about the doctor pulling that sweet babe out of me and saying "IT'S A ____!" and putting the baby on my chest and then saying hi to the baby and then looking into Georgie's eyes and watching him fall in love with our baby and man I lost it. I'm losing it now. Fear isn't everything you know.

Posted by Cara at 10:00 AM | Comments (126)

January 14, 2008

Nesting

Although probably PANIC is the better term.

Right there is an artful shot of 8 trash bags filled with clothes (all mine thank you very much) and 1 bag with 19 pairs of shoes. The really sad part is that I don't really buy a lot of clothes. I guess I just never get rid of any of them. Salvation Army - here we come!

The deal is this - in order to have a room for the baby, we have to move G's stuff out of one room. That means I have to give up space in the walk-in closet. So this is just a first step and the house looks MUCH worse than it did when I started but I'm making great progress.

I'm also now 30 weeks pregnant.

That means I've got ten weeks to go. Could be more, could be less, but let's just stick with ten weeks. TEN WEEKS PEOPLE! That's nothing! And did you know that January's PRACTICALLY OVER?! Wasn't it JUST New Year's Day?

So yeah. Panic. Not really nesting. Nesting sounds nice and quaint and all quilty and painty and decoratey and this has NOTHING to do with that. This is all about OH MY GOD THE BABY'S COMING AND WE'VE DONE NOTHING!!!!!!!

I'm okay. Really I am.

Thanks for all the advice on indigestion and sleeping and related pregnancy ills. The sleep issue seems to have been a one time thing. The next day I took a 3+ hour nap and then went to bed a few hours later and I've been sleeping pretty good. Besides the HOTNESS at night. Isn't January supposed to be cold? Where's the cold? I can't remember the last time we turned on the heat. The indigestion is still pretty bad, but I'm coping and the nausea seems to be under control too. It's all there - but liveable.

Here's a weird pregnancy symptom for you - the skin under my arms - my armpit actually - has darkened. Much like my belly button and the linea negra and all that. It's not stubble - it's actual skin darkening. Anyone had that? I googled it and didn't come up with much. A sign of diabetes (great - I thought I passed that test!) and, of course, that I'm having a boy. Have I mentioned that everyone in the entire universe thinks we're having a boy? Not that we wouldn't be thrilled with a boy - but still? No one feels girl? ;-)

Okay. Back to the nest.

Posted by Cara at 12:03 PM | Comments (67)

January 01, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-anges

This is how I looked on the day before my 38th birthday:

28 weeks, 1 day

We're down in Philly for New Year's Eve babysitting - believe it or not! Yes. I decided that our last New Year's Eve as the two of us should be spent with our favorite three-pack. And I get to be in Philly, with my family, for my birthday. Bliss!

Posted by Cara at 03:52 AM | Comments (177)

December 13, 2007

Carried Away

Thank you all so much for your comments and encouragement. I made it through the test. I have no idea if I passed or not, but I'm sort of counting on failing. It's easier that way.

ETA: BRING ON THE COOKIES!! I PASSED!
The dr's office called a few minutes ago and I'm all like I failed didn't I and the nurse was like, no, you passed! You're fine! YAY! Don't think this means I'm going to overdue it or anything, I'm just relieved that I don't have to pay super microscopic attention to everything I eat. Eating continues to be a challenge for me - I still feel sick most days - and the idea that I can AT TIMES eat what I want because I want to is VERY freeing for me. Thanks again for all your support!

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. First off, I threw up before I left the house yesterday (at 7:30 AM) and that ended up being a GOOD thing, even though I've tried very very very hard not to throw up on an empty stomach my entire pregnancy. It was good because I found out that if I had thrown up DURING the test, the test becomes null and void and I'd have to do it over again. So the goal became DO NOT THROW UP - and I didn't. The only other thing I was a bit apprehensive about was a panic attack. Not eating - low sugar - ups and downs with sugar - are a sure-fire prescription for panic in my life. It's actually one of the ways I figured out how to keep it in check. Haven't eaten? Feeling anxious? DUH. I was a little bit concerned about it and my thinking did get kind of wacky at some points, but otherwise I was okay. I got more and more tired and more and more famished as the test went on, but it was really okay.

I'll tell you, the part I'm most grateful for is that the disgusting sugar drink I had to consume was the LEMON-LIME flavor. My sister always had the ORANGE flavor and she used to joke with me that I would love it because I am a HUGE orange soda fan, something she hates. My flavor tasted like flat-ish thick Sprite and I can still taste it and think I will never drink any kind of lemon-lime soda concoction again. I would be DEVASTATED if they had given me the orange drink and somehow my beloved Fanta was forever tainted. So I'm grateful for small things.

I also got a lot of knitting done! The lab was pretty quiet so I was sitting by myself most of the three hours - perfect for knitting away!

I've gotten QUITE carried away with Oblique! As far as I can tell (and my calculations might be off) I've knit a whole five inches more than the pattern calls for. Which is kind of okay with me. I see this cardigan like a big lacy blanket to wrap myself in! I don't even care if it's HUGE post baby! I love the yarn, the color, the pattern - MORE is definitely better! I've got a couple more waist increases to do and then I start the raglan so it's all good. I'll make the back and see how it fits and if it looks completely ridiculous, well, then, I guess I'll rip it and start over. Otherwise I'll start on the fronts! I LOVE THIS SWEATER so far! YAY!

I also bought some yarn yesterday:

Ever since Margene started knitting her Bird In Hand mittens I've been pretty smitten myself! Yesterday I ran out to Patricia's and picked up some Cascade. The colors are a little bit out of my comfort zone, but I'm considering these mittens practice. I have very limited experience with color work, so we'll see how it goes. If I love them and I can knit them okay, then maybe I'll try some different colors. We'll see how it goes. For now, I'm excited to start. We're supposed to have some big storms this weekend and I think I'll be pretty much done with my work so I'm going to get all cuddly with my boy and my babe and KNIT.

And last but certainly not least, as I was heading to check out with my Cascade, what should catch my eye, but some firey red and pink KOIGU!

I ask you - what girl who just suffered through a three hour endurance test replete with vomit, starvation, exhaustion and fear DOESN'T deserve some Koigu? I thought as much. So I bought it. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 09:55 AM | Comments (41)

December 07, 2007

No knitting.

I haven't knit since my last post. I'm back at work full time. I miss my knitting.

I've been thinking a lot about getting back into blogging every day - or at least almost every day - but I'm having trouble remembering what I used to blog about so much. I couldn't have had knitting EVERY day, so what did I talk about?

Here's what's going on:

-- I found a cute top to wear to a couple of parties I have this weekend. NOT maternity. I can't wear a maternity top to save my life. I had an argument at the maternity clothes store the other day with the salesperson who told me the reason the tops don't fit is because I need a new bra. Yeah. That's gonna help. My chest is BIG. Bigger than the little tiny spaces they allot for boobage in the empire waist maternity tops. My bra is FINE thank you very much. Much more supportive than the one you're trying to sell me. Anyway, so the top I found was in the Women's department. Lots of room for boobs and bellies. Big girl clothes have saved my life this pregnancy. Soon, though, they'll be riding up too much in the front, but for now they're just right.

-- I am in desperate need of a pedicure.

-- I don't think I mentioned this - but I got new glasses. They're red. I desperately hope I don't look like Sally Jessy.

-- My hair is the longest it's been in years and I'm loving it. I'm rocking out a Farrah feathered hair thing (which hopefully offsets the SJR thing) and my hairdresser was totally right - the bigger I get the more hair I should have. So my head doesn't look like a pin head. His words, not mine. Man's a genius.

-- This past weekend I took off my wedding ring. I have two wedding rings - one fancy - one plain platinum band. I don't think I've taken the plain band off since the day I got married. I'm wearing it around my neck now. I like it, but I miss it on my finger. My hands haven't swollen too much, but they go up and down all day and I'm scared one day I won't be able to get it off. Better to take it off than have to have it cut off.

-- I haven't worn any of my monkey socks yet this cold season. I think that needs to be remedied and remedied ASAP. Maybe today. But which pair to choose?

Random blather on a cold Friday. I have to go back to work, but I hope you all have a good day and a great weekend!

Posted by Cara at 08:53 AM | Comments (34)

November 30, 2007

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

Ba dum dum.

Ever since I've been pregnant and all talk turned to hormones I've had this goofy joke running through my head. I can't say the word without telling myself the joke. It's almost as annoying as the effects of said hormones. Which, incidentally, are KICKING MY ASS this week.

Yes, it's true, I've been working nonstop. I've had a couple of nights of not a lot of sleep. These may in fact have added to the ridiculous crying jags, but I prefer to blame the hormones, and the fact that my husband left on a trip yesterday. I swear on the day that embryo attached itself, I have become more and more attached to my husband. Usually it's no big deal if he goes away - I take off myself to see my sister and the kids or a friend or whatever. But this trip - this trip it was all I could do not to BEG him not to go. I know he sees it as a last trip on his own (which I've told him isn't the case) and he's been so stressed at work lately a part of me is glad to see him go - but I miss him so much it's making me cry. All the time. So I blame the hormones. (See, I told myself the joke again.)

There are good things on the horizon though. Like today is the LAST DAY of working like a maniac. If I can get all the things I need to get done DONE today, then I'm just about done for the season. Sure, there are always holiday cards to bang out, but they aren't nearly as time consuming as processing jobs. All of my deadlines are just about met and things should be good! Clients are happy. I'm tired. Another successful year. (This one doubly successful compared to last year! Grow business grow!)

Tomorrow I head out to my sister's for some downtime with the kids. I come back the same day as my love and then it's time to hunker down for THE kid. A new year is just around the corner and I can't wait!

Posted by Cara at 09:43 AM | Comments (25)

November 20, 2007

Little Boxes

See that dramatic picture up there? All black & white and arty and stuff? That's just a portion of the 45 boxes that Ann and Kay packed for me yesterday. I say they packed because really all I did was provide packing supplies and cheese. Lots of cheese.

So we've got 45 prizes. I haven't picked the winners yet, but I will. Soon. Last night I went on a bit of crying jag. It started with a real and/or perceived hurt and then devolved into sheer exhaustion. Every waking moment of my time is now spent working (and reworking) client orders and it's stressful to say the least. Tomorrow is my last photo shoot of the season. Tomorrow. One of my most dreaded days of the year.

A lot has changed in the last year - supremely so - we've gone from the ridiculous to the sublime - or maybe not because this whole pregnancy thing is ridiculous a lot of the time, but still, just because we're 180 degrees from where we were last year doesn't mean I'm completely over it.

And to make matters worse, I've heard a very sad rumor about a member of my favorite band. The rumor - while completely unfounded - is bringing up lots of bad memories.

I hate Thanksgiving.

I did cast on for my sweater and it's looking completely lovely even if I've only managed to knit about ten rows. I hope to be done with the ribbing very shortly and onto the body. Wouldn't it be so nice to have a new sweater for my birthday? I doubt it's going to happen, but I can dream. If I can sleep. Comfortably enough to dream.

Sorry for the bad mood, I just can't help myself today.
Prizes awarded soon. Thanks for your continued patience.

Have a good week!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 10:05 AM | Comments (36)

November 14, 2007

Home, again

Bruce was GREAT! DC was GREAT! Mrs. and Mr. Crafty Snargle were GREAT! (There are belly bump pictures - stayed tuned - Sarah's got them!) The hotel was GREAT! The pool at the hotel was empty, but for us, and FANTASTIC! Having G find the Exorcist Steps in Georgetown and me slyly downloading Tubular Bells on my cell phone to scare the crap out of him was PRICELESS!

Visiting the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial on Veteren's Day Weekend (or any day really) was too much for this pregnant mama. I lost it. All those names. Everyone of them had a mother. Too, too much for me.

Obviously I'm home and I'm completely overwhelmed. Work is nonstop now and the shooting should end this weekend (cross your fingers the weather holds out for me!) and then it's processing non stop for the next few weeks. The baby reminds me of her or his presence at every opportunity. I finished my second Oblique swatch, but it has to be measured and washed and measured again. I should have my yarn in a couple of days and I'm hoping to cast on immediately. I WILL KNIT THIS SWEATER.

Not sure when I"ll be back this week - but the prizes for SPIN OUT will definitely be announced sometime next week. I hope. I don't want to promise because that will just add to my sleeplessness, but I'm doing the best I can.

Thanks.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:10 AM | Comments (15)

November 05, 2007

Halfway

Sometime in the night last night I passed the 20 week mark on my pregnancy. That means I'm halfway there! YIPEEEEE! Although that also means, holy fuck - I'm halfway there!

The other night I was sleeping and I guess I was on my back and my belly was exposed (I was probably scratching it when I fell asleep) and G said all of a sudden it moved like I was being donkey kicked from the inside. DUDE! I WAS! The baby's all over the place now and Georgie still hasn't had a really good feel, but at least he could SEE it.

Someone said in the comments the other day that I seem to be enjoying the pregnancy now and I have to say it's true. I get all emotional when I think about it, but I just love feeling my baby move inside me. And I'm loving the changes in my body. My boobs may be huge, but they're matching up nicely with my growing belly. I actually feel kind of sexy in a whale-ish type of way. And man can I dance now! We were listening to some 2PAC the other day and I could shake that booty like never before! Guess it's all those loose ligaments! How do YOU want it? [WARNING: link NOT work appropriate.]

And yesterday I was able to satisfy a fantastically intense craving: bagels and fish. Specifically, a bagel with cream cheese and baked salmon. From Murray's. MMMMMMMM. So good. It didn't even give me indigestion!

I've made some progress with my knitting as well. Last night I was able to fix my mistake and figure out a better way of reading the chart. Now I can glance at it and know where I am without having to count boxes and stuff. Really, not brain surgery, but my hormone laden brain can't handle much these days. I hope to have a progress picture for you soon, but two rows a day doesn't make for a lot of progress.

Tomorrow is our big ultrasound! I'm excited about it, yes, but I'm also a bit bummed. I know that I'm not going to be able to see half of it at least. The techs at the hospital where we go are very SERIOUS about their jobs. Not that that's a bad thing, but my head sits BEHIND the screen while they take their measurements which means I can't see squat. It's only when the doctor comes in will she turn it to face us. I know I shouldn't complain because I just want everything to be healthy and all, but really - I want to see my baby! That shouldn't be a big deal. Everyone else I know gets to watch their baby the whole time. I guess I'll just have to be content with watching G watch the baby. Again.

I'll report back tomorrow - but no, we're still not finding out the sex.
Have a good one!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:21 PM | Comments (43)

November 02, 2007

Home, For Better and Worse

Before I say anything else, I want to say that I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER! Puking is no longer an every day occurrence. My energy levels are pretty high. My spirits are SOARING (with every kick they go higher and higher.) Really. I feel good. Not as good, physically at least, as I felt before I got pregnant, but definitely the best I've felt SINCE I got pregnant. Which, really, is such a relief I can't tell you.

Halloween was EXHAUSTING. Three parades, numerous costume changes, a veritable trick or treat mob scene and I'm spent. Yesterday I was not feeling well (and I didn't even eat that much candy) and I ended up puking before I left my sister's. It was all I could do to get on the train and climb into my own bed. The kids were as cute as ever loving on my belly and talking about the baby and all the Halloween stuff - I didn't take one picture and we didn't get a chance to paint my belly - but it's all good. I miss and missed them terribly, but I can't tell you how happy I am to come home to G. I miss him beyond belief when he's not with me - I've said it before, but this pregnancy is so much more fun when he's around than when he's not. Last night I gave the baby a stern talking to - NO KICKING UNTIL DADDY COMES HOME! While most of the time I'm still feeling those flip flops, I'm also getting TRUE kicks. And last night I thought I might have felt a body part - a really hard part of my belly - when it wasn't hard anywhere else. Anyway, so already the baby doesn't listen. I told it not to kick and all it did was kick until G got home. Then nothing. They say kids will make a liar out of you all the time and mine's starting young. It's just so much fun though! I thought I'd be freaked out and I'm just loving it. I love my baby!!!

And I'm loving my knitting! Although barely any progress was made. I knit a couple of rows on the train down to my sister's and a couple of rows on the train home, but I realized I made a mistake on one of the decreases and I have to rip out a couple of rows. No biggie - and I'm not feeling the pressure at all - just loving the knitting.

In not so good news, we found out today that they are going to start drilling outside our apartment in the next month or so. We've known the "exterior project" was in the works for awhile - they've started on other parts of the building - but now we've been given notice that our apartment line will be soon. Basically, for the very end of my pregnancy and the beginning of my poor baby's life, there will be men in scaffolding outside our windows with jackhammers. We will have no window access at all (they all have to be sealed against the dust) and they're removing our balcony so the sliding glass door will have to be locked off. The window seals aren't that big a deal - we seal our windows every winter. But the noise is unbelievable. I've heard how horrible it is near the apartments they've been working on since the summer and I'm not sure I'll be able to take it. Can you imagine? Nine months pregnant and men with jackhammers everywhere outside your windows? Can the noise hurt my baby? Estimated completion is May. Yeah. Right. The whole thing is really making me nuts.

Needless to say, we're ratcheting up the house hunt. We've lived in this building for sixteen years. Long enough, don't you think. I'm dreaming of a yarn room!

I'll end with some good news! My brother's engaged! YAY JEDD AND JEN! The best news - she's a knitter!
Back to work. Hopefully some knitting will be accomplished this weekend.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:44 PM | Comments (31)

October 06, 2007

SCORE!

Well, it wasn't quite the Dressing Room Miracle of May '07, but it came very very close.

Georgie was feeling bad for me and took me shopping - it really sucks that my sister is so far away because she is THE best shopping companion - but Georgie might just be inching ahead. The only thing bad about G is that he thinks I look beautiful in everything - he's like your mother or MY mother wearing love blinders. (Or at least the way my mother was when I was young. Now, honestly, she'd probably tell me I looked fat.) Anyway, I FOUND PANTS!!! And not just one pair of pants - but FOUR PAIRS OF PANTS!

The first place we stopped was Kohl's. The best thing I can say is that we were in a completely different area than where we live - maybe that's why everything was better? Because I have a Kohl's around the corner from my house and most everything I see there is crap. It may just be our store though. So I found the teenytiny maternity department - and wouldn't you know it, they had a great pair of black pants and cords (I'm all about the cords for some reason. I really really wanted cords to wear while pregnant) and when I tried them on - THEY ALL FIT GREAT!!! Even with room in the belly! And while they don't stay up perfectly, YET, they're totally fine and comfortable and look like regular pants. For all you pregnant girls out there (and apparently there a lot of you! YAY!) here's what I got - I bought two pairs of these cords, in both colors and I bought this pair of black pants. Absolutely PERFECT for work! I can't wait to wear them tomorrow! TOTALLY COMFORTABLE! I was like dancing around the store I was so freaking happy. I tried on a couple of maternity tops at the store too - but they were a no go. There was this super cute hippie type prairie shirt that G really liked - but it had some piping that was supposed to go UNDER the boobs and then became ties that went around your back. Yeah. On me they cut RIGHT THROUGH the boobs. It would've been fine if it didn't have the ties, but alas, no. By the way - has anyone else noticed that ALL the clothes these days look like Maternity wear? The new Vera Wang line at Kohl's is unbelievably maternity. It's crazy!

So then we left Kohl's, or G walked out and I skipped, hopped and jumped like a madwoman, and right next door was a Lane Bryant! Hearing my sister (she gets credit for being the first to say LB) and all you other gals in my head I said SURE! Let's go in! Ten minutes later I walked out with SIX long sleeve v-neck t-shirts (the absolute STAPLE of my wardrobe) that fit great in the boobs and have PLENTY of room for my growing belly. I bought one in every color except the white. PINK baby! (And more and more I'm realizing my husband has a thing for PURPLE. He's always going for the purple. Make a mental note.) I also bought some underwear! YAY! (The woman at the store told me LB now has maternity too, but I think it would be too big for me, honestly. One hint though - she said DON'T order online, come into a store and order. She said it's A LOT cheaper that way.)

DUDES! I WAS FLUSH!

The last stop we made last night was Target. I thought maybe a store pretty far from home might have a better selection? I was skeptical, but I tried. I FOUND JEANS! I bought a pair of Liz Lange maternity jeans that fit pretty darn good and AREN'T super low and the boot cut is tolerable and doesn't look ridiculous. What was nice about these, too, is that my pre-pregnancy size actually fit. These pants are sized, rather than S, M & L. My final purchase of the day was totally frivolous and I may actually return it, but I couldn't help myself. It's a coat - RED - with a fantastic lining. It's a corduroy material and it fits in the boobs and has plenty of room for belly growth. It's kind of lightweight too so should take me far into the winter since I'm already hotter than hell. For some reason I can't find a picture of it on the website - maybe I'll have to model my new clothes. Or not.

I may hit up some other stores today. Now I want to wear cute maternity tops. With the v-necks, jeans and cords my wardrobe now looks EXACTLY the way it did last Fall when I WASN'T pregnant. Which is good, in a way, because these are the clothes I'm most comfortable in (even if they are pretty boring) but now I want to look CUTE. Cute in a way I can only pull off when I'm knocked up. You know?

The next big hurdle - bras. I desperately need bras and if you think pants shopping sucks, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Thanks so much, everyone, for your great suggestions and fantastic support! YAY! Now if only it would actually get cold....

Posted by Cara at 08:21 AM | Comments (93)

October 05, 2007

What You See Is What You Get

Thanks for all the comments and emails of support yesterday. Sorry for the mini hissy fit - usually I let the naysayers just roll off my back but I had just come home from clothes shopping and I was hungry and really? I think it was the suggestion that I start a NEW blog because the commenter was unhappy with the direction this one has taken lately. Like, does she think if I talk about all the peeing and puking on another blog the knitting is going to magically reappear on THIS blog? THERE IS NO KNITTING! I hate it. You hate it. But I'm sorry folks, what you see is what you get. God I hope it changes soon. But for now, DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT! And PLEASE - move along quietly. I'm in a fragile emotional state right now. Poor Vicki got my call at work yesterday where I started bawling like a baby. HORMONES ARE NOT PRETTY!

The worst part? (And I hesitate to say this but I'm going to because I'm pregnant goddammit and if you can't say what you want when you're pregnant and miserable, when are you going to get the opportunity?) The worst part is that I know who left the comment. IP addresses, it turns out, aren't always that anonymous. I don't know this person well at all, but she's actually been a guest of mine and I feel that I've been generous with my time and energy and this is the payback I get? That was the worst part.

Okay, on to other miseries. I took the first fifteen commenter's advice yesterday and after I dropped Georgie off at the train I headed over to Old Navy. Turns out the one closest to me has Maternity stuff. I'm really just looking for pants - I'm okay with shirts right now. I tried on like ten pairs of different pants in all kinds of styles and they ALL SUCKED! Practically all of them have that stupid low rise that I can't wear - period! I don't have that big of a belly yet and still they're falling off and I have to constantly pull them up and blah blah blah. Then I went to the Destination Maternity outlet right by my house - where I bought the great shorts I've worn every day - and I tried on a million pants there. All freaking boot cut, but the big problem is that the mediums are WAY too tight (I look like I'm 7 months pregnant) and the larges fall off me - everywhere, not just the belly. My next try is going to be Ann Taylor Loft which now has maternity and Sears and JC Penney. And the Gap I guess but I'm not really optimistic about that. Oh and thanks for all the Bella Band suggestions - I tried one on a little while ago and I HATED it. I don't like anything tight across my belly and I can't see it being comfortable when you have open zippers and buttons digging into your belly. Plus that means I have to wear EXTREMELY long shirts to cover the thing. So no go on the Bella Band - I'm glad it worked for a lot of you, but it's not for me.

I need ONE nice pair of pants - not SUPER nice (they could be black jeans for all I care) but they can't be cargo and they can't be sweats and they can't be overalls and I'd prefer pockets - so I can work. This is my super busy season - I'm scheduled to work practically EVERY weekend through November and I need to feel comfortable, be able to move around a lot (it's hard physical work photographing kids - you're up you're down you're all around.) ONE pair. I don't think that's a lot to ask. Do you? Trust me, when I'm not working I'm living in sweats. Or shorts. Or my underwear honestly, but for work I need something more. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh and I don't sew.

ETA: Thanks for all the dress/skirt suggestions. Not really practical for work when I'm on the ground and running after kids. Plus, I was wearing a great long skirt and then I had some chafing issues. And a rash. Oh, is that too much information? Yeah. I want pants. ;-) And I have to find a different Target. The one closest to me had the worst maternity stuff last time I checked.

And just so I'm not leaving anything out - my craving of the moment is Jujyfruits. Or Dots. Or Skittles. But really Jujyfruits. And I ate some salad yesterday for the first time since I got pregnant. Which I consider a GREAT leap forward.

Thanks, as always, for reading. I appreciate it.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 08:32 AM | Comments (145)

October 04, 2007

Some things never change.

Guess what I found out yesterday? I learned that the clothes that looked awful on me when I WASN'T pregnant are the same freaking clothes available with some stretchy fabric over the belly now that I AM pregnant.

We went to Destination Maternity yesterday and I've never been so depressed about clothes in my life. Forget the fact that the belly panels are still way too big on me, the fucking pants don't make it up past my thighs. Which really AREN'T that big (my thighs I mean)! It's all this boot cut crap. I can't wear boot cut crap. Couldn't wear it when I WASN'T pregnant and I can't wear it now that I AM pregnant.

I need clothes. I have to work this weekend and I don't have ANYTHING to wear. Well, I have the same pair of maternity cargo shorts I've been wearing every single freaking day since SPIN OUT (which finally have to be washed because walking on the street yesterday I had to cough and wouldn't you know it, I "leaked." Which is just a nice way of saying I PISSED MY PANTS! AGAIN! AND I WASN'T EVEN PUKING!) My shirts all still fit me, for the most part (I'm fond of saying I've reached fetish porn start status with the size of my boobs) but I need pants.

I'm ready. I'm really really ready for this pregnancy stuff to become fun. Any time now. I'm ready.

PS - If you want to see the one and only belly shot I've had taken, check here. Although please ignore the chin thing going on. I look like Jabba the freaking Hut.

Posted by Cara at 08:40 AM | Comments (139)

October 03, 2007

Socktoberfest!

Before we get to knitting, let's get a little business out of the way - shall we?

Bruce. I've listened to the new album, and how shall I put this with all the love and respect and adoration in my heart - I'm very UNDERwhelmed. I've been reading my favorite fan site for months now and these people seem to love it - they make me look like a casual fan - but I'm not sure I get it. The "wall of sound" did nothing but give me a headache. There are some good ones on here, no doubt, but I'm reserving my final judgment until I hear them live. And no, we don't have tickets yet. But I have faith in my man.

Baby. Let's start with the things that are improving: I don't have to eat every thirty seconds. In fact, I can go an hour or two sometimes THREE without food passing my lips and I don't get sick. I call that progress. I'm also (most nights) sleeping better and I have more energy during the day. Like I don't have to all of a sudden crawl into bed because if I don't I'm going to die. I've been getting up at my regular time in the morning (about 7:30 ish) and at around 8 I have to crawl into bed or I'm going to die, but during the day I'm pretty okay. My appetite has branched out as well. I can eat more foods and every day I get a little bit more adventurous. (Pizza for dinner last night! YAY!)

Okay - the bad news. I'm still puking every single fucking morning! I wake up. Eat my breakfast. Puke. Then eat another (different!) breakfast. Fun times. Although that's it. I'm pretty much okay the rest of the day. I mean, I get bouts of nausea every now and then, but definitely not all day. The other bad news - headaches. I pretty much get a headache every day now. I've read this is very common and my sister got a lot of headaches when she was pregnant. Yes I'm drinking enough. Yes I'm eating enough. Ditto sleeping, peeing, and whatever else you're going to tell me to do. I'm thinking it's a combination of eye strain (I have an eye doctor appt today), allergies, and just regular old pregnancy fun times. As Kay told someone at Spin Out - if there's a symptom, I've got it.

Whew! Now onto the SOCKS!

Here is a spectacularly craptacular picture of (almost) all the socks I've knit!

Turns out, including the 2 sockapalooza pairs I've knit, I've only completed 21 pairs! Doesn't that seem too few? I don't know - I was thinking I'd knit at least 30. But I counted a bunch of times and 21 seems to be the magic number. We've got two pairs of finished knee highs, ten pairs of jaywalkers, five pairs of monkeys, and two pairs of stockinettes. I've also knit seven single socks. And off the top of my head I have about six socks in various states of being knit. Hmmm.

Here's the first pair and the last pair I knit:

The first pair were plain stockinette knit with Regia Cotton Surf. The last pair were STR monkeys.

Believe it or not, I also started a new sock!

It's a nice mod on garter rib that I found over at Ravelry. I'm calling the socks Chawne's Rib because Chawne's the one who came up with it! So far so good!

I think I figured out my problem with knitting these days. In my mind and my heart I WANT to be knitting. I see patterns and want to make them immediately. I miss the old days of knitting for hours on end like you wouldn't believe. The problem is I have a limited amount of time to get things done during the day - and I have to get those things done or I won't have clients anymore. By the time I'm done my work, the time I would normally spend knitting the night away, I'm so exhausted that after a round or two I can't take it anymore. And I've had A LOT of eye strain, so that doesn't help any. Add in the headaches and voila - NO KNITTING! It's so sad. Knitting was my main source of relaxation and it really sucks that it's such a struggle for me. I'm hoping that the puke to knit ratio will improve everyday and I'll at least be able to finish a sock. Although I'd really love to be knitting a sweater. For me.

Thanks for reading! Have a great day!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:19 AM | Comments (62)

September 24, 2007

License To Ill

My bloglines subscriptions are dropping like a big belly in the ninth month! I mean, sure, pregnancy's all wonderful and everything and a miracle blah blah blah, but let's face it: I wouldn't want to hear about someone puking everyday, so why should you? (Still happening by the way.)

So let's talk about something else. Let's talk about *GASP* KNITTING! YAY! Whenever I get anxious, as pregnant women are wont to do - you know, will I ever stop puking? OH MY GOD, what have we done!!!!!!!?!, the baby comes out WHERE?! - I think about what I used to do to calm myself. I used to knit. Oh how I miss it! But also, not so much. It's really really weird.

I managed to buy yarn - on clearance at WEBS - for the Mommy Snug. I even swatched for it on two different needle sizes and I fully intend to knit it for myself. I think it's going to be fantastic. But it's not going to be done for Rhinebeck, maybe not even CAST ON for Rhinebeck, but I want something new. I want to be knitting towards a goal, you know? I want something - ANYTHING - to spur me on.

Enter Sundara and her fabulous yarn!

After I went through all the fabuloso yarn Sundara sent for Spin Out prizes, there were a couple of colors I just HAD to have. The Orchid colorway you see in the photo was one of them. I pass by it a million times a day and it calls out to me - it's practically screaming at this point - KNIT ME KNIT ME! So I'm thinking I'll start a pair of socks. For Rhinebeck. And Soctoberfest, which starts super soon. I think I haven't missed a sock-filled October yet, so why start now? And with a sock I can see progress pretty quickly, without having to knit that much. I can ease myself back in.

I need your help though. I can't figure out what pattern to knit. I want something plain-ish - not too busy - to show off the beautiful subtle coloring. And while I love the LOOK of a rib, I hate to rib in socks more than anything. Really. I don't mind purling - like in the monkey sock - it's the back and forth I hate. Got any ideas for me? I really appreciate it! Thanks!

Business: Tomorrow, a HUGE post of Spin Out prizes. HUGE. It's going to take me all day to photograph them! And all of you who have asked about the Spin Out location and whether or not you need to bring chairs - I'd say YES - you need to bring chairs. I'm planning Wednesday to scope out the sight and I will report back Thursday with all the particulars of the event, but until then - you're going to need somewhere to sit if you're bringing your wheel - and don't forget - you can always knit or spindle!

Have a great day! I'm sure gonna try!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:53 AM | Comments (74)

September 16, 2007

Sick

I'm still puking on a regular basis - tomorrow I officially leave my first trimester and enter the second. I'm really not that hopeful that tomorrow morning I'll wake up and suddenly be puke free. But I'm dealing with it.

The week at my sister's didn't exactly go as planned. I got down there Monday and the baby (my sister's 2.5 yr old), who had had a cold and cough the week before, seemed to be getting worse not better. We took him to the dr the next day and she sent my sister - pretty immediately - to the ER. Poor baby had pneumonia and he and my sister ended up in the hospital for three nights. It was just awful - but he's home now and doing much better bossing everyone around and constantly poking my belly going baby baby baby!

Needless to say, it was a stressful week and I came home with a cold. It's not a particularly bad cold, but on top of the puking and nausea I'm pretty miserable to say the least. I worked this morning and came home and sat on the couch. I think a few hours went by - I don't even know.

I can't believe that Spin Out is less than two weeks away!!! I received the permit in the mail the other day - now all we have to do is pray that the gorgeous weather we've been having holds out (or goes and comes back!) and that I can get through that Saturday without puking. Wouldn't that be grand! We've gotten a lot of donations this week - THANK YOU! - and I'll try to get them tallied up for tomorrow. I have an OB appt first thing in the morning, but then I'm coming here straight away to tell that we're giving away not ONE but TWO SPINNING WHEELS!!!! I know - I can't believe it myself! The generosity of this community is astounding!

I'm glad to be home.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 05:30 PM | Comments (28)

September 10, 2007

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Still puking. A lot. I thought I had turned a corner but apparently if you have one semi-decent day the rules say it should be followed by a week of AWFUL days so now I'm just hoping for mediocre days. Nothing semi-decent, okay? I was getting used to stuff and then it turns for the worse. I have an OB appt next week and if I still feel this lousy and I'm still puking all the time, I'll be asking for the big drugs. Next week I start my 2nd trimester and I really haven't gained any weight at all. I haven't lost anything significant, but no gains. I think I should start to see some gains.

And I didn't get Bruce tickets today. Fucking Ticketbastards. There has got to be a better way and honestly I blame Bruce because there are plenty of bands out there that make sure fans can get tickets in an orderly, non ticketbastard way. But G promises we'll be going and I believe him. We haven't missed a tour yet.

There has actually been some knitting, but I don't have time to take a picture. I'm hoping for a Mommy Shrug! In the yarn the pattern specifies which just so happened to be on Closeout at WEBS! YAY! It's here - I've been swatching, but haven't started the actual sweater yet. Hopefully that will be this week.

I'm also leaving for the week. It's holiday this week and I'm going down to my sister's. I haven't seen the kids since July 4th and we all miss each other terribly. Hopefully they'll be a distraction and I won't feel so awful. Although I'm kind of nervous to be so far away from home. I've got the whole puke set up down pat and I'm as comfortable as I'm going to be with the situation, you know? My sister will take good care of me though - it's not like she doesn't know from pregnancy sickness.

There have been LOTS of donations to Spin Out! THANK YOU! I haven't had a chance to put you all in the spreadsheet so no total update, but KEEP IT COMING! When I come back I have a TON of FABULOUS prizes to tell you about! THANK YOU EVERYONE!

L'shana Tovah!
C

Posted by Cara at 10:46 AM | Comments (63)

September 05, 2007

Puke Buddies

Anyone think she had her head in the toilet this morning? Great! I get to be pregnancy buddies with the most beautiful woman in the world. One thing I'm grateful for? My skin looks great! I was so afraid I'd break out a lot when I got pregnant and the opposite has happened. And I can't even wash my face anymore because the smell of Dove unscented soap (yes UNscented!) makes me sick.

I ALMOST got my knitting mojo back yesterday. I was tooling around and saw this fabulous picture of Friender! Look how cute she looks all pregnant in her Wallaby! And I thought - oh my god! I should have a pregnant Rhinebeck sweater after all! So I searched around to see what else I could find and there was Kate Gilbert looking all fabulous in her Mommy Snug! I thought oh my god the MOMMY SNUG! To fit me the whole way through! And I can make it in Cotton Ease and it will be cheap and washable and I should do it! I searched some more and came across KnitLet's Mommy Snug! OH MY GOD! Look at her BIG BELLY! This sweater looks fantastic from a bump's beginning to end!

And yet. I hesitate. Why you might ask? Because I'd hate to start it and not have it done for Rhinebeck. Which is six weeks away. That seems so close (yet so far) and I'd hate to not get it done. But with the energy levels I have now I'd look at the freaking yarn, puke, then take a nap. Also - and this is a HUGE one - I hate to do ribbing. Hate it. And this whole sweater is freaking ribbed.

BUT IT'S PERFECT! I might go out and get some Cotton Ease, if I can stop the puking and the napping long enough to drive to the freaking store, and try to do a swatch. If I can't handle the swatch, well then, a sweater's out of the question.

So like I said, almost got my knitting mojo back. At least I thought about knitting for like an hour. That's a start, right?

Oh and to all those worried that my baby will not have a place to sleep or I'll be scouring the aisles of Babies R Us one week postpartum, I plan on registering for everything I will need. I'll most likely be doing what my sister did - she registered for everything she needed and half the stuff came to my house and half the stuff went to her mother -in-law. And when she went into labor, we all sprung into action so that when she came home from the hospital there were clothes and gadgets and all the necessary baby accoutrements ready to go in her home. While I may be new at this, my family is very well versed. After three kids in 4.5 yrs, I trust my sister implicitly.

Thank you again for all the good wishes! I can't thank you all enough!!!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 11:04 AM | Comments (80)

September 04, 2007

Thank you!

I'm not sure what I expected, but thank you all so much for your good wishes! Yesterday morning you had me so verklempt - well - I threw up. So STOP IT! I don't want to puke anymore!!

I have to admit, for weeks I had been planning to announce our pregnancy on Labor Day and I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. Well, as excited as you can be when you feel sick all day long. But the closer I got to announcing, the more nervous and anxious I got about it. Not that I thought the news would be received badly, but I think telling all of you makes it even more real and that's scary. Also, I'm usually so open about my life and my thoughts and feelings and suddenly it's not just about me anymore. I'm responsible for someone else! OH MY GOD! And the world can be very scary - especially the imaginary internet world and I guess I'm feeling all Mama Bear-ish about the baby and that's kind of strange for me. You know? All kinds of new, terrifying, wonderful, nerve-wracking, crazy feelings going on at once. It certainly is a rollercoaster ride!

Obviously, this blog is going to go through some changes. I don't plan on blogging about my pregnancy every single day - I don't know if I'm going to go back to blogging every day - it all depends on how I feel. This is still my fiber blog! If only I had a fiber life these days! I haven't knit in about two weeks and I have almost no desire. It's really, really sad. But people assure me that desire will come back and it will come back strong! I hope so! I miss it.

I can tell you though, that once I do start knitting again, I will NOT be knitting baby knits. I know - crazy isn't it? But I think I have a very good reason for it. My family is VERY SUPERSTITIOUS when it comes to babies - especially first babies - and it's our "rule," so to speak, to not bring ANYTHING into the house that has to do with the baby until AFTER the baby is born. I know - how do you get the whole nursery together? What's the baby going to wear? Etc. It's my experience that newborns don't need much. Diapers. A boob. A blanket. So I'm not worried. But I can't knit for the baby before s/he arrives. I just can't do it. No matter how tempting these freaking booties are! I might knit for other babies though - there are a few out there about to arrive and maybe I'll flex my knit muscles on them, but not my own. It may seem like a silly rule. I mean, not knitting isn't going to keep my family from - God forbid - a tragedy. But we all have our quirks and this one is mine.

Also, right now, we have no intention of finding out the sex of our baby before s/he is born. Maybe we'll change our minds - maybe not. It's just our preference.

For the record, I never lied about the pregnancy. ;-) I may have been deliberately misleading yes, but I kind of freaked out when everyone started guessing I was pregnant (we had only just gone back to the fertility clinic) and I knew people were reading the blog that didn't know anything about what was going on and could be potentially hurt to read it on the blog before they were told in person. So I said I wasn't pregnant - and I wasn't! I was never pregnant when I said I wasn't. Even on July 6.

The baby will not be named Bruce. I can guarantee you that. And we won't have a little Georgie either. Another family tradition is only naming after the dead. Bruce and Georgie are very much alive, thank you very much. I have to say, though, that when I found out there was a new E Street album and tour - WHILE I WAS PREGNANT! - I felt like my baby's life was fated. Crazy, again, I know, but the idea of going to a Bruce concert while pregnant has been a sustaining fantasy this miserable (but WONDERFUL!) summer! It's just too perfect, you know?

I can honestly say I haven't eaten ONE saltine my entire first trimester. The idea makes me want to puke harder. Pretzel sticks. Almonds. I was eating eggs every day until I puked those. I've tried ginger tea. Fruit works. I try to get protein in. While I do feel awful most of the time, thankfully I don't have Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I'm working my way through this nastiness as best I can and while I appreciate all the advice, I'm sure you all know that one person's comfort food is another person's puke fest. Translation: please don't mention foods! THANK YOU!

Over the next months I hope to share more of our journey to this pregnancy. It's fairly well known that we battled infertility and I hope to share some of our experiences with you. I feel like it's such a misunderstood battle (Relax! Have a drink! You'll get pregnant!) that it deserves our attention. So many people suffer and yet there is a shame associated with it that is just not necessary or helpful.

Alright. That's enough for now. I have to go eat again. The most amazing thing about this pregnancy thing is the realization that you can feel completely and utterly nauseated while at the same time BEING STARVING! I eat constantly all day long - but I'm never satisfied. And I'm always nauseated. It's incredible.

Thank you again for all your wonderful good wishes. I have read every comment and email, and while I wish I could respond to all of you, I have to preserve what litter LITTLE energy I have. (Pregnancy brain! HA! I get to say that now!) I don't know how you 9-5ers do it! We so appreciate the love that's out there and I look forward to sharing it with you all.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 01:36 PM | Comments (97)

August 28, 2007

More Reasons to Believe

The misery continues but here's something that saves me at least ten times a day.

I love this man.

Don't say I never did anything for you.
L, C

PS - Apparently it's a free download on ITunes this week as well.

Posted by Cara at 10:34 AM | Comments (24)

August 23, 2007

I'm thinking of changing the blog name

to Fits and Starts. Anyone claim that yet?

I haven't knit since Sunday. I'm embarrassed to say that there were times I even left my house WITHOUT knitting. Scandalous I know. We've got less than two weeks until the big reveal and half of you have probably already guessed what's going on but I have a date in my mind to tell you and I'm sticking to it. Suffice it to say though this has been a really really hard summer. And I can't get ANYTHING done. I set out little tasks for myself each day and let's just say I'm lucky I still have a business and they haven't condemned my house. The best (or the worst) part is that I'm in such a shitty spot that I don't care.

There are things I miss though. I miss having the energy to knit. To get things done AND knit. I miss getting lost in something - ANYTHING - and being thoroughly preoccupied. I really miss that. I miss feeling, for lack of a better word, settled. NOTHING feels settled. Decidedly unsettled.

I miss feeling like I can talk about whatever the fuck I want on my blog. Of course, my deadlines are all self-imposed, but I'm feeling like I can't break them. No matter how much I'd like to.

Pretty pathetic post, no?

Anyway, I've got some GREAT news!! We've raised $4180! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! More prizes next week and keep the donations coming! THANK YOU!

Posted by Cara at 01:17 PM | Comments (77)

August 17, 2007

TGIF

It's a little bit scary how yesterday's announcement really alterered my perspective on things. Suddenly I'm not so miserable even though things have actually changed very little. I did get a bit of good news. One aspect of my summertime blues will end in about two weeks!! YAY! About that same time I'll also start being less cryptic. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Thank you. I really appreciate it!

Spin Out is off to a slow but steady start. We've raised about $1350 so far and prize donations out number raffle tickets 10 to 1. There are A LOT of prizes. I hoped to have an update today, but I'm exhausted, so it will come either tomorrow or Monday. There are lots of vendors to update and a few prizes to show which have already come in. Did I tell you already - there are A BOATLOAD of prizes this year! More than I can believe!

If you'd like to help spread the word, please copy the button (and put it onto your own server.)

You can link it to the Spin Out website: http://www.spin-out.org. Thank you so much! Heifer is a great cause and I hope we can raise lots and lots of money - because we're definitely going to be giving away LOTS and LOTS of prizes! THANK YOU!

Posted by Cara at 01:09 PM | Comments (15)

August 16, 2007

Reason To Believe

It's official. Springsteen's first album with the E Street Band since 2002's The Rising drops in less than seven weeks, and it's called Magic. In case that title makes you, like us, think of Doug Henning... check the Mark Seliger photo at right for a first peek at Bruce's 2007 look. No rainbows or unicorns to be found. (And that guitar... that's magic.)

According to manager Jon Landau, quoted in today's press release from Shore Fire Media, this one's a rocker: "Magic is a high energy rock CD. It's light on its feet, incredibly well played by Bruce and the members of the E Street Band, and, as always, has plenty to say. It's also immensely entertaining. Magic is the third collaboration between Bruce and Brendan O'Brien and is a culmination of their very productive creative relationship."

O'Brien produced and mixed the album at his home base in Atlanta, Southern Tracks Recording Studio.

Ready for 11 new Springsteen song titles?

1. Radio Nowhere
2. You'll Be Comin' Down
3. Livin' in the Future
4. Your Own Worst Enemy
5. Gypsy Biker
6. Girls in Their Summer Clothes
7. I'll Work for Your Love
8. Magic
9. Last to Die
10. Long Walk Home
11. Devil's Arcade

Of these, only "Long Walk Home" has been heard before; Springsteen debuted the song with the Sessions Band and played it live exactly once, in London on November 11, 2006 (reportedly the day after he wrote it).

Today's press release makes no mention of a tour, but we do expect a full-scale E Street Band tour to coincide with the album's release. Watch this space in the coming weeks -- and/or sign up for our mailing list below -- for details as soon as a tour is announced.

(Information from Backstreets.)

I just might make it through this summer yet.

Posted by Cara at 02:57 PM | Comments (24)

August 13, 2007

No Knit Weekend

Sadly, this is what it's come to. I didn't knit at all this weekend. But I did a lot of knitty stuff! I started preparing Yarnival! for Wednesday, picked a winner in the Spin Out Logo contest, and started putting together the kick off post for SPIN OUT 2007! Look for that probably Thursday. Maybe tomorrow if I can kick ass today, but don't count on it. The prizes are OVERFLOWING already and I'm sure this is just the beginning of things.

Things have been really tough around here lately. Not necessarily bad tough, but tough nonetheless. Knitting content might be thinner than it's been for a long while - and that pains me to no end. Although the good news, to some of you I'm sure, is that I've been dreaming of seaming. Hard to believe, I know, but you might see those miters sooner rather than later.

Thanks for sticking it out with me. I'll be so happy when this summer is over!

Posted by Cara at 10:36 AM | Comments (16)

August 06, 2007

Today

might just be one of my favorite dates of all. August 6 is G and my anniversary! Happy Anniversary my love! Six years legal, 16 cohabitating, 17 committed! Pretty damn good if I don't say so myself. If I haven't loved every minute of it, I've been IN LOVE every minute. Thank you Georgie!

Unfortunately, I'm still feeling really really shitty. Which means we probably won't be doing dinner out tonight. And it means I never got to finish the sock I was sure I was going to finish over the weekend. I've got the toe decreases left. That's it. I hope to show you a finished pair tomorrow.

I also did some good work on Babette, but didn't finish that goal either.

Okay. Now I have to go take a nap. But before I go, don't forget! THIS CONTEST ends on Wednesday! I've only received a few entries so far and I hope that means you're all waiting until the last possible second to submit. COME ON! There's YARN to be won!

Posted by Cara at 03:26 PM | Comments (48)

August 03, 2007

One of those OTHER kinds of Days

Yesterday, Georgie and I had one of those life changing kind of days. And then we headed to the beach. (Ba dum dum!)

We're more Fall season beach goers - often times hitting the Jersey Shore way into October when only the die hards are there. G actually goes in the water too! He's NUTS! Yesterday's beach scene was straight out of Jaws. The water was so packed with kids it looked like a community pool instead of the Atlantic Ocean.

We had a nice day, but I didn't get much done, knitting, crochet or otherwise.

My knitting has definitely hit a state of flux. Unfortunately, the Bee Shawl and I have hit an impasse. I'm not sure where I went wrong with it - probably a case of don't knit lace when you should be asleep - and anything that brings me to tears gets put away for a while. So don't look for it here.

I finished the last square of Section V on Babette and stalled out. I've even stalled out on the second mini monkey I've put off far too long. I knit a row and then put it down. Maybe it's the Summer finally catching up with me.

This morning I feel awful and I still have a ton of work to catch up on so that's what I'll be doing today. There is one bright spot in all this - look what's come home!

Thank you so much Tina! I can't tell you how surprised and happy I was to pull it out of the box! And shocked! There may have been tears, but don't kid yourself - it doesn't take much these days. I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted by Cara at 08:30 AM | Comments (25)

July 26, 2007

Dear Friends...

Hi - this isn't the blog entry I thought I'd be writing today. I have some SPECTACULAR stuff to show you, but alas, it will wait for tomorrow.

In the meantime, I wanted to thank you all for reading the last couple of months. If it feels like I haven't been putting my all into the blog, the truth is, I haven't. Too much is going on behind the blog and as much as I would love to be shouting from the rooftops right now, the time is not right. But it's coming! I swear, it's coming so soon I can taste it.

I am trying the best I can to keep the connection going. I miss you all, my confidantes. It's not me to be quiet about anything, but I'm learning lots of important lessons about patience and necessary silences.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I appreciate you and know that blogging is a two way street. This blog would be nothing without you.

L, C

Posted by Cara at 03:05 PM

July 17, 2007

Six Months

One of the things that made yesterday such a great day was that G had his six month cancer check and he's ALL CLEAR! YAY!

It's just so awful being back at that hospital and my heart goes out to everyone dealing with cancer - or any other illness that has the potential to rip your family apart. It's such a scary place.

But we're all good.

I promised you a finished sock today, but alas, I fell down on the job:

It's an almost finished monkey. I've got about two repeats and the foot to do. I probably won't be able to get it done today, though, because in just a few short hours Moth will make it's debut! We're going to Kabuki! The show is part of the Lincoln Center Festival and I'm really excited about it. My youngest sister and her boyfriend will be joining us - she just got back from Japan so it's great timing. We figure we'll celebrate our OTHER sister's birthday today. Happy Birthday Sis! We love you!

PS - I'll try to get a picture of me and the shawl together. No promises though!

Posted by Cara at 03:05 PM | Comments (51)

July 16, 2007

What a difference a weekend makes!

Friday sucked ass, but today? TODAY IS A GREAT DAY!

And tomorrow, maybe I'll have a finished sock for you!
Thanks for hanging with me.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:01 PM | Comments (25)

July 13, 2007

Serenity Now!

It's not even 8AM and already I'm in one of those moods where, trust me, it's better for all of us if I just sign off for the weekend. Besides, I've got nothing to show you anyway.

Thank you for all the lovely comments on my Moth shawl. I really appreciate it, and I do love the shawl. I hope that was clear.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted by Cara at 07:52 AM

July 07, 2007

There aren't enough words

to thank you for the love. So I'll just say thank you anyway. Thank you! I felt it! I really really did! And yesterday went better than I ever could've hoped. I promise I'll tell you all about it soon. Patience, my pretties.

Now it's off to knit. And knit and knit and knit. I've got a goal: a finished Moth before the weekend's up.

Posted by Cara at 10:51 AM | Comments (29)

July 06, 2007

Please do that VOODOO that you do so well!

A month or two ago I asked for some good wishes. I was pretty selfish about it because I didn't tell you WHY I wanted good wishes, just that I needed some. Today, I'm back again. Even though I've been a pretty shitty blogger as of late and an even worse knitter, I hope you're still out there and can spare me a "Hope that Cara has a good day today!" kind of thing.

I'm not pregnant, there is no book, but it turns out that today might be one of the most important days of my life. How's that for tweaking your interest and not saying anything? I know I'm being terribly selfish and I promise that one day soon I will tell you everything. It's killing me not to say, but it's best for my sanity to try to remain quiet.

Thank you so much. I really can feel the love out there, no matter how corny it sounds. I hope to do a lot of knitting this weekend so I have something to show you on Monday and regular blogging will resume as well. I miss the blogging almost as much as the knitting.

Have a fabulous weekend! And thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:05 AM | Comments (137)

June 30, 2007

One Day

One day I'll knit again, spin again, maybe even crochet again. Not today though. I've got a job this afternoon (a party - always hard work!) then some overnight fun, and a job early tomorrow. Then it's home to await the kids! My house is considerably neater than it was three days ago, which I'm happy about, but I'm tired and there's still a lot more work to be done.

I miss my knitting, desperately (especially since it would really calm me down right about now) and I miss you. If I'm not back here before the 4th - have a great holiday. And to the rest of you, have a fantastic weekend.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 10:33 AM | Comments (9)

June 27, 2007

Discipline

No pictures today. I'm pictured out. Feel free to move along if pictures are your thing.

Today is clean the toilets day at my house. I've been up since 8 and have only started to blog at almost 11AM and not a toilet has been cleaned. But that's what I'm doing today.

I've been really good lately with discipline. I'm on a diet. It doesn't have a fancy name or anything just the I'm fatter than I've ever been and I can't stand it anymore so I'm not eating stuff diet. Basically I'm trying not to skip meals and eat more often but smaller portions and better stuff and no desserts and no soda and it seems to be working okay. I'm maintaining at the least and dropping a few pounds along the way. At least I'm back to where I was before the vacation. Vacation killed me. If I could only add the exercise in again I think I'd be golden. It's too hot to exercise though. I hate Summer.

I've also been really disciplined in the work department. Monday I told myself I wasn't allowed to knit until I had finished a certain amount of work AND fold the extremely large pile of laundry taking over the den. I did both and by the time I was done it was around 11:30PM. I knit one measly row on Moth and went to bed. Tuesday I was up very early because I had a 10AM shoot in Central Park. HOT Central Park. Like get back in my car and the external thermometer reads 110 degrees F Central Park. (That was because my car was in the sun, I suspect it wasn't really that hot temperature wise, but add in the humidity and I think I'm making a fair assessment.) I SUCK in the heat. I get really really sweaty and gross (and not the good kind of sweaty and gross that comes with exercise) and I get irritable and tired and nasty. I ran a few errands, came home, ate, and set to work again. By the time I was finished with the job I was working on it was around 9PM. I told G that I wasn't going to do any cleaning, because today is for cleaning, and I was just going to knit. The thing is, though, I got into bed to watch the boob tube and knit and I just couldn't do it. I was so tired I just layed there and thought about my knitting instead. How pathetic is that?!? But I had discipline.

Discipline sucks.

So today I must clean all the bathrooms in my house. There are three. They are grody. And that's being kind. Today I take a mini-break from photography work to clean. Say it with me: P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.

Blogging might be scarce the next week or so for a few reasons:

1) Discipline. Blogging takes up time that I should really be spent doing other things. Mostly I can use it to procrastinate, but I'm way behind and it's time to prioritize. My house is disgusting and my work is piling up and I'm not knitting...blogging takes a backseat, unfortunately.

2) I'm not knitting. See number 1. I've got nothing new to show you! If I don't blog for a couple of days and that gives me a chance to knit, then I can come back with a fabulous knit to actually blog about. I know I don't need to knit to blog but cleaning and work are not interesting. If I can find some way to make that interesting, I will try, but otherwise I'm just boring myself.

3) Not sure there is a three. Can't think of a three. Damn! I thought there was a three! Oh well. Three is that I may blog every day in order to keep my sanity. Or I may not. Depends on how much work I can accomplish over the next week or so. NOW I remember three! My sister and the kids are coming up for July 4th - as they do every year - so I'm cleaning for them and I'm working all weekend and then I'm hanging with them, so yet another reason I might be a bit absent.

Excuses, excuses, but I'm really really tired. There's all this other stuff going on too, but I can't talk about it yet and it's making me anxious a bit and emotional and it's all good, but with the heat and the work and the cleaning I'm so tired. I couldn't even knit last night, that's how tired.

One of the best parts about being an adult is learning your limits. It's an incredibly hard lesson to learn, but I think I'm getting better at it the older I get. Learning when to say: I would love to do that, but I just can't right now. In the old days I would try to do absolutely everything and then I would crash and burn - rather spectacularly, if I might add - but I'm too old to crash and burn anymore. And hopefully way too smart.

Wish me luck on the bathrooms. I'm going to need it.
L, C

ETA: I have nothing against a cleaning person - in fact I had one for many years. Then she quit/we fired her and we haven't had one since. For awhile I looked for one and they were all either ridiculously expensive or not good and then we gave up and the house has been a mess ever since. Now I'm in the position of getting to the point where I wouldn't be embarrassed to have someone clean it - there's crap everywhere. Trust me. The goal is to get someone in here again PRONTO! As I said above, the older I get the smarter I get.

Posted by Cara at 11:11 AM | Comments (53)

June 22, 2007

The Rainbow Connection

On my way home from Lawn Guyland yesterday, exasperated by perceived slights, real slights, sleights of hand I said to myself, Chica (I call myself Chica - just trying to keep it real) this blog thing is very very important in your life, but is it worth all this stress? Honesty. It's such a lonely word. It is worth the agita?

I said, yeah, I think it is. But how to know for sure?

Chica, I said, let's take the decision out of our hands. Let's let GOD decide. If we should see a rainbow today, that ultimate sign of peace and harmony and unicorns, then we'll keep blogging! Chica wholeheartedly agreed.

It was a kind of tense train trip. What was the likelihood of a rainbow? Sure it was kind of overcast and looked like it could rain at any minute. The conditions COULD be right for a rainbow. Maybe. Did we, Chica and me, even really BELIEVE in signs?

As I walked to the shuttle after taking two regional train lines, lugging my big bag and my wheel bag, permanent indentations carving their way into my shoulders, I tried to avoid a puddle and almost falling on my ass, I caught a glimpse of something sparkly in the sky.

Chica! I gasped. God has answered our prayers. Look, out yonder, it's a RAINBOW!

The blog stays.

Thank you all so much for your emails and comments and notes of support. I'm hoping to get back to each of you that wrote, but it might take me a bit. I appreciate it for me, but really I appreciate it that you all care so much about truth in advertising. I am what I am and I'd hate to feel like I have to change that or censor it or anything. One note though - it's been mentioned a few times that maybe my yarn store review was what prompted the Yarn Harlot's impassioned post of the other day. I can pretty much tell you unequivocally that the two situations have absolutely NOTHING to do with each other. Unfortunately, I'm guessing that Stephanie's talking about something that happened TO her, not passing judgment on what I wrote.

I've got to apologize again. When I wrote about the reveal, I meant my new project. Not my new PROJECT. That project, with a capital P, is gonna be a little while longer.

Clue #3
Click for big. (Do IT!)

Thank you again for your readership. I'm fully aware that a lot of these problems wouldn't exist if no one was reading my blog, so it's kind of a good with the bad situation. I do appreciate your being here - ridiculous opinions and everything. ;-) (I KID, It's a JOKE!)

Hopefully, Monday, we can get back to the knitting. No promises though. Life is kind of crazy at the moment. Duh.
Have a great weekend!
L, C

PS - It's true - I did thinking about closing up shop, but rainbow or no rainbow, I'm not giving up anytime soon. I actually like my blog. A lot. And I would really really miss it (and by extension all of you) if it was gone. It does take a lot of energy and time though and I often think about stopping. For now, though, the good certainly outweighs the bad.

Posted by Cara at 08:17 AM | Comments (143)

June 20, 2007

My love muscle can bench press 250 lbs.

No, not my muscle, but Ann's. God I love that woman. Every now and again we talk about a podcast - a one time thing actually - but it probably wouldn't be funny to anyone but us. Hey Annie - I was telling G about our conversation and he just shook his head and said we were wicked retahded.

Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday, but this week is crayzee! Usually I'm home all day by myself trying desperately to get some work done or alternately staring at the filth around me willing it to clean itself (which takes A LOT of energy. Almost as much energy as if I were to ACTUALLY clean it.) But this week, wouldn't you know, when I would just love to sit around and dream about my vacation, I'm out every single day. Today I have a meeting and then I'm off to Lawn Guyland for guild. So no post tomorrow either. I suck. I know. Hopefully next week things will get back on track and all will be right with the universe again - read me sitting inside with the air conditioner on high, showerless, knitting my little heart out.

Just a brief note on yarn store reviews: as I said in my last post and as evidenced by the comments - for every person who LOVES an LYS, there's someone else who thinks it's eh or even ick. That's the nature of human nature. Maybe I caught the staff at Imagiknit on a bad day. Maybe I was in a bad mood. Maybe maybe maybe. I got a vibe. I'm not telling you not to go to the store - I would never say that (unless it was TRULY awful, which it wasn't) and I'm pretty sure I didn't say that. I ended up buying close to $100.00 worth of yarn and stuff. If I had really thought the store was terrible I wouldn't have spent a cent. The truth is is that the "vibe" is something tangible, and if we're all honest with ourselves, we've probably felt it at one time or another in most yarn stores. It may pass quickly and truly we might not get it at all, but it exists. Which is something I find remarkable given that the any person going into a yarn store must truly have some kind of interest in the craft, whether burgeoning or established, it's there.

The truth of the matter is that I don't really frequent yarn stores all that often. I wouldn't say I have my own lys. I don't knit with a group, period, let alone one associated with an lys. There are a million and one yarn stores in my area - a huge variety - some of the nastiest I've ever been to and some of the nicest, some of the prettiest, some of the ugliest, some of the astounding variety nature, and some of the one trick pony type. Between the internet and the yarn stores in my area, I don't need to go to yarn stores when I'm on vacation. But I love to do it! I love to visit and see what's out there - most of them are no different really from what I can get at home - but every now and again you find something really special. And then there are the people. The knitters. You can't discount the knitters.

Without you damn knitters I wouldn't be having conversations about love muscles and laughing my ass off. For that, I thank you truly.

Next week! Lots of knitting! I'm about to start the second chart of Moth! Maybe a finished sock! AND the big reveal!

Clue #2

Stay tuned folks....

Posted by Cara at 08:33 AM | Comments (50)

June 08, 2007

See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!

I hate to do this to you, but I'm outie. Sadly, I didn't knit a stitch yesterday - a predicament which will be remedied next week. We're off Sunday and between now and then I have every second accounted for - there is A LOT of work to get done before I can vacay with a good conscience.

I will try hard to post at least once while I'm away (a week for blog purposes). This is a true vacation, though, so I'm planning on spending every second with my honey.

I've got one thing to ask though...

Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Have fun. BE SAFE.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 08:14 AM | Comments (21)

June 07, 2007

Reality Bites

Well, that didn't last long. Ugh. When I came home yesterday, even though I was in a good mood, the new pants veil had been lifted and all I saw was a really dirty house (we're almost at squalor people) and pictures from my niece's birthday party where I look really really fat. Jabba The Hutt fat. Fatter than fat. Gross.

What's a girl to do? After I ate the super huge Baja Fresh burrito (SHUT UP! It was lunch AND dinner!) I actually folded clothes and put mine away and then knit two repeats on my beautiful new shawl. That almost made it better, but I did fuck something up near the end of the second repeat. It was easily ripped and fixed so we're back on track.

I've got a lot of work to do before we leave on Sunday and I've got nothing new to show you - so I'm going to leave you with a couple of links:

First up - did you see what Nona the GENIUS is doing? She knitting a sock. Yeah yeah. We can all knit socks. But can you knit a sock SIDEWAYS?!? In true Nona style she's got a serial tutorial going on for her new sock pattern: SIDEWINDERS. She's up to the third part but there's plenty of time to catch up. I've met Nona and she really is a genius. I'm not just saying that. She's so smart it makes my brain hurt. GO THERE NOW.

Then, you all know that my dear friend Claudia is raising money for MS right? She's got fabulous prizes to give away, including some of my notecards, and she's gotten such a great response she's had to extend her fundraising goal! YAY! I've already given twice because my motto is give early, give often and if you haven't done so - you should just run right over there with your credit card in hand. (Or you can send a check. Or paypal. Claudia's got all the details.) She's trying to reach $30,000 and I'm sure she's going to blow right past that.

In related news, the Lovely Anne of Knitspot is working her own raffle in conjunction with Claudia's fundraiser. She, too, has fabulous prizes to give away AND she's matching FUNDS!. You can find out all the information to win some of Anne's good stuff here.

And if that's not enticing enough, Lilith let me know yesterday that if you give to Claudia and tell Anne about it, she's putting you into her OWN raffle for a fabulous pair of handknitted MONKEY socks!!!! That's right! Lilith will knit you a pair of socks! What are you waiting for?

Whew! I actually feel better now. Thanks everyone!

PS - My current favorite make me happy trick? The ending of 40 Year Old Virgin. Dude. I dare you to watch this and not laugh your ass off.

You can thank me later.

PPS - In case you haven't seen the movie, this scene appears after the 40 Year Old Virgin has had sex for the first (and second) time. This is supposed to be what he thinks of it. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 11:29 AM | Comments (27)

June 04, 2007

Fit for a Queen

The princess birthday party was a RESOUNDING success. Think big backyard. Barbeque. Trampoline. Decorate your own tiara crafts. Sprinklers. Water Balloons. Castle Piñata. Ice Cream Cake. No rain. Family. Friends. LOTS of kids. At one point my niece was sitting on the top of the slide that lands you right in the blow up pool and she said to me - and I quote - "My party is CRAZY!" with the biggest smile you've ever seen. My sister and brother-in-law outdid themselves and I don't think we'll see another party like that for awhile. At least a year. ;-)

On my way home from Philly yesterday I took a detour and stopped downtown at Rosie's Yarn Cellar. I was desperate for some Addi Lace needles so I could start my Wing O' The Moth Shawl. I ended up with two size 6s - the 32" length and the 47" length which I realize now was a HUGE mistake. I should've bought a size 6 32" and a size 5 32". I started on the size 6s, of course, because that's all I have and I'm worried. For me, this yarn is LACEWEIGHT even though everyone says it's a bit thicker than lace weight. I've never knit a shawl in anything thinner than fingering weight, to be honest, and the thinness is scaring me. I feel like it's too loose. Like I need to knit it on 5s even though Anne told me that she'd knit the shawl on 6s with this yarn and she's the kind of knitter that doesn't knit too loose or too tight and usually gets gauge. I'm the same way. I might actually swatch which I SO don't want to do - but I might. And I also might get me some 5s because I'm nervous that way. So no real start to Moth, but some good work on my latest monkey. I should have a finished pair for you tomorrow. Although you're probably really sick of them already.

I didn't walk away without yarn from Rosie's:

Koigu. P123. I have a weird thing about Koigu. When I want to buy yarn and I don't have anything specific in mind and the store has Koigu, I buy it. It's become my souvenir yarn. But I rarely knit with it. I actually feel guilty knitting socks with anything other than STR. I told you it was weird. And it's a shame too because I think this yarn would make excellent Monkeys.

It's rainy and icky and I'd love to just sit and knit my socks. For a change, I actually have to go out today. Figures.

Posted by Cara at 08:34 AM | Comments (40)

May 30, 2007

Tomorrow is another day.

I managed to knit to one repeat and the toe on my Seastone Mini-Monkey and then I gave up. I'm crazy today so this is what you get - socks will be modeled tomorrow.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow! You're only a day AWAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Posted by Cara at 10:28 AM | Comments (16)

May 14, 2007

Childlike

Thank you thank you thank you! All your good vibes made my reunion a RESOUNDING SUCCESS! I had SUCH a GREAT time! Sure I was nervous walking in, but after like five seconds it was all good. It was a blast to see so many people and the years have treated us all well. Every single person told me I looked like I hadn't changed AT ALL, which I took as a good thing. (The zit on my cheek probably helped that. ;-) ) I was talking to one friend and he told me that it felt like everyone was in a really great place - everyone seemed happy and happy to be there. No pretentions, no airs, no misery. I totally agreed with him! There was a fantastic vibe to the evening! I guess all the miserable people stayed home. The turnout seemed great. My outfit was comfortable (even the spanx!) and my hair behaved and I felt really really good. I was so pleasantly surprised, I can't even tell you. I even got to talk about knitting! (Hi Diane! It was so great to see you!)

I ended up wearing a black pair of dress pants, a sleeveless black top, black backless sandals, and my shawl. It was perfect. This is how good the evening was: on my way home I stopped at McDonald's and after I ate, I popped my zit. All in all, a really nice night - I'm sure I'll be ready to do it again in 10 years!

The rest of the weekend was just as fantastic. My sister's mil gave my sister her gently used bike for Mother's Day and since the seat needs to be adjusted for my sister, I got to ride all weekend! Her mil put a seat on the back for the kids so I played pony for the weekend. What a blast! I had so much fun! My sister literally lives in Mayberry USA and every time we passed a neighbor they'd wave to me and the kid on the back of the bike. Then, to make things even more idyllic, the ice cream man came and we all got treats! Dude. I never ran into the house so fast for money! I've known this for a little while, but it all solidified this weekend. Being a kid as an adult is SO MUCH BETTER than being a kid as a kid. My sister and I decided that it's because we know just how much fun being a kid really is and we can appreciate it so much better. I also understand, though, that being a kid is just as hard TO KIDS as being an adult can be to us. I'm so happy to be grown up!

For Mother's Day, I did a photoshoot with the kids for my sister. I haven't taken pictures of them in a long time - too busy being their aunt to worry about pictures - or even bring my equipment down. Besides, that's work (as much as I love it) and I like to play when I'm with the kids. (See paragraph above.) Anyway, the shoot was great. My niece continues to be my BEST model - since she was four days old. I've got LOTS of pictures, so I hope you enjoy.

And even though it was an absolute MESS getting home last night (a train hit a deer on the Northeast Corridor line), there was my favorite boy and YARN waiting for me when I finally got home. Socks That Rock yarn at that!

Knitting tomorrow - hope you like the photographs! Thanks!

Posted by Cara at 10:16 AM | Comments (95)

May 11, 2007

So happy to be ME!

I know I said I was signing off for the weekend, but yesterday was so miserable I thought I'd share.

Last night I went to the mall in search of something to wear to my 20th Year High School Reunion having decided that everything I own doesn't fit and makes me look fatter and lumpier than I really am. That was a mistake. Not thinking that my clothes look bad on me, but going to the mall. At one point I was wandering aimlessly around Macy's trying to find something, ANYTHING, that would make me look not so lumpy and I caught sight of myself in one of the many fun house mirrors they've got hanging around the store: my shirt looked funny. I walked up to the mirror and took a good look at myself. After trying on the 100th unflattering outfit I could find, I had put my shirt back on BACKWARDS. I was so depressed that I stood there, in full view of men, women, and children, and turned my shirt around thereby letting everyone know that I can't DRESS MYSELF. It's a true story.

I even talked to my mother, complaining about how fat I've gotten, and NOT ONCE did she tell me how beautiful I was. Isn't that a mother's JOB?

And then, after buying a pair of jeans that tout "an instant tummy tuck" that I can't wear to the reunion, I sat in my car, in our parking garage, and listened to The River ten times, singing along at the top of my lungs while crying my eyes out. Doesn't get anymore high school than that.

The truth of the matter is that I'm very content with who am I and what my life is all about. I'd love my house to be cleaner, sure, and dropping fifteen pounds would certainly make things nicer, but overall I'm incredibly lucky AND I've worked very hard on myself and my relationships to get them where they are today. Generally I don't stress that much about my appearance (that's what happens when you spend most of your time in pajamas) but there's nothing like the thought of being around people that last saw you when you looked something like this:

to spur you into self-pity. Granted, they never saw me in an army uniform and this picture was taken three years after I graduated from high school, but it's the sexiest picture I have of me. Things don't change that much from 17 to 20. 17 to 37? That's a whole other story!

Now I'm certainly not complaining about how I look now. I've grown into my face and my body and I know how to play my strengths. And most importantly, my husband thinks I'm beautiful and tells me so all the time. But there are (at least) fifteen extra pounds there and I am twenty years older. I can still rock it right? This picture is from a year ago:

I still look like this. Maybe an extra five pounds but I wore this exact outfit to a Bar Mitzvah last month and I looked good. My sisters told me so. GOD BLESS SPANX!

Anyway. I found something to wear. (Note: not the outfit above. WAY too formal for this event. I'll try to get my sister to take a picture of me before I leave for the reunion.) Clothes I already had in my closet that I feel good in. My husband told me I look hot. And I'll have my favorite shawl around my shoulders. It never fails to make me feel elegant and beautiful. I decided on the outfit about ten minutes after getting home. Then I did what any self-respecting fat girl trying to get skinny would do: I made myself one of my favorite Lean Cuisines for dinner, curled up with Grey's Anatomy (anyone else think McDreamy is being a TOTAL DICK!), and knit on a sock.

(My new pair of monkeys. Dutch Canyon STR Lightweight.)

I really am confident that tonight will be very weird, somewhat uncomfortable and ultimately fun! But just in case, I'm bringing along some knitting.

PS - Go congratulate my friend MJ! YAY! Mazel Tov!
PPS - Go help my friend Claudia!! I have. Now it's your turn! Do the right thing and win prizes to boot!
PPPS - This post is my own little pity party. No need to tell me how gorgeous I really am.

Posted by Cara at 10:23 AM | Comments (105)

May 08, 2007

Time, Time, Time...

See what's become of me
While I looked around for my possibilities

I picked the yarn for my next pair of monkey socks. Always good to think ahead.

The yarn is STR Dutch Canyon (Lightweight - I only knit socks with Lightweight so it's safe to assume that any STR yarn I'm making a sock out of is Lightweight.) I tried to use this yarn once before - as a Pomotomus sock, but alas, I didn't like it. I think it's MUCH better suited to Monkey. I knew this yarn was destined to be a Cookie A pattern!

Speaking of Monkey socks, The RachFace seems to have a bit of knitocd going on herself: she's got washclothes or bibs and monkey socks as far as I can tell, but who knows what other obsessions are going on over there. Although, as far as obsessions go, six pairs of monkey socks is kind of lame. I'm just saying cough10jaywalkerpairscough, you could be a bit more obsessed. But thank you for raising the bar for me. ;-) But mostly - thank you for your modifications! Check out all of rach's Monkey Mods - some very cool socks.

In other news, I have a nice big red zit on my cheek. I'm prone to breakouts, but mostly on my chin and lately things haven't been too bad. So to break out on my cheek - you know - right in the middle of my freaking face - isn't the most attractive. I'm dealing with it as only a seventeen yr old can.

Did I mention that Friday is my high school reunion? Did I mention I'm GOING?

Yeah. That zit just got A WHOLE HELLUVA LOT BIGGER!

I'm sort of iffy on the whole reunion thing. I was talking to Ann today and I said that 99% of the people attending I haven't spoken to in 20 years. She said, that's the point of a reunion. Duh. The zit is eating my brain. But still - the reunion website lists all the people attending and I can't help but click over there a half a dozen times a day and think - oh. I don't want to see her again. And they all keep popping up in my dreams. I have to say though - I'm pretty damn happy with my life and where I'm at in it and who I have in it and it's nice to go to a reunion and be confident. Although I do have a huge zit. Here's what I looked like in high school:

No, I don't have a skin condition - that's scanner rot. And here's a funny picture for the family Annie! My senior prom dress!

Even then I couldn't keep the boobs up! And no, I didn't go to my prom with Conan O'Brien. I have no idea what happened to my date - he joined the Air Force soon after high school. I hope he's safe.

Now go pray for my zit to go away.

Posted by Cara at 05:18 PM | Comments (56)

April 26, 2007

The Dangerous Poet

I wanted to bring to your attention an incident that happened last week on a college campus here in the United States. It didn't involve murder or guns - but it certainly involved fear. The poet/professor affected was a classmate of mine when I was in graduate school. I am extremely confident that this man could not hurt a fly, let alone inflict the danger imagined.

Poetry is Dangerous, by Kazim Ali.

This issue is very, very complicated, especially given the world we live in today - but I thought it was important and I felt I needed to share it with you.

Posted by Cara at 10:28 AM | Comments (102)

April 17, 2007

Yet Another Member of The BBC

Today Vicki linked to a story I wrote entitled "The BBC." The story is a satirical look at tragedy in our world today. With the events that occured at Virginia Tech yesterday, and the news that the shooter was a Creative Writing student at the University, I'm putting up the story again for all to read.

My hope is that the story's absurdity makes you laugh a little bit today, as well as think about the nature of such events. My thoughts are with the entire VT extended family.

Read "The BBC."

Thank you.

Posted by Cara at 02:13 PM | Comments (18)

April 12, 2007

Bad Moon Rising

This is a long post that has to do with blogging - not really knitting - and there are no pictures. You've been forewarned.

The other day, after receiving a not so nice comment, reading this article, and hearing from blogger friends who had been abused in comments and blog posts recently, I came up with a BRILLIANT IDEA! I sent out this email:

BRING IT ON! An Experiment in Blogging
Dear Friends and Fellow Bloggers,

I hope this email finds you happy and arms full of yarn. So - I've had a CRAZY idea. I know, you're shaking your heads, but this one is even CRAZIER than usual and I'd love to hear your opinions.

I'm thinking of a BRING IT ON day on the blogs - or at least MY blog. Lately I've had some not so nice comments - both on the blog and behind the scenes - directed at me and my life and coupled with the article that appeared in the New York Times the other day, I thought that it would be really really interesting to just see the comments fly. I'm proposing a 24 hour period where people could leave, in the comments, the best criticsm they could come up with for me. I would set some ground rules - nothing about my family or religion or stuff like that - just about ME. I would ask them to stick to what they've seen or read on the blog - or if they've met me in person - but it's okay if they don't stick to it. And I would welcome anonymous comments.

What do you think would happen? Would I need to be in therapy for another fifteen years? Would friendships be lost? Or would all the negativity cancel itself out and eventually, reading all those awful comments, people would see how stupid it really is. That the adage - if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all - really DOES make the world a better place.

I just hatched this idea. But I think it could be extremely interesting, probably very hurtful, most likely entertaining and hopefully a learning experience for all involved - bloggers and commenters alike. I'd like to think I'd be putting my money where my mouth is - but maybe I really have knit one too many miters.

I look forward to hearing from you!
Have a fantastic day!
Best,
Cara

One by one, people responded back and were overwhelmingly negative about my proposal - with some very good reasons. It would probably devolve into silliness - like a sixth grade slam book with comments about how my feet were ugly and my breath bad. Or that I'd actually be overwhelmed with POSITIVE comments instead of negative. Or that it would truly get very, very ugly and I might not be able to recover from it. That when the 24 hr period ended, I'd get even more badness for closing it down. I thought, the worst that could happen is that I would take down the blog. And I don't want to take down the blog.

I needed to further examine what I wanted from this experiment. Did I want constructive criticism? Not really. I'm plenty critical of my life and I have a VERY honest husband and family who tell it to me like it is, not to mention an excellent friend who's ready to call me on all aspects of my life. I often call Ann and ask her if I'm being ridiculous about something - and she always lets me know how she really feels. Honesty is a fantastic gift in my life, even if the criticism is sometimes hard to hear. But there's a difference between criticism delivered safely, lovingly, RESPECTFULLY as opposed to just dumped in your lap without regard. You catch more flies with honey than you do with shit.

Speaking of shit, I was working with an analogy when I came up with this experiment. I thought, if I fill the room with shit - here I'm talking about the comments - and people really really let me have it - let out all the petty jealousies, the legitimate gripes, the suggestions on how to make my world better, i.e. more like THEIR world - well then, in the end all the badness might cancel itself out. Like if you fill the room with shit - eventually you're not going to smell it anymore. You know what I mean?

If your blog has more than one reader (who's not your mom - or maybe it is your mom?) chances are someone's thought ill of you. Either they thought your knitting skills sucked. Your design was a rip off. They could DEFINITELY do better than you. I would assume that the more readers you have, the more that negative number rises. I'm no saint here - of course I've thought (and even said) not so nice things about other people - even other bloggers - but I've never deliberately gone out of my way to make someone feel bad in public. Whether on my site or someone else's site or on their own site. In fact, I try to adhere to a strict policy of never saying anything negative about anyone in emails, let alone blogs. Does this make me a hypocrite? Sure! I can think it! But do I have the balls to put it out there?!? I'm not sure it has anything to do with balls. I think it has to do with thought and action. We can think many many negative things all day long, but it's acting on those thoughts that really says who we are. At least that's how I think about it. I'm not above petty jealousies. I'm not above lashing out if I think someone I love has been hurt. I'm not above idle gossip. Please. I'm a human being. But I don't think those are the types of things I want lasting forever - like emails or blog posts. They're not constructive. They don't help anyone (but maybe me for like five minutes and then oftentimes I feel guilty.) And they don't do anything to change a situation.

While I was thinking about this grand sociological experiment and how it could or could not work, I started thinking about what motivates people to be so mean. I'm sure you've all heard about the Kathy Sierra incident - a blogger started getting death threats and horrid pictures of her were photoshopped – for instance, a photo of her with a noose nearby - and posted on a blog that seemed to exist only to bash other bloggers. What could she possibly have written to garner such meaness? What makes people be so mean? [Read the NYTs article above and this link I found through MJ. Thanks MJ!]

I can only speak to knitblogs because that's really all I read - so let's talk about them. We've all seen blogs that seem to exist to denigrate other knitters. They're equal opportunity haters too - designers, bloggers, new knitters, old knitters, knitters who knit with one hand, two hands, their feet - whatever - everything's game! I guess a blog like this serves a purpose - on those days that you just hate the world and want to revel in that hate, it's sometimes nice to go over to a blog like this and join in on all the fun. Although at the end of the day, even when I'm languishing in the hate, it just makes me sad. I still don't understand what people get out of bashing other people. Most of all, I'm left wondering, why do people care so much? It's my experience that people don't do things unless they're getting something out of it for themselves - it's rare to find a truly altrustic action. I blog because I want to show off my knits and I love to write and I like to be funny - I get a lot back from it: lots of nice comments, inspiration, new friends. But what do I get back if I trash someone? Do I get to feel superior? Is it going to make my knitting better? Or make me feel better ABOUT my knitting? Anything negative I say about someone else is a reflection on me. What am I so unhappy or upset or unsatisfied with? What can I change ABOUT ME to make my life better?

Let's set a few things straight about what I think about criticism: if you want to criticise a knitting book or pattern or blog, that's perfectly acceptable to me. A designer puts those designs out there and once they’re in the world, you can't control how people see that design. You have to hope they either love it or hate it - some kind of REAL reaction. If you write a pattern and people start knitting it and it's full of mistakes and the schematics are all wrong and the actual finished garment is so ridiculously put together that you can't tell the neck from the elbow, well, then THE PATTERN deserves to be ripped a new one. But not the designer. Wouldn't it be great if we could talk about the problems with a pattern that would actually HELP the designer write a better one next time? Like some kind of collaboration? Why bring the personal into it?

I'm no stranger to criticism. I graduated from an MFA program in Creative Writing which means for two years I got to sit in a workshop where every week another writer was raked across the coals. I would spend hours and hours writing a story only to have my classmates sit around and talk about all the things that were wrong and bad and awful about that story. If you've never been through a critique it's a wonderful thing! Most of the time, the criticism that was valid was immediately apparent to me and I got really good at throwing out the rest of it, but it's still hard to hear negative-ness about your babies.

I’ll give you two examples of criticism I recently encountered. One had to do with a knitting project. A comment was left on my blog that basically said, “Well, I’m glad you’re happy with the project. I think I’ll keep my opinion to myself.” (Which in and of itself is kind of ridiculous because duh – the opinion was RIGHT OUT THERE.) I emailed the commenter and said – come on! Let me have it! Tell me what you really think! And she did. What ensued was a very nice conversation about what makes us tick as knitters and what we like and don’t like and it was civilized and THAT’S the kind of criticism I welcome. That same day I got another comment that basically said I was crazy and that all my knitting was a waste of time and I should be out helping people instead of being dirty and sitting on my ass all day making this waste of money blanket. (Incidentally, this commenter later apologized for her comment.)

That one I didn’t like. That one was personal. That one JUDGED ME. When you read someone’s blog, you’re really only getting a teeny tiny glimpse of their life. I share with you what I want to share with you. So maybe I’m out slopping soup at homeless shelters all day long or maybe I’m kicking puppies up and down the street – YOU DON’T KNOW. I would hope that you would judge me by what you read on the page and the way I behave through the rest of blogland without jumping to conclusions about the life you DON’T read about. I know this is a very tall order. We can’t help but draw conclusions – imagine realities that don’t necessarily exist – and pass judgment based on the little knowledge we have. I do it all the time. Once again, I believe it’s part of being human. But we DO have the ability to STOP ourselves and take a step back. In the five minutes you might take to write that scathing comment, take another minute to read it over and really think about what it says. Would you want to receive a comment like that on your blog? What if your friend got a comment like that? What would be your reaction?

And of course, we’re useless when we try to defend ourselves. I put it out there that I don’t shower on a daily basis. So if someone wants to judge me on that fact alone, well there’s nothing I can do. On the flip side, I know all about the arguments of free speech. It's my blog and I can say whatever the hell I want! Then why are we so upset if someone comes and disagrees with us? Why then does it all fall apart into a "you are censoring me because you don't agree with me even though I said these awful things about you on my blog!?" I can count many instances where legitimate discussions have collapsed in blog comments because someone, inevitably, writes "IT'S THEIR BLOG – THEY CAN SAY WHAT THEY WANT!” But what you say and put out in the world in your name has consequences. There are real live people sitting at home behind computers reading blogs.

There’s been lots of talk about codes of conduct on blogs and how we should act and decorum and decency and I’ve given a lot of thought to it in the past few days. I know, that were a code of conduct to come about, that I would have a VERY hard time adopting one for my blog. If I did, it would have to be the most lenient code available. Because, honestly, I do believe in free speech. And I do believe in the free exchange of ideas. And I do believe that I deserve to get back what I put out into the world.

And I believe that criticism can be healthy and constructive and very welcome.

If you threaten me, or my family, or steal from me, or destroy my reputation in some way – that’s no longer free speech. Then it becomes a matter of law.

So I’ve written a really long post, but have I really said anything? I’m not sure. But I wanted to put this out there in the knitblog world because I think it’s important. I really do believe that this is a COMMUNITY in the best sense of the word (and world - which is the first word I typed.) I have been fortunate enough to meet A LOT of knitbloggers and I hope to continue to meet more. One of the reasons I keep my blog as intimate and honest as I do is that when I meet a knitblogger I want them to feel as comfortable with me in person as they do when reading the blog. I’m anxious and crazy and I want you to be prepared when you meet me. No surprises. What you read is what you get. ;-)

Do I think that anything will change because I wrote this epic essay? That would be pretty narcissistic of me, for sure. Hopefully. Maybe a little. I’ve already seen some nice healing just from the email I sent out. Do I think we should all get along? ABSOLUTELY NOT. There are bloggers (and people) that just aren’t going to be your cup of tea. And that is perfectly acceptable to me. And if you have an opinion – by all means SHARE IT! But use a little common sense and common courtesy. Is it really that hard? Really?

In conclusion (thank god!) I would like to see a wonderful discussion in the comments – like the one that went on the other day at Steph’s. Dig deep and tell me why you think you were mean that time. Were you threatened by something? Jealous of something? (I would think that my petty outbursts are the direct response of envy. I want whatever it is that someone else has – as hard as it is to admit it.) What do you think about a code of conduct? Do we really need rules? Isn’t the Golden One good enough? What do you think would have happened if I HAD openend up the blog to all the negativity I could handle for 24 hours?

I leave you with this quote, found serendipitously while reading the NYT's obituary for Kurt Vonnegut:

“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’ ”

Posted by Cara at 10:41 AM | Comments (189)

April 10, 2007

The Power of the Blog Compels Me

Yesterday I got some truly heartbreaking news. Well, I didn't get it so much as stumble upon it. I made a lovely lunch of scrambled eggs and english muffins and sat down to watch my absolute favorite soap opera ever: Another World.

I've talked about this before, but watching the repeats of AW on SoapNet have been nothing but PURE BLISS for me. I started watching the soap opera when I was a young girl and continued watching it until they took it off the air. The day they started reshowing it on SoapNet was truly a holiday for me! To see those characters that I loved for over 20 years come back to life, well, I was speechless. To be able to spend hours knitting and spinning and fall in love again with the rich cast of characters was quite a gift.

Until yesterday. Yesterday, when I went to watch my beloved AW, I noticed that instead the sappy sophmoric sleeze-fest called One Tree Hill was on instead. Okay okay okay, breathe, maybe they changed up the time on you! They do that a lot. Breathe breathe. Maybe it's one of those marathons. Okay okay okay. NO!! NO NO NO NO NO! SoapNet unceremoniously DROPPED ANOTHER WORLD from its schedule without a peep. There are 24 HOURS in a day - they can't find ONE HOUR to show AW?!? Not one? BUT they can show One Tree Hill and The OC - then REPEAT THE SAME EPISODES like TWO HOURS LATER?! Give me a break.

I don't know if you're a fan of Another World, but if you've ever had something you love taken away from you without nary an OUNCE of respect, I'd encourage you to sign this petition. Also, if you'd like the phone number and or email address to complain to the network, leave me a comment and I'll email you back.

DUDES! I was SO SAD yesterday I might've cried. Things were JUST getting good between Vicki and Ryan!! What's going to happen with Cass and Frankie and Kathleen?!? Is Taylor FINALLY going to get her due for screwing with Sharlene? FREAKING CARL HUTCHINS IS BACK!!!!

PLEASE! BRING BACK ANOTHER WORLD!

ETA: GO HERE.

Posted by Cara at 08:59 AM | Comments (22)

April 09, 2007

Saturation

So I've got a problem. In the scheme of stuff, it's pretty minor but it's on my mind nonetheless. And this isn't one of those please tell me I'm right kind of posts - I've made up my mind about what I'm going to do and nothing you say is going to change it, but I feel like I'd like to talk about it.

I was checking my stats (because a little narcissism never hurt anybody) and I came across a discussion about my blog happening on a popular knitting chat board. The thread was started by someone who had stumbled across my blog and liked what they saw and wanted to share it. (Thank you so much by the way!) A few people posted that they read the blog pretty frequently, but lately it had gotten kind of boring because all I talk about are these dang mitered squares. There was even some discussion as to whether I'd ever sew the blasted things together. The discussion was very civilized and everyone's entitled to their own opinion and that's not my problem.

My problem is that I might kind of agree. My blog is boring now.

I've been thinking about it a lot actually - every time I blog a new square. Then I got this comment from Elizabeth: "Cara, for weeks you've only knit one thing. You have only blogged about one thing. We've only seen pictures of ONE THING." I was so upset. I KNOW I'm like a broken record. Here's another square. Here's another square. Here's another square. This weekend - guess what I did? I knit four more squares and started a fifth. Thankfully, Elizabeth saved my life because she followed up with: "And yet, you have made these mitered squares interesting for every single entry. "

Honestly, I'm driving myself insane. All I can do is knit these miters. I'm making myself sick with the miters. The only person who is still excited about the miters is G and that's because he sees the blanket that will be on his bed. (That's not completely true. I love the miters. Sometimes I hate them, but truly I love them.)

What's the solution? I've thought about it. I could blog about the squares once a week. I could have this super photo filled post and list all the squares. But you know what? If I do that? I won't be blogging but once a week. This is where my head is at. I'm not going to knit anything else until I feel like I've exhausted this project. It's taken hold of me and it won't freaking let go.

It's been well documented (here and in the comments and even on other blogs) that I tend to go overboard with stuff. I'm not sure that's a fair assessment. I do what I do. If I was knitting a sweater and I kept showing you pictures of the sweater in progress (which I think would be WAY more boring than my squares - but I'd do it anyway) and I knit nothing but that sweater until it was finished - would people say I was over the top? Or would they say I was knitting a sweater? What's the difference?

I have felt a lot of guilt over this project. G will come home at the end of the day and in between knitting miters and trying to remember to eat I've attempted to move the dirty dishes from one side of the sink to the other. I feel like a wasteoid - but I can't stop. I definitely have OCD tendencies - and this project has tapped right into it. I started out with 20 squares. Then I thought I'd make 25. Now I find myself dreaming about 30. I have yarn everywhere - color EVERYWHERE. It's giving me a headache. My shoulders hurt and my calluses have calluses and still I can't stop. You may say to yourself: who is this spoiled rotten girl who spends her whole day knitting these stupid squares when I have laundry and vacuuming and kids and responsibilities? Listen - I'm thinking the same fucking thing. And still I can't stop.

One other thing. So I knit 100 miters, right, and I decide to NEVER sew them up. I just leave them in a beautiful pile in my bedroom or sometimes I spread them out in my living room to saturate our life with color or maybe I even hide them away in a box somewhere at the back of my closet. SO WHAT. It's my project. I have learned - am learning - many many many things about myself and about color and about what I like and don't like and about the way I work and it's priceless what I've learned knitting these ridiculous little squares. I wouldn't trade it for the world - the guilt and boredom and the wonder of it all.

(For the record, I have every intention of putting this blanket together. I can count the number of projects I have started and NOT finished on one hand and at least three of them are socks. I'm a crazy obsessed perfectionist - I finish what I start unless I have a fantastic reason to do otherwise.)

When I started this blog, the main purpose was to keep a record of my knitting. That's still the main purpose. So I'm going to blog my squares. On the days that I blog the squares I'm going to talk about other stuff or not. Maybe I'll talk about the project and maybe not but these days this mitered blanket IS my creativity. It's the catalyst for everything I have to say here. It produces energy. It transforms me. It's my spark.

Posted by Cara at 01:06 AM | Comments (218)

March 27, 2007

The Little Children

Hey Nancy! This is for you!!! ;-)

At 18:07:39 PM EDT, I handed back the keys to the minivan to my sister. The kids were a) all alive (I REPEAT - THEY WERE ALL ALIVE!!!!) b) fed (I won't say well fed unless you consider a steady diet of pasta, butter, pancakes and syrup healthy) and c) happy (well, as happy as they could be now that their favorite aunt was running for the hills with nary a kiss goodbye.)

Whew!

Honestly - we had a great time! We both miss the kids terribly and have talked about nothing else since we came home (remember when E did that? Remember when C said this? Remember how sweet M was when he helped out with that?) I always miss them when I leave - I love those kids so much it hurts sometimes - but I was weeping as we pulled off their street. I'm sure a lot of it had to do with exhaustion because, man, I have NEVER been so freaking tired in my LIFE. NEVER. EVER. NEVER. Bone crushing. That's how tired.

Let's refresh - three kids, 6, 4 and 2. Two childless adults, 37 and 44. Alone. For the weekend. We got down to my sister's Friday around lunch and my mom, who had the kids the night before, handed off the littlest and said SEE YA! We hung out with E for a bit and then headed off to pick up the big kids from school. All went well - I even made three different dinners for each of the kids - short order cook now on the resume - and they pretty much went to bed without a hitch! Of course, I didn't sleep for one second the entire first night. The baby co-sleeps with my sister, which means he was co-sleeping with G and I and the poor thing would semi-wake up crying for Mommy and thrashing about then stop suddenly and go back to sleep pretty much every hour. I think my big humongous EMPTY boobs were confusing him. Poor baby. And when he was sleeping, I was listening for the other kids - waiting for them to wake up and come into our room. They didn't. They slept. Kids 1, Me Comatose.

The next day was Saturday and I told G that this would be our hardest day because we had all three of them for the ENTIRE DAY by OURSELVES. It was overcast and drizzly and not very warm and I told him that WE MUST LEAVE THE HOUSE. I know from experience with my sister that three kids in the house the entire day is a like a death wish for the adults so we all piled into the minivan and headed off to The Franklin Institute. In restrospect, I was probably sleep walking to think we could pull this off and truly it's a testament to my sister and her husband and what great parents they are because these kids were fantastic. They didn't whine, they didn't cry, they didn't fight, they didn't run off - all was peaches and cream. We had a great time! And we tired them out! Everyone slept that night. Even me. This was the easiest day by far.

(OH MY GOD! How could I forget!! I gave them all baths on Saturday night. HAIR WASHING AND EVERYTHING! They were so good for me too. No one cried about rinsing out the shampoo! (Not that I'm patting myself on the back or anything. I should also note that I am extremely close with my sister and her kids. Closer than most, I think. ))

Sunday was a challenge - hebrew school by 9AM! Me, alone, with all the kids! Sweatpants under nightgowns and snow boots without socks! Superman pjs with cape! Oh NO! It's a dog in the parking lot! Everyone in Aunt Cara's arms! M got there ON TIME and he was dressed in actual clothes AND had breakfast!! Double points for Aunt Cara! Quick! Let's run home! Time to get dressed for the birthday party and pick up! No! You can't wear your nightgown snow boot combo! Hair combed! Teeth brushed! WHERE'S THE FREAKING PRESENT?!?! Birthday party pick-up complete! Time to go BACK to hebrew school! Where's G?! I SAID NOON! Run through the parking lot. There at 12:15 on the dot. M last kid picked up. Teacher says: See, I told you your Aunt wouldn't forget you! DAMN! Points deducted. Never pick up the kid last. Back home! LUNCH! (Who the hell came up with the three meal a day plan? They should be SHOT!) NAP! (Thank god!!!!) Birthday party girl arrives home! It's NICE OUT! Let's GO OUT! PLAYGROUND TIME! (Yes. G and I took all three kids to the playground. No broken bones. No bloody lips. No fistfights. 100 BONUS POINTS!!!) Come home. MORE OUTSIDE! Let's RIDE BIKES! Helmet won't fit over super curly hair. Tears. Lots of tears. Aunt Cara says fine. Don't wear the helmet. But if you fall over and crack your head I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU! Tricycle breaks. Damn. Let's go in! DINNER! Pasta and butter AGAIN! Yes. You can watch a show. Turn show on. Do dishes (I did so many dishes!) KIDS ASLEEP!!!! IT'S ONLY 6:30!!! THEY HAVEN'T PEED AND THEY WILL WAKE UP IN THREE HOURS AND BE UP ALL NIGHT!!! You have no points left. YOU LOSE. Baby's about to fall asleep when you realize he hasn't pooped all weekend. He's a once a day kind of guy. Shit. LITERALLY! Change diaper THREE TIMES in 45 minutes. Big kids still sleeping. Baby finally asleep. Big kids wake up. Okay. Let's watch that movie you promised. Sorry, honey, it's too late. BUT YOU PROMISED!!! Kids are all in various beds - some of them their own - most of them not. OTHER sister shows up sometime in the middle of the night. Don't sleep so well. Hmmmm.

Monday, M had school and I was relieved a bit my other sister. She came down the night before and suprised the kids in the morning by managing to wake before noon. I took M to school (I PACKED A LUNCH! And wrote him a note - my mom always wrote us notes in our lunch bags) and came home to find my sister playing with the other two kids. Took five minutes to clean up the freaking kitchen AGAIN. And straighten up some toys. Sister leaves. Toddler melts down SPECTACULARLY! I made sure he couldn't hurt himself and let him go at it. Quite impressive. Finally he calmed down and we drove around in the minivan with a movie going for C and hoping the baby would fall asleep. He does, but doesn't make the transfer from the car to the bed. More melt downs. MY SISTER IS ON THE AIRPLANE HOME! Lots of TV that afternoon as I try to put the house back together. Pick up M from school. Twist ankle on front yard as kids climb through ivy and get stuck. Start crying. Scare kids. Love kids. MOM HOME!!!!

That was my weekend. How was yours?

I'm being sort of funny, but it was quite the weekend. G and I were stressed but we loved it too. We missed each other - I would see him and want to hug and cuddle but there were three kids on the couch between him and me and it was tough. He was a real trooper and the kids and he bonded which makes so happy. My sister and b-i-l got to get away. I proved to myself I'm much tougher than I think I am. We're all winners!!!!

I even got to knit. A little bit.

Square #6

I started this square right before I left for my sister's. I finished it this morning. I've already started the next one. This square was completely influenced by this post over at Ruth's. Ruth has been exploring color by taking photographs and breaking them down into their elemental colors. It's a great idea and I may just follow suit. I've got some flower pictures that might need to be broken down. Thanks for the inspiration Ruth!

I wanted to thank you all again for your participation in the discussion on comments and blogs. I've seen the topic come up quite a bit around the blogs and everything I've seen remains thoughtful and respectful. That's no small task in this day and age where everything seems to break down to a toddler's level rather quickly among the adults in this world. I said it first! I said it best! I'm RIGHT! She's WRONG! It's NOT FAIR! Honestly, I didn't see any of that and I thank you so much. I hope we can have more give and take like this real soon. Thanks again for reading.

Up next: More miters! If you're sick of these, you might want to take a break from reading. That's about all you're going to get for a while, I'm afraid. Well, I'm not really afraid because I love them more and more each day, but you might be bored.

PS - I almost forgot! While I was being SUPER AUNT, I also managed to do an interview with Tara for Create A Connection and the Interview Tuesday series. Check out the site - there's lots of great stuff. Melba's done a great job putting it out there. Thanks girls!

Posted by Cara at 03:53 PM | Comments (77)

March 22, 2007

One Million Possibilities

About the only thing that could possibly make me feel better is this:

When I took to my bed yesterday, I wanted to knit. But not socks or the cardigan or any of the other half knit stuff I have laying around the house. I wanted to knit a mitered square. I really really REALLY wanted to knit a mitered square. So I laid out all the TCC I have and started moving colors around on the bed and I came up with a couple of possibilities but nothing I loved. And my head hurt so I told myself don't push it. Wait. Be patient. Today I was rewarded! One of my new batches of TCC arrived and I see a MILLION possibilities! I'm going to try to be good and get everything ready for the weekend and get some work out of the way and THEN I will be allowed to knit my miters. Only then. I might plan a few out before hand, might move some colors around, but NO KNITTING. No. I will be good. It's a very lucky thing that I have to watch those kids this weekend, or we all might be in trouble. You might find me Monday one very sick girl mumbling miter miter miter miter over and over again rocking back and forth with imaginary needles and imaginary yarn in hand. DUDES! WAIT! IDEA! I've never wanted to take LSD before, for fear I'd lose myself in some kind of psychedelic haze - but OH MY GOD! What if you could take LSD and KNIT MITERS?!?! Seriously. I haven't taken any cold medicine at all. I swear.

Before I sign off for the weekend, I wanted to sincerely thank you all for your comments on my post yesterday and especially over at Steph's. Thank you for the tremendous insight you left here, and over there, and thank you for being respectful. I promise you: I read EVERY SINGLE COMMENT left here. I even read the fucking spam comments. I may not be able to reply to every one, but I READ THEM. And I appreciate every one of you - whether you leave a comment or not. ETA: I have my blog set up so that every comment I get comes in as an email. This way it makes it easier for me to reply back to the commenter (when I can - I'm sorry I'm not better than I am.) You might want to check your blog to see if you have this setting - it makes communication so much easier!

Have a fantastic weekend!

Posted by Cara at 01:25 PM | Comments (90)

March 21, 2007

Best Laid Plans

I feel like stomping around and throwing a fit. I'm home today. I love my home, don't get me wrong, but I'd much rather be playing with my friend than blowing my nose every 30 seconds. I had the sniffles at the beginning of the week and thought maybe it was just allergies. But sometime in the middle of my nice romantic night in the big city, it turned into a full-fledged cold. So no Spinning Guild for me. No fun. Just snot.

I will be spending the next 36 hours doing everything I can to rest and rest and rest. Three kids, 6, almost 4 and 2 weeks from 2, are depending on me for FUN FUN FUN this weekend and I cannot disappoint. At least if your nose is stuffed you can't smell the poop when you change the diaper. Right? RIGHT???

PS - Steph inadvertently started an interesting conversation on blogging. In this post, she asks the question "Why blog if you don't have people pop in and say hello?" in regards to blogs she's visited that don't have any comments. It didn't go over too well, so she explains herself here. I jumped in with my opinion. It's slightly incoherent - but I'm SICK so give me a break. I'm sure Steph would love to hear your opinion - no matter what side you're on - she's open minded and terrific like that.

PPS - Okay - so I just read some more of the comments over at Steph's and because I don't want to take up all her space I'm going to write some thoughts on commenting on blogs over here. One of the commenters mentioned how hard it is to get people to comment on blogs when you're not in the "clique." Oh man do I understand that feeling! What the fuck is she talking about, you're saying - she gets like fifteen million comments a day! She IS the clique. Biotch. Comment Ho. Yeah, yeah, yeah. NOW I get a lot of comments (comparitively - there are bloggers out there getting WAY more comments than me - unless, of course, I'm giving something away - NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING. I'M JUST STATING FACT.) but when I first started blogging - I got a handful of comments here and there. For the first year or two in fact. Blogging in a community (as opposed to blogging for yourself - which I also think is VERY legitimate if that's what you want) takes work. It's a RELATIONSHIP. Community is a RELATIONSHIP. I've been asked a lot - recently in fact - how to get new blogs on the map. My answers to these questions: read and COMMENT on other people's blogs. I like to go and leave comments on blogs that are new to me. Link to people! It may be narcisstic of me, but I like to check my stats. I like to see who's linking to me and what they have to say. I often leave comments on blogs that have linked to me. Be a part of a swap or an online blog ring but most of all, people will engage with you if you engage with them. There are literally thousands of blogs out there - not everyone is going to read your blog. If you want an audience, go out and get it.

I'm sick. I can't hear very well. Did that sound bad? I don't want it to sound bad. I want it to sound honest and truthful and not pedantic and oh whatever. I have to go blow my fucking nose again. HONK!!!!! SNIFFsniff. Please excuse me. Thank you.

Posted by Cara at 11:53 AM | Comments (136)

March 20, 2007

Colors

Ice T said it best:

(If Ice T isn't your speed, Ann's got some Mr. Rogers You Tube goodness over on her site. Just sayin'.)

You don't come out the other end of a weekend like I just had without learning some stuff about yourself. Things I learned while sitting on the couch knitting like a fiend for three and a half days:

- My husband is a saint. He can't stand to be in the house all day and I thrive on it. So after the twenty-third hour of my sitting on the couch, knitting away furiously, saying "Isn't this the greatest weekend ever!" over and over, it's a miracle he didn't hit me. He smiled and thanked me for being so happy. He also didn't mention that I smelled. You think you're not working up a funk sitting on that couch but you do. Trust me. I actually showered Saturday night at around 11:30 PM. (Which may not seem weird to you, but honestly, if I'm not leaving the house, I ain't showering. Please call before you come over.) ETA: I should also say that I didn't MAKE G stay in the house with me all weekend. He was allowed to leave. And he did. Just not as much as he would've liked.

- While I greatly admire the funkiness of Nona's spectacular short row log cabin swatches (FANTASTIC TUTORIAL HERE), my mind can't do that. How I would love to bend the way they do out in Gee's land, but I get such satisfaction out of all those little v's lined up in a precise, neat, orderly row that to deliberately knock things off their wack is something I'm not capable of. It makes me feel weird. AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT. I really really really am. Because I can bend and twist and turn and scare the bejeezus out of myself with COLOR. C-O-L-O-R. That's what I'm all about.

I was particularly taken with this fuchsia color.
I used it as an accent in three of my miters.
Did you know fuchsia rhymes with Lucia?

- I'm not sure if this is really learned, because I've known it for a long time, but it really is all about COLOR for me. Rarely do I shoot with black & white in mind. My personal work has always been about color. My knitting has always been about color. My SPINNING has definitely always been about color. The only reason I started spinning was to make yarn like this. That was it. Not even to necessarily knit with it, just spin up all that color.

It's funny too - my house is kind of drab in it's decor. I have white walls EVERYWHERE. Well, the walls you can see because my living room/dining room is covered with wood-like (is particle board really wood?) bookcases thereby hiding the walls. There's lots and lots of wood (which can be colorful, but my wood's not) and my furniture is navy blue and my wall to wall carpeting is brown and my bedroom's kind of brown with lots of wood and my sheets are dark and blue and so are the drapes and no wonder all I want is color in my life! Why limit myself to ROSE colored glasses?!? I want all the colors of the rainbow!

- I learned that I'm accepting of the dual nature of my obsessive tendencies. Because sometimes they can be truly grand and net me five glorious blocks of color, but sometimes they can fuck with me to the extreme and make me miserable and scared and feel vastly out of control. It's okay though because I can take the bad with the very very good. Sometimes.

- I learned that on occasion I DO like Mondays because they give you the break you need after a weekend spent obsessing. And spinning guild. I'm extremely grateful for spinning guild because when you're spinning you're not knitting (because as much as we'd like to, we can't knit ALL THE TIME, we must eat and sleep!) and yet you still get to play with COLOR!

Pre-Drafted Spunky Eclectic Fiber
Biffle - Tie Dye Colorway

Fluffy goodness all drafted up - ready to be spun!

Yesterday I knit a few rows on the KH Cardigan - it was comfort knitting is there ever was one. I learned that when you throw yourself into something - even something that COULD be comforting (like stockinette stitch miters) - when your brain is working overtime processing colors and ideas and thinking thinking thinking it's NOT restful. Invigorating? Yes. Inspiring? Yes. Compelling? Creative? Fulfilling? Yes. Yes. Yes. Restful, though, it's not. Today I'm going to spin a little and then I'm spending the night in the big city with my G. Tomorrow I'm off to Lawn Guyland to hang with my favorite martian and the guild. Thursday I'm off to my sister's to BABYSIT. No rest for the weary. I'm not sure if I'll be blogging at all until next week sometime. I will try to check in to let you all know that the kids are taking very good care of us - but if not, have no fear. My voice is back and it's LOUD. (In fact, I wish I would just shut up already....)

Have a great week everyone!

Posted by Cara at 10:41 AM | Comments (27)

February 23, 2007

The Grass is Always Greener

I'm not perfect. (Even if I strive for it at times with an unhealthy force.) I'm human. I can guarantee you that, on a fairly regular basis, I piss off and annoy and sometimes hurt the people that love me and that I love most in this world. So imagine the damage that I can inflict upon the strangers that may stumble upon this blog. I have deliberately chosen to write this blog in an open, intimate way - I'm not sure I could do it another way; that's how I am in real life - and because of that it may seem to regular readers, and even casual readers, that you know me. The closer you feel to a person, the more you think you know about their life, the easier it is for them to let you down and disappoint. It's just the way it is.

It's been suggested that I put myself in someone else's shoes. I am empathetic to a fault, but the truth of the matter is that I CAN'T put myself in anyone else's shoes. I can ONLY KNOW my own life. I've often said that one of the reasons my marriage is as healthy as it is, is that early on I figured out that people CANNOT read your mind. If you want something from someone - if you're not getting what you need - you MUST communicate what those needs are! You can't fault anyone for not giving you what you want if you've never told them what it is you need and/or expect. (Now if they don't deliver after that - or your demands are extraordinary - well - that's what couples therapy is for.)

Many times I've felt myself apologizing to people when I talk about my problems, my pains, my disappointments because they just aren't as bad or important as war or famine or disease - or whatever horrible thing you or someone else has had to suffer through. My problems surely aren't as bad as other peoples. But I still have problems. And they're the only problems I know. And because they're my problems and I have to live with them every day, I can't diminish how they make me feel. NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR HOW YOU FEEL. Feelings aren't rational. They oftentimes come out of nowhere and don't make any sense whatsoever but they are what they are and there's nothing you can do about them. If you've got a hangnail and it's making your day as shitty as it possibly could be - THAT IS VALID because you're having a shitty day. There is no need to feel bad about your shitty day because someone else found out that their loved one is very sick. Or they lost their job. Or their kid is being picked on in school. You can feel for those people, sure, but you can still feel bad for yourself.

I think this is really important. We live in a society that is always comparing things - my tv is bigger than yours. Your house is bigger than mine. My stash blows away your stash. Children are starving - why are you still buying yarn? Size matters. And, honestly, I don't see anything wrong with a little healthy competition every now and again. But not when it comes to feelings. My feelings are my feelings and I have every right to feel them - whether you think I'm an ass or not - just like you have a right to your wonderful, horrible, gut wrenching, soul soaring feelings. I would never take that away from you. I would never judge your bad day in the face of all the horribleness happening in this world at any given minute of the day.

I think one of the greatest strengths of humans is the inability to really understand other people. It's our most useful survival mechanism. If we could be in each other's head - if we could actually feel the pain of others - we'd all be doomed. How could we possibly live with the weight of the world literally on our shoulders? As it is, it's enough that we have to feel our own pain. And through that pain, we can imagine what other's might be feeling and show them the compassion we'd want shown to us.

We all know how hard it is to get the people around the us - the people we live with every single day - our partners, our children, our parents, our friends, our co-workers. We SEE them - their body language, their facial expressions, the evidence of the bad hair day, the hang nail, the sore back that makes them moody and belligerant. We HEAR the pain in their voices, the excitement, the pity. We can FEEL their arms around us, the hand on our backs, making us feel that it's going to be okay. All this and we STILL have trouble understanding what they're really all about. As great as the Internet is, there is A LOT missing. Honestly, if I had every one of your phone numbers, I'd call you in a heartbeat - way before I returned an email. I NEED that connection. But since that's not practical (and my husband would plotz at the phone bill) we must make do with this superior, albeit, cold communication. We miss so, so much. We read things wrong all the time. We say the wrong things all the time. I, myself, have hurt people through email and have been hurt through email. I've imagined relationships that weren't really there. I've been disappointed, I've disappointed. I've also found some of my best friendships. A commaraderie that I never imagined I'd find. An understanding I'd never thought I'd realize.

I'm not perfect. I'm human after all. And more than compassion or sympathy or understanding, the one thing I'd like most in this world, the one thing I try very hard to extend (and I fail miserably sometimes) and have extended to me is RESPECT. From respect grows all manners of human kindness.

My Woolee Winder and I have come to a temporary truce.

We've decided to start over from a place of respect. I communicated my needs, and it communicated it's needs and hopefully we'll have some new yarn to show you on Monday.

As always, I know you have a choice on the Internet. Boundless choices, actually. And I fully understand if you don't like what you read here. I encourage you to move on and find something new. But if you choose to stick around, I'd ask you to remember - I can't read your mind. I can't see your face or hear your voice. I don't know how you're feeling and you don't know how I'm feeling unless I tell you. Most of the time that's better for all of us. I hope, though, that to the best of your abilities, you will treat my little corner of the internet with respect. And I promise, to the best of my ability, to treat you with respect. I thank you for spending some of your hard-earned time with me and wish you only the best.

L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:54 AM | Comments (160)

February 05, 2007

Hasta La Vista Baby!

I was planning on a proper post today, but then I had to go down Philly for a funeral. Graveside. A million degrees below zero. Fun times.

Georgie and I are off on vacay tomorrow at an ungodly hour. I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging - we need some alone time, my man and I. I hope to have plenty of knitting and possibly some yarn to show you when I get back - and I hope to see a bunch of knitbloggers while I'm out on the left coast. Email me if you're in the Palo Alto area Friday night.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 08:52 PM | Comments (28)

February 02, 2007

This Blogger's (Silent) Poetry Reading

in keeping with a theme....

Kissing

They are kissing, on a park bench,
on the edge of an old bed, in a doorway
or on the floor of a church. Kissing
as the streets fill with balloons
or soldiers, locusts or confetti, water
or fire or dust. Kissing down through
the centuries under sun or stars, a dead tree,
an umbrella, amid derelicts. Kissing
as Christ carries his cross, as Gandhi
sings his speeches, as a bullet
careens through the air toward a child's
good heart. They are kissing,
long, deep, spacious kisses, exploring
the silence of the tongue, the mute
rungs of the upper palate, hungry
for the living flesh. They are still
kissing when the cars crash and the bombs
drop, when the babies are born crying
into the white air, when Mozart bends
to his bowl of soup and Stalin
bends to his garden. They are kissing
to begin the world again. Nothing
can stop them. They kiss until their lips
swell, their thick tongues quickening
to the budded touch, licking up
the sweet juices. I want to believe
they are kissing to save the world,
but they're not. All they know
is this press and need, these two-legged
beasts, their faces like roses crushed
together and opening, they are covering
their teeth, they are doing what they have to do
to survive the worst, they are sealing
the hard words in, they are dying
for our sins. In a broken world they are
practicing this simple and singular act
to perfection. They are holding
onto each other. They are kissing.

Dorianne Laux
from What We Carry


For more information about the Blogger (Silent) Poetry Reading, please click here. Please feel free to post a poem today that touches you in some way - be it your own, or someone else's. Have a great weekend!

Posted by Cara at 07:39 AM | Comments (31)

January 25, 2007

Blue Morning, Blue Day

Georgie woke up singing this song this morning. We've been on a Foreigner kick lately. We had been talking about them for awhile - did we have their greatest hits? Why didn't we have their greatest hits? And then one day last week or so I got in the car and noticed that the little snowflake was on next to the temperature gauge and all of a sudden "Cold As Ice" came on the radio! I thought what a funny coincidence! We were just talking about Foreigner and now it's cold and here's the song! DUH. Silly me! Georgie had bought the CD and set up the radio so when I turned the car on it would fill with those beginning piano chords. He's so goofy!

Today didn't start out so good. I was feeling physcially better, but kind of anxious. Can I confess something? December was beyond awful. I spent every day terrified about Georgie's illness and anxiety doesn't even begin to slice it. But, and this is a really big but, it was also something of a relief to have something REAL to be anxious about. And it wasn't about me. A lot of the time I spend in my head making up stuff to be freaked out about and feel out of control about and when there is something tangible to ACTUALLY FREAK OUT about with GOOD REASON, well, in all honesty, that's kind of a relief for me. Does that make sense? Because I'd rather panic every day for the rest of my life than have Georgie be sick. I hope I'm making sense.

Anyway. I was feeling kind of bad this morning. Anxiety bad. And still a little physcially bad but mostly anxiety bad so I finished up some work then I decided to run again. Tomorrow is supposed to be BRUTALLY cold around here (maybe not as cold at Zeneedle Land, but still, high of 16, windchills in the negative numbers - that's pretty freaking cold) so I thought if I want to run again this week I better do it today. So I did. And I felt SO much better after. I came in the house and wrote my run down on the calendar and realized that I have run three days a week since the first week of January. Four weeks down! YAY!

I also got a great email from a very happy client. Also YAY!

And early this morning I split up the fronts and back on CPH:

Still loving the project - mainly because I'm loving the Beaverslide! (Worsted Weight, Huckleberry Heather.) I'm thinking I might still knit the fronts and back at the same time. I'll have to keep track of some things a bit more, but it might be nice to turn those cables all at the same time. We'll see. We're going away week after next (Palo Alto peeps! I'm coming out there!) and G keeps saying it's going to be cold and I'd love to have the sweater done by then, but I don't think that's going to happen. I can be fast, but not that fast. Maybe I'll finish it out there. I haven't tackled the math yet, but I think I've got a handle on what needs to be done. Thanks for all the offers of help. And for all the cheering up. I really appreciate it. This day is definitely looking better.

Posted by Cara at 01:46 PM | Comments (44)

January 24, 2007

Heinous

Awful. Horrible. Wicked Bad. All of these adjectives pretty much sum up my day. Yesterday I mentioned how I went to the doctor - well, what I didn't tell you was that I had an unexpected procedure performed that wasn't supposed to be a big deal but ended up being borderline traumatic. Maybe I'm being a bit hyperbolic, but I was incredibly uncomfortable for the entire day and night. Even now, I'm a bit better, but not all better.

When I woke up this morning, still in pain, I decided that I really didn't feel like going to the doctor again today - to be poked and prodded and needled up - so I went on to the doctor's office's website and rescheduled the appointment. Isn't technology great? I can go onto my doctor's office's website and make appointments, cancel appointments, reschedule appointments, refill prescriptions - GREAT! Except they forget to tell you on the appointment page that you'll be charged $200 if you cancel/change the appointment within 24 hours of the scheduled time. Yup. They were nice enough to call me about 45 minutes BEFORE the appoinment to tell me that - when I had no time to get there. I would've gone if I had known. At 7AM I had rescheduled with them for next week - so I'll fight with them when I get there.

Then I went out to run, which was good while I was out there, but now I'm in pain again. And I still have tons of work to do.

To top it all off, I'm about to the part of my CPH where I have to split and then I'm going to have to start on some Knitty Math. I hate Knitty Math.

Suck suck suck suck suck! My day SUCKS! I'm going to go take a nice hot bath and crawl under the covers and close my eyes. Hopefully it will be tomorrow when I open them again.....

How's your day going?

Posted by Cara at 02:10 PM | Comments (53)

January 23, 2007

Say AHHHH!

It's visit your physician week at JO. Today I went to the GYN and tomorrow I go for my annual physical with my GP. Fun times. I'm fat, first of all. If I wanted to be the skinniest I think I could get to - I need to lose about 25 lbs. That's a bummer, no? I told you I've been running, and I have, but I need to incorporate the weights into the program and eventually I have to start eating better. Which actually means I should eat MORE not less. I'm one of those people who can't be bothered with food. That doesn't mean I don't like food, I love lots of things and enjoy eating. It's just a pain in the ass that you have to do it at least three times a day. I hate figuring out what I'm going to eat, I hate preparing it. I've often said if I could take a time release capsule that would give me all the nutrients and stuff I need, I'd be first in line. Now, if you want to cook for me.... Anyway, what I usually end up doing is NOT eating until I'm starving then reaching for the closest frozen food dinner which I scarf down in record time. I rarely snack. Not a big snacker - I eat when I'm starving and I eat bad stuff. And for the last couple of years I've sat on my ass and done nothing. (Well, I've knit a lot, but as much as it pains me, knitting cannot be considered an aerobic activity.) That's why I only have to lose 25 lbs - not a hundred. Bright side, you know?

The doctor today actually didn't say anything about my weight, but my GP tomorrow will. Getting old(er) has many many advantages, but the physical part of it kind of sucks. Oh and I learned today that some of the most valuable people in your life are the ones you can tell ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING too. Nothing is too gross, too gruesome, too shameful, too embarrassing. These are the people to keep close to you. I'm lucky. I've got at least two, possibly three or four people like this in my life. Thank you for listening to me and laughing along with me instead of hanging up the phone. At least I didn't offer to SHOW you what I was talking about. Right?

Lots of work to do, surprisingly. Lots of work. Not sure I'll be blogging tomorrow as I'm off to the Dr. again and I'm swamped. Besides, I've got nothing to show you except the same sweater I showed you the other day. No progress has been made unless you count backwards progress.

I AM LOOKING FOR THE FOLLOWING THREE STR VIRGINS:
Sandy who wrote:
I need STR (socks that rock) because my closet is full of STPACM (socks that prefer adult contemporary music).

Karen who wrote:
I need this yarn because I'm a STR virgin and I've read the Socks That Rock story on your blog and several others. I feel for the ladies but I don't want to commit to a sock club membership before I have a chance to test out their lovely yarn. What better chance than through you? Besides, I'm an avid hiker and it would be great to have some super cozy hiking socks that I knit myself!

Amy O'Dell who wrote:
Because this is how I feel without STR in my life:

Shirts in the closet, shoes in the hall
Mama's in the kitchen, baby and all
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
But you're missing

Coffee cups on the counter, jackets on the chair
Papers on the doorstep, but you're not there
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
But you're missing

O.K., perhaps that song is just too tragic and beautiful for this situation but I bet I got on your good side, didn't I?!?

YOU'VE WON YARN, BUT YOU HAVEN'T RESPONDED TO MY EMAIL ASKING FOR YOUR MAILING ADDRESS. I will send another one, but if you don't email me back by Friday, I will pick three new winners out of the hat. PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPAM FOLDERS. THANK YOU!

Have a great day!

Posted by Cara at 01:52 PM | Comments (32)

January 22, 2007

Photobooth

Nephew #3 and Me

I was in Philly this weekend for nephew #1's super fantastic bowling birthday party. I was in charge of two lanes - the two lanes with the babies, i.e. the kids under 6. Fun times, but I ran those lanes like a dictator. More than one parent thanked me.

The best part of the party (besides my two spares) was the photobooth. If I ever win the lottery I'm totally getting one of these for my gigantic custom-built mansion (that incidentally is a sprawling ranch - isn't it funny how dreams change? I always thought I was a Colonial kind of girl, but not so much anymore.) I think it would be great fun to just step in at random times of the day and see what pops out. It could almost be like a mood ring of sorts. What's my mood right now? But honestly it's probably a good idea that I haven't won the lottery. I'd get even less done than I do now. I have to stop procrastinating.

I didn't knit much this weekend, and when I did it was on CPH. I think I'm getting pretty close to splitting things up. I guess I forgot how fast knits go on size 9 needles. I still love the yarn and the pattern's still good - except my handy dandy row counter tip somehow got pulled out of the row it was tracking and I turned the next cable too early. So I have to rip. It's only like six rows - not a big deal.

What else is going on? It's finally cold where I am - and I'm enjoying it. Especially since superhusband sealed the windows this weekend while I was away and it's now very warm in my house. Even though I never officially joined Runagogo - I'm still running. If I want to I can move up to Week 4 of my program today. I haven't decided yet. I'm not seeing too many results yet - but I feel better. And I love being outside. I LOVE running in the cold. I love getting all bundled up and hitting the pavement and feeling just a little bit chilly and then ten minutes in I'm positively WARM inside and 15-20 minutes in I'm ripping off the gloves and pushing the hat back for a little air-conditioning. LOVE IT! So much better than running in the Summer when you're hot before you even leave the house. The only problem I have is that sometimes my glasses get all fogged up and I can't see. This week I think I'm going to incorporate some weight training. Fun times! (But I'd really like to start seeing some payoff in the near future....)

Thanks for all your comments on the Legacies post - look for a continuation hopefully some time this week. Hey Vicki! Guess what I picked up when I was home?! BUTTONS!

Have a good Monday!

Nephew #3, Sister #2 and Me

Posted by Cara at 09:42 AM | Comments (32)

January 18, 2007

Legacies

Rissie Zeenberg, my maternal grandmother, taught me to knit one fine rainy afternoon. I'm going to guess it was the fall of 2002, although I'm not a hundred percent sure. She gave me some pink plastic needles and some Day-Glo Orange Red Heart and set me on my way. My grandmother is definitely more of a seamstress than a knitter, although she's knit lots of great stuff, and she's always amazed at what I can do with two needles, some yarn and one very quick lesson. I guess it was the right place at the right time because I'm not the only grandchild to ask her to teach them how to knit, but I'm definitely the only one that's really stuck with it (read: become obsessed.) What she says, though, is that I remind her of my other grandmother, my paternal grandmother, Harriet Davis. My nana stopped knitting after suffering an aneurysm and a massive stroke when I was nine. She was the real knitter in the family, as my grandmom likes to say, churning out Arans of every size for the whole family. I remember those sweaters very well - but I have no idea what happened to them. The really sad part is that I have no memory of my nana knitting. As I said, she had the stroke when I was nine, and while she recovered enough to live on her own for another ten years, she was never the same afterward. She had to relearn to walk and talk and her left side was always very weak. Sometimes, though, when I knit night after night, I like to think that I'm like her, this grandmother I barely knew - I've got her knitting gene. And that makes me so very happy.

Rosie's Yarn Cellar, one of my favorite Philly knitting shops, has decided on a new book policy for the store (via Go Knit In Your Hat.) They've decided that they've had it with books insulting their grandmothers. You know the ones - they claim a million hip trendy knits - the "not your grandmother's knitting" knits. On the store's blog, they talk about beginning knitting books that dumb everything down, with lots of big needles and lots of scarves. And how, at their store, they challenge their beginning knitters with fair isle and dpns. I've knit exactly ONE scarf in my life, and I hated just about every minute of it. I've knit three hats - okay four - if you count the fun fur extravaganza. I don't wear hats and I don't wear scarves and I pretty much knit for myself so that's that. My first real project, after a million and half swatches, was a 5'x6' four color slip stitch blanket that I knit with acrylic. It was also my foray into circular needles (for knitting flat.) We use it all the time. The only lesson I had had was my grandmother teaching me to knit and purl. That's it. Whenever people email me with questions - they can't do this, it's too hard - what's too hard? Everything is either knitting or purling with some variety thrown in! That's it! And the best part about knitting is if you try it and it doesn't work, you can rip and try again. And again and again and again. Eventually you'll figure it out.

Anyway, back to the books and grandmothers. For the most part I agree with Rosie's policy. Part of the problem is that I don't think there's enough variety out there in knitting books. It all sort of seems the same to me. That's what I thought was so fantastic about Mason Dixon Knitting - if you were something of a beginner - there were plenty of projects to knit and feel comfortable with. If you were a more advanced knitter, it was the perfect jumping off point for boundless creativity. (Visions of log cabins are ALWAYS dancing in my head....) And the best part of the book was WHATEVER your skill level, it NEVER SPOKE DOWN to you! Never assumed you couldn't knit anything you put your mind to. Maybe that's the problem with all these "not your grandmother's knitting" books. It's not that their' knitting scarves on big needles, it's that they're actually assuming that my grandmother's knitting was too complicated and intricate and time-consuming for my whirlwind fantastic super fast super terrific life. Why would I want to slow things down, with small(er) needles and charts and new skills? We are, after all, an instant gratification society. I also think that books like these - Knit it fast! Knit it fun! - and their publishers buy into the whole "knitting as trend" philosophy rather than the knitting as art or knitting as craft (or knitting is FOREVER) attitude. Popular or not popular, I have no plans to stop knitting anytime soon. Just some thoughts. Talk amongst yourselves.

Speaking of knitting, things are finally going well with my Central Park Hoodie. I'm a couple rows away from my fourth cable turn and all is well. I'm loving the yarn. The pattern is easy. I'm doing the back and fronts all in one piece up the armholes, and once I figured out how to read a chart, it was smooth sailing. I basically have taken out one stitch at each back end and one stitch at each front end (where the fronts meet the back) so that the ribbing all matched out. These are the stitches that would've been used for seaming - and since I won't have any seams in the body - I won't need them. I'm planning on doing the sleeves at the same time as well.

The yarn, as you know, is Beaverslide's 90% Merino/10% Kid Mohair in the Huckleberry Heather color. I'm really enjoying knitting with it - even with the 10% Mohair. I don't notice it all and the yarn is soft enough and it's about as hairy as the Cascade 220 Heather I used for Ariann. So no problems. I will mention that every now and again I come across a knot in one of the plys of this two-ply yarn. It's not that big of a deal - I just snip the knot out and spit splice it all back together. No biggie. It might bother some people though, so I thought I should mention. Other than that, I'm enjoying the yarn so much I bought enough for two more sweaters! Excellent value too. Each skein holds at least 200 yds.

I'm having fun with the cables - it seems like a long time since I've done cables. And, yes, I use a cable needle. I LIKE my cable needle. I can see if you were doing a really complicated piece where you had to cable every five seconds you might want to master cabling without the needle, and maybe I will someday coughAmKamincough, but for now I like my needle. I also came up with a handy dandy method of keeping track of my rows. I don't like all those row counter thingamabobs and I like my stitch markers very plain, so every row that I turn the cable I loop a long piece of thread through the first stitch and that's how I keep count. Want to see?

I like it nice and long because that way it doesn't fall out. Not brain science in the least, but it works for me and since you all seem to like the tips and things.... Thanks for all the nice comments about my brief tutorial yesterday. You're very kind, but don't expect to see that kind of stuff around here very often. I'll leave the lessons to the experts. I'm just fuddling along like everyone else!

One last thing - I'm THRILLED to tell you all that G-ROCKS and January One are now for sale over at Blue Moon. Their website's working just fine and you can all go buy buy buy! THANK YOU!

Posted by Cara at 04:23 PM | Comments (64)

January 02, 2007

If I could walk 500 miles

dudes, I would be in GREAT shape. As it were, I'm not in any kind of shape these days. Did you see what Rachael's doing? The 100 Miles by April 1st thing? Yeah, I'm not signing on per se, but let's just say I strapped the girls down into my new sports bra and headed out on the trail today. I'm not making any resolutions here - I'm more in the MamaCate camp in that regard. The older I get the nicer I try to be to myself - if I make a resolution it's kind of like setting yourself up for failure. So I'm making an INTENTION. My goal is to be running at least 20 minutes straight by April 1. I'm doing a ten week beginning runners program and I've given myself about a three week cushion. I should be able to do it. But all I can do is my best.

Along with running comes trying to live healthier. Baby steps though - once the running gets back into habit mode the rest may just fall into place (eating better, sleeping better, all of that.) At the least I'm going to try to be more conscious about my health. I want to feel good - I don't really care what I look like to be honest. Would I like to lose fifteen pounds? Sure I would but more than that I'd like to be comfortable in the clothes I already own and feel better - have more energy - get rid of some aches and pains that have been creeping in along with the years. Blah blah blah. Same as everyone else, I suppose.

The birthday was grand in that it was a total nonevent. It may seem oxymoronic but having such a big birthday (I mean, who are we kidding? The whole WORLD celebrates it!), which I love, don't get me wrong, puts just a tad bit of pressure on you. Because of that I like my birthday to be sort of normal. Which it was. In totally normal fashion, I ran some errands, got a headache from the rain, knit on my socks, watched some decent movies and cuddled with my honey and really that's all I can ask. And of course I was treated to wonderful birthday greetings from all of you every time I sat down at the computer! Thank you for making the day so special, but not overwhelming in any way. ;-)

Speaking of socks, here's how the G-Rocks January One socks are progressing:

I continue to love the stripey goodness and I can totally see the advantage to doing two socks at the same time. Because when you're done - you'll have a PAIR of socks. It does seem to be going quite slow and I'm a little bit daunted by the fact that when I'm done I will have one of each pair, but I love this yarn so much that it doesn't really matter. It always surprises me when I haven't knit with Socks That Rock for awhile and then go back to it how soft and wonderful this yarn is - FOR ME. Others might not have the same opinion but I do love this yarn and often times wonder why I knit with anything else.

Now I need your help with a problem. I bought these new fantastic shoes - Dansko Camilla in Black Oiled Leather - and they're super cute, feel good and show off my socks spectacularly. BUT when I wore them the other day I noticed that the edge of the lip rubbed against my socks in a very bad way. Here are some pictures to illustrate:

You see, I had a lot of fuzziness/pilling/whatever at the edge of my heel - right where you start to turn the heel on the sock. When I got home, I shaved it down a little bit and it looks fine now, but I'm afraid this will wear my socks out really fast. I could leave the pilling, but it doesn't look so pretty - or I could not wear handknit socks with these shoes (not really an option since these are the only socks I have now) or I could hope that with wear the shoes will stretch and relax and the back won't cause pilling. The shoes are absolutely the right size. And there's nothing really sticking out or anything on the lip - nothing that I could sand down or some solution like that. Anybody have these shoes, or shoes like them and have any suggestions? I have enough socks to alternate a lot so that I'm not wearing down the same socks over and over, but still - I don't want to unnecessarily makes them wear out faster. Thanks for the ideas.

Thank you again for all of your good wishes - birthday, holiday, health-wise - over the past few weeks. They have meant more than you can know and as always I thank you so much for spending some of your valuable time here with me. I wish all good things for all of us in the new year!

Posted by Cara at 02:02 PM | Comments (46)

January 01, 2007

January 1, 1976

Posted by Cara at 03:52 AM | Comments (245)

December 27, 2006

Turnabout is Fair Play

Recently I received a letter from some kind lawyers asking me to take down some words on my website that infringed upon their client's trademark. Even though we all got a HUGE laugh out of it and talked about the ridiculousness of lawyers and putting words together seemingly erroneously, it IS serious business and I complied with their request ASAP. The words they asked me to remove have indeed been removed.

Imagine my surprise to find that the same thing has happened to ME! Someone has copied some of my words, written here on this blog, and used them as their own. Not only didn't they give me credit for the words, but they didn't ask my permission. So just in case anyone forgot:

As we all know, mistakes can happen. I didn't know that putting two words together would get me a letter from a lawyer, and once I found out, I fixed my mistake. Maybe this person doesn't understand that copying a post from my blog, or taking pictures without permission is wrong. Maybe YOU don't know that. And that's okay. Not everyone can know everything all of the time. But I'm telling you now that it's wrong. If you have any doubts at all, err on the side of caution and ASK the owner of said material. They may say yes, use it - they may say yes with certain qualifications or they may say no. Every answer is appropriate because THEY OWN IT.

I'm not going to say what it is I found or where I found it because I'm going to give this person the benefit of the doubt for a little bit. So don't go looking around trying to defend my honor or anything - thank you for having my back - but I'll let you know when I need you.

Thanks for listening and reading and not stealing, as always. ;-)

FYI: Linking to someone is FINE. That's what blogs are supposed to do - you link to another site. Do it ALL THE TIME. Even quoting a part of a post is fine, in my book, as long as you link back to the original and SAY where you got it from. In this case, someone copied an ENTIRE post of mine and published it AS THEIR OWN on their blog without any credit or permission or anything. That is BLATANTLY WRONG. Please don't go all paranoid on me. ;-) You can use brand names too, by the way. I was joking in this post when I wrote out Mac and Apple and Xerox and Kleenex with asterisks. You don't have to do that. And as to the question as to how I found the post, I happened to link back to myself in my own post, so it came up in one of the links to this site. HAHAHAHAHA! I caught myself! ;-)

Oh and It's NOT YOU! I have attempted to contact this person in various ways, so if you haven't received an email from me asking you to take down the offending material, then DON'T WORRY! It's ALL GOOD!

UPDATE! All over folks. The content has been removed and peace has been restored to this little part of the kingdom. Thank you all for playing.

Posted by Cara at 11:44 AM | Comments (21)

December 25, 2006

Posted by Cara at 10:12 AM

December 18, 2006

Yes, Georgie, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS!!!!!

I'm ready to celebrate my fucking birthday because today we got THE BEST NEWS EVER!!!!! NO MORE CANCER!!!! The pound of flesh they cut out of my beloved's body is cancer free and so are his lymph nodes. So tonight, we've got a little bit of this:

And a little bit of this:

And a whole lot of THIS!!! (Make sure you click the link - you will NOT be disappointed.)

We can't thank you all enough for your good wishes and prayers. It's meant the world to us. And to celebrate, look for a BONANZA BIRTHDAY GIVE AWAY coming soon.

LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Cara and George

Posted by Cara at 09:44 PM | Comments (284)

December 13, 2006

Knit On

with confidence and hope, through all crises.

That Zimmerman chick might have known what she was talking about. I think this sweater, Ariann, saved my life yesterday. But first, the surgery went fine and G now has an approximately 8" gash along his side and he's quite comfortable actually and we don't know anything. They told us we'll know something between Xmas and New Year's - like two weeks. The torture continues.

I knit A LOT on Ariann yesterday - I finished the sleeves and added a few repeats to the body and joined the whole thing up and knit the first set of decreases for my size. I've got a lot more to do but I want this sweater DONE. It's incredibly tantalizing to be almost there so I keep knitting and knitting. Yesterday this sweater felt like my only friend. I've waited for G to get out of surgery many times before - but those were always orthopedic surgeries where they come out and tell me he's got to do PT and he'll be fine. This was SO MUCH different. First of all, I was alone. Which was my own fault because I had lots of people offer to sit with me. I just thought it wouldn't be a big deal since I've waited out surgery alone lots of times. I had my knitting, right? Man was I wrong. This was the absolute worst. The waiting area was huge and packed with families all waiting and I overheard what felt like a hundred awful stories and everyone is so anxious it's like the AIR is anxious and it's noisy and crowded and it was all I could do to keep my head down and knit and knit and knit. If you should, god forbid, ever have to wait out surgery in a cancer hospital, my advice to you is to bring a friend.

But it's over now and the waiting at home continues on and January One can't come soon enough. If I'm lucky I'll have a beautiful new sweater and a healthy happy family to go with the day. We continue to appreciate and thank you for all your good wishes. Thank you. Thank you.

Posted by Cara at 10:52 AM | Comments (56)

December 11, 2006

Last Call

Everyone who ordered notecards - they went out today! I spent the whole day boxing and labeling and I hope you're thrilled. It turns out I have about 30 boxes left, so I'm putting up the For Sale sign one more time.

Palette Blank NoteCards

Box of eight press printed notecards. 5"x7" glossy card stock. Blank inside. Envelopes included with each box. All cards in box are the same. $4.50 shipping and handling charge added to each purchase. Quantities are limited.

Thank you! I promise this blog will not turn into a look what I'm selling this week blog. If I sell the notecards again, I will be giving them their own site. I'm thinking of doing the sheep cards press printed as well and maybe some other series. That won't happen until the new year so this is it. Thank you for your patience.

I've got no pictures for you because it's dark out and I'm just sitting down to do stuff. I sincerely apologize for all of the lost weekends out there because of my last post. I won't link to it or the game lest I be accused of getting people fired, losing their jobs, or ruining their home lives. I managed to get to level 28 and then I got stuck. And then I stopped going back to it. I think I will try again, but for now I'm satiated. Snood isn't really doing it for me lately either.

And Ariann is freaking killing me! Don't get me wrong - I've written a lot lately about putting things down when you are not satisfied with a project and the pain I'm feeling with Ariann is absolutely NOT that. This is oh my god when are the sleeves going to end pain. I'm still completely enamored with the finished product and the more I see of Ariann around the blogs the more I love it. That said, I'm still not done with the sleeves. I worked on them all day yesterday hoping to get them finished and I did complete all of the increases, but I still have like three inches to go to get to what the pattern states and then I'm going to tack on a few repeats because of my short row gauge. And then I was measuring the body again and it somehow shrunk so I've got a few repeats on that as well. My new goal is to somehow get all the knitting on the sleeves and the body done tonight and join it together so that when I'm sitting in the hospital all day tomorrow I will have something exciting to keep me occupied. I'll be bringing an unfinished sock as well in case I can't concentrate.

Tomorrow is G's surgery and I won't be blogging. Chances are we'll be leaving pretty early for the hospital and a lot of the day will be hurry up and wait. I will try to update when I can - we probably won't have any news good or bad for a while yet.

Thank you for your continued good wishes.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 05:12 PM | Comments (60)

December 06, 2006

A Pound of Flesh

We went to the Cancer Hospital today which is possibly the saddest place on Earth. But everyone is extra friendly which somehow makes it sadder. Like you have to get cancer for humans to extend a bit of courtesy and warmth. I know that's not really true but sometimes it feels like that. And yes I'm still a little bit bitter.

Next Tuesday G will have surgery to remove a wide area around the lesion (he's calling it his pound of flesh) and at the same time they will biopsy the lymph nodes where the melanoma may have spread. The doctor we saw today told us we have every reason to be very optimistic that it hasn't spread, so that's what we're going to be. If it hasn't spread, that's it. It's done. There's nothing more to do except be vigilant with sunscreen for the rest of his VERY LONG life. If it has spread, well, then, that opens up a whole other can of worms but we're not going to go there. If the expert doctor told us to be optimistic then there's no reason NOT to be. We won't know the results of the biopsy for around two weeks.

Which leaves me about a week before my birthday. G's been asking me if there's anything I want for my birthday and I told him that the only thing I will ever want for the rest of my birthdays is for our family to be healthy. But this year especially for HIM to be healthy. That's all I want. There was a question in the comments about where to send me a birthday present - thank you so much for thinking of me, but no presents are necessary. If you INSIST on doing something for my birthday, please consider a donation to the Skin Cancer Foundation or a charity of your choice. That would be the best present ever - besides my husband being healthy.

Thank you all for your comments on yesterday's post. I'm in awe of all of you! There is so much to learn from each other if only we could get over our own hangups - you know? Remind me next time to tell you about the summer I thought I should be admitted to a mental hospital - now that's a DOOZY! ;-)

Off to knit more sleeves....

Posted by Cara at 04:53 PM | Comments (40)

December 05, 2006

Story Time

Gather round, kids – Auntie Cara’s going to tell you a story. If you sit quietly and listen – there will be a knitting treat at the end.

I’m glad my post yesterday hit such a nerve with so many of you and all day as I read your comments I thought about how I came to know what I know in my life. I thought I’d tell you a little bit more about me.

It was fourteen years ago – almost to the day really – that I had my first existential crisis. It was to be the first of many and in retrospect hardly the worst, but it taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. I was weeks away from my 23rd birthday – just a baby really – and I was preparing my first papers for graduate school. I was supposed to be living the dream: one year out of college I was accepted to a very prestigious graduate school in a PhD program in a subject I loved (Philosophy of Religion – Theological Existentialism – specializing in Kierkegaard.) I was commuting back and forth to Philly from North Jersey for school – living with the love of my life – preparing to write papers on my favorite subjects. I had worked for this for years – it was my dream come true.

And then I couldn’t write the papers. I did all the research and made all the notes and I couldn’t write. Every day that I couldn’t write I got sicker and sicker. Anxiety attacks. Nausea. I could barely leave the house I was so panicked. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I thought I was either dying or going crazy. Or both.

I went home for my birthday and I remember driving around with my mother and I told her that I didn’t think I wanted to go to graduate school anymore. Instantly I felt better. Instantly it felt right. This wasn’t what I wanted to do. Of course, the anxiety didn’t end there – I had to actually drop out of school. I had to tell my father, who had hung banners of this prestigious school all over his office walls and told everyone he met that his 22 yr old daughter was in a PhD program. I had to tell the school – where I was supposed to be TAing a class the next semester. I had to tell Georgie. But most of all I had to convince myself that it was okay not to do this – this thing I had wanted to do for years. Had worked hard for – had made a commitment to – not just on paper but in my heart and soul. The visions I had of my future were all academic – I would be off summers to raise our kids. The ivy halls would become my home. We’d travel to the best jobs. I’d start smoking a pipe and have leather patches on my elbows. The saddest part of the whole thing was that the 2 hour train rides back and forth from home were my favorite part of the day. And if you’ve ever commuted on Amtrak you know that that’s pretty pathetic.

So I came home from my parents and told Georgie that I wanted to quit school. I was sitting in his lap in our old apartment and he was holding me and I was crying and without missing a beat he said I’ll take care of you. Possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Really. And we were so young then.

I did drop out. I threw up in my father’s office before I had to go talk to school but they seemed to understand and I’ve never had any contact with them again. I came home and continued to have anxiety attacks. I didn’t work. I took up pottery. And then I started to look for a job. I needed a job. The week before I was supposed to start a new job I had the worst anxiety attacks of my life (up to that point – unfortunately they would actually get worse much later on.) I started seeing a psychiatrist. I started my new job and the first week of work I popped a Xanax before I left home every day. Eventually everything got better and the anxiety lessened and I realized some things about myself and my life.

Deciding that I didn’t want to go to graduate school – deciding that I didn’t want to spend at least seven years of my life being miserable doing a job I was never going to enjoy doing – doesn’t mean I QUIT. It means I made a DECISION that something was not right for me. As a life long perfectionist taught to finish what you start, deciding that this wasn’t the best thing for me was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. On paper it really does look like I couldn’t do it and I quit. But that’s not how real life works. I remember talking to a good friend afterward and she told me how strong she thought I was – I laughed because here I was paralyzed with fear – and she said no – I was strong because she would never have left the program and would’ve been stuck there forever. I guess I was strong but really I was just insane. My body and mind forced my hand in making this decision because I was making myself sick. It had to stop.

I learned, too, that I had to grieve for this person, this vision of what I would not become. I would never be a professor. Never be a Kierkegaardian scholar. And THANK GOD for that because I would be one of the most miserable people in the world right now and my life wouldn’t be anything like it is and despite some blips in the road here and there, I have a fantastic life. I love it just the way it is – ever changing but true to me.

The moral of this story is to listen to your insides. If they’re making you crazy sit up and listen! Deciding that some path or relationship or situation is WRONG for YOU doesn’t make you a quitter. It makes you smart and content and it may take a while to see these things through – I was pretty miserable for a long time after I left graduate school – but eventually you will be all the better for it.

I may have taken this advice too much to heart at times – I’m on my fourth career now – and I’ve been INCREDIBLY fortunate to have the support I have from my husband and my family in all the endeavors I’ve undertaken. But I’ve always worked very hard for what I’ve done and what I’ve had and continue to have.

I’m not sure why I’m telling you all this today – maybe because I feel a receptive audience or maybe because I’ve been thinking about my life a lot lately, but here it is. It’s good to share and if maybe one of you is kind to yourself and realizes that you aren’t where you want to be or need to be and finds some courage in this post and gives yourself permission to CHANGE, not quit, then I’m happy. What’s a life lived if you can’t share it with others?

Thank you for listening. Now onto the knits.

Here's the blocking rug shot of Ariann, ala Bonne Marie:

I just realized the color is WAY off. I must have changed the white balance and didn't notice. There's no blue in this green at all. See here for accurate color. And another shot of the body:

Yesterday was sleeve day. I love doing both sleeves at the same time when I knit sweaters. There's nothing worse than finishing the back and the fronts and one sleeve only to have to knit ANOTHER sleeve before you're done. So I do both sleeves at the same time. Also, this helps when you fuck things up on one sleeve - the same fuck-up occurs on the second sleeve and you can therefore call it a design element. Voila! The sleeves for Ariann are knit in the round, so this was also a good opportunity to learn how to knit two things at once on two circulars which is my preferred way of knitting small circumferences. I looked at all the websites and couldn't figure out the freaking cast on. This has been my problem before. So I solved it myself. The pattern has you start knitting the sleeves on small needles, so I cast on the sleeves on BIGGER needles. I joined the first sleeve in the round then transferred it to the smaller needles. Then I cast on the SECOND sleeve on the bigger needles, joined that one in the round and transferred it to the smaller needles. Two sleeves on two circulars! It worked (after the second or third attempt and one rip out because I thought I had the wrong number of stitches but really I just read the pattern wrong.) Things were going along swimmingly until around midnight last night when I realized that I made a mistake on ONE sleeve, but not the other (only I can fuck up a design element.) So I ripped the bad sleeve while leaving the good sleeve intact on temporary needles - knit until the bad sleeve caught back up to the good sleeve and put them both back on the needles and we were on our merry way. It's slow going knitting both sleeves at the same time, but when I'm done - I'm DONE (with the sleeves at least.) I'm not sure I would do this with socks though. Don't ask me why, but it feels like I wouldn't do this with socks. Maybe. We'll see.

Sorry if I got a bit preachy or pedantic up there. I'm just trying to spread the love. And save the cheerleader.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 10:06 AM | Comments (130)

November 28, 2006

I'm a Capricorn and he's got Cancer.

Super humoungous out of control points to whomever can name the song I mangled for today's title. Seriously. You will get huge props here at January One.

Sooooo. Where was I? Oh yeah. Coming off possibly the worst weekend of my life, we now have no more information than we did when we started. Well, that's not exactly true. We're a bit less worried that the melanoma has spread throughout his body - basically because he's had a chest x-ray and blood work up the wazoo in the past 30 days and not one test came back abnormal - so we're taking that as a good sign. Please don't tell me to think otherwise. I beg of you. Also, the lesion they removed was 1.4mm which in melanoma terms is not fantastic, but it's not super bad either. Although we have reason to believe it's probably thicker than that because the melanoma had spread to the margins. Bottom line is that he's got an appointment at Sloane-Kettering next Wednesday and hopefully we'll know more then. The next step is a sential node mapping and only then will we have the information we'll need. I don't know when that will be scheduled.

For the next week, or until we know something definitively, we're trying to get back to normal. As normal as normal can be once Cancer has stepped into your life. Adapt or die. And dying is absolutely NOT an option.

What's normal for me? I'm still working, which is good. Keeping me busy. And my house is an absolute disaster, so I have some huge cleaning/organizing projects to look forward to now that G won't be home from the surgery - or at least not the surgery we thought he'd be home from. And knitting. Blessed, blessed knitting. I picked up the Casino shawl a few days ago and managed to work through about ten rows slowly. I like it pretty well, but it's still very hard to see the pattern emerging - I haven't even finished one repeat yet - and the rows are very long.

Today, though, after reading Margene's post, I became obsessed with Ariann! I'm hoping to use some Jo Sharp I've got in the stash, but I'm not sure and of course I want to cast on RIGHT NOW. I can't imaging anything better than wrapping myself in a soft sweater. I wish it was done already.

Thank you all for your comments and concern and love. It means so much to us. For right now, though, I'd like to get back to my crazy fucked up kind of normal. Next time I know anything, I'll be sure to share.

L, C

Posted by Cara at 12:34 PM | Comments (94)

November 22, 2006

Take Your Turkey and SHOVE IT!

It's officially official. I HATE Thanksgiving. Hate it. Will never ever never enjoy it again.

Four years ago on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, G and I found out that we would have an incredibly difficult time getting pregnant.

I thought I hated Thanksgiving then, but now the deal's been sealed.

My beloved husband won't be having surgery on Monday to fix his damaged hip - the one that gives him so much pain sometimes he can't sleep at night. Why won't he be having this surgery? Because he has Skin Cancer. We found out today, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, that the lesion he had removed last week is Melanoma.

You know what? I'm not thankful. I'm not thankful that my young beautiful courageous generous adoring husband will have to face yet another physical battle. I'm not thankful at all.

I give thanks every single day that I'm lucky enough to spend my days with this man. Why should I have to separate out a special day to do that? Especially a day that gives me no thanks back.

Bitter? You bet. And I'm not going to apologize for it.

I'm closing the comments on this post because honestly I can't deal with all the good wishes and stories about this person or that person who survived the mole they had removed above their ear. I want to feel badly and I want to cry and I want to go and hold my husband.

I'll be back on Saturday to sell shit, because, well Daddy needs another new doctor.

I am thankful for one thing, though, and that's you. Thank you for reading my blog.

Posted by Cara at 09:59 PM

November 17, 2006

A Shot in the Arm

Something's wrong with me. I've been working so hard, so efficiently it's like I'm a shark and if I stop somehow I'll die. Stress has pushed my normal waking time back an hour and stretched my bedtime to the wee hours. I'm crazed; last night I actually did something so productive, so pre-emptive that I'm beginning to scare myself. For each job I send out, I wrap up the box top that the album I give with the photo package comes in (it's got a big label on the box and the box is black and the label's white and it's an odd size box precluding me from buying plain empty boxes so this is the best way I've found to cover the label.) It's sort of a pain - something I usually leave until the last minute and then rush to get the job out and spend all day preparing stuff and I always say I should really take one day and wrap all the boxes so I can just pull one off the shelf, etc. etc. LAST NIGHT I WRAPPED TEN BOXES. This is unheard of in my little world. I'm actually prepared for a change.

And not only am I working hard to get everything done, but I'm churning out some of the BEST work I've ever produced. Photographs that make me feel incredibly proud of my work. Like I'm not some faker with a camera. I wish I could show you some of my stuff, but I don't really feel comfortable with that - I do photograph kids for my living and every picture I show has a signed model release behind it. I take this Internet stuff seriously.

I've got three more shoots this weekend and then another incredible push to get the work out next week and then my season is essentially over. I won't be shooting anymore. I really wish we could just cancel Thanksgiving. It would make my life SO much easier. SO MUCH. As it is I think I might just be running down to Philly for dinner and coming right back up. I've got ten days to get as much done as I can. Ten days. And my house is in incredibly bad shape. That needs to be taken care of before G comes home from the hospital.

Knitting is non-existant. My poor Casino shawl lies in it's half tinked-back row state where I left it LAST Friday. Yesterday I sat in two doctors' offices, a hospital waiting area and the DMV and I didn't take out my knitting once - even though I had two socks and the shawl with me. Yes, folks, it's come to this. I'd rather stare at the walls at the DMV than knit. It'll come back - there will be lots and lots of knitting time next month.

Yesterday also marked a new day in my relationship with my husband. I had to give him an injection - and I'm gearing up to give him the next one shortly. The doctors want him to take Procrit for the next ten days to boost his hemoglobin before surgery as a precautionary measure against blood transfusions during and after surgery. His hemoglobin is normally a bit low due to Thalassemia - a condition prevalent among Meditteranean types, i.e. Greeks and Italians. (Specifically he has Beta Thalassemia Minor.) So I'm giving him shots. Good thing I'm an old pro at it having given myself shots for the IVF. They're little insulin needles - barely a prick, but still. I never thought I'd ever have to do this. The doctor told us this is what the athletes take when they do blood doping. That made G feel a little bit better about it.

And just so you don't think it's all fun and games over here - there's an emotional element as well. I think I might be working so hard - working so freaking efficiently and single-mindedly - to keep my fears at bay. The other night it didn't work so well. I was multi-tasking in bed - writing lists of all the things I need to get done before the 27th and while simultaneously editing Yarnival! when suddenly I remembered I needed a shower. (Yeah. That's how bad it's gotten.) So I flipped back the bed covers and headed to the shower. When I got back to bed I discovered that I left a hot pink sharpie open on the bed.

My brand new midnight blue duvet cover and my gorgeous new down comforter were covered in hot pink ink. I literally became hysterical. I haven't cried that hard since the summer. ;-) Georgie came running into the bedroom thinking I was dying or something and he was so upset that I was so upset which only made me more upset. This just about killed me. The next day I went out and bought a new duvet cover. Excessive maybe, but it made me feel so much better. The stained one will go on the guest bed. The down comforter, well, now it matches the old comforter which had a huge ketchup stain on it. Don't ask. I'm consoling myself with the fact that it probably didn't ruin the down and the comforter will always be inside a duvet. Still, though, I want to cry everytime I see it. Judge my drama not, less you leave a sharpie open on your bed.

Posts will probably be sporadic at best for the next couple of weeks. I'm afraid that sitting in the OR waiting room will be the first time I actually stop moving in weeks. I just hope I can knit.

Posted by Cara at 07:57 AM | Comments (73)

November 14, 2006

In the ZONE

DUDES!!! I KICKED ASS yesterday work-wise. KICKED IT! Seriously worked hard and saw RESULTS for it. So today, since I've got nothing knit wise (I haven't picked up the sticks in a couple of days, to be honest) I thought I'd show where my butt will be plastered from this second until they wheel G into the operating room.

This is my messy, messy desk:

Snood baby! I did not play Snood in college, or graduate school. Well, that's not true - I played in my last stint in graduate school. And I have to say, contrary to ruining my life, Snood has helped me in many ways. I'm like Dr. B. in the comments yesterday. She said it helped her through school because it centered her - for me it's a really great way to open my mind a bit and relax. I used to play one or two games before I would start writing. In a zen sort of way, I would forget all about Snood and start the writing process before I ever opened up the word processing program. Admittedly, it has gotten out of hand once or twice, and for the longest time I wasn't playing at all. But then I stopped visiting certain websites that caused me much grief (fertility stuff) and since then I've had some free computer time so I've picked up Snood again. Yesterday I upgraded. That new Armageddon level is a bitch.

I almost forgot - here's my calendar shot for Deb:

BOOOORING! But necessary. Got to keep track of stuff.

Georgie knows this guy (and when I say know I mean has played tennis with him once or twice - you'll see why I make this designation in a minute. It's not like they're friends or anything.) who developed Deep Vein Thrombosis. Know how he got it? By sitting at his computer for hours on end playing online poker. (You see now why I said Georgie just knows the guy, not really KNOWS the guy? L O S E R.) So my superfantastic friend Ann has taken to calling me every fifteen minutes to tell me to stretch my legs a bit. Her whining concern coupled with the 8 gallons of water I've been drinking are making it hard for me to sit still.

She really has nothing to worry about because I rarely stay in one position for long. I try to start out at my desk like this:

But quickly move to this position:



Although most of the time I sit like this:

I want you to know, I put shorts on just for you. ;-)
Back to the grind. Don't forget. YARNIVAL! tomorrow.

Posted by Cara at 09:59 AM | Comments (22)

November 13, 2006

Just Another Manic Monday

Last night I dreamed that I had been elected to the Senate AND the House of Representatives (yes - at the same time - my dream ego is large) but I had to turn them both down because I have too many pictures to process.

Suffice it to say, I'm really busy. Things have kicked into HIGH GEAR at little old CDC Photography and I'm trying really hard to get most things done by 11/27. Which means there are abandoned knits strewn willy nilly all through my house. I tried seaming up some of my squares from the other day, and turns out? I suck at garter stitch seams. In my defense the fact that these seams were knit on the bias might have something to do with that. (By the way, thank you all so much for your support of my crazy projects. It means a lot to me that I can share this stuff with you. Georgie is patient and says the right thing, but somehow I don't think he really cares about whether to increase every row or every other row, or whether or not you should slip the first stitch. And god help me - don't ask him about color.) I started back on the Casino shawl and got to the end of row 1 and realized that I had made a mistake somewhere because I have an extra stitch. I found the mistake about a 1/4 way INTO the row. Did I mention there are 300 stitches on the needles? I tinked back about halfway and then had to do something else so it's still sitting there. Untinked and unknit.

Half knit socks are everywhere. It's quite sad.

I understand now why I went crazy with the Jaywalker at this time last year. IT WAS EASY! I could knit those socks in my sleep and I practically did and the yarn kept things interesting and it soothed me after a day in front of the computer. I can tell already that I miss socks. But for some reason, OF COURSE!, not the ones I'm knitting RIGHT NOW. Such is the craziness I live with every day.

Yarnival's due in two days. DUDE. I totally forgot.

The only thing keeping me sane is SNOOD. But I warn you. DO NOT START PLAYING THIS GAME. It will suck you in like a straw trying to get those last remaining drops of a vanilla McDonald's milkshake. THOOOOOOOOT! DANGER! DANGER! I'm warning you - for your own good - DO NOT PLAY SNOOD.

PS - In my brain addled ness I keep forgetting to mention something VERY IMPORTANT! The fabulous Wendy has set up a fundraiser for my favorite charity Heifer International. She's giving away some FANTASTIC prizes - so hurry up and show her the money!!!

Posted by Cara at 09:10 AM | Comments (26)

November 08, 2006

Wednesday

WTF, Random, Walk with me, Hump Day - whatever you want to call it, it's still freaking Wednesday.

I've been wholly unproductive this week during a time when I should be doing NOTHING but working. The weather sucks ruining my one and only plan for the day (I may actually have no choice but to get work done) and my knitting is only blah. I fixed the Pomatomus sock out of desperation yesterday (I can only go so many days without knitting) and that was only because I'm at a standstill on the Casino shawl. Yup. You heard me. A standstill. After a WHOPPING three chart rows. In my defense, each row is 300+ stitches.

I ended up starting it on 7s, but I'm not feeling the love all of a sudden. I'm worried that when I block it the 7s will be too open. I want the pattern to show, not be a cobwebby mess of holes. So. Do I continue on in the 7s doing one whole repeat and then decide to rip, or do I rip now and go back to 6s. My swatch isn't helping at all, to be honest. I washed it and sort of blocked it and it's softer than soft but when stretched it looks down right meshy all over the place - 6s and 7s. One of the things I liked about the 7s pre-wash was the drape. But really - once it's all done and blocked will that even be an issue? It's Merino/Tencel. Isn't that just another word for drape?

So it will sit and I will continue to feel uneasy about it.

There's been talk of odd feelings around the blogs today - I saw it in at least two places - and I have my own oddness on a regular basis but today I'm feeling almost angry. Don't get me wrong - I'm deliriously happy that the election process went the way it did but I can't help but feel an extremely guarded optimism. ATTENTION DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP: DO NOT FUCK THIS UP. A win is only a beginning. We, as citizens of this fine land, have done the best we can and given you the power - not because we have so much faith in your abilities but because the alternative was untenable. Do not think that this administration will go gently into the night. You must be dilligent and focused. We need CHANGE NOT VENGEANCE, as tempting as the latter might be.

ETA: Okay. Maybe I'm feeling a little bit better about things. But just a little.

And this article in the New York Times yesterday? As scathing as it is, it doesn't even come close to how bad The Gilmore Girls has become. Dude it's like the fucking Waltons.

Posted by Cara at 09:06 AM | Comments (46)

November 02, 2006

Countdown

Yesterday, as most of you probably know, was November 1st. Always, always, always November 1st starts the countdown to my birthday. I love my birthday. So much so I named this here blog after it. And without fail on November 1st, I start thinking about my birthday. I may not say it out loud, but inside, where it really counts, I'm going two months until my birthday two months until my birthday two months two months two months!

This year? Not so much. Somehow I'm not so into the two months until my birthday mantra. Now I'm more like let's get through November let's get through November let's get through November.

Georgie's hip surgery is scheduled for the Monday after Thanksgiving and if we can just get through November everything will be a-ok. He's having hip resurfacing, which is actually a misnomer because it's really a modified hip replacement. He's getting new parts. My own Six-Million $$$$$ Man! (Don't ask how many times I'm going to be ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ing every time he moves. It will be a lot.) I'm praying that this surgery is the beginning of a whole new life for him - for us - PAIN FREE! It's going to be a hard recovery, I'm sure, and unlike his numerous other surgeries, he's actually going to be staying in the hospital a few days (trust me, I'm already thinking about the knitting projects) so there's that extra added seriousness factor. Rehab is of the utmost importance and it's looking like he's going to be home for a while. There's a lot to think about.

Add to that the fact that this is my busiest time professionally. Last year I couldn't think straight and this year will be a bit easier since I'm not taking new jobs right before the surgery (and none after) but still - I've got deadlines and worries and the birthday just isn't taking priority.

And I'm going to be 37. For some reason that seems old(er) to me. I don't know - I don't feel old necessarily - at least not mentally old. But my husband's having hip replacement surgery and I don't have a baby yet. I thought for sure I'd have a baby by now. If I get pregnant when I'm 37 but my embryos were fertilized with eggs that are 34 do I still need to do an amnio? These are the thoughts that run through my head. I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER these days about so many things, but will that be enough? Am I old enough now? All of these thoughts just make me feel older.

Last year the birthday was all about EXTRAVAGANZA! There were prizes galore and funny photos everyday and while I will be doing a contest for the actual day - assuming we get through November - I'm going to be keeping a bit quieter about my birthday this year. I have so much to celebrate EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. I have long considered myself one of the luckiest people alive and the older I get the more I appreciate every day as opposed to singling out ONE DAY.

In the past, I've been afraid of odd prime ages. 13 sucked. 19 wasn't the best. 23? One of the worst years of my life. I got married when I was 31 so that might have reversed the curse. Here's hoping 37 brings about a score of new beginnings - atop the list a pain free life for my husband. But I'll settle for a year of ordinary every days. With maybe a couple extraordinary days thrown into the mix.

L, C
I love Georgie!

Posted by Cara at 10:05 AM | Comments (54)

September 14, 2006

Lucky Number 7

Run, my friends, run for the hills for I am in a VERY SHITTY mood today. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh look! Look how pretty my Seraphim looks! Maybe two more rows since the last time you saw it? You'd think I did NOTHING to it, but au contraire mon petit amis. Au contraire. What you see here is the FOURTH start to this project. That's right. FOUR FREAKING STARTS. Something wasn't right about my original start to Seraphim. I started off with Addi US #5s and after a desperate call to my knitting sensei yesterday afternoon (I only caught about every third word of the conversation so I hope she told me to go up a needle size) I found a pair of 6s and started AGAIN with those. I was humming along, feeling okay, but not great and I talked to this one and she said, oh so flippantly, try 7s. I resisted for a bit but then pulled out a pair of #7s and started knitting from the other end of the ball. I went back and forth, back and forth between the 6s and 7s and there were more phone calls and Ann told me go for the fabric you like rather than the needle size. FORGET NEEDLE SIZE. It's not the size of the needle but the drape of the fabric or some such double entendre that only a knitter who spent the afternoon watching The Libertine could think up.

Anyway. I started yet again on the 7s and damnit I liked the fabric. So much so I ripped out the start on the 6s and went to dig out a pair of 8s. At this point I didn't really even want to knit the damn shawl anymore because when I want to start something I just want to freaking start it not try eighteen different needles. But I persevered. I tried the 8s. I knit and knit and in the end I didn't like it. Lucky #7s it is. And if it doesn't work out - fuck it. No Rhinebeck shawl for me.

See, I think something like this separates me from being a truly good knitter. I'm not patient enough with these things. I don't want to swatch. I don't want to do the homework necessary to get to the ultimate finishing spot. I'm not intuitive enough to change patterns on the sly, to intrinsically know what's working and what's not working. My skills as a knitter end with the knit and the purl. I can make some damn pretty stitches. But that's about it. Otherwise I'm just following the crowd. That bothers me a little bit, but I'm not sure how to change it. For one, I hate math. HATE IT. And all this figuring things out on the sly shit is all about math. I'll never like math. My brain gets all muddled and my head starts to hurt and I get frustrated and I don't like to feel frustrated and then I stomp around and pout and whatever. Not worth it. Although it really is and I wish I was better about this stuff.

So I'm feeling kind of inadequate and down on myself and I take a break to read some blogs and the lovely Margaux pops up on the list with an update (did you know she's going to her first Rhinebeck? YAY!) She links to Brooklyn Tweed. You probably already read him because seriously no one tells me anything - but OH MY GOD! It'd be one thing if he was just a fantastic knitter. I could handle that - I mean we're all fantastic knitters in our own way and some of us are more fantastic than others, but that's not a big deal. (Although I started out feeling a little bad about my knitting.) And it would STILL be acceptable that he picked up a copy of the EZ classic Knitting Without Tears without knowing that it was freaking signed by EZ herself. BUT the photographs. My god the photographs. All of you people that come here for the pictures - forget it. Go there instead. I give up.

How's that for self-pity?

Jealousy sucks but I happen to believe it's as common as breathing. If I've learned anything from the envy I've felt as I took in someone else's breathtaking photograph or genius short story or fantastically knit sweater or perfectly spun yarn, it's that for everyone who's better than me at something, there's equally someone who's not as good a photographer, writer, knitter, spinner as me. I'm just in the middle. And sometimes, to my perfectionist soul that god help me wants to be the BEST at everything - damn that feels pretty shitty.

Yeah. You all have a good day too. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 10:00 AM | Comments (52)

September 12, 2006

RENew Orleans

READ THIS FIRST: This is a very long post - over 3,000 words. It doesn't have any pictures, except for one at the very end, and it doesn't talk about knitting, unless you count the fact that I mention two yarn stores. This post is about emotions and opinions and I know that a lot of people don't read knitting blogs for emotions and opinions. They read them for knitting and I completely understand and respect that. Tomorrow's post will be all about knitting and yarn. But I was a writer long before I was a knitter or photographer. Writing is my blood and what I felt while I was visiting New Orleans needed to be written down. I'm extraordinarily lucky that there are many of you that keep coming back to read my blog and I'm full well taking advantage of that fact to share my feelings and opinions and my writings on New Orleans with you. I'm putting it out there. You can choose to read, or you can choose not to read. Read some of it. Read all of it. But I'm putting it out there. I thought about closing the comments for this post, but I'd like to hear your feelings about NOLA. Have you been there before? Have you been there since the Hurricane and subsequent flooding? Are you from there? I had never been before last weekend but I will be back. Mark my words, I WILL BE BACK. Thank you for your thoughtful, RESPECTFUL comments. I greatly appreciate your reading.

Cara Davis
September 12, 2006

We flew into Louis Armstrong Airport Thursday night after connecting in Chicago. On the second leg of the trip we watched a decent amount of the last two acts of Spike Lee’s When the Levees Broke. It was awfully strange getting off the plane, tired and a bit disoriented as you always are landing in a new city, and recognizing everything. We had seen body after body lining the floor of the airport on TV – dead bodies, hurt bodies, misplaced bodies. We had heard about people begging to be put on planes out of the hell they had lived through only to end up with a one way ticket and no idea of their destination. The airport was quiet. And empty. But the pain echoed in the corridors. We saw the Jazz Greats mural on one side of the large waiting room, and on the other we found the haunting specter of Icarus, hanging over the room. It was quite scary.

Our ride to the airport was no less eerie, taking us along the highway in the dark, peering through the bus windows wondering what devastation was out there to behold. And then we passed by the Superdome. It was all I could do not to cry.

I have to admit I was reticent about going to New Orleans. I hate flying and I didn’t want to get on a plane. And the recent news coming out of NOLA hasn’t been the best – bullets, crime, the stagnation of rebuilding taking its toll on the people. But a part of me thought it was our responsibility to go. To be a WITNESS. And I’m so glad we went.

On Friday morning I woke up and looked forward to a morning on my own. Amanda had emailed me a list of yarn stores to check out and I figured I would start with the farthest from where I was staying. I called down to the concierge and asked her the best way to get to the Garden District Needlework Shop on Magazine Street. She told me I could take a cab, that would cost about $15 or I could take the #11 bus. I don’t know, but $15 seemed like a lot to me to go about 2 miles (probably the same as NYC) so I took the bus. This might not seem like a big deal to you, but for me it was HUGE. I’m not sure I’ve ever taken public transportation – by myself – in a strange city. But there I was waiting on the corner of Canal and Magazine for the #11. At every opportunity I tried to engage the people around me. I looked them in the eye and I smiled constantly. I was full of positive energy. This is NOT my usual demeanor. I’ve lived in the NYC area for nineteen years and I’ve perfected indifference – on the bus, the subway, at the post office. Wherever, whenever. But in New Orleans I felt like I wanted these people to know that I cared what happened to them. I wasn’t afraid of the badness that had touched them. They were real to me and I wanted to be real to them.

As I road the #11 down (up?) Magazine, I looked out the windows and once again was forced to imagine the suffering that went on behind closed doors. Had these homes been flooded? Were the houses empty waiting for their families to come home? Had children been separated from their parents? Everything seemed okay, if not a bit shabby and yet there was an emptiness to the streets. There were maybe six people on the bus with me and I was by far the only tourist. When I got off at the 2100 block of Magazine, I stood and looked around – not sure where I was and where I was going. I had forgotten the piece of paper with the address of the Garden District Needle Shop so I stopped into a store along Magazine. The concierge had told me that the neighborhood was one of an eclectic mix of shops – you could buy a Louis XVI chair at an antique store and then have it tattooed on your arm at the shop next door. The store I ended up sold lots of kitschy toys and clothes for kids and adults and I asked the young woman at the counter if she knew where the yarn store was – she told me it was across the street, but I felt like I needed to look around her store before I left.

I asked her if the neighborhood had flooded. She told me no, but that they had had some hurricane damage and that after the floods looters had come. I told her that I had seen the Spike Lee film before I left and she asked me what I thought of it. She, a white woman, told me she was nervous to see it because she had heard it was really very biased. I told her that I thought it was about as balanced as Spike could get – but that in the hands of someone like Michael Moore it could’ve been a lot worse. We talked some more about what had happened and how it had played out and she was the first white person, but not the last, to tell me that what happened in New Orleans was a class issue, not a race issue. It was about poverty, not the color of your skin.

I looked around the store desperate to spend some money before I left to go to the yarn shop, and ended up with a Desire New Orleans magnet. It wasn’t much, but they were very grateful that I had come.

Before I left the woman at the store told me about Vera, who had lived in the neighborhood and had been hit by a car when people were running out of town. Her body had been left to rot for many days, until finally the community came together to bury her where she had died. The grave is at the corner of Magazine and Jackson, where I stood and waited for the bus to go home.

The Garden District Needle Shop doesn’t look like much from the front door, but I was a bit shocked when I walked in to see how far back it went. It’s got something of a warehouse feel – white walls and low shelving in aisles on the floor. There were only a few people in the store – it was hard for me to tell who worked there and who was a customer. I wandered around, a silly smile plastered to my face and I listened as the women talked about coming home and the state of their houses and the damage and it was clear that what happened during Katrina is still VERY fresh a year later. People are just now coming back.

I browsed and browsed – determined to spend money – and after I had found some Koigu I went up to the counter to buy it. The sales woman asked me if I had ever shopped there before. I told her this was the first time I had ever been to New Orleans. She asked me why I had come, and I told her, and then we talked about the storm and the flood. She lived close to the store, so had no flood damage, just a bit from the hurricane, but she pointed to another woman working in the store, she lost her house. I told them I had seen the Spike Lee movie (I don’t know why I kept bringing this up – because it was so fresh in my mind? I wanted to be controversial?) and the original clerk – who I think might have been the owner – told me that more white people died or had catastrophic injuries during the storm and floods than black people. Again I was told it was a class issue – not race. We talked a bit more and she thanked me for coming to visit. She told me to go home and tell people that there’s nothing dangerous about New Orleans. The only people being killed are young men trying to reestablish or establish their drug turfs. I told her I thought that if that’s what you were trying to do – it probably wasn’t safe for you anywhere.

I told her I was very happy to be in New Orleans and hoped to come back to visit soon.

I went out to catch the bus back to the hotel – I didn’t have a lot of time to walk around as I had to meet George fairly soon – but I tried to talk to people – ask for help. Where do I get the bus? Do you know when it comes? Just a little bit. It made me feel better. While I was on the bus there was a white man talking to two black women across the aisle. The man had a long bushy beard and seemed not to have many teeth and he had a cane. He was overweight and in the heat he seemed to be struggling a bit. I listened to him tell the women that he had walked twelve hours trying to get out of the storm? Flood? I’m not sure. But he said that when they picked him up they asked him where he was going and he told them Baton Rouge. I think it had taken him twelve hours to walk a fairly short distance. Whoever picked him up took him to a shelter.

All around the bus were signs about evacuating. Do you have a plan? they asked. Have you remembered your friends and family in that plan? MAKE A PLAN! Don’t wait to have a plan in place.

A man got on the bus and needed a quarter. I jumped up to offer him one – just a measly quarter – and he sat across from me and started to talking to me. “Hot enough for you?” I smiled and said yes – it was hot – and it had just started to get cool where I’m from. “Where are you from?” he asked. I said New Jersey and he asked if I lived in New Orleans now. I told him no. I was just visiting.

When he got off at the next stop I understood again that this wound is very very fresh. And then I thought about how a year had passed and how a year is really nothing in terms of time and that how even five years later I can still sit with friends and tell the story of what my 9/11 was like. And they can share with me and that for the people of New Orleans their 9/11 is ongoing and seemingly never ending.

When I got back to the hotel and met up with George, I was so absolutely PROUD of myself. Proud that I had taken the bus, proud that I had talked to people about what had happened. I felt like I had made a connection. Maybe pride isn’t the right word for how I felt. I was a little bit giddy about it. I think, really, that somehow, someway, on the #11 bus that Friday morning, I fell in love with New Orleans.

Later on that afternoon we took a walk to the French Quarter. We were wandering around aimlessly really with no destination in mind and I commented to George that the streets felt incredibly empty. It was Friday afternoon around 4:30 and we were walking on Chartres in the direction of Jackson Square. Completely by accident I came upon The Quarterstitch, one of the other yarn stores Amanda had told me about. We went in and I started looking around – the young woman behind the counter was listening to NPR and when she turned around she seemed surprised to see us. Once again, we talked for a bit while I shopped for yarn – was there flooding? Where did she live? Was she from New Orleans? In the middle of our talk George had left the store to take a phone call and suddenly he came running back in to get me. We had seen a band strolling around before, but they were too far away and turned a corner before we could catch them, but here they were again. I told the clerk I’d be right back – I still wanted the yarn (more Koigu) as I ran after the band. I caught the tail end of it – apparently it was a Second Line, often associated with a funeral – with maybe ten people dancing behind the small band, waving white handkerchiefs in their hands.

When I got back to the store I asked the sales clerk and another woman who had come in if the streets were normally as empty as they were. They told me that it was still summer, so things were pretty quiet, but that it was much more quiet than usual. Eerily quiet, the young woman said.

The next morning I woke up to sheets of rain falling outside the hotel window. My first thought was that the people here must hate when it rains. The children must be terrified.

Later on that day the rain had stopped and we took a tour of the city. Lunch was at Deanie’s Seafood in Metairie about two blocks from Lake Pontchartrain. From there we headed to the 17th Street Canal Levee, which was breached during Hurricane Katrina, and onto the neighborhood of Lakeview, which I think is in Jefferson Parish, right outside of New Orleans. Home after home was gutted and empty. Through the missing windows and doors you could see black walls leading out to the light at the other end of the house. Mattresses, chairs, refrigerators, insulation piled up in the front yard. And then there were the spray painted door markings left by the search and rescue crews. Every time a house was searched, the party spray painted an X on the front door or wall. The number at the 12:00 point of the X was the date the home was searched, at 9:00 the crew that did the searching, 3:00 any hazards in the house, and finally, at 6:00 the number of bodies discovered. Thankfully, I didn’t see any homes with number other than 0 at 6:00, but there are stories that the crews didn’t check well enough, or couldn’t check well enough and many people returned to their homes to find 0s on the door and bodies inside.

Those markings are chilling. I kept taking out my camera and I kept putting it away. I didn’t feel like I could take a picture of those doors. I don’t know if I felt like I couldn’t do it justice, or it wasn’t something I wanted evidence of – I don’t know. The memory of those doors will stay with me longer than any photograph ever could.

Along the streets of Lakeview we saw homes already rebuilt. We saw homes being cleaned out, FEMA trailers in the front yard, but most of all we saw the empty shells of homes. Where had the people gone? Were the families together? Safe? Secure?
Would they, COULD they come back?

From Lakeview we traveled back to New Orleans. Along the way were orange Xs and water lines as far as the eye could see. Some people have chosen to paint over the Xs and the water lines, but it seemed like most were keeping them there. A testament perhaps. Or maybe they just never came back. Occasionally, of the side of the highway, we’d come upon a large group of FEMA trailers. The modern day tent city.

As we got closer and closer to the French Quarter, the visible damage was less and less. But people are getting tired. From what we were told, in the months after Katrina – when the proverbial dust had settled – people were energized. They wanted their city back! They were willing to fight. But bureaucracy and politics and honestly, ineptness and ignorance, are taking their toll on the community. They are exhausted fighting for their homes. The one thing all people can agree on – whether they are black or white or rich or poor – is that the devastation in New Orleans was not caused by a natural disaster. It was MAN-MADE. The Army Corps of Engineers has taken responsibility for what happened to the Levees. For instance, the 17th Street Canal Levee – the flood wall was supposed to be built 17’ into the ground. It was built 10’ feet into the ground. From what I understand, the water didn’t just go over those walls – it went UNDER the walls – picking them up and splitting them into little pieces.

The people of New Orleans are angry. And rightly so. They’re angry at FEMA and they’re angry at the Army Corps of Engineers and they’re angry at their government - at EVERY level. Someone on our tour asked the guide whey they voted in Ray Nagin again if everyone hates him so much. He told us that he voted for Nagin because the other guy was saying the SAME EXACT THING. They felt that the devil they knew was better than the devil they didn’t.

I don’t know, honestly, where class stops being an issue and race takes over. In my limited experience there doesn’t seem to be that much difference. Maybe because of where I’ve lived – I don’t know. I also don’t know if there were more poor black people in New Orleans than there were white, but it would seem that way. And while the floodwaters didn’t discriminate, housing does and the poorer areas are lower and closer to the water. We didn’t go to the Ninth Ward – the tour buses aren’t allowed in anymore and I think many of the homes have been bulldozed anyway. The area of Lakeview we did go into was middle class – and I think predominantly white. Everyone lost something those tragic days in New Orleans. Everyone in this whole wide world lost something.

I’m sure some parts of New Orleans have survived relatively physically unscathed. We had beignets at Café Du Monde and they were fantastic. We ate Bananas Foster at Brennan’s and I can imagine it was as good as it ever was. Bourbon Street is as gross as I had heard. I ask those that have been there before – were the sex clubs lining the streets always so raunchy? I’m by no means a prude, but these clubs were really awful. Most of the street was like one big bar, but there was a really desperate seedy element as well. Was that always there? George was at the casino one night and he was told that the city is teeming with single men – the men that have come back to fix their homes while the family stays away – or men that have come looking for construction jobs. I found this really interesting – from a sociological perspective. How will the city change without the influence of women? (Of course, women are still there – but if the men out number the women by such a large margin, things are bound to change.)

Anyway. This has turned out to be far longer than I thought it would be but I felt like I needed to bear witness to what I saw and experienced. As I said early on, I fell in love with New Orleans. THIS New Orleans – battered and sad and overwhelmed and still standing. I have nothing else to compare it to, I know nothing of the character of the city before Katrina, but I left a piece of my heart there nonetheless.

Thank you for reading.

MAKE LEVEES ~~~ NOT WAR

RENEW ORLEANS is a non-profit group helping to save the music of New Orleans. Buy a T-Shirt.

Posted by Cara at 04:24 PM | Comments (59)

September 11, 2006

The BBC

Visiting New Orleans was one of the most profound events of my life. Flying home into NYC, directly over Lower Manhattan, on the eve of the fifth anniversary of 9/11, made the emotions brought about by our trip all the more intense.

Given the day, I thought I would share a story I wrote. It's about the nature of tragedy and it's both funny, absurd and very sad.

"The BBC," Fourteen Hills, Spring/Summer 2002, pgs. 36-40.
© 2002 by Cara Davis

Read it!

(I couldn't get it all in one pdf document. The Fabulous Bookish Girl merged the documents together for me! Thanks Wendy! I hope you don't have any trouble reading it. You will need Adobe Reader to view it. Thank you.)

Posted by Cara at 12:09 AM | Comments (22)

August 06, 2006

Posted by Cara at 10:21 AM | Comments (43)

August 04, 2006

Yarnival

This week has kicked my ass. In a totally different way than last week. Last week was all about the physical - moving stuff. Exhaustion. Somebody else's problems.

This week has been all about me. Alone. Not eating right. Being hot. Not getting enough done. Feeling unmotivated in every area of my life. Except for the knitting. The knitting was actually really great this week. Which I guess is a good thing and I can't write off the whole week except I'm not making any money knitting and sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not working hard enough or taking care of my family enough or taking care of myself enough and then, well, the knitting can almost feel a little bad. ALMOST. Not really, but almost.

I haven't seen G in like two weeks. The week when I wasn't here, of course, and then this week because he worked late every night. Really late. The project is finished - YAY! - and this weekend will hopefully have lots of togetherness. Our anniversary is on Sunday and G's birthday is Monday so there will be celebrating. Of course, G's birthday is another reason to feel bad. How am I going to top this? I have nothing for G's birthday. Think. Think. THINK! Maybe I'll make him dinner. I haven't done that in a LONG while. And bake him a cake. A chocolate layer cake. His favorite. I haven't done that in a while either.

And then there's the heat. I hate summer, that's not anything new, but this oppressive, dangerous heat plays into my agoraphobic fantasies. I'm not agoraphobic, but sometimes I worry that I will be and staying inside for three days straight only intensifies those fantasies. You know? Why don't I go outside? Because it's hot, or because I'll have a panic attack? Honestly, you really don't want to know what goes on inside my head. It's scary stuff. I did go outside during the day yesterday and I couldn't believe how hot it was - only to come home to find out that yesterday was something of a relief compared to the day before. Almost made me a little sad that I hadn't ventured out the day before. Almost. We're all about the almost today.

Anyway, I don't want to dwell on the negative. I have a shrink appointment in a few hours and I'll be negative enough for ten people today, so why not cheer things up a bit? Yes? My knee highs have progressed very, very nicely. I finished one sock to the heel flap and started the second sock. Want to see a picture? Sure! Why not?

The socks are going to be very different, but I'm quite okay with that. And Teyani and I have come up with a fix for the toes and the heels and I'm VERY excited about that. Let's just say it may be the first time I knit with my own handspun. Now that's a MAGIC sock!! I'm looking forward to knitting up the second leg - I think it will go really fast. I work really well when there's a formula. You know - decrease here, increase there. Do this number of rows. I think that's how I ripped through all those jaywalkers so fast. I had the formula down pat so I knew just what I was doing - how much longer I had to go, etc. It works really well for me when I know where I'm going. HAHAHAHA! If only life could be that simple!

I may also cast on for my top down v-neck Calmer sweater. Might. We'll see. But I'm feeling better about knitty math FOR THE MOMENT - so I shouldn't let it slip by without taking advantage of it. I've got the crochet provisional cast on fresh in my mind as well. You've got to use the skills or lose them.

I've been asked a lot lately about the Chance log cabin and if I've forsaken it. ABSOLUTELY NOT! It's just gotten pretty big and it's been hot and I've found I sweat when I knit - even with the AC blowing directly on me. I think it has to do with sitting in one position for extended periods of time. Anyway, the blanket is pretty big now and it takes a long time to get through a section and it's resting beautifully on the couch and I will go back to it. I love it too much not to and I want the experiment to come to its natural conclusion, but just not this week. Soon. In the meantime, go check out Mustaa Villaa's GORGEOUS log cabin. Smokey pointed it out to me in the comments and I have to say I almost wish she hadn't. It's so blindingly beautiful I am a little envious. It's very inspiring - so much so that maybe I'll sew up the green squares this weekend. Hmmmm.

Okay! On to the title of today's entry. YARNIVAL!!!!

Eve, of Needle Exchange, contacted me before I left for my sister's about her new venture - Yarnival. It's this thing called a Blog Carnival and as far as I can tell, it's kind of like an online compilation of very cool blog entries. Of course, Eve's blog carnival will center around knitting and fiber pursuits and it's a new way for us to read and get to know different blogs. I, for one, seem to be stuck in my same bloglines rut. Not that I don't have excellent blogs listed on my bloglines, but there are tons of new blogs out there and I've been too lazy to seek them out. YARNIVAL will help us all! Anyone, regardless of the length of time they've been blogging or the popularity of their blog, can submit a post to Yarnival. The editor for that edition will choose which ones to include and it will be posted on a certain day of the month. You can read all about it here. TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO SUBMIT for this month's Yarnival - so RUN OVER and do it. I've already submitted a post. You can too!

Have a great weekend!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:34 AM | Comments (17)

July 19, 2006

Root root root for the Cubbies

The streak continues.

On Friday, we arrived in Chicago a bit late, checked into the hotel and made a mad dash to the Red Line for a ride out to Wrigley Field. Ironically enough, the Cubs were playing the Mets. I was rooting for the Cubs, natch. G had been really wanting to make it out to Wrigley - one of the original ball parks - for a long while. I'm not the hugest of baseball fans - I tend to get bored. Not to mention it was really really really hot and when I sat down, this was my view.

Ewwwww! DUDE! How was I going to eat my hot dog looking at that?!? (Sorry Bonne Marie! I had to do it!)

I tried to divert my attention elsewhere:

Old fashioned scoreboard.
The guys in there must have been HOT!



Seats on the top of buildings surrounding the field.
Who do you have to know to get one of those?

And then G said, "What do you think's going to happen today?"

I've talked about it before, but it seems like we can't go to a ball game without something extraordinary happening. It's become kind of de rigueur for my attendance at a baseball game. Friday was no exception.

As I mentioned (along with countless meteorologists across this great land) it was FUCKING HOT! And humid. And as the game wore on it got darker and darker and darker. G said, "I've never seen a rain delay." and it was like NIGHT at 3 PM. The first indication of rain was a huge group of people in red polo shirts who seemed to have come out of the ground around the Cubs dugout. "They're the tarp guys," G said. And then I felt the first few drops. It was a relief to be sure. A drop here. A drop there. Nothing big. The game played on. And then suddenly and without warning the people on the OTHER SIDE OF THE STADIUM at the third base foul line started to run as if their lives depended on it. Of course, they couldn't really go anywhere and it was a matter of seconds before the SHEET of rain was upon us dry folk on the first base foul line.

Where's your shirt now, bub?!

See the person in the clearish poncho next to me on my left? This was actually an older couple - the guy told me he was at the first night game at Wrigley - and while they were huddled under their poncho a mysterious hand came out from underneath and handed me an umbrella. Thank you kind souls! There was really no where to go - the lines to get out of the rain were at a standstill so we sat huddled under the umbrella and laughed. There may have been some kissing as well.


Like 3:15 in the afternoon. See how dark?



Right back atcha baby!

Eventually the poncho couple started to move toward the covered seats and I told G we had to go with them because I wanted to make sure they got their umbrella back. We followed them up and gave them the umbrella. The rest of the delay we stood sort of out of the rain. I talked to a woman who had lost her whole family somewhere. It was her birthday. We laughed.




It stopped, like all rains do.


First you put it on, then you take it off.







I was never so wet in my life. Seriously. My pants were STUCK to my legs. My feet. Oy. You don't even want to know about my feet. But MAN did we have fun!!!




These guys seemed more annoyed than anything.




And the sun did eventually come out again.








Although I think it was hotter AFTER the rain than before. We left right after the seventh inning because we had to get back to the hotel. My pants were wet for days. Here's a picture of what my feet looked like when I finally took my shoes off - all pruny and gross.

The most amazing part of the afternoon was my felted bag. I had my booga bag with me - the one I carry everywhere - and it got pretty darn wet. ON THE OUTSIDE. The INSIDE stayed dryer than dry!!! I swear to you! When they say those felted bags are water proof - my god they ARE!!! Here's a picture of my ticket and G's ticket. My ticket was thrown willy nilly inside my bag. G's ticket was in his pocket.

Dry one on the left, wet one on the right.
But you didn't need me to tell you that, right?


Isn't that CRAZY?! And it never really got wet on the outside either, although at one point at the height of the rain I was hiding it under my chair and the bottom was really wet - like I could wring some water out of it wet. Inside? DRY. I will never NOT carry a felted bag again!!!! AWESOME!

Just like the Cubs fans. I don't think anyone left during the rain delay. That's what I call dedication.

Posted by Cara at 11:43 AM | Comments (43)

July 13, 2006

Through Snow and Sleet and Maybe Not So Much The Rain

I was all set to take the boxes to the post office yesterday but we had pretty horrific weather all day so it was a no go. They actually had tornados in Westchester which isn't so close to me but close enough. The lightning across the swamps was INCREDIBLE. Sustained huge bolts. Scary stuff. And while it took a little while in the day for the rains to come, the thought of trying to load 24 boxes into my car then take them out of my car at the PO with the threat of rain was too much! Today is the day. I have laundry to do too and lots of clothes folding and then tomorrow bright and early CHICAGO!

Last night I started folding the clothes in the bedroom and we had a really really really bad storm - much worse than anything we had during the day - and I started watching this movie Birth. Has anyone seen it? It's that controversial movie where Nicole Kidman gets naked in a tub with a little kid and kisses him. Although she doesn't kiss him when they're naked in the tub. Whatever. He's supposed to be her reincarnated dead husband. I get kind of in to it and I've stopped folding clothes and G keeps walking in the bedroom asking questions and I keep telling him to shush so I can watch and then it ends and I turn to him and say, "My god that movie sucked." Why? Why can't we turn away? Why do we feel compelled to see something through to the end like that? Especially when Nicole Kidman looked so bad it was uncomfortable and Lauren Bacall is looking decidedly Planet of the Apes. I could've had all the clothes folded. Or I could've watched three episodes of Another World which just got really really really good because now Ryan is on the scene and I'm surprised that Anne Heche was still playing Vicki when Ryan showed up. Now THAT'S entertainment! Incidentally, I found it pretty funny that Anne Heche was also in Birth.

Then I had a dream that I started knitting my top down v-neck Calmer pullover. What do you think that means? (THANK GOD for archives because I couldn't for the LIFE of me remember what size needle I used on my swatch and it says right there in internet black and white that I used size 8s. Which seems really wrong because the stitches are small, but that's what I'm going with. I need to talk with MJ though because she did the whole thing top down and that's what I want to do. Her sweater came out PERFECT and I want one JUST LIKE IT!) I'm thinking this will be my 2006 Rhinebeck sweater. Yes. I said it. It's July 13 and I'm invoking the R word.

I've been thinking about socks too.

I'm not sure how much blogging I'll be doing while I'm away - we get back Monday night. Look for an update on Tuesday for sure. I've decided that I'm definitely going to the Loopy party tomorrow night. I will have had a pretty full day by that time and I'm thinking I can sit and knit and meet other knitters without having to worry about much. So come sit by me! Hope to see you in Chi-town! Have a great weekend everyone!

L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:45 AM | Comments (33)

June 13, 2006

DUDE! Why I still blog: Reason #429

(Warning: this is one of those feel good rose colored glasses the universe is a beautimous place post. If you're one of those people who hates everything and everyone, back away slowly. I'm usually like that myself so I understand the nausea. I promise to be back to my cynical sarcastic fugly self tomorrow. Thanks! Have a great day!)

Have you noticed it too? That the knitblog world seems so, I don't know, quiet? Maybe it's just shifting, as these things are wont to do? I just dont know. It seems like lots of people I used to see around all the time have just sort of disappeared. Or maybe it's just that everyone got a life and I missed the memo? (Maybe it's me? I promise to shower more.) I've been thinking about this a lot the last couple of weeks. Like maybe it's all ending and the new new thing is coming along and I still just want to write in my blog and show off my stuff and I have a compulsion to share! In some ways I've never been more excited about my knitting and where it's going and I'm not one of those people that can keep my mouth shut. I find it interesting - this incredibly fluid incredibly fickle world we pseudo live in. I guess that IS what keeps it interesting. I DO STILL have faith in all of it - this big goofy experiment of a community where people come together because they love this one thing - this fiber thing - and then they bare their souls and actually become friends and join together to care about stuff. I BELIEVE!

Because, for instance, just yesterday THIS came in the mail.

NORMA! You nut! I laughed for like a half an hour and then everytime I went into the dining room and saw it sitting on the stack of mail I laughed again. DUDE! You ROCK! Thank you! (What's so funny is that I rarely say dude except with my knitter friends. You guys bring the dude out in me. It's true.)

And then, the other day, these found their way into my home:

BRIGHT! CHEERY! HIGH ENERGY! Gotta love my girl Jenny! She was all worried about me that I wouldn't get sockapaloooza socks so she somehow got my foot dimensions and knit me a pair. How freaking sweet is that? I put them on immediately and I love them - because yes - I love the socks, but more so because they're from Jenny and even though I met her for a couple of hours one really sunny day two years ago May, we made a connection and I love her. Thank you Jenny!

ETA: I did receive Sockapaloooza socks. Lovely ones. From Elizabeth. Thank you Elizabeth!

And in the blow my socks off with a 50 lb canon category I received this:

I can't even begin to describe to you what these are. Stephanie of Spritely Goods was the FIRST person to offer up a prize for the Spin Out - even before I knew I was going to give prizes. Even before I knew that there would be a fundraiser for Heifer - SHE KNEW. She generously donated some hand-dyed batts. Then she donated money to the cause, and then, because you know, enough is never enough, she offered up some SAMPLE BATTS for spinners attending the event. MINI SAMPLE BATTS! Are you freaking KIDDING me?



I guess not because these little babies arrived in my mailbox and I swear to you I cried. Obviously, Stephanie lovingly carded all this fiber, made the little batts, made the mini labels. Do you know what the back of the label says? I'll read it to you:

In honor of June's Project Spectrum color Blue, I'm pleased to present you with a sample of handblended merino fiber in the Desert Daybreak Colorway. Enjoy and spin happily! - Stephanie

She's even getting you all in on Project Spectrum!!! I need a new way to say it but THIS GIRL ROCKS! Sure, sure, the cynics among us will say free advertising, but c'mon. The amount of work that went into this was way more than what she'll get from the free ads. As Georgie said when he came home and I showed them to him - she's just a little bit better than me. My god Stephanie. I'm so incredibly touched that Ann can come with up a crazy idea and that people like you can take off with it. Thank you thank you thank you. Get there EARLY people. This gold ain't going to last!

I still blog because people came out of the woodwork yesterday to ask if I was okay. You know. Because I said I'm going to host another knit along. I'm fine. It's all good. I have a plan. HAHAHAHAHAHA! No really. Thank you for your concern. Yes I'm still seeing my psychiatrist. Yes the drugs are working fine. Yes. Yes. No. Not really. Do you think it would help? Really, though. I'm okay. It's going to be great. And I think, this way, I'll get to meet lots of new people! As I said, the knitblog world is constantly changing and while I miss my old friends that have moved onto greener pastures, I'm making new friends! Have you read Julia's blog, Fricknits? She takes really beautiful pictures and has the cutest little boy and knits well and teaches kids to knit and most importantly she writes really really well. Go check her out! And the other day I saw a great meme type thing over at Victoria's blog (who also takes some really really nice pictures,) Peace and Sereknitty. It's sort of the anti-high school meme. What I Really Like About Me. Victoria would like us to all be a bit kinder to ourselves by stating five things (baby steps) we like about ourselves. Here are my five:

1. I have a great neck. Long and thin and ballerina like.
2. I think I have a pretty good sense of humor. And most importantly I can laugh at myself.
3. I'm loyal to the bitter end. If I'm your friend - you're stuck with me.
4. I am extremely passionate about what I love and what I don't love.
5. I'm well mannered - I always say please and thank you. I think please and thank you go a long way toward helping people feel appreciated.
(I'm adding an extra because I just can't leave it out. Yeah. I'm all about the self love.)
6. I have great feet. Perfect feet. Pretty feet. I love my feet.

See? Blogworld is still a great place to pull up a piece of the Internets and grow some roots. HAVE A GREAT DAY! THANK YOU FOR READING!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 10:21 AM | Comments (57)

May 04, 2006

Burn Baby Burn!

Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire

Tell me now baby is he good to you
Can he do to you the things that I do
I can take you higher
I'm on fire

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby
edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
through the middle of my soul

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
and a freight train running through the
middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
I'm on fire

~~~
I'm driving in my car, I turn on the radio
I'm pulling you close, you just say no
You say you don't like it, but girl I know you're a liar
'Cause when we kiss, Fire

Late at night I'm takin' you home
I say I wanna stay, you say you wanna be alone
You say you don't love me, girl you can't hide your desire
'Cause when we kiss, Fire

You had a hold on me, right from the start
A grip so tight I couldn't tear it apart
My nerves all jumpin' actin' like a fool
Well your kisses they burn but your heart stays cool

Romeo and Juliet, Samson and Delilah
Baby you can bet their love they didn't deny
Your words say split but your words they lie
'Cause when we kiss, Fire

Words and Musice by Bruce Springsteen.

There is no knitting content today. None. Nada. NIL. It's like when I finished that shawl I was sapped of all my knitting super powers. I can't even look at a sock. I'm sad. Anyway, come back, I don't know, next month? if you want knitting. Thanks!

Last night was NOT devoid of excitement. It was about 9:45PM and I was laying in bed updating the MDSW sidebar (yes, I'm STILL updating) and watching this show about Bette Davis's life. I love Bette Davis. Anyway, I'm watching tv and computing when G calls me in for dinner. I take my time wandering into the dining room from our bedroom and as I'm passing the kitchen he comes out, frantic, practically running me over.

"I need your help! There's a FIRE!"

I walk into the kitchen - no smoke or anything - to see what can only be described as a nice bright ember glowing in the heating unit at the bottom of the oven. The chicken he was cooking is still in there and he proceeds to toss water on the coil. And when I say toss I mean throw a measuring cup of water in the direction of the oven missing pretty much everything that might be burning. I say why don't we take the chicken out of the oven so we can get a better look at what's going on? I wasn't really scared or upset or anything because there weren't really any flames, per se, but it was definitely on fire and it didn't seem to be going out. We take the chicken out and the grates and watch it burn. G's so pissed because he made corn on the cob and biscuits even and he's hungry and I say I should get the camera to take a picture for the blog and he says do whatever you want. Yeah. No burning picture. The ember travels around the coil - so it's moving - but it isn't getting bigger. G throws more water into the oven. Nothing. Some sizzling and some sparks shooting out of the coil, but nothing like it's going out. At all. It seems at any moment it's going to get A LOT bigger and that's what prompts us to get out the fire extinguisher.

I keep yelling, "DON'T POINT IT AT ME!" as G's trying to figure out how to get out the pin. Not very intuitive those things. Had it been a real fire we would have been dead before we got the thing opened. He unpins it finally and takes aim and fires it at the burning coil. Nothing. Nothing, that is, unless you count a HUGE plume of toxic talc in our faces and lungs. Cough. Cough. Great.

About this time I remember that the washing machine and dryer are right next to the stove and that there are still clothes in the hamper on the floor and pants over the door that haven't been folded or anything since the last time we did laundry so I'm scooping everything up and throwing it on the sofa in the living room and then I remember the big box of yarn that came the other day (I'll tell you about it later) and I quickly get it all back in the box and close it up and open all the windows and then go back into the kitchen.

So the thing is still burning and now we're trying water again which mixes with the fire extinguisher stuff so that we're making a paste that will be impossible to get off ever and the coil is still burning. Then I take control of the fire extinguisher and hold that fucker down so that the ENTIRE house fills with toxic talc. The fire just won't quit, moving along the track but now it's getting to the other side of the coil and suddenly more and more sparks are shooting out and the fire blooms up then back to what it's been and then I notice that the coil is burning bright orange further down the line where the fire is heading and it wasn't doing that before. I close the oven because I'm thinking if this thing gets out of hand then maybe it will contain itself in there and G says no because opening it will cool it down and it's STILL BURNING and I'm getting scared now and we've sort of run out of options and it doesn't look like this thing is going to burn itself out and we both feel like the thing is going to explode at any minute. So we do it. God help me this means people, STRANGERS will see I'm a pig, but the house could burn down and we don't have any choice. G calls 911.




"911. What's your emergency?"
"We live at __ __ __. There's a fire in our oven. We've tried everything to get it out. There's not much smoke. (There really wasn't any - it was just fire extinguisher crap.) It's electric."
"Did you try unplugging it?"
"We can't get to the plug."
"Did you flip the circuit breaker?"
Blank stares.
G runs over to where the circuit breaker is located, across from the stove IN THE KITCHEN, and we both start flipping switches. I look over to the oven. The fire is completely out. Nothing burning anymore. When I say instantaneous, I'm being slow about it. "It's out," G says to the operator. "No, no. It's out. We're good. Thank you."

I'm amazed. In shock. Complete AWE that two incredibly intelligent, resourceful, quick on their feet people could be SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!

My house is covered with a fine mist of silt. Soot. Whatever the fuck you want to call this dust that is in everything. Oh and that little fire that probably wasn't a fire at all - burned right through the coil in the stove. So I'll be getting a new stove. I just lay on the floor and started crying. Dude. I have to clean my house. I don't have time this week to clean my house. I don't. Next week I can clean my house. I think all the yarn is okay and it'll be hard to tell what's normal dust and what's fire extinguisher dust. There is some good news in all this: the microwave still works.

I should've known that when I took this picture earlier in the evening it was a harbinger:

That's pretty much what the stove looked like on fire.

I'm feeling EXTREMELY guilty about Maryland. We need a new stove. We just spent a fortune to fix our old car and now we're not using our new (old) car because we need to keep it nice before we trade it in for our new (new) car which god knows when that will come so we're renting a car to drive down to Maryland. It's going to be really hard to spend money. Well, it's going to be hard to spend money guilt-free. G says this year is a rebuilding year like the Mets. I say stop being so goofy and happy when your house almost burned to the ground you big lug. And besides, I'm a Yankee fan. I said we don't have to go this weekend and he said of course we're going and now that we're renting a car it will be even MORE like a vacation. How'd I get so lucky?

Now, I have a favor to ask. I'm feeling really really really negative about my sockapaloooza socks. Somehow I feel like I've been cursed in this exchange and that I will NOT be getting a new pair of socks. If you are my pal and read my blog, can you please please send me out a note that says you are knitting the socks or have knit the socks or could care less about knitting my socks? I haven't heard from you AT ALL and I'm sorry if I'm being a pain but I'm nervous and I don't want to go to the mailbox every day just to be disappointed. Thanks sock pal. I really appreciate it.

Posted by Cara at 11:04 AM | Comments (79)

May 02, 2006

Weather Girl

Today, my pretties, we're not going to talk about knitting. Yesterday was a really blah knitting day and kind of a blah day in general. (You know, it's really hard to re-enter the atmosphere after such a fabulous knitting experience. Every project seems, well, pedestrian at this point. I'm sure it will pass soon.) Well, maybe a teeny tiny VERY important little bit about knitting....

Mr. Etherknitter, as most of you know, was in an awful skiing accident a while back and he hasn't had as much progress as we'd all like in the bone growth department. So as all good knitters are wont to do in a time of need, we're knitting for GROWTH! Find the details about Mr. Etherknitter here and the details for knitting to make that bone grow here and thank Maryse for the button here. I will be doing my part and knitting a bit today, with bone growth in mind. Pass it on!

Okay, back to the issue at hand. The weather. I'm not a weather person. I strive for comfort in my life, the kind of comfort the great indoors can provide. That's not to say I don't like to go outside, on occassion, but the conditions have to be pretty close to perfect. That doesn't mean sun all the time either - I'm perfectly happy on a cloudy slightly cold day. Or a sunny briskly cold day. Or a warm, but not too warm, breezy sunny day. Or a snowy cold gray day. You get the picture. I just don't really care that much about winter. If I want to go outside I go outside but most of the time I'm perfectly content to stay in my nice climate controlled home. Not so my husband. While we are perfect for each other, we're so different in so many ways. He LIVES to be outside. He's a Leo, born in August, and I've always thought that really influenced his love for the sun. (Me, on the other hand, I'm a Cappy tried and true - nothing but the dark, cold, bleak depressing winter for us!!) Anyway, G's love of the sun and all things warm and outdoors really dictate a lot in our life. He suffers horribly from SAD - the minute the turn those clocks back in October it's like a death knell on our house. In contrast, the minute they turn them forward it's like spring and candy and lightness and all things good! He's out there EVERY weekend, and I mean every weekend, playing tennis, sitting by the pool, soaking in those Vitamin D laden rays. Me? I'm in the house. Knitting.

So G works extremely hard for our family and we like to take vacations - preferably to warm climeates. We were supposed to be away this week. Right this second I was supposed to be on a sunny Bermuda beach with a virgin icy drink in one hand and a half-knit sock in the other. Instead, I'm here with you all! Why? Because G started watching the weather about three weeks ago and it was dismal. When I tell you there wasn't sun in sight I mean it was rain, rain, rain, rain like you wouldn't believe. He becamse OBSESSED with the weather in Bermuda. When the forecast everyday was cold and rainy, he cancelled the trip. (Luckily for us there weren't any penalites.) Then he went about finding some place else to go.

Last week he found it - a place he's always wanted to go - it's exclusive, gorgeous, consistently rated one of the best resorts in the world and we've just passed peak season so the rates are much lower. Cap Juluca. AKA Paradise. We leave on Mother's Day and come back on Wednesday - it's a quick trip but with nothing to do but bask in the sun and eat at 5 star restaurants it was looking to be relaxing and rejuvenating. But...but...

Hmm. Tropical paradise, no? We ended up getting into a big argument about it. We can't cancel this trip and even though when the weather was looking bad in Bermuda I was all like well we'll be together and who cares and I can knit in the rain and blah blah blah and then he canceled the trip. THIS time, well, I was in a bad mood and then I was like why bother going if all it's going to do is rain!? And he was all like what happened to the togetherness and the knitting in the rain? And I was all like well now it's a world class resort and how can you go in the rain? Of course, we're still more than ten days out and things can change quickly and I know that in the Caribbean it can rain for like five minutes and be sunny the rest of the day. But I can't help but be obsessed now.

ETA: Georgie just called me - he called the hotel. (Insanity runs in the family obviously.) While not explicitly saying he was crazy, the woman he spoke to said that yes, it has been raining, but that the mini rain storms come in and out and don't last and that 80% of the day it's sunny. He feels better, so I guess I feel better too.

And have you seen the weather forecast for the weekend?

Rain on Saturday. Rain on Sunday. Any suggestions on what we should do about the meet-up? I know I've been lax about getting the names up there. I promise to have it updated by Saturday. That's all that counts, right?

If you're looking for me in the next week, chances are I'll be off checking the weather.

Posted by Cara at 10:25 AM | Comments (39)

April 28, 2006

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!

My host server had a DoS attack today, so my websites were off line for awhile. I wrote this post this morning before Jen called and asked me to hang out. So off I went AND she took pictures for me all gussied up. They'll come later. Patience my pretties.

Build a house and build it high
Build it right up to the sky
See the roof, see the floor
See the little swinging door
See the momma making bread
See the children asleep in bed
1…2…3 WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP

This children's song was going through my head yesterday while I was trying on dresses for the wedding. The red one from Nordstrom’s doesn’t fit. It’s not really bad, in fact, G first thought it was good – the problem is the dress is really nice. The fabric’s nice. The color’s nice. And it sort of fits. It’s the kind of dress you try on in the store and you carry around with you for an hour because you can’t decide so you buy it anyway and end up returning it. Instead I bought it online and now I’ll return it. The fit is just off. It fits through the middle, sort of, but it’s too big through the chest, sort of. And no, I don’t think alterations will help. Plus, as G said, if you’re going to pay $188 for a dress you want it to fit RIGHT. (Please don’t tell him I thought the price was pretty reasonable.)

Anyway, so when I went out to the P.O. yesterday I stopped at some of the outlets around my house, you know, just to see if there were any dresses out there.

DUDE! When did my body get so old?!?!?

I had an older friend tell me once that 25 was it. That you start to lose your body after 25. She neglected to tell me that it’s gone by 36. ;-) It’s not really that I need to lose that much weight (20 lbs would be great, 15 probably ideal, even 10 would make a big difference) it’s just that everything needs to be toned up. I know, I know. The weather’s nicer now and I have no excuse (well this week I do – PMS is kicking my ass – actually my boobs) NOT to start running again and plenty of inspiration to get me going: Ann, Elisa, Chelsea, Lolly, the other Lolly. Hell, everybody’s doing it! Why shouldn’t I? And I will. My arms were enough to scare the crap out of me. I used to have nice arms. I want nice arms again. Not all Angela Bassett muscley or anything just a teeny bit cut.

Normally I’m not one to obsess about my body (god knows I obsess about everything else) but this wedding is one of those high school reunion type things. You see, these people knew me or met me when I looked like this. Never mind the fact that NONE of them look like they did back then, I don’t look like I did. And it’s not that I really want to look like that again – well the body, yes, but the hair was a pain in the ass and I actually think I look younger with shorter hair – but I want to look like I feel and I still feel like I did back then. Only smarter. And wiser. And better. You know?

Now I’m even more happy about the shawl. I’ll wear the San Simeon dress and cover myself with my own handknit luxury.

To assuage my bruised ego, I started a new sock.

It's Pomatomus in one of the new spring colors from Blue Moon: Dutch Canyon. Sometimes it’s good to try new things because I learned that a) the whole time I was knitting this I kept thinking how nice Dutch Canyon would be as a jaywalker and b) that Pomatomus is an interesting pattern but maybe not so much for me. Especially in this yarn. It will be ripped.

Live and learn people. Live and learn.
Have a great weekend. I will let you all know how the wedding goes. Thank you so so so much for all the compliments on my shawl. It means so much, especially since it will probably be ignored at the wedding. ;-) I PROMISE I will do my best to get action shots. I’m not sure how and I’m not sure when, but I will get them for you! I PROMISE! Jen took them for me! Hopefully they'll go up sometime tonight. Thanks!

PS - GO TELL CARRIE MAZEL TOV! The Pants asked her to make it legal! YAY!

Posted by Cara at 05:33 PM | Comments (6)

April 27, 2006

I knit; therefore I am.

One of the things that makes writing so amazingly incredibly difficult (and also why it makes it so so satisfying - please let me write again! PLEASE!) is that there is this HUGE gap between your imagination and what actually makes it onto the page. I can spend days and hours and days thinking over stories and having it be PERFECT in my mind and it never makes it out of my head exactly the way I want it to be. I'm not sure I know why this is - but it is. It's probably the same for painting. Such inexactness is what makes it all so precious, maybe. I don't know. But I know that writing is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life (so far) and that it's like pulling teeth to get started and full of disappointment and the greatest feeling when you've done what you set out to do. I often cry when I finish a story, or at least I used to. Part so glad it's over part awe that I created this.

I called G yesterday and in hushed reverent tones I said, "That shawl. My shawl. You know the one on the floor? Well it's beyond perfect."
"I know. It's great."
"No. I unpinned it. It's amazing. EXACTLY what I wanted."
"I saw it yesterday. You're the best."
"But it's OFF THE FLOOR. You DON'T understand. IT'S PERFECT."

I was like Maria in West Side Story, flitting about the house with that shawl - oh so pretty, so pretty and witty and gay. I tried it on while I was naked. (By the way, triangular shawls - not so good with the naked. Those points don't cover much.) I did Talia Shire in Godfather III pulling it up over my head dramatically. I thought about greeting G at the door with nothing on but the shawl (I can't explain why this particular piece of knitting is causing me to take off my clothes. I'm not usually like that with handknits) but then I had to pick him up at the train.

The best part about this shawl is that I had a vision in my mind and I GOT EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED!! No where else in my creative life is this possible. With the writing - well I already explained that. With the photography - it depends. Sometimes I don't know what I want with the flower pictures or the inanimate object pictures until I've taken one - liked it - and gone back to try to recreate it or change it slightly or jump off from there. And the kids, well, the kids is a cross your fingers on one hand, let the shutter fly on the other and hope for the best. It's a split second kind of creativity and oftentimes I don't remember framing the shot except it's clearly obvious I did when I look at the results.

But knitting is different. It's never perfect, there's always some handknit anomaly somewhere in there, which is a GOOD thing and something my anxiety/control ridden/ocd mind wants and needs, but I can GET my vision! I can ACHIEVE what I set out to make. As soon as I finished my first DFS I had an idea about a DFS with beads. I was at Rhinebeck when I saw some black(ish) STR and thought wouldn't it be so elegant in black with beads. I bought the yarn and left it in the drawer, oftentimes dreaming about it, and then the wedding came up. I'm glad I didn't use the STR in the end, because I think the solid black is much more dramatic. And it's HUGE. When I blocked it out I measured that it's 35" on each side of the middle line - so 70" at the wingspan. And from the point to the top it's about 35" as well. (It hits way below my ass, thank you very much.) I feel such a sense of creative accomplishment. I had a vision, and that vision turned out to be true.

Thank you all so much for your comments. I will absolutely try to get pictures of me wearing it with the dress. Whatever dress works out. Wouldn't you know it - I ordered some books from Amazon on Monday and did the regular shipping (not the free one) and the freaking books came yesterday. I ordered the dress on Sunday, paid for two day delivery - supposedly it shipped on Monday - and it's not here yet. Today, I'm hoping. And please think good thoughts for it to fit. I would really, really like to wear the red dress and not the black one. The shawl will look SO much more dramatic against the red. ;-) (And I don't really know the bride - I may have met her once, so I'm not feeling too bad about showing her up!)

I'll end with this. SOMEONE better ask me about the shawl at the damn wedding. I asked G if he thought someone would ask about it. Did it look really good? Would people be impressed? (I know - Hello my name is Karen. I'm a validation whore.) He told me that I shouldn't get my hopes up and used a couple of derogatory monikers to describe the people who most likely will be attending the wedding - excluding us of course. ONE person. I just want to tell ONE person that I made it myself.

Posted by Cara at 09:45 AM | Comments (50)

April 06, 2006

All Seats Provide Equal Viewing of the Universe

Yesterday Wendy and I took a detour from the MDK Spring Fling East Coast Tour: Knit Squares or Die and headed off to The Museum of Natural History, you know, in order to feel like we were in third grade again on a SCHOOL TRIP! (I promised Wendy no puking.) When we weren't being lulled into a false sense of security by Robert Redford's crackly voice (in actuality he was telling us we're all insignificant specks on the kitchen floor that is the universe and we will all die in a firey intergalactic collision) I was having the rug of life ripped out from under me. WARNING...WARNING! DO NOT READ FURTHER UNLESS YOU WANT THE RUG OF LIFE RIPPED OUT FROM UNDER YOU!!!!! Did you people know that those animals in the "history" museum were MURDERED and STUFFED for your viewing pleasure? BABY SITATUNGA were KILLED so you and your kids can point at them and say, "Look, another deer!" By the time you get to the Plains Indians, you're like, hey - they slaughtered the Indians too! And then you remember, it IS a HISTORY museum.

Yeah. I'll stick to paintings next time.

The butterflies were WAY cool though and a very cute boy (and when I say boy I mean he was at least 21) told us about pupas and stuff and even though Wendy was about to puke it was kind of hot to me. And it wasn't because the room was 97freakingdegrees either. Man, though, those MOTHS are scary as shit.

After the museum it was on to another fabulous inspirational evening with the girls. Ann and the LI crew were there, along with Karola, long time reader who needs her own blog, and Katherine and Camille and baby Skye all the way from SLC! (Margene! You were like Kevin Bacon! I felt like I was standing RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!!!) Lots of other cool peeps too. We invaded a regular knit night and were welcomed with open arms. I'm sorry if I wasn't my usual bright and sunny self (just ask Lt. Uhura) but I wasn't feeling so well yesterday. Usually I'm much funnier. And prettier. And skinnier. If you come out tonight I will be a better me! See you at Knitty City!

PS - The contest is open until 11:59 PM TONIGHT. And since mysteriously ANOTHER book has appeared in my home, I will be giving away TWO signed copies. Winner chosen at random.

Posted by Cara at 01:49 PM | Comments (16)

April 01, 2006

Julia Child Dies All Over Again!

Have you seen this? Amy Lu is a GENIUS in the kitchen! I want to be her as soon as I learn how to cook!!!

Posted by Cara at 10:37 PM | Comments (9)

March 30, 2006

Random? Umm. How about aimless? Desultory? Haphazard? Hit or miss?

My left eyelid has been twitching on and off for a week. That means I'm dying right? Or I've got some terrible neurological disease? How long does it have to twitch before I need to see someone? It doesn't hurt. My eye doesn't shut. It's just the corner (farthest from my nose) won't stop twitching.

Last night I didn't spin or knit but I thought about it. I was kind of in a mood, shall we say, and I didn't feel like anything but I didn't feel like nothing either. Makes sense, right? So I climbed into bed and read my book. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon. Our favorite Bookish Girl kept telling me to read it and I picked it up way back when and I've been reading like half a page before I fall asleep every night. There is nothing better than falling asleep while you're reading. Seriously. It's the best sleep. Anyway, I noticed the other day when I opened the book that my marker was on page 500 and something. I thought oh I stuck in there and fell asleep. Reading half a paragraph a day CANNOT get you that far into a book. But I was that far. I'd say that's a testament to the story. I must really like it to have read so much. It's a good story.

I LOVE Turbo Tax. LOVE IT! We used to have our taxes done by a friend and then I decided I wanted to do them myself. We don't have lots of fancy stuff to do - I mean my business is really just a Schedule C, nothing too complicated, but TT gets you through it all. And we usually end up with a nice chunk of change in the end. I know that the experts say you're supposed to work it out so that you break even at the end of the year - owe nothing, get nothing back - so that you're money is your own, but we like to think of the IRS as a kind of savings plan. The money in our paychecks would just be shit away anyway. So when we get that nice check in the Spring we can take a vacation. Pay some bills. You know. It's like a present. ;-)

Yesterday I started doing the taxes. I used TT last year so it saved A LOT of time. They just transfered over all the stuff from last year's return and I just have to fill in this year's numbers. Voila! They need to be done by this weekend. I've got company coming next week. I think. YAY!

I also sent out a job yesterday and my Project Spectrum Postcard swap stuff that is very, very late. I hope though, that my pal, Kelly, will get it before the end of the month. You know. When pink/red is over. I suck. I'm really hoping to do better next month. I promise.

My sister and the kids get back from vacation tomorrow! They've been gone FOREVER! YAY! I miss them so much. Not this weekend, but the next weekend, is the baby's FIRST BIRTHDAY! Can you believe it? He's such a sweetie pie. Ooooh! I miss them all I just want to eat them up!

Thanks for all the ghost stories. I haven't picked a winner yet - I haven't had a good read through them yet. Although when I read Jen's comment I didnt' realize how long I had been in my office, that has no windows, and when I got up and walked into the hallway the house was pitch black. Every light in the house was on in like seconds. I'm just saying.

I miss my Beaded Diamond Fantasy Shawl.

I think I'm bored with socks. And I think I can't do my sock pals socks two on two circulars. I tried to work it out in my mind and it just feels uncomfortable. And I don't want to do magic loop. I'd love to cast on for them, but I don't know how many stitches and what needle size and I don't feel like figuring it out. Blah.

I need to start running again.

Posted by Cara at 08:18 AM | Comments (34)

March 29, 2006

Do you see dead people?

Limited Edition Sericel from Hanna-Barbera Studios

I've got no knitting or spinning (Well I did spin last night and let's say I was underwhelmed at best. One step up and two steps back.) so I'm going to talk about something else. I can't give all the details because it's a client, but a new project has come to me that deals with the supernatural. This person has written their life story detailing their adventures with the "other side." I may have alluded in my re-cap post about my weekend at Ann's that I'm scared shitless of this stuff - basically because I guess I believe it. I hate scary movies. I've never had my fortune read and won't. There was that unfortunate incident with the Ouija Board that said I'd die in like October '88 but I've since decided that it was my so-called girlfriends fucking with me. Basically because I lived. ;-) My problem tends to be the fact that I have an extraordinary imagination. And not always in a good way. So nothing is really outside the realm of possibility for me because if I can imagine it, it can be true. (My shrink has often remarked I'm stuck in the magical thinking stage so characteristic of five year olds. You know, the idea that if you think something you can cause it. Like a kid may wish a parent dead, then think it could actually happen.) This contributes a lot to my anxiety as you can imagine. I can think up some pretty horrific things. ;-)

But I'd also like to think I have a healthy dose of skepticism and rationality in me. For instance, I'm skeptical of EVERYTHING our current government says. I'm often extremely logical and rational.

I've personally never seen a ghost. There was that one instance with my dead grandfather when I was a preteen, but I was in bed reading Go Ask Alice and I probably thought I was high or something and made the whole thing up. More likely, though, I will dream about dead relatives (mainly my great aunts and grandmother) and when I wake from the dream I usually have a feeling that they came to tell me that everything will be all right. It's not only happened to me, but my sister and my mother as well. And they've all had this same reassuring feeling afterward. Nothing scary. Just peace. When I'm feeling bad or uncertain I often wish to dream about them, but it doesn't happen like that.

Anyway, in the last few days I've spent a decent amount of time talking to this person who I'm going to be working with and I have to say, I believe everything they say. They're earnest, honest, exasperated a little bit and more than anything, they've been burdened with this ability to a certain extent. Besides the "supernatural element," this project is about writing the story of coming to terms with something in your life that you don't really want - that you didn't ask for - but has stuck around nonetheless. I could immediately relate to her. My anxiety will not go away, but it's much more manageable now that I've accepted it into my life instead of fighting it and being afraid of it. The person I'll be working with is a medium, but has been terrified of it since childhood. I don't know the whole story yet, but it seems that in the last ten years they've made a conscious effort to learn about it and explore it so as not to be afraid. To be accepting and open and hopefully have a content life.

I've been talking to G about this and while he gets just as freaked out as I am, I've tried to explain why I believe what this person is telling me. I suffer from anxiety and panic, which is basically the fight or flight instinct gone awry. My shrink, when he's not admonishing me about my magical thinking tendencies, likes to joke that I would've been GREAT in the time of the dinosaurs. You know when that anxiety mechanism kept you alive instead of making you think you're crazy? Well who's to say that at that same time, humans needed to be able to communicate with people who might have passed before them in order to survive? How many of you can say that you've never known something was going to happen before it happened? Or had a feeling about something that you couldn't shake, and only later found out what that feeling meant? Everyone has anxiety. Some of us are lucky enough to have some kind of mix-up in our brains where that anxiety switch is set WAY TOO HIGH. So what's to prevent someone from having that extrasensory switch set WAY TOO HIGH? In my mind it's the same type of thing.

I often remark to myself how extraordinarily powerful the mind is - I see it all the time with the convoluted shit I come up with - so it's not out of the realm for me that these things can and do happen. What do you think?

Here's a little game we'll play. I've been feeling pretty calm since my talks with this person - like I'm not so terrified of the whole ghost thing anymore. I'm trying to inure myself to all this ghost talk - I mean how am I going to deal with this project if I can't sleep at night - so tell me your scariest (but TRUE!) ghost story! The person who succeeds in making me run screaming from my house will win a skein of STR Prove It All Night. Gather round the campfire, kids. We're gonna tell ghost stories!

PS - Does anyone remember that really freaky deaky scene in Three Men and A Baby where you can see the kid behind the curtain in the window? OHMYGOD that was so SCARY! (And apparently false. What do you think?)

Posted by Cara at 09:12 AM | Comments (54)

March 27, 2006

Just can't quitch ya.

My house is too damn quiet. Don't tell Ann (or god forbid my husband) but I think I might miss the chaos of the dogs and the cat and the screaming and the whip and the laughing. Oh my god the laughing. I don't think I drew breath once the entire weekend we laughed so freaking hard - my stomach still hurts. My anticipatory anxiety evaporated as soon as I saw the elegant racing stripes of Onslow and we were off. Guess I'm not as crazy as I like to think I am, or, more likely, Ann and her wonderful family and friends are so welcoming and comfortable, craziness is the only way to keep up. I can't thank them enough for embracing me with such love and laughter. Seriously. They are all the real deal.

I'm finding it very difficult to blog about the weekend. You know how some adventures are meant to be blogged? And some are just friends getting together and you say oh yeah I stayed with Ann over the weekend and we had a blast? And that's all? It's kind of like that. We'd go places and we'd have our fun and then one of us would say - we forgot to take pictures. Oh well. We were IN the moment. Blogging is a very conscious act. It's deliberate. And I'd like to think that most of my life is just lived. You know?

There was some blog fodder though. On Friday, Ann drove me out to the lake for my spinning class. Ann and some of her friends (Hi Peggy! Hi Ricki!) have been taking classes with Peggy E. for about five weeks now. Ann's been documenting it over at her site and she and Peggy E. were nice enough to carve out a HUGE block of time for me. We're talking a FIVE HOUR spinning lesson. When we left the lesson Ann and I were exhausted. Like could barely move exhausted. We went home, scarfed some homemade spaghetti and meatballs, crawled into our pajamas and took up our chairs in front of the TV (think Archie and Edith - guess who I am?) and knit the rest of the night. And laughed. Can't forget the laughing.

Anyway, the spinning lesson was a dream. My one real concern was plying. I felt like my last attempt was really awful (I know now A LOT of that had to do with my spinning, not my plying) and I was anxious to learn. I had some of the gorgeous pink stuff spun up on two bobbins so Peggy E had me start plying that.

It was really great; I learned some fabulous tricks and I really hope I can continue it with my own spinning and plying. To say I was thrilled with the final product doesn't even scratch the surface. I may have teared up. This is the most beautiful yarn I've ever seen in my life.






And look how fantastic it looks next to my skin!



Ann loves to tell the story that the first time we spun together I stomped around because I was petulant and frustrated and couldn't spin for shit. I hope she continues on to tell the story of the jig I danced because I was so deliriously happy with my spinning. Delirious. Out of my mind. Thank you Ann! I'm glad you were there for both experiences.

There was lots of knitting this weekend, but it's boring. Or not mine. I'm to the gusset on two socks, a jaywalker and the embossed leaves sock and they both look fine. I'm happy with them. I asked no fewer than a 100 people (the kids in McDonald's were surely confused!) about the sleeves on my Short Rows. I will be back with a schematic and a question for all you experts out there. Ann's FANFUCKINGTASTIC friend Claire (I LOVE YOU FLAIRE!) came over on Friday night and we talked until 1AM. (Of course I made Ann stay up another hour with me until I was dead tired because they insisted on telling ghost stories and it was either that or make her sleep with me because I hate ghost stories. I believe them and they freak me out and then I can't sleep.) I was helping Claire out with a project, this baby sweater that's got one of the most convoluted constructions I've ever seen. So I was working on that with her Friday night and then when Ann and I had our yarn crawl Saturday we came across the sample sweater and I realized we were doing it all wrong. When we went to Claire's on Saturday to see the not one but TWO cemeteries on her property (cooler than cool is allowed to be, by the way) and then stayed around to visit with Claire's friend Nancy Christie and read Claire's autograph books from elementary school (which, Claire, should become your one woman masterpiece. I see you in a darkened theater, alone on the stage, spotlighted, reading the entries and telling your stories. I'd buy a ticket every fucking night.) I worked on the sweater for her. I wanted to be knitting, but I was bored with my own stuff so it was a nice fit to be working out someone else's knitting. Ann said I was enabling, but if you can't enable a little, what's life worth anyway?

I had one of those really surreal in the moment, but looking in from the outside experiences while sitting in Claire's (literally) 300 year old parlor. There were four women there, telling our stories, knitting, laughing more that people should really be allowed to laugh - one in her 60s, one in her 50s, one in her 40s, one in her 30s - and yet we were all the same and completely different. It was really quite extraordinary. I'm not sure if the other women were conscious of it at all and it might have been one of those moments that I romantacize to death but it was a true feeling for me and I was so glad to be a part of it. I don't think I'll ever forget it.

No weekend on Lawn Guyland would be complete without a trip to GRANNY'S! Granny was fantastic. A find. A treasure and it was great to see Kathleen again, although our time was short. I will be back! I promise!

Once again, I'd like to thank Ann's family - her husband, her daughter, her friends, her pets - for putting up with our silliness this weekend. It was my immense pleasure to meet you all and I hope to see you again soon. And to my dear real-life friend Ann. I just can't quitch ya. Thank you.

Posted by Cara at 10:02 AM | Comments (32)

March 24, 2006

Don't tell her cause I don't want to hurt her feelings, but

OMG - Ann is wearing me out!

Posted by Cara at 04:41 PM | Comments (13)

March 23, 2006

Adventures in Babysitting

Because I am like a wee child who can't be alone at night (even though I have my blankie to keep me company), my wheel and I are off to visit our favorite purling swine. She's still on board even after I cried to her this morning that I am an anxious mess and likely not to eat, sleep or be drug-free this weekend. Now that's love. Jen was kind enough to put me up last night even though I ran out of her house this morning like a bat out of hell at 7:30AM. No offense Jen, Xavi and Oscar! I'm just Crazy Aunt Cara!

You all have a good weekend. I'll see you back here Monday. Same bat time, same bat channel. Pass the Xanax.

Posted by Cara at 12:00 PM | Comments (10)

March 17, 2006

I'm looking over a Four Leaf Clover....

Can I just tell you? I'm so NOT a fan of St. Patrick's Day. There isn't an ounce of irish blood in me or my husband, I'm not a drinker, and I'm not so into green. Add to that I used to live on the same block as McSorley's, where people would literally line up around the block to get in on St. Pat's Day. The street would be lined with Porta-Potties and still there was a river of puke and piss. I also worked a few blocks from Fifth Avenue in the 50s (around the corner from St. Patrick's Cathedral) for many years and basically you couldn't leave the office on March 17th. BUT today. Well today I am as Irish as they come. All for my friend Vicki! She sent out the bat signal yesterday and I'm here to respond. It's been a tough month over at Vick's and I want you all to go on over and wish her brother Michael a happy birthday and send a big ol' pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for him. He's got some surgery going on today and all my wishes and hopes and prayers are with the Knitorious family! I LOVE YOU VICKI! (And don't forget - tell Vicki and Ann congrats on their YEAR QUIT DATE!!!! I'm so PROUD of both of them! YAY!)

What's that you ask? Why I'd be happy to tell you!



You know, I thought I was the proudest ever when I completed the first back of Short Rows. Then I thought I was the TOTAL SHIT when I finished REKNITTING the back because of gauge issues and FINISHED the front. When I finished the sleeves, well, let me tell you baby it was going to be all ends all the time at Chez January One. Yeah. Right.

NOTHING. None of my other knitting accomplishments, with this project, or any other project, prepared me for the elation I felt when I did this:

I DID IT!!!! I WOVE IN EVERY SINGLE FREAKING END! Now, in case you're not suitably impressed, we're talking 1,472,039 ends. Literally. That is no exaggeration. Want a reminder?


Click to see it bigger so you can actually count the ends.

Yeah. I thought so. I'm SO HAPPY I didn't take any shortcuts! I'm so freaking happy. Who cares if I never sew it up and give it a collar and ever wear it. I WOVE IN THE ENDS! Sigh. It's the little things in life, right?

Don't worry all you short row freaks out there. I will sew it up and I will knit the collar and I will wear it. Although I have to say I'm really really really nervous about it. I mean, what if I put it on and it doesn't fit? Or I put it on and someone splashes spaghetti sauce on me? Or I just eat normally and get crap all over it? What if I sweat in it (I'm a bad perspirer) and I get all kinds of deodorant stains on it and then it's ruined forever? What if it doesn't ohmygod fit? So see, if I procrastinate a little bit it's only because I'm afraid that if I actually finish it I might have to wear it and then I might ruin it and it's been a year since I started this and it will be my greatest knitting accomplishment and is that pathetic because maybe this project isn't as great I thought it once was and it's like a pullover with some stripes easy peasy and who will care? And what if it doesn't FUCKING FIT?

Posted by Cara at 11:39 AM | Comments (33)

March 16, 2006

Closer...closer....

If all goes as planned, the blocking rug will be out tonight. And that's all I'm going to say about that. Jinx buy me a beer.

Want to see what we had for dinner last night?

Yeah. Delicious! We order from this place once a week and without fail, if the owner guy answers, the order gets screwed up somehow. WITHOUT FAIL. It's very strange. Anyone else and the order is delivered fast, hot and yummy. This guy? Not so much. So we were prepared for the slop that greeted us at the door. No worries - they delivered a new one ASAP and wanted the old one back. Good thing I snapped a picture before hand.

Pizza is my transition home meal. When I told G I wanted pizza for dinner he was like of course you do - in a very nice way. Apparently I always have pizza my first dinner home from being away. Maybe because it's easy and I usually have leftovers for lunch the next day? Maybe because pizza outside of the NYC metro area sucks ass? Hmmm. Not sure, but he's right. You can never go wrong with pizza. Ever never.

So I'm back home but my home is driving me crazy. It's actually kind of depressing. We've been living in squalor (as we like to say affectionately) and it has to end. Last night G came home to find me crawling around on the floor picking up all the trash. Do you do this? Whenever I'm switching bags or the crap in my current bag gets to be too much I dump it on the carpet and start over. I'm usually running out of the house at the time and can't sit and go through everything so on the floor it goes. And I can't just dump it over the trash because there are receipts I need to keep in there. Or at least that's what I tell myself. So I was crawling around trolling for trash making neat little piles everywhere of things that don't get thrown out. And finding stitchmarkers. And yarn. Everywhere. I was also procrastinating because I have work to do. I'm out of the work loop so I don't feel like doing it and yet it needs to be done because another job is coming this weekend. I'm grateful for work - don't get me wrong - but there are so many things to help me procrastinate! I'm trying to look at it in a glass half full kind of way. At least I picked up the trash on the floor, right?

Today I'm going to get shrunk and then meet the FAMOUS AUTHOR Kay to buy some stuff I need for a new project. I'm SO excited about this project! So excited! But you'll have to wait. Hopefully not too long as I'm waiting with you, but soon my pretties. Very, very soon.

Have a great day!

Posted by Cara at 10:39 AM | Comments (19)

March 15, 2006

Frantic

Hi! Let me introduce myself. My name is Cara and I used to blog. A lot. Oh god how I miss it. I'm home again folks and I can only hope you missed me as much as I've missed you. And miss you I did! I'm SO out of the loop. I forgot not one but TWO birthdays: two of my best blog buds Margene and Wendy. How awful am I? I pride myself on being an excellent friend - I work hard at it - and I totally dropped the ball. So much so Margene sent ME a present for HER birthday! How ridiculous is she and how much do I suck?

Bunnycrack from Kim! Awesome, no? That Margene. She rocks. Happy happy birthday to you! And a FANTABULOUS birthday to the BOOKISH Girl! Sorry guys. Next year I'll do better. I promise.

So G and I had our homecoming last year night (But oh man it felt like a year! Being at my sister's - no matter how much I love her, the kids, spending time with them - is NOT a vacation. I work hard. This time there was lots of work and lots of sick so I'm happy to be home.) and it wasn't what I had anticipated to say the least. I'm on the train coming up from Philly and I get a call from G-Love. He had arrived home a couple of hours earlier and when he finally got home from the airport he realized a mistake had been made! Right out of our favorite movie, G had picked up the wrong suitcase at the airport!!!! Now, before you start snickering and think to yourself WOW! She bagged a winner! I saw the suitcase he picked up and it was identical to his bag. And to make matters worse, the bag itself is very different and easily identifiable. Georgie is the last person on earth (I guess, now, one of two) to NOT have a roller bag. Know what I'm talking about? He carries a soft suitcase (not a duffel) and it's got this bright orange/yellow trim and the word LUCAS on it. So here comes the same bag on the baggage carousel and right next to it - TOUCHING it - is his other bag. He was on the phone arguing with the car service guy about where to meet and I was ringing in on the other line and he just picked up his bags and left. It wasn't until he got home that he realized he had the wrong bag. When he called me I was all like OH MY GOD it's FRANTIC and what if there are drugs in the bag?! Apparently only an I-POD, ten pairs of sneakers and some condoms. Somebody had fun in Miami.

When G called me I was like no biggie - pick me up at the train station and we'll head over to the airport. I always come into Newark Penn Station and the airport's like ten minutes from there. One problem though - G flew into La Guardia. Nothing like a midnight run to LGA. While we were going through the tunnel we got a call from American Airlines informing us they had his bag. Whew. We got to the airport with a little detour (missed a sign) switched out bags and headed home. Thank god we made that little detour because we took the BQE home and there was like a ten mile back up going TOWARDS the airport. Which we would've been stuck in. Maybe until today. Sometimes there is such a thing as luck.

So we're home. Safe and sound. I miss the kids terribly - I've spent A LOT of time with them this month and now they're off on a fabulous family vacation. The baby and I had some great bonding time. As sad as it is, it's a great ego boost when the little guy cries every time you're out of his line of sight. Awwww.

Knitting was sporadic. I found that weaving in ends on Short Rows was a great nap filler. I'm almost done, believe it or not. I have another new goal for this sweater - I want it done by Passover. And I have a FANASTIC new project on the horizon - details later in the week I hope. I need it for an event at the end of April so I have to start it soon, but it's something I've been dreaming about for awhile and I think it will be phenomenal if I can pull it off.

Socks, socks, socks! I finished a jaywalker and cast on for a mate (not this sock's mate - but you know how I like to switch socks up.) And the embossed leaves saga continues!



Looks like I haven't made any progress, doesn't it? Uh uh uh! Looks can be deceiving! No sillies! It's not the second sock or anything as ambitious as that - it's still the first sock. Only a brand new incarnation! I got to the turning of the heel, believe it or not, and decided it wasn't right. I had done about 15 rows of ribbing and the 3.5 pattern repeats called for and, well, it looked short. So I ripped back to row 12 of ribbing and started knitting the pattern on size 2 Addis. I continued on 2s for two repeats, then switched to 1s. Right now I've got about 3.5 repeats done and I'm planning on doing 4.5 and then starting the heel. Everything's going along pretty well now. I'm happy with it.

Anyway. I'm back. And I hope to be back for good - for a while at least. There's still a lot of running around this month and now it's extending into April and May but, it's okay. I'll deal.

Hope you're having a GREAT day!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 02:18 PM | Comments (24)

March 09, 2006

I've ruined Junior Caramels forever....

Sigh. The love affair is over and it's all my fault. Let me announce to friend and foe alike: I AM AN ASS. That's about as plain as I can state it.

So I was down at my sister's helping out - she has a big project to finish up which is kind of impossible with an eleven month old who can now climb the stairs. On Monday, when all three kids were home, she got some kind of stomach virus. It lasted a day - literally - but she felt like crap and I tried to help as best I could. I feel like I didn't do enough though. The big(ger) kids went to school Tuesday and Wednesday and I was on baby patrol. Tuesday night I started to feel like I was getting a cold - scratchy throat, start of a runny nose - Wednesday I felt kind of crappy all day and I went home Wednesday night. I started to feel nauseated five minutes before we left for the train station - but then it went away on the train so I thought I was okay. G and I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and bought all kinds of stuff completely inappropriate for a stomach virus. Get home, find out Max threw up as soon as my sister got the kids in the door - his first time since a big kid. Completely freaked himself out. I'm still feeling okay stomach wise so I don't eat any dinner but proceed to finish the box of Junior Caramels I left on my nightstand before I left.

Do I need to go on? Really?

At about 3AM we're talking PuKeFeSt 2006. There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, I hate more than throwing up. Control issues? Check. Throwing up equals complete loss of control? Check. Junior Caramels? Yeah. It will be a long, long, LONG time before I eat any more of those.

I'm not puking anymore, but I'm having really awful stomach pains that I can't seem to make go away. G stayed home with me this morning, but he's about to leave for the office, so I'm on my own. I hate being sick. If you sent an email and I didn't get back to you, I'm so sorry. I've been computer-less for the week and now I don't even feel like looking at the computer let alone reading anything on it. I hope you're all feeling excellent. My advice for the day - if there's any chance you might be sick - stay far away from your favorite candy. Learn from my mistakes.
Thanks.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 12:38 PM | Comments (54)

March 03, 2006

Peace. Love. Natural Fibers.

Click to read the creed.

Yesterday I had an ultra fabulous lunch with the ultra fabulous Yankee Half of Mason Dixon Knitting. Kay has often introduced me to the finer corners of NYC -- cool places where suave European men make me blush as they sip Espressos at the coffee bar with their little pinkies sticking out -- so I thought I'd return the favor by taking her to a chic hip downtown Japanese Noodle place that G-Love recommended. Say what you will about my husband - he gives good restaurant. After our bellies were satisfied and full of homemade Soba noodles and green tea ice cream, Kay took out the book I had been begging to see for weeks.

First off, I should say that I LOVE Kay and Ann and have been lucky enough to photograph them for an author picture that didn't make it into the book (damn those cute ass woodcuts!) and half of their children (Kay has me booked through the last grandchild's wedding!) All that relationship stuff aside - their book ROCKS!

The book is part memoir, part pattern guide, part humor - 100% INSPIRATION. Whether they're talking about dishclothes, felted boxes, or log cabin blankets, the main idea of everything is to be FREE within the confines of a pattern. There's a great passage where Kay talks about making a mitred square blanket and how she gave herself rules to follow when choosing colors for the squares. Once she made these rules for herself, she was free to choose what she wanted, but not TOO free to be stymied by the choices. Know what I mean? Lolly made a comment on my blog the other day about this same thing (at least I read it that way.) I had said all of my Project Spectrum projects would revolve around my spinning, and she said, and I quote, "That kind of focus is going to open up so much creativity...." That's exactly how I feel about Ann and Kay's book. They give you boundaries in which to go crazy! For starters, as soon as I see one of those log cabin blankets my mind goes nuts with the possibilities - but it's true - if you give yourself some rules (only choose purple colors or no center square block), whatever they may be, you can actually open your mind up to even more possibilities than you thought you had - but you still don't overwhelm the project. How many of us have opened up a Barbara Walker book or Harmony Guide or whatever and been excited for like five minutes and then sigh because there's too much to choose from? Well Kay and Ann's book is a great place to start - whether you're a beginner or a seasoned pro - just enough guidance and a whole lot of vision.

The book is an explosion of color as well. Everything is beautifully photographed (by Steve Gross and Sue Daley) and yet everything is still accessible. You can see these knits in your bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchens. It's an incredibly comfortable book.

Of course, what makes it so comfortable are Kay and Ann. They infuse the pages with their humor and their humility. They make you feel like YOU CAN DO IT! They've done it and sure they've mucked things up here and there along the way but they came out STRONGER and their knits came out BETTER FOR THE MUCK UP! Literally, though, the best part of the book for me is that there's something on every page - some morsel - you have to read closely. Have you ever read any Maira Kalman books? I love her. When you read her books you need to read every word on the page because god forbid you should miss even one thing. Mason-Dixon Knitting : The Curious Knitters' Guide: Stories, Patterns, Advice, Opinions, Questions, Answers, Jokes, and Pictures is just like that. You don't want to miss even one thing.

Posted by Cara at 08:10 AM | Comments (18)

February 06, 2006

Red Hot And...Fizzling?

I like that word. Fizzle.

My weekend was eh. G had to work a lot so I was kind of lonely. PMSy. And I learned that miscommunications, misunderstandings and hurt feelings make me headachy and tired and a bit sad. So eh.

I also learned that our virtual relationships leave a lot of room for interpretation by virtue of the fact that they are virtual. We learn so much about each other through unspoken language: body movements, facial expressions, voice inflections. Just the other day I was talking to my sister while she was picking up my niece at school. She told my niece there was someone on the phone for her. I heard my niece ask if it was Cara? But her sweet little voiced raised so high at the end of my name that I could hear her surprise (talking to Cara on the phone at the playground at school? What fun!) and delight that I was lifted even higher than her voice! All that very important non-verbal communication is missing from email and blog posts and what might be a heartfelt admission or admonition or constructive criticism or a plain old pat on the back can be received in a way that was much much different than the deliverer intended. I teach my students this all the time. When we do critique in my classroom, the student being "workshopped" (yes - it is a verb) is not allowed to speak at all. Why you ask? This seems cruel when everyone is sitting around discussing their story - the good the bad and the ugly? Well, for one thing, when you write and hopefully your story goes out into the world, you will not be able to sit by the reader and say - no no! I didn't mean that! I meant this! You're reading it all wrong!!! The writing must stand on its own. And while you can never guarantee that your readers will always get exactly what you intended - by the sheer fact that they bring along all of their stuff and you brought along all your stuff in the writing and that stuff will never match up - you can try to get your point across as best you can and hope that the broad idea of what you wanted is out there.

Most of us are not sitting in a room together, or talking on the phone - most of us have never even met each other! But good or bad our words carry weight and what we say when we blog means lots of different things to different people. While I certainly don't expect everyone to read my blog or even like my blog, I would hope it would be clear that when I blog, I try to blog the way I try to live: with respect for everyone.

Whew! I feel a bit better now.

Onto the Red and Hot and I'm not really sure about the Sizzling.

(What a difference white balance can make! The only difference in exposures on these two pictures is that top had the white balance set to Auto and the bottom had the white balance set to sunny. Neat huh?)

Here are my red hot sizzling socks. Ruby Slippers, STR, Jaywalkers with a picot edge, size #1 Addis. Can I tell you? I don't LOVE these socks. I like them very, very, very, very, very much but I don't love them. The pattern is great, true, the picot edge is the cutest, true, the yarn is fantastic as always. It's the color I don't love. And the striping. The STR colorways I like the best are the ones with lots of different colors - making little stripes everywhere. These are too blocky and the stripes are too thick. But I have to tell you I like them A LOT better on my feet than I did on the needles. They are definitely growing on me. For anyone keeping count, this is my seventh full pair of jaywalkers. ;-) (I've actually got eight pair finished, but one's mismatched so I don't count it.)

There was some spinning this weekend!

I went back to the biffle and MAN was I a lot happier! This is Lisa Souza's biffle in the Mardi Gras colorway. About 2 oz. G's out again tonight so I'm hoping to spin up the rest and try my plying head. I hope it all holds together - it seems so fragile at times. And a lot fuzzier than I remember! I'm still basically spinning to spin and get the hang of things, but it's all good. I enjoyed myself last night which is the most important and I'm happy with the way it's going.

I finished the Jo Sharp swatch, which I think I'll talk about tomorrow, and I made some really good headway with the ends on Short Rows. Thanks to a comment by Anmiryam, I've been weaving in the ends between split purl bumps in the most crowded of places and that seems to be working. I've got somewhere to wear the sweater now - I'll be in Boston at the end of February, so I need to get it done by then. Goals. They're good sometimes. (Speaking of goals - go wish Anmiryam good luck! She's pursing her dreams and we should all be encouraged in that! YAY Anmiriyam!)

Have a great day!

Posted by Cara at 02:20 PM | Comments (38)

February 02, 2006

Randomness...

it's not just for Wednesday's anymore.

Can I tell you? I'm bored. Not bored in the sense of there's nothing to do - oh my god there is TONS to do - but bored in that restless, I don't want to do anything I have to do but there are no deadlines MAKING me do stuff kind of way. Yesterday I felt like I just wandered around the house, aimlessly, looking at the crap piled in every corner - the dirt so caked it doesn't even blow around anymore when you move things out of place. God my house is dirty. I did vacuum though - but only the small area around where I spin because it turns out that while I don't care about the piles of dust and hair that have been collecting in the corner of my bathroom behind the door for MONTHS on end, I do care about the pieces of fiber that cling to the carpet. Weird huh? G's pretty funny because the other day I was in my bathroom taking a crap - because really that's the only time I see the hair and dust collected in the corner behind the door - and I noticed that the pile was considerably smaller since the last time I crapped in there. (I like to think of it like a science experiment, honestly. The hair and dirt and dust - not the crap.) Georgie had cleaned up! He had been using my bathroom because the shower in his bathroom (yes, we have three bathrooms and two showers for two people. Deal with it.) was broken or something and he couldn't stand the pile anymore! I think that is SO funny!

G is very good with household chores. He washes ALL the dishes, which is something I particularly loathe. And he does all the laundry, except I fold it, which honestly I don't think is a fair trade, but he does hang up all my delicate clothes and makes sure not to dry them too long. He's kind of obsessive (if you ask me) about taking out the garbage. All other household cleaning is left to me. Hence the pile of dust and dirt and hair in the bathroom. Oh and I wash all the sheets and make the bed and stuff. Usually he doesn't comment about the caked on toothpaste stains around the sink in the bathroom or the fiber sticking to the carpet in all areas of the house or the piles of crap and yarn and work stuff under foot everywhere - but this little corner drove him crazy! I'm still laughing.

Did you see the poem I posted? I'm not feeling particularly bad about the infertility today - not sure why since I've been crying off and on about for months. I'm FINALLY, and when I say finally, I mean finally after a year or so of absolutely TORTURING myself, coming to terms with my grief about the whole thing. I finally realized that I'm ALLOWED to be sad about all of this, no matter how or why or where I am in the process. I walk around feeling like I'm going to burst into tears sometimes and I wasn't letting myself understand why. I'd sit there and take stock - I'm not depressed. I wake up each day looking forward to friends and family and the things I need and want to do but yet I was overwhelmed by this physical need to cry - but no tears were coming. In the summer it completely freaked me out and sent me into a tailspin of anxiety and panic. This time, I understand. Jen was so good to me, in the car one day, I was telling her about it and she looked at me with this oh my god how silly can you be look and said, Cara. You're grieving. It was like she gave me permission or something and I was good to go. I still feel like crying off and on but I'm not panicking about it - just living it.

So I'm feeling kind of cheap for choosing that poem since today I don't really feel like I need your sympathy or anything. When I saw Juno's post this morning and thought hmmm, what poem would I choose, I immediately went to the anthology I put together when I taught my undergraduate creative writing class at NYU. It was the first class I ever taught and I was required to teach poetry and fiction. The poets in the program were required to do the same, so it was like equal opportunity screw up the freshman kind of a thing. I'm joking. I don't know poetry - at all. I'm a fiction person through and through - I don't read anything else, really. In the end, even though I was scared to death of the poetry, it was my favorite part of the class. Turns out undergrads are a hell of a lot better at writing rip out your heart angst poetry than they are at writing rip out your heart (literally) angst short stories. This morning, flipping through the poetry collection I put together for the class, I was struck by the poem by Ellen Bryant Voight basically because it so mimics my life now, but when I chose it for the class, I was years away from even TRYING to have a baby. Even, honestly, knowing if I wanted a baby at all. This premonition, if that's what you could call it, was very interesting to me. I'm okay right now. Thought you should know.

I'm adding stuff, because, well, it's my blog and I'm allowed.

I have two zits on my chin that rival Lincoln and Roosevelt on Rushmore. They're large and deep and painful. And nothing to squeeze, which I love to do. Ouch. PMS sucks.

Have you been reading Bookslut and all the links they've had to the Oprah/Frey debacle? I've been known to watch Oprah every now and again (ask Rock Chick) and I've also been known to drive many miles out of my way to find the last remaining copy of a book WITHOUT the Oprah seal. I haven't read Frey's book (see above about reading fiction - although maybe now I'll give it a shot), but I did see the show where Oprah ripped him and Nan Talese a new one. While it's clear this guy made up A LOT of stuff, I see a HUGE distinction between Non-Fiction and Memoir. Non-Fiction is that book about how bees build hives and make honey and by reading it you KNOW you're reading facts. Facts that you and the author and the publisher have all sort of contracted together in believing its veracity. Memoir, by definition, deals in MEMORY. The way an author REMEMBERS their life. I've never taken a psychiatry class (philosophy fucks you up longer and harder, just so you know) but I've been in therapy for years and it doesn't take another Freud to know that memories are EXTREMELY selective and by virtue of the fact that they are remembered, are bound to be WRONG, as in not the exact truth of the moment as it happened. All you have to do is look at all the science on ey-witnesses to know that no one remembers anything right. Add to that the filter of our whole lives in which every action, thought, dream, relationship must be push through like a sausage make in order to get the LINKS that are our MEMORIES, well, then Oprah is off her rocker. You can't expect the same facts that occur in the beehive book to occur in a book written by an avowed junkie. Please. Memoirists are writing the NARRATIVE of their lives. NARRATIVE=STORY. All story, to be successful, needs a clear-cut conflict, a protagonist and lots of drama on the way to resolving that conflict - for good or ill. I think Oprah's call for truth is a bit misplaced. To me, it's all, once again a case of semantics gone wrong.

I tried to spin a bit yesterday but it was a disaster so I stopped before I got really frustrated. Today I will try again. I tried to weave in some ends on short rows because after I laid out the front with the sleeves by the sides I was jazzed and I want it DONE! But there are so many ends right on top of each other and I wove some in, cut them, then realized you could see them from the front so I stopped before I got really frustrated. In the end, the only progress I made was that I'm about to turn a heel on a sock and I folded three loads of laundry.

Now that's what I call taking back the blog.
L, C

Posted by Cara at 09:40 AM | Comments (19)

A Bloggers (Silent) Poetry Reading

THE WIFE TAKES A CHILD

She has come next door to practice our piano.
Fat worms, her fingers hover over the keys,
dolce, dolce, advance to a black note.
I call out answers: she blinks a trusting eye.
From the window I can see the phlox
bank and flower, the violets' broad train
at the yard's edge, and beyond, the bee-boxes,
each one baited for summer with a queen.

Love, how long must we reproduce ourselves
in the neighbors' children, bees in false hives,
bright inviting blossoms, mine for a season.
Against the C-scale's awkward lullabye
I carry the offense of my flat belly,
the silent red loss of monthly bleeding.

ELLEN BRYANT VOIGHT

Poetry Reading by Grace's Poppies, found via Juno

Posted by Cara at 08:21 AM | Comments (8)

January 03, 2006

Birthday Recap

WOW! Thank you SO MUCH for all the good wishes for my birthday! I am completely overwhelmed! I've never been very popular in my life - loved yes - but not really popular. And I gotta tell you - it feels good! If I don't get a chance to send you an email - please know how much I appreciate your thinking of me! THANK YOU!

It was a very nice birthday overall. I kind of like to keep these things low key, you know. The calendar day tends to overhwhelm and hype the actual birthday and there's nothing that makes me happier than doing what I would normally do on any other day of the year. And yes, that means I didn't shower. ;-) I'm often jealous of people who have "normal" birthdays. The ones where you go about your day and little things sneak up on you to remind you that it's your birthday - a phone call here or there. A co-worker coming by your cube with an offer for lunch. Then maybe a nice birthday dinner with the family. That doesn't ever happen when your birthday is 1/1. First off, no one works. At least no one I know. And TV sucks. I mean, I can only watch the Mummer's Parade for like five seconds before all my happy childhood memories are wiped out in a flash. It's bad people. And college football sucks. Anyway - you get what I mean. It's not a regular day. I want a regular day. Just once. I know it will never happen and if it did I'd probably be like give me my special birthday back but still and all it's nice to dream. You people out there with March 26 or October 11 or July 17 or August 7 - YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!

So the birthday rocked in all aspects. We changed up our plans this year a bit. Usually G takes me out for my birthday dinner a few days before New Year's Eve and we have lamb chops. This year we decided that G would actually make me my lamb chops on NYE. YUM!

LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHOPS! Everything was perfect. We made our new favorite pear salad and had green beans and french fries as sides and right after dinner the Cherry Pie went into the oven and it was all perfect. Everyone checked in right after midnight. G gave me one of his special gifts (technically the wheel is from him as well, but I handled all of that) that night and the rest waited for morning.



See that teddy bear in the back? Can you make out the bracelet? It says Georgie! Awwww. And look how cute my guy is finding me some cafe press accoutrements! T-shirt, mouse pad, magnet! The sheep is knitting socks! How cute is my Georgie? And last but not least, he gave me that jar in the back with all those pink little pieces of paper in it. 365 days of love. Each piece of paper has a quote or saying having to do with love. Could you just die!?! I've decided to put them on the blog each day - you can find it over on the sidebar - The Daily Sap. When I asked G if I could put them up - he was like yeah. Why wouldn't you? Dude. He's so with the blog!

There was knitty goodness from friends as well!

Some purple handspun from Claudia which I alternately hang on my wheel or hide depending on whether or not I'm feeling inspired or frustrated. This has no bearing at all on the beyond beautiness that is the yarn. Thank you Claudia! I swear it inspires way more than it frustrates! ;-) Claudia also sent some more caramels which may or may not be the same ones my better pal sent me (Super Sleuth Ann! I smell a mystery!) and some lovely chocolate soap! Some beautiful Schaefer Elaine and a great scarf/stole pattern from Elspeth along with a very odd article about Sprinsteen entitled, "The Lawyer as Poet Advocate: Bruce Springsteen & the American Lawyer," which was published by the Pennsylvania Bar Institute. I can safely say, Elspeth, that with this article in my Springsteen collection, I have reached fanatic status. My first better pal, Kris sent me some gorgeous red silke- tweed from Norway and a ton and a half of Joggers. Maybe our absolute favorite candy ever. Think of swedish (or norwegian, sorry!) fish on the top and circus peanuts (you know those orange marshmallow things) on the bottom. You don't think they'll taste so good when you look at them, but then you put them in your mouth and oh my god! GENIUS! And Lauren of Jaywalking fame sent me a lovely gift bag of Gummy Bears, hand cream, a sheepy tape measure (which came just in time because I left my tape measure at my sister's AGAIN!) and Foer's latest book, Extrememly Loud and Incredibly Close.

Those kick-ass girls over at JenLa gave me a superduper present too! Check out #10! WhoohOO. Most Accomplished! Talk about Nerdy Good! Yay baby! I work HARD on this here blog! Thank you Jen and La!

Perhaps my favorite gift of the birthday, though, is my TIARA! Some of you might remember the contest I had asking what I should get for my birthday. I wanted something I didn't even know I wanted, and Wendy came up with a Tiara! Excellent idea Wendy! (By the way, her birthday was yesterday. If you haven't already, go on over and wish her a good one!) My good friends Tina and Kaci over at Blue Moon wonderfully fulfilled my wish!

It's beyond gorgeous! I wore it all weekend! To toast in the new year. While I was spinning. To blow out my birthday candles. At any given moment my tiara was on my pretty little head. Do you see the details?






Litte seashells adorn the edges and then there are bigger ones with diamonds (yes! REAL diamonds! ;-) ) in the center and hot pink zebra striped feathers come out of the top and isn't it TO DIE FOR? Thank you girls! (And do you see what it sits upon? That's some Tina special hand-dyed roving in Sweet Pea. That stuff goes in the special bag until I can actually make yarn. Maybe next birthday, eh?)

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I LOVE ALL OF IT!

So that is about all, I think - not that I'm complaining! What a great birthday! Oh wait. Am I forgetting something? There was something else wasn't there? Hmmm.

Okay. I opened the box. Sigh. Why would people think Margene would send me ROCKS? I don't get that at all. Personally, I liked Rock Chick's guess best, even though I had nightmares about that movie for weeks afterward. (Yeah. Go back and look.) Although wouldn't it be funny if JenJen's friends made her a video and it was Brad's head in the box? Hahahahaha. That's just mean. I know.

So I opened the box and low and behold:

I love the box Margene! Did you make it yourself? There's a bit of knitting glued on there with cute little baby knitting needles and it's just so sweet - I'm going to use it as a notions box I think. And some beautiful antiquey looking stitch markers and some lip balm and cuticle cream and Chanukah gelt and the fun tissues and altoids have already made their way into the abyss that is my handbag, so no pictures of those. THANK YOU MARGENE!

Wait. What weighed so much you ask? Could it have been

SIX FREAKING POUNDS OF GUMMY BEARS?!?!?!?!?!

Margene, my love, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? G and I laughed and laughed and laughed! You are too funny! I think I'm going to take your suggestion and get some pretty glass containers and fill them up and put them all over the house so whenever the mood strikes me I'll have a gb and then wherever I turn I'll be reminded of you and your wonderful friendship. Thank you so much, M. I loved every minute of the gift! (And I think everyone else did too. Super Sleuth Ann called me at like 7AM Jan 1 to find out what was in the box. DON'T SAY YOU DIDN'T!)

Who won? I'll tell you who won!

EMMY!

Go on over and congratulate her! YAY EMMY!

It wasn't all birthday and gifts and stuff this weekend:

That's right. I started another Jaywalker. STR Petroglyphs. Want to make something of it? I'm on the gusset decreases as we speak. When Jen was over the other day she asked me which pair of socks was my favorite and right now these are. I love the thin stripey goodness. But actually, the real answer is either the pair I'm working on or the pair I'm going to be working on next. You know what I mean? I wound up some STR last night in anticipation of this socks completion. It's my goal to have an STR Jaywalker on the needles at all times. I've got a lot of STR yarn DUH and most of it is in the OLD yardage and I know I can get a pair of jaywalkers out of that. And no, your eyes do not deceive you. There is another sock - a NON-JAYWALKER - that's Claudia's picot edge in STR Cotton Candy. I like the edging a lot and will most likely use it for my next jaywalker, ala Anna, but I'm not so sure about the plain stockinette. You can see every single solitary flaw! There's something to be said for variegation and zigzags.

Oh yeah and there's some spinning.

Hope you all had a wonderful New Year's Celebration and thank you all again for making this a GREAT BIRTHDAY! MWAH!!!!

Posted by Cara at 10:30 AM | Comments (32)

January 02, 2006

Double Chai

It ain't no kind of birthday without a Carvel Ice Cream cake! Woo HOO!

Posted by Cara at 10:29 AM | Comments (42)

January 01, 2006

The one and only day of the year this blog lives up to its name.

My grandparents, thirty-six years ago, at the hospital the morning I was born.

Posted by Cara at 08:32 AM

December 29, 2005

Petulant

Me. Not the baby below. At least that's what Ann said. It was a frustrating afternoon, spinning-wise and surprise surprise: I don't like NOT being good at things. Ann will tell you there was stomping. I say pouting, but whatever. I'm not in such a great mood. But the company was FANTASTIC. Jen was kind of enough to let Xavier model with the birthday package.

Super cute picture, right? But I forgot the newspaper. So we took another one. I dare say X is laughing at me!

Jaywalker updates will be late tomorrow. Get them in now if you can. Thanks.

Posted by Cara at 08:30 PM | Comments (25)

December 26, 2005

Putting the Chan back in Chanukah!

Happy Chanukah everybody! Did you know that this is the first time since 1959 that Chanukah (yes, I prefer the CHAN spelling) has started so late - specifically on Christmas? Do you know what this means? This means that for the first time in my life, Chanukah and my birthday actually bisect. January 1st is actually the 8th night of Chanukah! WOOHOO! Double presents for me!

Yesterday was a nice day. We went to my in-laws and everyone was happy and nice and I even got to knit a little. The fact that I knit with fun fur and some other monstrosity type yarns is neither here nor there - I was helping out my sister in law. She's making a fun fur scarf for her granddaughter and a fuzzy frilly scarf for herself and she has trouble casting on - I told her of course you have trouble casting on - look at the yarn you're using! But I helped anyway. So nice to have someone to knit with on the holidays! I turned the heel on my TENTH sock and am ready to pick up the gusset. If we weren't going down to Philly for Chanukah today, I'd probably have it finished - but maybe Wednesday. I'm thinking I'll take a Jaywalker break after that. I'll still keep a sock on the needles, but let me see if I can finish a plain old stockinette sock first. I don't know. I'll probably just cast on for another one anyway. Who says I can't have one on the needles? Doesn't mean I have to race through it.

In other knitting news, I'm trying to knit my second Warm Wendy mitten. The problem is I didn't write down all the ways I changed the Ann Budd pattern so copying it is hard. I think I have it, but I knit a few rows and then go back to the sock. I'd like the mitten finished before the new year too. I WILL get it done.

Look what I got from my Better Pal!

Gotta love a Pal that pays attention! On the questionnaire we're supposed to say what kind of yarn we'd like to try that we've never tried - I put down Fleece Artist sock yarn and guess what I got???? In the Storm colorway. (Another instance of great minds thinking alike.) It's very muted and it's very dark here today so I can't photograph it so well - but it's got grays and teals and caramel browns and reds running through it. Very beautiful. It will be interesting to compare it to my beloved STR. Speaking of caramels, my pal sent me the most luscious, thick, buttery caramel ever! G and I have really enjoyed it BP! But what is it? Where's it from? Can we get more? It's a real treat. Like so rich I can only eat one at a sitting - and that's even letting G have a little bite. Thank you BP! Thank you!

Hey - don't forget the SHOWCASE! I'm leaving it open until Friday for all of you holiday travelers to get a chance to win! Remember - you've got to be in it to win it!

Okay. Off to pick up a gusset and wrap a couple presents. Hag Sameach!

Posted by Cara at 09:45 AM | Comments (12)

December 25, 2005

Posted by Cara at 10:18 AM | Comments (5)

December 24, 2005

8...4...2....

Posted by Cara at 04:26 PM | Comments (8)

December 22, 2005

Ten

Margene, my love, I'm sending you the bill for couples therapy.

We took the first one, but then I felt like you
couldn't tell I was balancing the package on my head.
So we took eighty-seven million more in various locations.

He thinks he's a photographer now.



Georgie's home for the rest of the week. Besides photog, he's added blogger to his resume, even though I had to give him the old "If you're home during blogging hours, you've got to get with the program" lecture. He's been on three conference calls and thrown me out of MY office twice, but hey, togetherness is bliss. Right?

I'm at the point in the work now that there's only a couple more things to do and if I'm not careful I'll forget about them. I also set a knitting goal for myself: one and a half jaywalkers down from FIVE COMPLETED PAIRS SINCE OCTOBER 19th. I'm challenging myself to finish off the last sock BEFORE Jan 1. I should have the ninth sock completed by the weekend - by Saturday - so then I have a week to go for the tenth. Piece of cake.

PS - Bloglines? Nice work. Thank you.

Posted by Cara at 11:39 AM | Comments (17)

December 19, 2005

T Minus 13 And Counting

My wonderful friend Margene emailed me yesterday to tell me that she sent me a package. But could I please not open it until my birthday. In fact, she wrote, "why don't you take a picture with the newspaper everyday so I know you haven't opened it." What?! Don't you trust me? I feel like one of Mary's dogs. Zen gift getting.

There you go, M. THIRTEEN FREAKING DAYS! And damn that box is heavy. ;-) Thank you SO MUCH for thinking of me! I just love presents to open on my birthday!

Posted by Cara at 01:34 PM | Comments (12)

December 15, 2005

1:30 AM

That's the time right now - give or take a couple of minutes. I'm off to bed very soon, but I'm leaving early tomorrow morning and I won't have time to blog.

I finished my class tonight. Overall, it was a good class. Left me with the feeling that I will teach again. I'm so tired though I'm numb and I didn't get that nice feeling of accomplishment now that it's over. Probably because I came home and went right back to work. It will be nice to be at my sister's for a couple of days - besides the obvious - the kids - I can use the break. And G's busy all week with meetings, so I'd just be home alone all weekend anyway.

I think I knit three rounds while I was waiting for my students to come in tonight. If I don't knit tomorrow on the train it's because my hands have fallen off my body or some other such travesty.

One of the bright spots these last weeks has been something sweet and simple and reminiscent of my old pre-knitting, pre-blog life when all I did was read: Alice Munro had a new story in the New Yorker a few weeks ago and I assigned it to my class. She is one of my all time favorites and what she does with words and story is true magic. Here's a link to the story: "Wenlock Edge." While I was searching for the link I found another one of hers online: "Passion." I miss reading. I was talking to my class tonight and I need a book. Something big and juicy that will take me a little while to read and I won't be able to put down and when I'm done I'll be sad and want to immediately pick up something else. It has to be fiction. "Literary" fiction - yes, the snobby elitist kind. And NO HARRY POTTER. Can you help me? Leave me some suggestions in the comments. It doesn't have to be new, or old or classic. Just good. Have to read way into the middle of the night and then again at breakfast the next morning good. Make me want to read again good. Go at it.

Tomorrow is something of a milestone in my life. I will be taking care of my dad - something I never really thought would be my responsibility. My mother's gone off with her new life and my siblings and I are really the only family my father has. I'm so glad we'll be able to help him tomorrow.

Whereever you are, whatever you're doing - hug someone today. Tell them you love them. Then tell them a joke. I've always said I know I've had a good day if I've laughed, been kissed and hugged, and said I love you or had someone tell me they love me. See how easy it is to have a good day? Now go out and grab yours.

Posted by Cara at 01:36 AM | Comments (61)

December 14, 2005

I didn't knit at all yesterday. AGAIN!

I guess that's not entirely true. I knit like one round on a sock in the morning while G was in my office. That didn't last long and I could barely get my fingers to move.

I will have time to knit tomorrow. Because all my work will be done? Because it's finally time for some holiday cheer? Why no. Thanks for thinking it though. I have to go down to Philly for a funeral. One of my father's oldest and closest friends died and my sisters and I are going to the funeral to support him. He's worked very closely with the man for forty some odd years and while it feels good to support my father (he's not an easy one to take care of) I'm sad about the circumstances. So there will be train knitting.

But that's two days I'm out of commission. Two days. I don't sleep anymore. When I do crawl into bed I dream about all the things I need to be doing. Not very restful.

That said, Jaywalker updates might be late. And Showcase #3 might be late. I don't know what I'll be able to get done at my sister's. If the goods arrive today, the Showcase will go on as planned. If not, we might have to wait until Sunday. And the updates, well, they'll come soon. Maybe Friday. Maybe not.

I have to publicly flog myself now. It's all about Sockapal2za. If you remember, I made these great socks for Leslie. (I say they were great not because they were actually great, but because I had such a great time knitting them. Great pattern, great yarn, great recipient - what's not to love?!) Anyway, I sent my socks out and Leslie was wonderfully grateful and I sat back and waited for my own pair. Which never came. Yeah. I got shafted. But not one to complain about an all around good experience, I let Alison know that I never heard from my pal or received any socks. And I volunteered to be a sock angel. I was given my sock angel's information and I started thinking about what socks to make her. Honestly, I wasn't in a rush. Alison didn't give a deadline (that's NOT an excuse) and I was doing other things.

And then I received a package. This package was addressed to me and inside was another package, completely sealed, addressed to someone else. Well, the address was kind of ripped off but it was clear the package was going to someone else. Inside this second, sealed package was a pair of socks, and some sock yarn. And a note. The note, addressed to someone other than me, basically said this was the first and last socks that the gifter would be knitting (you could gather it wasn't a good experience) and that here they were. Sorry they were late.

These were my angel socks.

I was pissed. I never blogged about it. It was what it was and that's how things can go in these exchanges. If it had been me, I would've at least unwrapped the original package and somehow personalized it for the new recipient. How hard would that have been? I have to admit, it soured me. I like to think I'm immune to these things - I mean the whole secret pal thing is akin to lending money - you can't expect ANYTHING back. But this felt sort of like a slap in the face. I got something, but how crappy is that? I let it affect me. I let the bad feelings seep into my own feelings about knitting a pair of socks for someone else. Because I was disappointed, I ended up disappointing my angel.

When I finally got my act together, I couldn't figure out a pattern. I cast on a bunch of times. Poured over sock patterns. Nothing felt right. And by then I was starting the whole Jaywalker kick and my knitting time had become very precious and I couldn't bear to knit for someone else. I suck. I know.

Long story short, I've been dismissed as a sock angel. How awful is that? I feel really, really bad about it. Really bad. I don't like to disappoint. EVER. And when I say I'm going to do something, I DO IT. I guess there's a first for everything. Here's a public apology to Alison: I'm sorry for dropping the ball. To Lisa: I'm sorry for disappointing you YET again. And a huge thank you to the Sock Angel that picked up my slack. I owe you one. Thank you.

Please don't leave comments telling me how great I am or how I'm really a nice person or I didn't mean it - think about it. If you were in Lisa's shoes, you'd be sad and disappointed and maybe have some not so nice thoughts about knitters and people who don't live up to their promises. I certainly did when I was disappointed. It is what it is. We all make mistakes. I know this doesn't make me a bad person. Or even a good person for owning up to it. I just feel bad I flaked. Done. Besides I want to be in Sockapal3za and I don't want any bad karma hanging over me.

Back to work. People keep counting down to this wretched holiday, but it doesn't seem to be getting any closer. There's still so much to do. Bah humbug!

Posted by Cara at 09:49 AM | Comments (22)

December 12, 2005

If it's Monday, why does it feel like Thursday?

It's a good thing my body just automatically remembers to breathe, otherwise I would've been dead two days ago. I KICKED ASS this weekend. KICKED IT REAL GOOD. I actually went to sleep last night semi-caught up on the work - that doesn't mean I still don't have shit loads to do, but now I'm not a week behind the way I was last week.

This also means I've barely been knitting. Friday I didn't knit at all. Saturday I did some good work - cast on for the second mitten, made some good progress on a sock. (A new Jaywalker with some STR - blah blah blah. Yeah. I didn't think you cared.) Sunday I had some time late in the evening to knit - G's out all this week for his quarterly meetings - but I was so shell-shocked from all the work I did that day I just lay in bed paralyzed. I watched the West Wing wedding (where I really, REALLY appreciated the whole hoagie vs cheesesteak with Whiz moment.) I feel so sorry for Josh. I love Josh. It's like the more pathetic he gets the more I like him. And why aren't he and Donna doing it yet? What's the deal? Then I watched Grey's Anatomy. Gotta love the DVR - no watiting for the shows. I really like this show. It's just soap opery enough for me and the characters are funny and stupid and it's over the top but not too over the top. I gotta say, I'm not so into Dr. McDreamy. He's such a pathetic wuss ass I'd rather smack him than anything else. But I love Alex. So not my type physically, but he's got spunk and the whole vulnerability thing. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway. It was a nice diversion for my tired, tired body. Who knew sitting at a computer for ten hours straight was such physical work?

I actually have a shoot tonight. For holiday cards. I'm not kidding. That's why the push this weekend. God help me if I had to process this new job, in like two days, with other jobs still in the queue. This will be IT until next year. NO MORE. I'm done. I think I doubled my work from last year, which is damn good considering this is really only my second season. The first one doesn't count since everyone I took pictures of I knew. Last season was my first - the one where I was really out in the world, with strangers calling to hire me. I'm proud of myself, just damn tired.

Don't forget! Tonight. 8PM. The cutoff for Showcase #2. (See post below.)

NOTE TO SELF: Don't blog about work. YOU WILL JINX YOURSELF. If you say you are sort of caught up, Fate hears you and DUMPS A WHOLE NEW PILE IN YOUR LAP. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.

Posted by Cara at 09:09 AM | Comments (14)

December 02, 2005

Mememememememememe!

Stolen from Vicki:

TEN random things you might not know about me
1. I bite my nails, but only for grooming purposes, not for nervousness purposes.
2. I don't like prime numbers and I often add up numbers to make sure they're ok, i.e. even.
3. I sleep with my blanket, which I've had since I was born.
4. I have a collection of erotic fiction. I like the Herotica series best.
5. I was once a PhD student specializing in Theological Existentialism and Kierkegaard, although I really liked Martin Buber too.
6. My parents split up two years ago right after my 34th birthday. Divorce sucks balls for the kids, no matter how old they are when it happens.
7. I once blew out a tire going 95mph on the New Jersey Turnpike. I was probably listening to Bruce.
8. In order to conceive a child, my husband and I must use ART. Please don't tell me miracles can happen - like if we just relax. I think science IS a miracle.
9. I am a self-taught photographer.
10. I have two nephews, two nieces and two great nieces. Being an Aunt is one of the greatest joys of my life.

NINE places I’ve visited
1. Mackinac Island (once)
2. Yellowstone National Park
3. Ibiza
4. Israel
5. Venice
6. Toledo (the one in Spain)
7. Newfane, Vermont
8. LaQuinta, California
9. The Big Island, Kona Coast.

EIGHT ways to win my heart
1. Indulge my crazinesses.
2. Do the dishes.
3. Laugh at my jokes.
4. Touch my back before I fall asleep at night.
5. Giggle uncontrollably.
6. Sing to me.
7. Look at me that way.
8. (Because I'm NOT easy...) Bring me gummy bears and/or Junior Caramels.

SEVEN things I want to do before I die
1. Have a baby and be a mother.
2. Publish at least one other story.
3. Maybe, if I'm lucky, publish a whole collection of stories. Like, you know, in a book.
4. See The Garden of Earthly Delights by El Bosco, in person, at The Prado. The first time we went it was out being cleaned.
5. Come to a true peace with myself and my anxiety.
6. Hire a chef and have them cook for me and my husband. Fuck our friends! ;-)
7. Knit a fair isle short row sweater.

SIX things I’m afraid of
1. Having a baby and being a mother.
2. Flying.
3. Driving by myself out of my comfort zone - which can change at any time.
4. Heights.
5. Small spaces.
6. Bascially anything my sick, twisted mind can dream up to torture me with. So really, myself.

FIVE things I don’t like
1. Fundamentalism in any shape or form. Right, Left, Black, White, any EXTREME.
2. Dishonesty.
3. SUVs.
4. Housework.
5. The horrifically disproportionate sense of entitlement in American Culture.

FOUR ways to turn me off
1. Be unbending.
2. Lie to me.
3. Fake it. Anywhere.
4. Talk to me disrepectfully.

THREE things I do every day
1. Laugh.
2. Tell someone I love them.
3. Hug and be hugged.

TWO things that make me happy
1. Knitting.
2. Being goofy. Goofiness is terribly underated.

ONE thing on my mind right now
1. Georgie. He's calling me to come to sleep.

Posted by Cara at 12:14 AM | Comments (20)

December 01, 2005

Sharing the Wealth

Hehehe! Scared you there, didn't I? C'mon - I don't have that much. I've seen some of your stashes and mine is positively small comparitively. Come out all you Koigu hoarders! I know you're out there! And don't be jealous. Really. It's hard having all that beautiful yarn. Everyday I'm overcome with guilt knowing I can't knit fast enough - which yarn to choose next - AHHHHH! It's torture, really. ;-)

It may come as a surprise, but yes, I've decided that STR and Jaywalker will become (heck, it already is huh!) my signature sock knit. I can't imagine knitting anything OTHER than the two. I've tried. BELIEVE me I've tried. I go over and over that Sock Sensation book - Nancy Bush - the Internets - and nothing feels right. Nothing. Last night I wore my Fire on the Mountain Socks - my students have been watching me knit the socks on breaks for the past couple of months and they've never seen me WEAR a pair, so last night they had their class debut. Can I tell you, I caught myself not once but TWICE paying more attention to my feet than my students! I LOVE THESE SOCKS! (And based on the comments I know you all do too. It's good to enable. Especially something this good.) So until Grumperina comes up with an equally fantastic sock pattern - that's it. That's all I'm making. (In the sock department - I'd love to knit something else anytime the knit gods are willing.)

Before you try to dissuade me, I gotta tell you, I'm one of those people who finds something she likes and buys one in every color. Shoes. Shirts. And now socks. I'm happy.

So happy in fact, I'm giving stuff away! Before I begin with the big announcement - go on over to Claudia's and wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Us SUPREME GENII have to stick together.

Some people have birthday week. I'm declaring this birthday MONTH! Today is exactly one month before my birthday! YAY! So, in honor of my birthday, I'm going to hold a contest on every Saturday for the next five Saturdays leading up to my birthday. LUCKY YOU! There are FIVE SATURDAYS between now and Dec 31. (Man that SUCKS for me! Five weeks until my birthday! Crap.) Every prize package will contain yarn. Some of it I will be destashing - sock yarn I will never knit up - see paragraph above - maybe some other yarn - maybe some STR. Maybe a Got Gauge t-shirt. Maybe some Sheep Cards. All good stuff! You gotta be in it to win it, so stayed tuned for announcements. LET THE CELEBRATION BEGIN! YAY!

Posted by Cara at 08:41 AM | Comments (28)

November 30, 2005

Wealth

Click here for the true story.

What fabulous riches gained from yarn! Yarn conceived, created, sold, purchased, gifted by interesting and engaging women. Who just so happen to be very special friends. The socks, well, they warm my feet, but more importantly, they warm my heart! Thank you!

Posted by Cara at 03:42 PM | Comments (38)

She Shoots SHE SCORES!

Devils 3 - Bruins 2

The Devils pulled it out with a stunning goal right out of the face off with literally 30 seconds left in regulation to break the tie. I'll have to make it up to The Beantown Girls this weekend. Sorry honeys.

Georgie and I had a really fun night. I've been to a lot of sporting events in my life and I have to say, hockey is the absolute best to watch in person. On TV, not so much - very hard to keep track of the puck. But there's nothing like the smell of the ice, the cold, the collective gasps and cheers of the crowd. G used to have a job that allowed us lots of free hockey games - especially in Philly. We had great seats - right behind the Flyer bench and man those games were fun. BEST.SPORTS.EVENT.EVER: We were there, Game 7, when the Devils beat Anaheim in 2003. Oh my god. Never have I had more fun. The screaming didn't end! There is nothing like Lord Stanley's Cup. Nothing. I always cry when they bring it out on TV - in person - it was just spectacular.

In the early Seventies, my grandmother was the book keeper for the Philadelphia Blazers. They didn't last long as a team, but when we were growing up whenever we went to my grandparents we would play office with all of the stationery and stuff from the team - what memories this logo has for me!

There was also this amazing picture of my grandmother and Hockey Legend Bernie Parent. Awesome. I found a Blazers Jersey on ebay - signed by Parent. Hmmm. My birthday's awfully close - except G says you can't wear it because you can't wash it.

The other thing I love about hockey is the ice skating - this may seem kind of obvious, but I defy you to be there, in person, watching those men, so graceful and FAST, and not want to strap on a pair of skates. For awhile I considered taking hockey skating lessons - and maybe joining a league, but I never did. It's nights like tonight that I really want to again.

Georgie let me knit during the intermissions at the game and guess what? I love my Jaywalker socks. I forgot how much I love the pattern, and especially the yarn. I'm back to the Carbon Socks and it's just wonderful. The thing that's so obsessive about these socks for me, as I was telling Jen today, is that is so easy to hit those markers - you know - look how far I've gotten, why not keep going? I cast on and do my twelve rows of ribbing and next thing I know I've got ten pattern repeats done. Well it's only another fifteen pattern repeats before it's time to start the heel. And once you start the heel, you've got to finish the gusset. And once you finish the decreases you're at about 37 repeats - and then it's only 20 more until you start decreasing the toe - and well - then you're done. You see what I'm saying? You're always hitting the next step and how can you stop then? I'm hoping to have this pair finished by the weekend. I want to wear them out with the girls.

I'm blogging tonight, it's technically Wednesday, because I'm driving G to an appoinment REALLY early tomorrow and when I get home I need to concentrate on classwork. So no blogging for me tomorrow. Besides, by the time FUCKLINES updates me it'll be around noon anyway!

Have a great day!

Posted by Cara at 12:50 AM | Comments (9)

November 29, 2005

Better Pals ROCK!

Yesterday I received my third and final present from my Better Pal. As some of you may know, the Better Pal exchange was purposefully kept small and intimate and everyone kind of knew at least a few of the people involved. I was lucky enough to NOT know my better pal gifter or my giftee (you can figure out which is which.)

My exchange had a decidedly INTERNATIONAL flavor as both gifter and giftee live outside my home country. How amazing is that?! Every time I got a gift from my pal, G would get all excited! It's like he was a little kid and wanted to collect the stamps or something.

Because of the intimate nature of the exchange, it would've been VERY easy for me to find out who my pal was. I mean, c'mon, it's not like there are a lot of bloggers from her country - in fact, every time I mentioned where my pal was from people were more than ready to tell me who she was. I was beginning to think she was THE ONLY blogger from this country. Alas, I think she's not. But it was pretty funny when I was googling around the internets one day looking for sock patterns or something and I came across this blogger and I was reading some posts and then I realized SHE WAS FROM NORWAY! FUCK! My better pal is from Norway and she's the ONLY NORWEGIAN BLOGGER OUT THERE!!!! Damn. Damn. Damn. I wanted to keep it a secret until the big reveal.

So when I got my last package it wasn't a total suprise to find out that Kris of s t r i k k e r fame was my better pal!

One of the things I loved best about getting Kris's gifts was that she always wrapped them in color coordinating paper. Oranges, or Reds/Pinks and lastly Blues. So cheery! And besides some decious Rowan Yarn in my first package, all of the items in the gifts seemed to be made in Norway! Even the yarn! YAY! That's been a real treat! Something different. Something I couldn't get for myself, you know. This last package had some chocolate, some gummy feet (you guys have the BEST gummies!), some much needed handcream (Thank you! How did you know?) and some delicious silk/alpaca eggplant yarn. YAY for better pals.

I have to say, that while the presents are fun to get and it's nice to be spoiled, the best part of this exchange is that I really feel like Kris and I made a connection. Hopefully it wasn't just on my end, but we seemed to have a lot in common and I'm looking forward to keeping in touch with her. Thank you Kris! You made all my secret pal swap exchange dreams come true! And I should know - I've been BURNED before!

On the flip side, my better pal giftee was Nicole of Craftapalooza located in The Land Down Under! Talk about intimidating! Nicole is one crafty girl. I'm not crafty. I knit. That's the extent of my craftiness. Nicole, on the other hand, is one of the founding hosts of Back Tack - that super cool exchange where you actually MAKE things for your pal. Crafty things. So not me. I have to admit, I was nervous - but it was an opportunity to think out of the box. I studied her blog. I read her questionnaire and in the end I think I did a pretty good job! Nicole seems happy at least. So job well done for all of us!

And of course there's the whole torture Ann thing. Better fun could not have been had. Sheer unadulterated delight. Now that's the kind of torture I can get behind! The fact that Margene was behind the whole thing - well - let's just say that it was definitely worth all that postage to Australia! I've signed up for the next one and a big thank you goes out to Rock Chick and Shobhana for organizing the whole shebang! Thanks girls! This is the first time I haven't been burned in an exchange. I appreciate it!

~+~+~+~

Wonderful friends and presents aside, I'm in a shitty mood. Kind of like all work and no play makes Cara a dull girl. The truth is I'm bored. I don't do bored well. But I'm in that kind of ennui type bored where nothing seems interesting and I still have a lot of work to get done so I can't really abandon everything and jump into something and my house is a mess - beyond mess - it's ready to be condemned so I don't want to even leave the office because it just reminds me what a horrible wife I am that my husband works so, so hard all day long and comes home to a shithole because I can't manage my time better. Oh and also I hate any kind of work around the house. HATE IT. I'm not satisfied with my knitting, which is my stress relief these days so it's kind of making me more stressed. Last night, prime knitting time, I just laid in bed and watched my soap operas (Another World, repeats on SoapNet) while my sock sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME and I didn't do anything. I tried to cast on for mittens but got the stitches on the needles and gave up. I want to be inspired! I want to go to sleep thinking about waking up the next morning because I can't wait to work on whatever it is I'm working on! Mary is unbelieveably inspiring these days and her enthusiasm is infectious but the idea of casting on for a swatch makes me want to cry. There are so many things I have on the needles or want to put on the needles I'm overwhelmed and nothing feels right, you know. Thank god for the Jaywalkers because I don't think I'd be getting ANY knitting done if it wasn't for them.

Enough bitching. Back to the grind. Some Bruce. Some gummy bears. I'll be fine. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 09:56 AM | Comments (17)

November 18, 2005

Born In The USA (Guitar & Bullet Mic)
Devils & Dust
Atlantic City
Long Time Comin'
Used Car
Frankie (Piano)
Meeting Across The River (Piano)
Johnny 99 (Guitar & Bullet Mic)
Ain't Got You
Brilliant Disguise (Feat. Patti Scialfa)
Maria's Bed
Cautious Man
Reno ($200 straight in, $250 up the ASS!)
Two For The Road (Electric Piano)
Drive All Night (Piano)
The Rising
Lucky Town
Jesus Was An Only Son (Piano)
Leah
The New Timer (AutoHarp)
Matamoros Banks
I Want To Marry You (Ukulele)
Thundercrack (Piano)
Born To Run (Guitar)
The Promised Land (Guitar)
Dream Baby Dream

There was no fist pumping, but a lot of hand wringing - but my hand's okay. It was a very interesting, VERY ENJOYABLE show. It's amazing the level of intimacy achieved in such a big arena. A lot had to do with the crowd. This is New Jersey. Bruce's New Jersey. And typically this means that every Born In the USA fair weather idiot who gets drunk and screams BRUUUUUUUCE and Candy's Room all night long comes out from under their favorite diner rock. Apparently they got the memo because they all stayed home. I'm sure that Bruce's rules contributed to this as well: all concessions closed 10 minutes prior to the show starting and remained closed throughout. You know what this means - no beer runs during the songs you don't know. Everyone stayed in their seats too. Barely any BRUUUUUUCING (okay - I did it once or twice, but only between songs.)

The man was VERY loose last night. He was laughing and joking and telling stories and it was like (I imagine) the old days. He experimented with every instrument known to man - including some god awful horrid bullet mic contraption that completely distorted all vocals. It was pretty funny - there was a guy a few rows in front of us who got that he was playing Born In the USA about 3/4 of the way through and started getting all excited. The best way to explain it was he sounded like Darth Vader with a horrible head cold. Georgie and I laughed every time he brought it out.

Highlights for me - well, he played Drive All Night. I told G before the show that I didn't care if he was sitting with me during the show, but if he played Drive All Night, he needed to be sitting next to me and holding my hand. He did - and we held so tightly to each other probably the most hand damage occured during that song. I won't lie to you - we both cried. I, personally, wept silently as my heart beat so fast and the tears just fell from my face. He never ceases to amaze me - it's as close to religion as I get these days. There was a red light on stage as he sat at the piano and it was aimed directly for our box, so we were bathed in a red light. This is very significant because whenever we're in traffic at night G always tells me how much he loves looking at me in a red tail light (apparently the distortion brings out my beauty ;-) ) and it was like we were in the car and Bruce was singing to us and we were bathed in a red light of love. Laugh if you want, but that's how it was. It was worth the entire night to hear that song. Actually, it was worth a lot more than that because honestly in my whole life I never thought I'd witness it live. Thank you. Thank you Bruce so much. You made us a very happy couple last night.

Other highlights - Meeting Across the River at the piano. My god he seemed so happy after the song. HUGE smile on his face because he knew he NAILED it! It was so beautiful. Born to Run - sung slow and quiet and more powerful than any stadium anthem has a right to sound. For you afficianados out there - think the Chimes of Freedom version. When Max was a baby I was listening to this version of BTR a lot and I would rock him to sleep and sing it to him.

Funny one - Bruce says he's going to play his favorite song from Tunnel of Love - and G and I get really, really excited. This was my first Bruce album ever and G used to sing it to me all the time and there are so many beautiful songs on there and we're thinking will it be this one, that one and then he plays Cautious Man and G and I start totally laughing because it's like the only song on the album we don't like and always skip over! Talk about disappointed!

He played the pornographic RENO and a song about anal, prostitutes and fellatio never sounded so incredibly beautiful. It was full of sadness and emotion and it was really good. Also good was the guy next to us who brought his young son who was FULL of questions after that one. HAHAHAHAHA! Bruce was all about the swear words last night too and after a particularly FUCK filled monologue the kid asked his dad - does that mean he's pissed off? Pissed off doesn't even begin to cover it, kid.

During The Promised Land you could literally hear a pin drop. It was that quiet. I've never heard a crowd so quiet in my life. It was beautiful. Comfortable. Intimate. I never wanted it to end.

Posted by Cara at 07:17 AM | Comments (11)

November 17, 2005

To Taste Your Tender Charms

It's all Bruce all the time here these days so if you're one of those people that thinks Born In the USA equals Joisey Fat assholes and Ronald Reagan - GET THE FUCK OUT! ;-)

Tonight Bruce and I will be in the same room. Yes. I'm well aware that the "room" I'm talking about has the capacity to hold 20,000 people, but whatever. WE WILL BE IN THE SAME ROOM. Look, I know that you think I'm bit over the edge about this and you're not the only ones - my family and friends make fun of me on a daily basis (well not just about the Bruce thing, but you know. Ann? Ann is that you?)

I thought, given the anniversary and all and the fact that WE WILL BE IN THE SAME ROOM tonight I'd tell you the story of me and Bruce. It's a love story to be sure. Ah hem. Here it goes.

Me & Bruce, Milan, November, 1995.
2gether 4ever!

I've said before that my taste in music has generally been governed by the man in my life. It's not that I don't like music, it's just that it's never been a driving force - not the way books have been. I mean, you want a book to read, you come to me. Want some music, well, I don't know. So anyway, I started dating George. And guess what? He had a car! This may not seem like a big deal, but I came from a car based society (pseudo-Suburban Philly) and moved to New York City where no one drove anything. At all. G lived in NJ and had a car and he'd take me out to the malls in Jersey which was like a sort of homecoming for me. And we'd drive to Atlantic City and just anywhere. And he'd have music in the tape player. One of the tapes he had in A LOT of the time was Tunnel of Love. My first Bruce experience. (Which is kind of odd, I know, being that Bruce is HUGE in Philly - but I was into the Dead then. You know. It was a guy thing.)

Anyway, we'd drive around and he'd sing me the sad love songs on TOL and I was falling and falling and falling very, very hard. For both of them.

Georgie used to love to pull out a song (and it wasn't just Bruce - this guy likes ALL music and isn't afraid to show it) and say listen to this...and listen I did. He always knew right how to get me - with the words of course, since I'm a word girl, and the music and he'd sing and I was a goner. Gone, gone, gone! I'll never forget the night I first heard Drive All Night. We were driving home - we may have been living together already - and we were going through the toll booths on the Jersey Tpke and G said listen to this song like he always did and we were listening to The River and I heard this:

When I lost you honey sometimes I think I lost my guts too
And I wish God would send me a word
send me something I'm afraid to lose
Lying in the heat of the night like prisoners all our lives
I get shivers down my spine and all I wanna do is hold you tight

CHORUS
I swear I'll drive all night just to buy you some shoes
And to taste your tender charms
And I just wanna sleep tonight again in your arms

Tonight there's fallen angels and they're waiting for us down in the street
Tonight there's calling strangers,
hear them crying in defeat.
Let them go, let them go, let them go,
do their dances of the dead (let'em go right ahead)
You just dry your eyes girl, and c'mon c'mon
c'mon let's go to bed, baby, baby, baby

CHORUS

There's machines and there's fire waiting on the edge of town
They're out there for hire but baby they can't hurt us now
Cause you've got, you've got, you've got,
you've got my love, you've got my love
Through the wind, through the rain, the snow, the wind, the rain
You've got, you've got my, my love
heart and soul

For those of you who've never heard this song, when he sings heart and soul, it's a wailing howling gut wrenching pull out your heart and see it beating bloody and battered in your hand kind of sound. Sigh. How could you not fall in love with these men?! I ask you - HOW COULD YOU NOT FALL IN LOVE?!

When I saw Bruce for the first time, it was in the Summer of '92. Georgie and I were already living together in the Swamps of Jersey and Bruce was with the "other" band and I didn't give a shit because all I wanted to hear was Because the Night and G said he'd never play it and then he did and I almost died. I shit you not, when I got home from that concert, my left hand was completely swollen and black and blue through the middle because I had it clenched in a fist all night long which I proceeded pump without stopping from the time the lights went down until the lights went back up again. I was completely hoarse from screaming. We were laughing about it the other day and G shook his head and said he had never seen anything like my hand after that concert. And this guy was at Bond's when The Clash played and the riot broke out.

Over the years, it's gotten really, really bad. I'm usually in tears through the first few songs. I have to take a Xanax. There's a short list of songs that when I hear them I cry no matter where they are in the setlist. Literally. And then there's the list of songs (really, just two) that if I ever got a chance to hear in concert I'd probably faint dead away. I think I might get that chance tonight. The first is The Fever, and while he's played it in concert more recently than not (maybe even on this tour), it's few and far between and usually reserved for Philly. The second is Drive All Night. He played it the other night in Philly for the first time in 24 years and G told me about it and I managed to get the mp3 bootleg from that night (if you want to hear it email me) and it's Bruce all alone at the piano and I cried real tears when I heard it. Bruce has played it every show since. Tonight's the last night on the tour. I may have to take two Xanax. To be standing with G when Bruce starts playing this song might be too much to bear.

Some of you asked how Georgie feels about my feelings for Bruce and while he thinks I'm a bit nuts, he does feel the same way - or at least as much as he can feel about another man, a man with whom his wife happens to be obsessed. Trust me. If Bruce plays Drive All Night tonight, G'll be a little choked up himself.

Our seats won't be so good - we're actually in a suite with Corporate types and G's warned me a milion times that these people won't care and they will talk and be obnoxious and ruin the evening for me. It doesn't matter. I'll be the same room with my one true love and the man that helped seal the deal.

I broke the comments on my other Bruce post because somehow I triggered the SPAM filter with my craziness. Hopefully that won't happen here.

Posted by Cara at 09:56 AM | Comments (12)

November 16, 2005

Porn to Run

Can you believe I didn't open the 30th Anniversary Special SUPER FUCKING FANTASTIC OH MY GOD I'M DYING HERE Commerative Edition of Born To Run until 10:30 last night? Yeah. I'm crazy like that. I waited for Georgie to watch with me. So far we've watched the concert and a little bit of the documentary and my verdict?

It's better than porn. I swear to you - I was actually physically turned on. And you know what - NO KNITTING TOOK PLACE DURING THE WATCHING. That right there should be a clue.

All I have to say, really, is that it's a good thing I was five years old when this record came out and this tour took place because if I had been say, sixteen? Or a little tiny bit younger or a tiny bit older I would've have tracked Bruce down and made him my boyfriend. Even though I love Darkness more as an album, and I still think Bruce is super super beyond crazy sexy in the Darkness era - he seems to be in a bit of psychological pain - the romance is off the bloom so to speak and there are warning lights flashing everywhere - this guy's been HURT. He will HURT you back. (And he probably still loves the other girl - I mean c'mon! He's willing to Prove It All Night and everything!)

But the BTR Bruce? He's the one. He's dirty in that way that drives you CRAZY. With the hair and the beard and the skinny yet super strongness. You just KNOW he smells good. Not good like all clean good but earthy and real and like a man should smell when he's been up on stage for 31/2 hours. And of course, we meet down the shore and I look like I did here and we sit in diners with all the guys and we're in a booth and Bruce has his arm over my shoulders and I'm HIS! But deep down I know there's a world of hurt waiting for me because when we're alone, he's busy writing and when I try to get close to him he says "Not now. Can't you see I'm working?"

And during the shows when all the other girls hang out backstage I like to sit with the audience because when I see him up there with his eyes closed howling in the blue light with all that passion and love and intensity I KNOW he's singing about me. I KNOW that I'm Terry and Wendy and Janey and Rosie and he loves me he loves me he loves me.

I beg of you - if you want to see a man, no - a genius - at the beginning of what it's all going to be, watch this concert. Rent it, steal it - get it anyway you can. You won't be disappointed. I PROMISE.

Here's a comic that sums up how I feel - and I'm the luckiest woman in the world cause I only had to wait 20 years to find exactly this BOY!

ETA: Something happened to this post - I think it triggered the spam filter or something - and I can't get the comments to work. If you'd like to comment, please do so on another post from today. Thanks!

Posted by Cara at 07:55 AM | Comments (8)

November 11, 2005

TGIF...sort of

I didn't knit at all yesterday, although I've got a train ride today. I'm working this weekend, but near my sister's so that means kids, kids, kids! And maybe some new bunk beds with Darth Vader and Dora sheets. My brother's in town too, so it'll be cool to see him. In the meantime, I'm super busy. Seems to be a theme around here these days. I know, I'm bored with it too.

I think the leaves are supposed to peak this weekend. Although it's been so blustery around here, there aren't any left. Here's one from the archives given I haven't taken a picture for myself since, oh, I don't know, April?

Have a good one!
L, C

Posted by Cara at 10:34 AM | Comments (6)

November 04, 2005

Baby...OH Baby!

Without further ado - a few Halloween pictures:

We've got Darth Vader, The Butterfly Princess and The Cutest Baby In The World. Any questions? ;-)

Last night was fun - if anything, though, it made me profoundly sad that I'm not writing anymore. I think about it all the time and it weighs on me. The women who read, Deborah Eisenberg and Jayne Ann Phillips, said some interesting things about their process and what their writing life is like. They both agreed that writing is awful - it's extraordinarily hard and boring most of the time and it's something you have to force yourself to do. I completely agree. They also said they were lucky because they basically weren't good at anything else so there wasn't much competition for their time. BINGO. I don't want to be good at anything else. I only want to be good at writing. But, fortunately or unfortunately my weekends say otherwise. I'm now double booked with photography jobs - shoots in the morning, shoots in the afternoon - and I'm happy about that. Don't get me wrong. (Amazed is more like it!) I've always said - if you take away my camera tomorrow I will be extremely sad. But I'll live. If you told me I'd never write another story - I'd be heartbroken. Devastated. I MUST DO IT! I MUST WRITE! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

Did I ever tell you the story about how I used to tape a note to myself on my alarm clock? It said "How badly do you want to be a writer?" And I'd set the alarm for 5AM or something ungodly like that and try to wake up before my 9-5 job. Never worked. I'm not a morning person. At 5PM - That's when I write best. Or mid-day. You can't bully yourself into the process. That's the lesson. But I'm going to try. An hour. Just sit there. Don't do anything else. You don't have to write. But you have to sit there. NO EXCUSES!

I've got something else painful to talk about: K1R2. I've let it lapse completely. I'm very sorry about that. I just can't do it right now. I've got some feelers out about people taking it over temporarily, and I hope to have it fully functional come the New Year, but for now - it looks like I might have to shut it down for a bit. I'd hate to think it's gone forever. Maybe a new incarnation? Something more self-sufficient? Message Boards with lots of discussions going on at once? We'll see. I am sorry though. No formal announcements have been made as of yet - that's why the post here. But I fear it's coming. And soon.

How's that for a cheery note to end the week? I am so busy I can't think straight. My house is in CHAOS. I might not get to run today after all. AHHHHH! Januaryone can't come fast enough!

L, C

Posted by Cara at 11:04 AM | Comments (14)

October 31, 2005

Angels on Either Side

Right now, I'm on the floor in my nephew's room. To my left is one sweet sleeping niece, to my right one sweet sleeping nephew. God I love these kids and I've missed them! The baby can sit up on his own and clap his hands, all dimply and amazing. Halloween was a blast, with two parades (one replete with marching bands and everything!) and lots of trick or treating. We'd leave one house, and Charlotte would ask where are we going now, and I'd say another house and her face would just light the way throught the dark. She LOVES candy! And Max, poor Max, won't TOUCH chocolate. Thank goodness for those chocolate free houses!

I didn't finish the Deadhead sock before the end of Socktober. I'm about to start on the toe. It will be done tomorrow. Once again I'm freaking out about enough yarn - but I'll stop at the post office to check it on their scale. I'll be back sometime tomorrow, I think, with Halloween pictures. Dark Vader and the Butterfly Princess don't disappoint.

Happy Halloween!

Posted by Cara at 10:55 PM | Comments (7)

October 29, 2005

We interrupt our regularly scheduled sock rocking

to bring you baby news!

Baby's First Koigu!

At about 5AM this morning, Baby BOY G arrived! I spoke to Jen a couple of hours ago and baby and Mama and Daddy are all doing great. Baby G weighs a bit over 4lbs. and is in the NICU right now (or he may be out by the time you read this) but only because he's a wee one and it's hospital policy. I'll update more information when I get it. Jen had to hang up because they came in to move her. And yes, I didn't get a name. Sue me.

Go on over to Jen's blog and wish her congratulations!

CONGRATULATIONS JEN AND DAVE AND OSCAR!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY G!

ETA: I spoke to Jen again - Baby G doesn't have a name yet! Also, things aren't going as smoothly as originally thought. The baby's still in the NICU - he's having some respitory trouble and they're doing blood tests for infection. Jen says the docs say he'll be in the hospital at least a week. She'll be home Monday though. It's tough for her, but she sounds okay. I think she's barely seen the baby - hence no name. She wants a good look at him before she decides. Dave has spent more time with him and Jen says he feels much better about the whole situation. More updates as I get them. Baby G is going to be fine - it's just going to take a little bit to get him used to being outside! Hugs and Kisses Sweet Boy! To you and your Mommy and Daddy!

Posted by Cara at 11:04 AM

October 27, 2005

Wicked Good

The show yesterday was very, very good. We had awesome seats, smack dab in the middle, on an aisle, with lots of leg room. Before I left the house I used some of this shit - Georgie told me it was the bomb and damn he was right. Cleared my head RIGHT out. I could breathe! (Although a google search on Zicam has brought up numerous lawsuits about loss of smell. Great. I have a very highly honed sense of smell. But it looks like the one that does the damage has zinc in it (the preventative one) and mine doesn't have zinc in it. Whew. Now I really can breathe again.) Back to the show - I lasted pretty well through the first act - blowing my nose like the lady I am, quietly, demurely. I let my lozenges melt on my tongue without any loud or unsightly chewing.

The second act all bets were off. I had to sneeze a million times and I'm one of those loud sneezers so I was trying hard not to sneeze loud - you know - holding it in and all - and I think I threw out my back restraining myself. The shit that was the bomb wore off about half way through the second song in the second act and my nose blowing got louder and louder the closer we got to the finale. My head hurt. My neck hurt. My nose burned. My back itched (whenever I get a cold I get this weird itching on my back. Especially after I cough.) I felt like crap.

But the show was great! It was a lot of fun - the sets were magnificent. I think the sound left something to be desired, but the actors were very good. (Although I felt like the Glinda actress was channeling Kristin Chenoweth instead of making the part her own.) The story was very well done - except I don't understand why the slippers weren't RUBY? Why wouldn't they be ruby? And I was a little upset about the whole scarecrow thing. All in all a good night - I wish I hadn't felt so sick towards the end. My dreams last night - flying monkeys. 'Nuff said.

What am I forgetting? Oh yeah. Kay. Lovely Kay. And the equally lovely Ann. Ann you were totally there last night. I ran my little heart out trying to get to the Knit Lit III reading in time (traffic was a BITCH with a capital B) - and by gosh I made it. Lucky for me, Kay was last. And she finished in just enough time to take a picture of my socks and then I had to dash to the theater. Kay's right - the placement of the reading in the store was a bit strange. There were huge windows looking out to 42nd Street behind the readers - so a million and half people stopped and stared at all the weirdos in the audience knitting. It was quite entertaining actually. (I swear, Kay, I heard every word you said!)

All in all it was a lovely night out, you know, besides all the snot.

Speaking of snot, my brain was so preoccupied with phlegm and taking over the world, that I forgot that yesterday was MY BLOGIVERSARY!!!! Yes, my friends, you've been lucky enough to have me for a whole year. It all started on October 26, 2004 under the unassuming name, Purls of Wisdom. I quickly found that beyond pretentious (like I have any wisdom) and changed over to January One right quick. And here I am.

It's all Jen's fault. She and I met online in a fertility forum and quickly became REAL LIFE friends. She had a blog. I didn't even know what one was really. But soon I was blogging away. Becky was one of the first people to link to me (in her sidebar no less!) I remember how thrilled and grateful I was when she noticed my photographs and my knits. Thanks Becky! Cassie was the first blogger I met in real life. We met a few times at the place next door to Purl for tea and lemonade. Thanks Cassie for taking a chance on a blogger from New Jersey.

Blogging opened up a whole new KNITTING world for me - patterns, yarns, HELP. I'm a much better knitter now than I ever would have been had I not started blogging. MUCH BETTER.

But the best part about blogging - the people I've met. (Here comes the gross part. Be prepared.) I love my blog because I can bitch, I can be happy, I can cry - and people keep coming back! They like me! They really like me! I've never laughed so hard in my life because of the people I've met through blogging. People all over the world that actually ARE as crazy and funny and sane and nice and generous and REAL as I'd like to think I am. So thank you all for making this a great blogging year.

Now, on to the contest (because what's a blog birthday without presents!) I'm going to push myself here. Do something that seems really big and beyond what I would usually do. I'm going to knit for someone. And because this week has been all about the SOX, I'm going to knit the winner a pair of socks in whatever SOCKS THAT ROCK colorway they choose. That's right. Understand this though - there's no deadline on this knit. I'm notorious at getting prize winnings out late and these socks will be no exception. I would hope that you will get them before the next blogiversary (that's kind of a joke) but no guarantees. BUT YOU WILL GET THEM. I never go back on my word. Also, rumor has it that there's been some kind of run on Socks That Rock over at The Fold. Beats me why that would be happening, but alas, it's true. ;-)

Okay. Here's how you can win. My birthday (my real birthday) is officially 66 days away. I'm really bad at receiving gifts - I'd usually rather just go out and get it myself. But, if you've been reading along for the past year, maybe you have an idea of what would be the PERFECT gift for me. Leave a comment with said gift. Can be knitting related, but it doesn't have to be. My idea of a GREAT gift is something I wouldn't necessarily buy for myself, but that once it's in my hands I'm not sure how I ever lived without it. So dig DEEP! A winner will be chosen at random using that random generator thingy that I've used before - please only one entry per person. (They'll be some runners ups too.) I will close the comments November 1. Exactly two months until I turn 36. (WHAT?!) Have fun! And thank you for being such wonderful readers!

Posted by Cara at 11:55 AM | Comments (41)

October 06, 2005

Pain in The Freakin'....

The dream is over:

But at least I've got some good pain relief:

I don't know. I've decided I'm not going to push on the Almost Everyday Cardigan for Rhinebeck. As much as that devastates me. I'd rather it not be ready, than not be able to knit at all. Although morning might not be a good time to evaluate these things. My hand hurt much more when I woke up this morning than it did all day yesterday (not to mention my back.) G says it's because everything gets stiff overnight and warm during the day. So I've got this little brace on (I actually switched out the one in the picture above to a different one.) G is so good when it comes to injuries. Well, unfortunately, he's got A LOT of experience. We went to the drug store last night and I tried on a million different braces and he had me get all the ones I liked, including one that's a hot and cold wrap. So I'm going to wear the brace while I'm at the computer and when I attempt to knit and we'll see how it goes. If I'm in pain - that's it. I'm done. Thanks everyone for the advice and exercises. I'm so SAD!

I am going to Purl today to buy that extra hank (or two - yes I'm paranoid) of Manos just in case I can get the sweater done. JUST IN CASE! And I'll see if I can get buttons this week - maybe today, we'll see.

Feel bad for me. Feel very, very bad for me. ;-)

Posted by Cara at 08:47 AM | Comments (22)

October 04, 2005

Tashlich

L'Shana Tovah! Happy New Year!

While I am not the most religious of Jews (I married the son of a Greek Orthodox Priest for pete's sake!), I am a sucker for tradition. For me, my judaism is my family - it's my heritage - and something I cannot leave far behind. I identify as a Jew. I'm proud of it, and I make no excuses for it.

That said, I'm a twice a year Jew when it comes to synagogue. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Why do I go? Because I think everyone needs a time of year set aside for reflection and repentence. Who among us has been the perfect individual - always kind to our family and friends and the strangers we meet? Not me. So I like to repent in my own way. I ask for forgiveness in my heart. I also really, really like the prayers. They're soulful and mournful and old worldly and they're only said once a year. On the High Holy Days, we use a different prayer book filled with prayers specific to the holidays. Kol Nidre is one of my absolute favorites, said on the evening of Yom Kippur. Done the right way (read: by a cantor I like) I can be moved to tears.

One of my favorite Rosh Hashanah traditions is Tashlich. Literally, the word means "you will cast away" and the way it works is that on the afternoon of the first day of Rosh Hashanah (unless it's on a Saturday, but that's a whole other ball of wax) you go down to the nearest body of flowing water and throw away your sins by tossing stale bread crumbs into the water. When we were little we used to go with my grandmother's synagogue. We'd all walk as a group to Pennypack, following the rabbi, and throw away the bread my grandmother had been saving for weeks. Stale. Very stale bread. Then, on the way back, congregants would open their homes and we'd go from house to house for cookies and cakes and wine.

In the most recent years, it's become a family event. We'd gather at my grandmother's house and walk to the part of Pennypack creek that runs nearby and say our own prayers and toss our breadcrumbs and sins. I love this tradition.

So today, since I'm not with my family, I will walk to the Hackensack River that runs behind my house and toss some bread. For me, and my husband, and my family. I will make peace with myself for at least an afternoon. Forgiving my self is harder than forgiving anyone else for sure. And I will say the Shehecheyanu:

Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-noy Elo-heinu Me-lech Ha-olom She-he-che-yanu Ve-kee-ya-manu Ve-hi-gee-ya-nu Liz-man Ha-zeh

Blessed are You,
our God, Creator of time and space,
who has supported us, protected us,
and brought us to this moment.

The Shehecheyanu is one of those all around wonderful prayers. Jews are encouraged to say it during times of unusual circumstances, at milestone life events (weddings, bar mitzvahs, brit milah). I'm pretty sure I said it at my wedding. And this afternoon I will say it - thanking God for getting me to this place in my life.

The sleeve fits on the Almost Everyday Cardigan! Jen came over yesterday and I did a hasty sew-up job and now it's blocking for the real sew-in. I cast on for the second sleeve, but my wrist is bothering me, so I think I will take the day off today. And Jen also helped me see that the size 8 needles on my new shawl are working out just fine! Pictures when I get close to something resembling anything.

Have a lovely day!

Posted by Cara at 09:01 AM | Comments (21)

September 01, 2005

September

Oh how I've longed for thee!

September is so bittersweet. That first glorious end of summer day - warm, dry, blue, blue sky and I'm immediately back to that morning four years ago. I was psyching myself up for a run, doing some work. I hadn't turned on the TV yet. My father called. At that time, my father never called unless it was bad. And it was.

Watching the utter devastation on the television last night, I was reminded of a rainy gray day in the aftermath. The reporter was saying that sometimes the best thing to do is fill your car up with bottled water and clothes and supplies and drive them to the nearest place in need and just give it away. That's exactly what I did four years ago. I got in my car, drove to my warehouse store and filled my car with water and gatorade and batteries and t-shirts and whatever else was on the "list." I drove my treasures to a drop off point, the whole time the smoke from ground zero visible in my windshield.

There's something inherently fascinating about devastation so extreme. It's numbing almost, seeing image upon image and not being able to FEEL what they feel. But last night I connected - I was overwhelmed at the memory of driving in my car to help, but not being able to escape, for even a second, the horror of what had happened.

I've never been to New Orleans, or the Gulf Coast, but I know its importance in American History and Culture. I pray these events are only a tremendous setback, and not an inevitable loss.

Visit Margene for details on giving.

Posted by Cara at 09:01 AM | Comments (4)

August 31, 2005

It's all good...

from Diego to the Bay.

Although I've always thought it should be "from Diego to the Hood." Whateva.

Saw the doc, plans are in motion, had a few more hours of peace and back to normal last night. I'm not expecting any overnight cures - trying to keep things in perspective, but I do believe I see the light at the end of this tunnel. Thank you again for all your comments and support. I'm glad to know that I can make someone else feel just a little bit better about their own craziness. (Is that redundant? Their own? Sounds okay. I'm a little loopy this morning. ;-) )

Watch out WORLD! I'm coming back!

Posted by Cara at 09:23 AM | Comments (12)

August 29, 2005

Fixin' A Hole

Since I haven't been able to fix the hole in my sanity, I decided, as a diversion, I'd fix the hole in the pinwheel blanket.

Remember this?

It's the baby blanket I made for my nephew, who's now, oh I don't know, FOUR MONTHS OLD! Have his gentle fingers ever touched the blanket? NO. Has he ever been wrapped in the love I infused it with when I made it? NO. It has sat in my den, lonely and unloved, because of this:

Time to fix this bad boy. First, I ripped back the bound off edge just past the holes.

Then, with the live stitches now secured on the needle, I started dropping stitches.

And then I picked them up, one by one.

Here are a couple close-ups of it finished:

It's not the greatest fix in the world, and honestly, I don't think Eli will care. I actually don't really like the blanket. I mean, I like it - I like the pattern and I like the yarn - but not necessarily together. You know what I mean? If you're looking for truly inspiring pinwheels, Larissa's got a great gallery going on. I think, eventually, Eli will get another blanket. One I'm happy with.

Okay, well that didn't take nearly enough time, LOL. Trying to get through the days here folks! I did cast on the front of Short Rows, I've got about eight more rows before the first set of short rows starts. And I've been enjoying The Diamond Fantasy Shawl. I'd highly recommend it to people starting out with lace. It calls for a sportweight yarn so you don't have to fuss with lace weight and the charts are really nice to follow. I've only had one mistake (knock wood) so far and it was because I threw in an extra yarn over.

Don't Believe the HYPE!

That concludes the knitting portion of today's post, so you can leave now if you don't feel like hearing about my misery. That's right - I'm STILL MISERABLE! I've gotten some nice emails from you good folks thanking me for sharing this part of my life, so I feel like why not?

Here's a little bit of the problem - imagine you're standing on a high ledge (doesn't even have to be that high) and you're looking over the side. What's the first thought that comes to your mind? What if I fall over? Or what if I were to jump off? I'm sure everyone has thoughts like this - it's the situation - the thought comes in and goes out and bang you move on to the outfit the woman to the right is wearing (what is she CRAZY?!) What I do is think those same normal thoughts - but somewhere inside a twist happens and the next thing I know I'm wondering if I WANT to jump off. Or WHAT IF I lost control and jumped off? Then I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with me and then I CAN'T STOP thinking and the next thing I know I'm in a panic attack. And then I can't get out of my head. The thoughts just go over and over themselves and no amount of rationalizing (They're just THOUGHTS! They don't MEAN anything!) can help. Eventually I can get out of my head - but that's where the anticipatory anxiety rears it's ugly head. Those niggling little thoughts like - you don't have the thoughts now, but WHAT IF they come back? Ooooh. They would be BAD. So you worry so much that the thoughts will come that, DUH, they DO come back.

This weekend I played 5,301 hands of solitaire. Trying to get out of my FUCKING head. Thoughts on high balconies are nothing - try adding in some about your precious home life that brings you peace and security and that'll really knock the wind out of you. DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!

I'm getting angry about the whole thing. I haven't seen my shrink in over three weeks and I finally have an appointment tomorrow. I'm also not eating so well, which only perpetuates the whole cycle for me. I can't eat when I'm anxious - I get really nauseous. Weight Watchers Schmeight Watchers. Try some crazy when you want to drop that last ten pounds.

I'd spin, but my body is so tense I don't know what I'd do to the yarn. The kink could probably launch a space shuttle.

Please don't leave me comments like feel better soon. I WILL get over this. I always do. I'm fighting to get my life back. It's only a temporary situation. I KNOW this - it's only when you're in it that you think you'll never get out. In reality, I do all the things I need to do during the day - I'm working, I'm living - if you saw me walking down the street you'd thing - wow - who's that hot girl? (You know, because I've lost all this weight! ;-) ) I only blog about this to possibly help someone else. I'm past the pity stage, so don't throw any this way.

Posted by Cara at 12:21 PM | Comments (32)

August 23, 2005

World Peace

I've decided that if I spent half of the time and energy I spend on my anxiety, worrying about whether or not I'll be anxious, thinking about NOT thinking - well, frankly, I'd have found the solution to world peace by now. Either that or I'd be building the Google Elevator.

Something, anything more productive than driving yourself crazy and then having to pull yourself out of the hole.

Margene, zen master, has an interesting post on Motivation today. I'm thinking in a similar, yet opposite direction. What kind of LACK of motivation allows you to slip down that slope - fully conscious of what's going to happen THROUGH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE - and yet you can't get off your ass to stop it? Do I need to feel like shit for some reason? Am I going to come out the other side with some great revelation? I KNOW how to stop it - even before it really starts, yet I let it happen. Granted, there were lots of things this summer working against me (Hello? People who control the Weather?) but still.

You know what? What's done is done. This is who I am. I just hope it doesn't take me too long to get through it. I am SO OVER me.

On to knitting.

Look! Is it a bird? A plane? A superhero? No. It's just a Short Row back - T2 style.

Take Two

It's seems a little bit wonkier than the first version, but I've decided that because of the short rows, this will never be a flat knit. Blocking may help, but there are so many ends and so many starts and stops with the yarn. The size looks good - I've compared it to my prototype (the pullover in my closet that fits nice) and it's right on. I've woven in half the ends and I feel good about the other half. The front is next, as soon as possible, and I'll deal with the sleeves last. I have company coming tomorrow for a couple of days, so we'll see how I do with it.

Socks are stalled. The Sunshine sock is stockinette and I need that like I need another hole in the head. Mindless knitting equates to idle hands. Which means the devils are hard at work. I've got (maybe) one more repeat on the long lost never ending Retro Rib sock and then I can turn the heel. Don't hold your breath.

Since socks aren't doing the trick, I started something new. After finishing the Flower Basket Shawl and the Acorn Socks, I wanted some more lace. But I couldn't find a yarn or pattern that I was happy with. I didn't want to do the Leaf Lace - too similar to FBS. I actually bought two Robert Powell shawl patterns - #103 (pattern) and #106 (kit). The kit came with 4 oz. of Jamieson & Smith 2-ply jumper-weight in Cream which I will probably never knit (look for a contest soon!) but I still like the patterns. Couldn't decide on a yarn.

And then I saw this. And this. And this. And I bought some of this. And here we go!

Sivia Harding's Diamond Fantasy Shawl
Twinkletoes Sock Yarn - Foggy Dew

I also bought some Twinkletoes Denim Multi - hard to photograph though.

So far I'm liking the pattern - although I have yet to finish the first repeat section. But it's easy to understand and I feel like I will have the charts figured out - you know what I mean - when you GET the lace pattern - pretty soon.

The yarn. I don't know. I definitely like the colors and the weight and the texture. I don't know if I'd ever use this for socks though - it's kind of scratchy - but for the shawl I think it will be good. It seems like it will block well. One thing though - when I was winding up the Denim Multi - the yarn broke once at the beginning and once at the end of the wind. May be I was too tough with it? But it also has a few knots here and there, which annoy me. Juries still out on this - but like I said - I can't imagine I'd use it for socks. Maybe there are lots of shawls in my future. I do have like 1500 yds of the denim. Not sure what I was thinking there. Or NOT thinking. Hahahahahaha.

I started this post on a dark note and I'm going to finish it on a good one. A couple of weeks ago I received an email to my blog address asking if I was the same person who wrote a story entitled "The BBC" which appeared in Fourteen Hills, the literary journal out of San Franciso State University. I replied that indeed I was. Welp, it turns out that FH is putting out an anthology of fiction from the first ten years of the journal and they've decided to include my story. I also found out my story will appear along side some of my favorite writers! Lydia Davis! Lynne Tillman! Peter Orner! Pam Houston! Next to little ol' me! What an ego boost! As you know, my writing has suffered the last couple of years - but this has spurred me on! I actually took out a story yesterday - one I've been wanting to revise - and read it and took notes! This could be it the opening I've needed....

Open up the windows and sing out loud! It's a beautiful day today!

Posted by Cara at 12:17 PM | Comments (19)

August 18, 2005

To Whom It May Concern....

Thanks are due for lifting the heat and I thank you, thank you, thank you! But, without seeming greedy, could you please lift the funk as well? I'm getting kind of tired feeling like crap AND crazy simultaneously, and it seems some of my friends are as well.

Pretty please?

I'll knit ya something.

Love,
Crazy McCraperton

Oh and in case you need some cheering up too, here's my favorite joke. My nephew and I shared a good 'ol belly laugh over it!

If you're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you leave the bathroom, what are you when you're IN the bathroom?

That's right.

EUROPEAN!

Posted by Cara at 02:33 PM | Comments (14)

August 06, 2005

happy day, my love.

Posted by Cara at 08:06 AM

August 04, 2005

Well Hello Dali!

I GOT IT! I got the damn picture. Whew! Can you say YARN DIET?
When G got home last night I told him I got his birthday present, MY birthday present, our anniversary present and Christmases and Chanukahs to come. (And because he's the sweetest boy in the Universe, after I told him about it he actually asked me, what'd you get for yourself? DOH! He said, no, that won't do! Mwah, my love!)

So it was a live auction kind of thing and because I've never bid on anything save two roving things on ebay I thought, why not watch the live auction stuff. I put in my high bid and opened up the applet thingy at around 11AM when "they" said my lot was going to come up. Well, apparently my AUCTION started at 11AM, but my lot didn't scroll past until 3:30PM and I watched all that freaking time. Yup. I'm crazy like that. But it was pretty fascinating with the bids running up the screen and the auctioneer saying (well typing - there wasn't actually any sound - although that would've been really cool) it was about to close - and my heart raced a little at the thought that I'd be missing out on the cloisonne tea cups engraved with strange birds that may or may not have been from Italy. Weird shit out there. And people buying it. I thought I had it all figured out - I was an Internet bidder, surely and there were floor bids and I was a little disconcerted that only floor bids seemed to win. And then the reserve wouldn't be met and the auctioneer would post a message reserve not met - bid again - and no bids would come in and the reserve wouldn't be met and yet the floor bid would win. Interesting. All of it. And then FINALLY it seemed like my print was coming up. I was sitting on the edge of my chair - nails lost long ago over the fierce bidding on a Bavarian turn-of-the-century cuckoo-clock - when the bidding started. $50 Floor bid. $60 Internet bid (could that be me?!) $90 bid. $375 bid Floor bid. Auction CLOSED.

WHAT?! How could it go from $90 to $375 and who was this FLOOR BID person stealing my prized Dali print that would make Georgie cry!?!?!? (Always the goal of any gift. I'm shameless, I know.)

I called my sister to tell her I lost. I was almost in tears, exhausted from watching every last bad oil painting from someone's basement stroll by on the screen. Tired from all the gilt. All the pewter. All the vermeil.

Then I went looking for the print online - even though I had looked a million times before and never found it. In fact, I had given up until Lee Ann had read a comment I made on Jenny's site and SHE found it for me. Bless you Lee Ann! Bless you. And to compound the problem, Dali, in his infinite obsession wisdom, did 819 versions of St. George slaying the Dragon. But ONLY ONE is the RIGHT ONE. And of course, that's the hardest to find.

Oh but find it I did. Right here. I was about to buy it when I thought, you know what? I better talk to G first. Maybe we didn't like it as much as I thought we did. Maybe it's better I didn't win the auction. Think of all the YARN I could buy with that money. I did buy him a $24 briefcase that he'll be (maybe) perfectly happy with. I rationalized the whole thing away.

And then I checked my email. Turns out I was the floor bid of $375. I WON THE DAMN PRINT!!! I instantly felt sick to my stomach. Buyer's remorse set in like a thick fog on the ocean. And how the hell did the bidding go from $90 to $375 JUST LIKE THAT?

I actually called them and they were quite nice about it - explaining to me that my bid was in already and they bumped it up to meet the reserve (since my high bid was just over the reserve number) instead of having to bump it up $10 a shot for the next hour. They saved me time.

And while I'm feeling all sick about it, G said to me, "that was so smart of you!" and telling me I have to frame it AS SOON AS WE GET IT and scoping out places in the house to hang it and refusing to look at it online because he wants to be surprised by it! And now you know why I've been with this incredible, delightful, crazy-as-me man for fifteen years.

Oh yeah. I finished the second square for the John Glick Project while I was watching old Fisher Price toys scroll by and I did some knitting on my Sunshine socks, only to find out I had added an extra stitch somewhere back about 1000 rows and had to rip it. Rip it good. Dadadada da don da don. Rip it GOOD!

Posted by Cara at 08:13 AM | Comments (16)

August 03, 2005

Fifteen

That's how long G and I have been together - and to be honest - it's freaking me out a little.

Saturday is fifteen years since THAT DAY. The day we first decided that we were going to be together forever, and while it hasn't been completely smooth sailing, time has definitely flown by. I can't believe it's been that long. We've lived together for fourteen of those years and been married for four. When we finally did get married, I insisted that it be on August 6th - THAT DAY - eleven years later. I'm so glad we did that. It was a Monday, like the one in 1990 and we eloped in Vermont, just the two of us and Taffy, our JP and the flowers in front of the court house where our ceremony took place exactly matched the flowers that were painted on my dress. I got married with a plain platinum band and inside it's inscribed August 6 - because I couldn't decide between 1990 and 2001 and I wanted to incorporate both.

Why is it freaking me out? I love G more than anything and he's truly my best friend in the world - the person I feel safest with. I think I'm freaking out because I'm getting older. It's really odd to think that I've been with him my ENTIRE ADULT LIFE. I've now lived out of my parents' house longer than I lived there. I've known G for eighteen years.

G is almost eight years older than me (his birthday is on Sunday) and he's fighting the whole aging thing and I've always been pretty cavalier about it - you're only as old as you feel yada yada yada. But guess what? Turns out those numbers are kind of scary after all!

Of course, I know, you can't look at your life as a series of numbers - but it's anniversaries and birthdays when you DO look at those numbers and they keep getting bigger and bigger and you just have to wonder - where did all that time go? And how much time is left? [GASP!] It doesn't seem like it's been that long at all, which I'm sure is a good thing - if it felt like forever I'd be really worried.

As I mentioned, G's birthday is on Sunday. Birthday's were never a big deal in his family, but they're a big deal to me. G and I are incredibly generous with each other all year round - in time, in love, in gifts - I mean really - if we want it we generally just get it for us. But I used to love spoiling him early on in our relationship. Waking up on his birthday and pulling out all of these elaborately wrapped gifts. He would get so choked up and I love making him feel special. As the years have gone on - it's getting harder and harder to spoil him. Hence, I have nothing for his birthday this year. Sure, keeping sane has kept me preoccupied, but still, I like to have SOMETHING.

Lee Ann might have solved the problem. She found a Dali print we saw last year on a trip to Cape Cod - a lithograph of St. George & the Dragon that we fell in love with (my patron saint, if you will!) and I looked and looked and couldn't find it and then LeeAnn goes and finds it in like five seconds. But anyway, it's up for auction today and I just put a bid in. I have no way to gauge the price on these things - it's beyond my scope - but I hope I get it and I hope it doesn't go to my high bid.

I didn't do any knitting - well a couple of rows on a square - yesterday. That's okay - I've still got ten weeks and three days to finish short rows.

Posted by Cara at 09:21 AM | Comments (19)